Chapter : 25
It was night and he was lying on his bed wide awaken, sleep was far away from him, too far away.. it has never been like those times..yet still with so much work his brain do get sum of it as a need' the things in his life from past a week as shocked his all nerves alive, the delusions he kept him self in was breaking, the mind tht was firm tht no talking to her, not getting back to her , he did right. The moments every time he crave for her, and evry time he fought with himself not to proceed to her, was all going weak'pretty weak..
He cant deny the fact tht how difficult it was to get back to his lonely life again, as he was use to her pampering so much, yet wht shocked him more was the fear she use to remind him again n again..he proved it so right'
She use to ask him not to stand with those pointing finger on her, if u cant tolerate her u may walk away she will never have anything in her heart against him, the feelings he blossomed and let her feel were more than enough she has evr asked for herself' yet he did claimed tht he will never stand in them yet he always always was there '. Accusing her, not understanding her, always trying to boss around in fear ot insecurity of his male ego tht he cnt be a salve to her wishes'.
He actually never understand what she was talking about , the pointing finger and accusing but when these days he is hearing from all those people who actually mean evry word of it' it pained him, it did pained him..it was worse to hear to from them..
Whtevr he use to say was in mere anger, and he donot even at times remember his words, but he even cant deny he use to see a strange kinda hurt in her eeys, at times whn she use to ask am I so'. His heart use to ache with the painful questioning eyes he meet'. And he never meant them' only if once he would have got to know tht this what make her scream in pain' he can even stop saying a word from his mouth'.only if he knew this was what '
He demand the kinda of love he always dreamed of , his particular definitions of it, in which the lover do whtever the other ask, with arguments without any space for no' yt he forgot this relation was meant to be mutal'
He wants to hold her near.. very near' never to let go' but didn't want to suffocate him..
He got up and went to his wardrobe, and remove sum cloth to pull out sumthing he hided 2 years agao' the picture
It was his birthday picture the most memorable ever he can ask, how she use to find time for him and do whatever she can against even her believes of romance..
He giggled bit painfully at it, God no matter how much romantic he was, she was to shy, and yet at times surprise him with her bold confessions.. but this was one of the shy moments, when he captured a kiss in frame'. And got beaten by her so much..
Today when he look all around himself, he found evey one celebrating her exist form there lifes nobody is even bothered she is dead or alive there, and tht to includes him. Him who never manofy her, who never said sorry to her, isnpite of so many times how wrong he was, so much tht when he get back to th moment he knew apart from her nobody would have ever tried to save this relation'. Yet she wasn't able to, as he was not helping at all'
Today every one is happy, her family in thought tht they don't have to face any bodies coment on there daughters life, wondering she might be living in with a boy..wao' donot they know her ethics..
Her collogues, whom she gave so much there carire her wisdom, her everything are enjoying the freedom ..
And here is the most important person, who claims to love her, promise to guard her, to be with her always, never evene bother to know how she is.. but this question he even never asked when he was with her, he never felt like..
Though evey day even if its 50th call she will ask him, and tht atimes irritate him yet this was a question even make him tell if he is not fine' but he never asked her this never'
He never asked her what she wanted, or even if he did he never filfulled' she never return back, how can any' she must have believed nobody needs her there, nobody at all' and that was so true..two years even he even once try to look is she fine, he knew she has pretty bad health' even doctors warned him to take care of her' wht if' no it cant happen she will alright
Why u all of a sudden feeling so ' whn u hate her like anything
I donot hate her' its just' how can she leave..she wasn't suppose to leave.. noway' she knew I am alone, I terrible want her always my side, doesn't she knew, I will just kill myself and everything around if she isn't here..whenever I said leave me..i was dying to hear her saying I m not.. I m here and will stay here forever'. I was just trying to get those words out of her mouth' I was.. I just want her to cum here n hold me' nobody did so, ever.. whenever I moved away they let me do so, and when she not use to stop me, I felt she ..i donot know wht I felt ..i just'.
Doesn't u told her that u are over her'
But I don't mean it like that'. I just'want to hear it from her that she do belongs me' I want to' and she didn't and than I said 'I just
Said what cums in ur mouth not bothereing there is threshold t once tolerance.. she is strong doesn't means she didn't get hurt, needs love affection pampering' I have seen her the way she use to admire and dresmingly look at u when u use to shower affection on her' why u over look it all
Cause I was jerk'.he put his head in his hand..i was a bloody jerk, I let her go, never asked her to cum back.. I said all that wasn't mean to be ..i did it all what I shouldn't be doing' I just ruined everything'.
Ya that u r,'in all these u even never said it urself that still wht make u at peace is her, why u always hold her so strongly stil.. see still in pain ur holding the watch she gave u, wht u never took it off u.. u sleep with it Jerk..
Cause I ..
See still u are not saying it' cause u..
Casue I still live her and will always do so'
He couldn't help his eyes to finally drop sumone tears'.
Kaali kaali khaali raaton se, Hone lagi hai dosti
khoya khoya in raahon mein, Ab mera kuch bhi nahi
Har pal her lamha, main kaise sehta hoon
Har pal her lamha main khud se yeh kehta rehta hoon
Tujhe bhula diya, Phir kyun teri yaadon ne, Mujhe rula diya..
.She was standing on the same bridge when suddenly the rain strted to pour and drench her..she was even bothered, she love when rain claming her ever nerve, today even she was missing him terrible and the only place she can find peace was here.. though she didn't live here was here for an conference, yet she wanted to be here with him , for a moment she when she close her eyes she can feel his arms around her embracing her complete from the world and she let herself get lost in that'
Teri yaadon mein likhte jo lafz dete hai sunaai, beete lamhe poochhte hain kyun hue aise juda.. khuda,
Khuda mila jo yeh faisla hain, Khuda tera hi yeh faisla hain
Khuda hona tha woh ho gaya , Jo tune thha likha
He cant deny tha the has done evry possible thing to forget her, hate her but he has failed terrible . Or he just don't want to' He stop meeting his family more, his arrogance reach a height, he was irrelevant with his mom accusing her that she ask him to leave the house so he isn't cuming back never, he don't meet his family as they ask him to get married, and if he hates her why cant he strt his life all over again.. he knew he isn't over her' but denial was less painful than actually feeling the pain that he lost his most precious possession
He fought with diya as she use to make him remind everything about her, where she is how she is wht she must be doing, don't u miss her, bla bla cant she see it cause him immense pain to hear all this.. nobody understands him the only person that use to ..is not at all with him'nobody see him like this.. he never wanted her to leave.. but he just couldn't stop her' he thought she will never as he made her feel suffocated'
Dol pal tujh se juda thha, Aise phir rasta muda thha,
Tujh se main khone laga, Juda jaise hone laga,
Mujh se kuch mera
Tu hi mera liye abb kr dua, Tu hi is dard se kar de juda,
Tera hoke tera jo main na raha, Main yeh khud se kehta hoon,
Tujhe bhula diya, oh,
Phir kyun teri yaadon ne
Mujhe rula diya.
He kept his head on the window pane and kept looking at the crying sky and his heart was bleeding with the same pain he felt two years back whn she left him and he was anger on himself that he even didn't look properly at her , he didn't captured the moment'he didn't kissed her back knowing he will get lost and he wants to prove he dnt need her' but today he knew he needs her terrible..at an cost'
Wiping his tear he got to his laptop and opened it..and search her email wch he never opened ..he opened it to find still her sweet words
Hi mayank..
Reached safely, yaha sab acha hai, aur mein tumhain bata na chahti thi prem nhi aya hai humray sath, usk rukh liya headoffcie walo ny'anyways yeah meir sari details hain mera no. mera room no all'agar khabi dil ker tu mjh awaz day dayna mjh hamesha yahin paao gay'
Aur agr dil na keray tu apni zindagi mein agay bahrao u sure desrve much more than what u got in form of me'
Bye take care.. pls do
Nupur
He felt like his breath stopped, prem was there or not doesn't matter to him, he was just wanting her to say yes to him to even his irrelevant stupid demand'he just want her all' but wht made him scream in pain was u sure deserve sumone better than her' he even donot think he deserve her anymore not at all..
But u have to tell her that it wasn't her fault.. it was u who is guilty'..
But how'.
Stupid call her..right now'.
He donot know he wants tp agree on this or not, he has no strength right now o talk to her to say to her..he is feeling so selfish that suddenly when he feel like getting her bak he is going back to her..wao'.ur actually a selfish arrogant self centered egoist jerk..who actually donot deserve anything just pain'
But he will try once he will try once'
With tremors in his hand he took his ceil and dialed the no'
Her cell no he called wch made him close his eeys in disappointed'as the operator told its not listed no, so the sim has been closed'no he has no way' but than she gave him landline no'he called it
The more the ring was going the more his heart was sinking'.pick pls pick.. pls'
His prayers were answered and a girl pick his call but it wasn't nupur'
Mayank: am 'am.. hi.. can I talk to nupur bhushan'
Girl: there is no nupur bhushan in this romm..
Mayank: what' but she use to live her'maybe few months before
Girl: the course end the hostel rooms are given to sumone else' yet wait my room mate is here from past 3 years.. may b she knew..
Hy u know any nupur bhushan living her..
GIRL2: that old lost lady.. who live in trance' she left '
Girl: u listen to wht she said'
Mayank: do u have nay idea where she is now
Girl2: nah.. I dont think anybody wil have' she hardly use to talk and interact..so nobody even know her full name even I got to know toady'she laughed
Mayank: thanks'
The old lost lady living in trance'.
Ya mayank Sharma u made her that' she was nt such ..she was not at all such .but u made her..and now u definitely deserve to live alone with this pain of killing her'for the rest of ur life' u certainly deserve this, as lord even closed all doors on ur face'
Edited by drfizaahmed - 13 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
35