22/6 Dragon Club: Under my Umbrella

I think there is a complex lattice of problems at work here in this whole Arpita-Aarti-Yash triangle.

One of the biggest problems is that Yash has been giving Aarti mixed messages about how insecure he is re. her taking Arpita's place. On the one hand, he didn't actually stop her when she was about to put her hand print over Arpitas, though his eyes spoke to her and she acted based on that. Then she heard the rousing speech about his and Arpita's janam-janam ka saath which Yash delivered to Prateek and saw all the blow ups. Then just when she had understood the degree of his love for Arpita, and thought he would want the kangan back, he let her keep them. To top it all off, he was furious that she returned the kangan. What is she to think?

He also made it amply clear that he had married her so that his children could have a mother and made it sound like that was his first priority, which it is clearly not. And this misunderstanding became the basis of the disaster that unfolded at the birthday. If the kids were the first thing on his mind, then he would never have accused her of trying to attract him because he would have automatically assumed that she was doing this for the kids. He told her he wanted her to be a mother and then turned around and told Arpita's photo that nobody could be as good as her. He gave her the combination to his safe, but won't let her take charge of the girls' upbringing. Aakhir vo chahta kya hain?

Now to Aarti.

We have been seeing the story through her perspective so it takes a little effort to see her from Yash's point of view but once you do, let me tell you the picture is anything but understandable! She has been downright erratic and unpredictable in her behaviour and the fact that she hid so many facts from him about her mysterious absence post-kidnapping makes it all the more confusing!

When he got married to her, he thought that he would marry a woman who was in the same position as him and understand his views. She was messy and disorganised but there was something about her and her naughty son that was endearing, that drew him towards them. Her one flaw was that she seemed too overprotective of her son and her fear was holding her precocious son back from mingling with the rest of the family and causing his mother and his own children to resent her and Ansh. So he thought he would fix it by changing the kid's school. Of course the kidnapping was a huge shock, but it allowed him to see Aarti bare her soul and open up to him completely. For the first time in years he felt needed and then the last thing he remembers being slipping into unconsciousness on a screaming Aarti's lap, he wakes up to find her and Ansh are gone!

He is utterly confused as to where he went wrong that she packed her bags and left of her own will. He is angry, after the understanding they came to, that she didn't see fit to talk to him even once and most of all he is unsettled by Bua's remarks because he knows that for that moment when he saved Ansh and he was lying in her lap, there was a deep connection. Out of the blue she tells him that she doesn't actually want this divorce and that more than anything she wants another chance, especially at being Palak and Payal's mother. And without thinking, he brings her back because it finally feels right and he finally feels peaceful.

For a few days he is on a high because everything seems "right" after she comes back. He catches her in a few weird moments (like the mirror-mangalsutra) but for the most part a hesitant friendship starts to develop and he starts feeling an ease and familiarity with this woman. But the one time he tries to take the conversation a level deeper, in discussing their anniversaries, she shuts off completely and he is left feeling sheepish and confused.

Palak comes running to his room distraught that her room has been changed but he manages to pacify her and put her to bed. All of a sudden he is reminded of Arpita and all this time he has spent without thinking about her. And then out of the blue, Aarti starts reminding him of Arpita and he wonders if he is going crazy. Palak's birthday rolls around and it is the worst time of year for him but Aarti is forcing all this cheer down his throat, telling him difficult truths that he has long tried not to face. He is in deep turmoil and can't think straight, and he keeps seeing Arpita everywhere. He has nobody to talk to because Aarti has made him feel guilty for grieving Arpita when he should be celebrating Palak, but every move she makes is reminding him of her. So imagine the frustration!

He tastes the fudge and immediately his phone and his eyes start searching for THE ONLY person who made fudge like that. And he sees her emerge in that saree and in his confusion thinks, who but her could wear that saree when only she could have made this fudge? And then BAM with the pop of a balloon come the realisations: 1. Arpita is dead, 2. Aarti is wearing Arpita's clothes, 3. He mistook Aarti for Arpita. 4. This is why he kept seeing Arpita everywhere. And all the grief, frustration, anger and guilt come bursting out of his system, concentrated on this woman who was supposed to understand him but turned out to be just like every body else. He forgot that Aarti understanding him was never a promise she made, because he precluded her from making any promises at all as she held no position in his life. It was something he himself had come to expect of her. This time, willing to face his wrath, she put Palak and Payal over his feelings and he was distraught.

The thing is, he is used to his family who put their own interests above his own. He is unable to grasp that Aarti is working for anyone but herself by hurting him because that is all he has seen from his family members so far. And because he can't see anything beyond Arpita, he can't fathom that Aarti is trying desperately to be a mother to his children, the same way that Arpita was. Most of all there is a part of him that cannot see reason as long as Aarti is in that saree. He shouts to drive home the point that this is Aartiji, not Arpita.

Finally, after some thought, he decides that the best way to go about things is to forget this ever happened, to go about his life just as it was before Aarti came into it and so he tells his father about the shradh. I kind of felt like here he was trying to pick a fight because he wanted to be challenged and to defend Arpita, to defend his choice to love her. But really he was looking for peace, to feel like he made someone understand and finally out comes Shobha, who tells him how to get just what he is looking for, peace. That is what he wanted when Ansh was kidnapped and that is what he wants now when Arpita's identity is endangered and Shobha shows him the way.

Aarti's Understanding
From Vidhi and Pari to Bua, all the Scindia ladies underestimated Aarti's fortitude today. The more I see of this family, the more I understand why Yash couldn't fathom any other motive behind Aarti trying to become Arpita than winning him because all of them are on the same plane. Nobody is making the distinction that Aarti is upset because she upset Yash and not because Yash refuses to acknowledge her as his wife. As far as she was concerned at the time of this conversation, she was only interested in being Yash's wife in the same capacity as he was to being her husband, as mutual parents to their respective children. It proved that Bua may know just where to hit Yash, but just because Aarti is a "widow" like her, that does not mean she understands what makes her tick. If someone had told Aarti that Yash had decided that she shouldn't be near Palak anymore it would have utterly broken Aarti's heart but they cannot get past the notion that the frontal issue for Aarti is being Yash's wife. This is what makes Aarti the one person that Yash needs right now, someone who will do just what she asks him and nothing more. It reminds me of when Yash was unconscious with the bullet wound and while everyone was hovering over him and forbidding Aarti to go near him, it was only Aarti who was there when he actually needed water...and that is why he held on. He needs someone to understand him and Aarti is just the person, when she has confidence in herself and doesn't try to rush results on the advice of her "wise" elders (Shobha included!)

Yash's Laughter
The videos that Prateek gave Aarti really defined the distinction between the lives of Aarti and Yash and why they face life so differently though they went through similar experiences. For Aarti, being an orphan, working through and bouncing back from pain and loneliness has become a way of life. Throughout her life, pain and hardship has been her constant companion and so much a part of her life that it ceased to define her life. The pain, from one source or another, is something she has learned to take for granted and she defines herself in spite of it. This is why we always see that no matter what terrible situations she faces, she always has her cry and is then ready to face the world again, as good as new. If her divorce with Yash had gone through, she would have lost her faith in love and marriage but would have bounced back for Ansh's sake and lived her life contentedly, accepting the fact that happiness was not her destiny. That is what sets Aarti apart from Yash, acceptance. She accepts pain and fights for happiness.

Yash, in a completely different vein, grew up with a silver spoon. He never faced a single hardship in his life and his biggest problems seemed to be that he couldn't dance at Pankaj's wedding because he was in the hostel, his kheer falling on his plate and the fact that his shirts got creased in the cupboard. Unlike Aarti, Yash never learned that happiness something he had to fight for. It was something that life owed him. Even in the case of his marriage. His parents chose a perfect girl for him and all he had to do was open his arms and fall in love with her, which he did with gusto. The default mode of his life was "bhara-pura" where Aarti's was loneliness and so when he lost Arpita, and faced the biggest tragedy of his life it came to define him completely. The moment Arpita died he ceased to be anything but Arpita's husband and mourner; being the father of Payal and Palak came as a subset of this larger Arpita-dependent identity because he had promised her he would take care of them. I am not saying that Yash doesn't love his children, he does, but he doesn't define himself on a broader scale as their father. Because he never worked for his happiness, he assumed it was a given which is why he is still fighting with fate about what happened to Arpita. He is expecting the universe to somehow "return" the happiness it "unfairly" took away.

This is what Aarti has to teach to Yash, how not to define yourself by your grief and how to go out and fight for your happiness, and in turn, one day Yash will teach Aarti how to expect happiness from the universe and not to settle or compromise on her own happiness.

Aarti's Restlessness
Although I believe there was an element of jealousy in Aarti today when she saw that scene with Yash and Arpita, I think it is much more complex than just that. In the videos she sees a completely different Yash from the one she has grown familiar with. There is no doubt that there are feelings of immense respect and understanding that Aarti feels for Yash in addition to the sweet friendship that keeps threatening to bud between the two. I think more than being upset at seeing Yash romantic with Arpita she is unsettled to see that the Yash that she has grown to know and love (in whatever sense you choose to interpret that) is not the "real" Yash. It is true, like she said, she knew that Yash loved Arpita with everything he had and sees Arpita's pictures everyday, but what comes as a shock to her in watching the videos is the difference in Yash himself.

In some warped way, I think Aarti feels cheated or deceived by the fact that Yash was "hiding" his real self while he allowed her to grow familiar with this new, serious version of him. It is irrational of course, which is why Aarti herself can't put her finger on it, but that is more what I think it is. Aarti and Yash have had their own share of bedroom interactions now and they have gown familiar as roomates/friends in that space, be it when they both reached for the pillow or the towel scene. In the video she not only sees another woman in her place, but another Yash in her Yash's place. It is natural that she feels disoriented and disturbed by this picture, because it is intruding on her familiarity and her territory, so to speak. So yes, Aarti is starting to have feelings for Yash but in a much more complex way than just being jealous of another woman.

Arpita's Peace
The last part of the episode was beautiful, poetry in motion (other than that Bua who was like the kala tika). I thought it was very interesting that Yash himself became the pandit for this. It spoke of him rewriting the rules in order to honour Arpita, but the rain gave him a beautiful message, that he cannot alone give peace to Arpita's soul. He needs someone to help him let her go and that someone is of course, Aarti. I realise now that the rain is the agent of destiny in this story, slowly drawing Arpita away from Yash while it draws Aarti closer to him. On the engagement night the rain came to tell him that he had to walk by Aarti's side and he would get his answers, which he did when he saw Aarti playing with Ansh in the rain. On Palak's birthday, the rain was there to tell him that he could not afford to lose Aarti and that he had to keep her with him. And today the rain was there to tell him that he could not succeed in this task alone, but needed Aarti's support to fully honour Arpita's memory and give her peace. By keeping her and his pain alive, thereby affecting the children, Yash is dishonouring everything that Arpita would have wanted for them. With Aarti's help, Yash and Palak will be able to laugh again and in that way can truly honour Arpita's memory and give her soul peace.