It's my divorce - I can cry if I want to!

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akvats01

@akvats01

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#21

Loved your poem..

And agreed to your POV...

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

😊😊😊😊😊

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Nazneen

@SiriuslySujal

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#22

Originally posted by: jiya25

you are a really good writer and you put forth the sentiment beautifully. but can i respectfully disagree with a couple of things. as you can see in the bolded section, you too are asking her to keep her chin up and hold her head high. why? let her cry cry cry and cry some more on jagya's shoulders if need be. why this request for her to keep her head high and keep her chin up. could it be because you want to see her strong and with dignity? if yes, then how are you different that the so called 'critics'?

and second, why should the 'critics' be ignored. the people who are making the posts about anandi crying also love her charachter and that's why they want to see that character maintain its dignity and strength. just because fans disagree with the portrayal of their favorite charachter that they have loved, they should be ignored? only the fawning, adoring, 'we love you no mattter how you behave' fans should be respected and listened to?

sorry but i can't understand or accept that.

First of all, thank you for liking the writing! 😊

The primary aim of writing this was to counteract my frustration at the billion "Why is Anandi crying!?" threads. When I said that she should keep her chin up, I didn't mean that she shouldn't cry. I don't think crying makes her less dignified. I meant that she should keep her chin up and resolutely carry on with life like she has been doing so far, and hold her head high in doing so and be proud of who she is. She should cry to let out the pain, but doing so doesn't make her any less dignified, in my opinion. She has maintained a lot of dignity in picking up the pieces of her life since Jagya left her - not responding to the bait of Gauri's taunts, getting an education, doing stuff to better the village, becoming the sarpanch. She already has plenty of dignity. Being human and sad and crying doesn't affect that - I was just trying to say that she should not let the crying affect the progress she has made in her life so far and set her back. Like crying all day long and not getting anything done would not be cool. She should hold her chin up and have productive days despite how she may feel inside, but also give herself the time and space to let out the pain as and when she needs to... while also resolving to move on from it eventually when she is ready.

I certainly don't think the critics should be ignored, and was not trying to nullify anyone's opinions. I totally respect everyone's points of view! I just got fed up of the stream of disgust at Anandi's behaviour that's been pouring out on here recently and thought I'd counteract it with a bit of (perhaps slightly dark) humour. We all want to see Anandi happy at the end of the day, but I find seeing vitriol towards her on the forum quite stressful. Plus I had originally posted this in the AnSh thread and then been persuaded to create a separate thread for it, so any strong biases can be attributed to the audience I was originally catering for 😉 In the context of the poem, I was trying to say that Anandi shouldn't be MADE to move on... it should happen in its own time. I know Dadisa and co are impatient to see her happy again, but they need to understand - as Shiv does - that she needs space and time and the right kind of support.

Hope that makes things clear, and I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone!

Edited by SiriuslySujal - 14 years ago

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leo4ever

@leo4ever

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#23

at above reply 👏👏👏👏!!

yes: firstly awesme ode!!

second am also tired , it is not that people are bashing her coz of her crying and still hanging on to the divorce thread - or calling her as weak coz they want to see her strng and all, what i get it is that most are coz she is crying over jagya and ignoring the best possible person she should get- shiv!!! more than half of the snetiments stems from that and that irritates me to eno end!!

bv has always been a reaaly diff show why will they change now? to add spice romance? no bv trend!!

a village girl drummed of assuming her hubby as the parmeshwar, grew up with him as her support system and vice versa, found best friend in each other, grew up assuming this is love, moulded her ideals to fit him as he was!! is now on the brink of that ending, the identity she grew up with - anandi jagdish singh is no more- she is not only losing the name in some way she is losing out a part of herself!!

she cant grieve? why cant she concenterate on happier moments more than sad hurt ones? ( had g done so she wldnt have been this insecure and screwed up although g parents are more to blame for that, they kept harping on bad memories-eg kept even her suhag ka jora in the room- result she is carrying an unvbelivable burden of hate on her shoulders) i find anandis apporach better!! shei s finding it equal- bad and good - clear slate to move forward

till sumitras talk she was even hurt at the fact that even before div is done they are planning to get me married will this signify any new changes in the family, will i not be as loved , will i/ could istill live with them? should i not take divorce and just stay here for the fmaily? but i dnt want him back, then what do i do? is it right or wrong?

she dsnt want him back yes, but she is confused if i am taking divorce there is nothing left then why am i swamped by memories? does that mean i am still in love? why? how do i run away form the memories? - thats why i loved the ds anandi conv- she told her nto ot run away form memories just ot let it flow not be stagnant- why is it so hard for her ocz she was in a stagnant state for quite soem times- the first three year leap- when she ddnt study- jagish was two timing them- then when all the havoc was happening-she was exaclty where he left her- then she started to make herself something- urge ot rpove herself- got praise ovr profesisonalim never understood the difference shei s makjnig simply as too low esteem now-

she is hurt by the good stuff, she cant believe that this is how it is to end- a beuatiful frinedship ending so bitter?

why cant she grieve over it? shiv is there to make it better ofr her so that we say ok she is happy but the main story will always be her safar!! let her do the safar in her own terms!!

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#24

oh very niceee!!! loved it : )👏

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Nazneen

@SiriuslySujal

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#25

Originally posted by: leo4ever
at above reply 👏👏👏👏!!

yes: firstly awesme ode!!

second am also tired , it is not that people are bashing her coz of her crying and still hanging on to the divorce thread - or calling her as weak coz they want to see her strng and all, what i get it is that most are coz she is crying over jagya and ignoring the best possible person she should get- shiv!!! more than half of the snetiments stems from that and that irritates me to eno end!!

bv has always been a reaaly diff show why will they change now? to add spice romance? no bv trend!!

a village girl drummed of assuming her hubby as the parmeshwar, grew up with him as her support system and vice versa, found best friend in each other, grew up assuming this is love, moulded her ideals to fit him as he was!! is now on the brink of that ending, the identity she grew up with - anandi jagdish singh is no more- she is not only losing the name in some way she is losing out a part of herself!!

she cant grieve? why cant she concenterate on happier moments more than sad hurt ones? ( had g done so she wldnt have been this insecure and screwed up although g parents are more to blame for that, they kept harping on bad memories-eg kept even her suhag ka jora in the room- result she is carrying an unvbelivable burden of hate on her shoulders) i find anandis apporach better!! shei s finding it equal- bad and good - clear slate to move forward

till sumitras talk she was even hurt at the fact that even before div is done they are planning to get me married will this signify any new changes in the family, will i not be as loved , will i/ could istill live with them? should i not take divorce and just stay here for the fmaily? but i dnt want him back, then what do i do? is it right or wrong?

she dsnt want him back yes, but she is confused if i am taking divorce there is nothing left then why am i swamped by memories? does that mean i am still in love? why? how do i run away form the memories? - thats why i loved the ds anandi conv- she told her nto ot run away form memories just ot let it flow not be stagnant- why is it so hard for her ocz she was in a stagnant state for quite soem times- the first three year leap- when she ddnt study- jagish was two timing them- then when all the havoc was happening-she was exaclty where he left her- then she started to make herself something- urge ot rpove herself- got praise ovr profesisonalim never understood the difference shei s makjnig simply as too low esteem now-

she is hurt by the good stuff, she cant believe that this is how it is to end- a beuatiful frinedship ending so bitter?

why cant she grieve over it? shiv is there to make it better ofr her so that we say ok she is happy but the main story will always be her safar!! let her do the safar in her own terms!!

Yes, thank you!!! Totally agree, especially with the last 3 paragraphs. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

What confuses me is the outrage that Anandi thinking anything good about Jagya seems to spark in a lot of people. He was her husband and childhood friend. They shared a great bond while it lasted. Him doing horrible things to her doesn't mean that she can just forget those good memories, nor does the fact that she reminisces on those good memories mean that she is still in love. Memories are part of us - we can't just forget them. And that's what DS was saying yesterday in answer to Anandi's question. One reaches a point where memories of a certain person who has hurt and abandoned us are no longer either sweet or bitter - they are just there. E.g. I still think of the time I spent my ex, and the memories - even though they were of the good times - are largely bitter because of the way it ended - but sometimes they are sweet. Does that mean I still love him? No - I know he's unsuitable for me and that I don't want him back. And Anandi knows that about Jagya too. In both cases, the memories will slowly become less and less significant and eventually cease to be important and just be there - neither bitter nor sweet.

For Anandi and the Singhs, they have to forget a significant part of their life, not just a boyfriend. So of course it is hard. And it's especially hard for Anandi because of how much of herself she had invested in that marital relation, and how tied in with her self-esteem it was.