Dissapointed in today's episode

mitzification

@mitzification

Voyager

18

Posted: 13 years ago

#1

I have just seen the episode and though it had its good points . I was quiet dissapointed in todays episode .. I have to sit an analyse what exactly went wrong ... but it left me high and dry .

The greates point about todays show was however that its about the marraige and not about that one day of the wedding . Great distinction . Our thinking stops at the D-day when we think of marraige ... ...

if you felt that somewher todays episode wasincomplete then please share your view. This is not ot criticise but as a feedback.

I think dowry problems arise because again women ar enot treated equal ..even a well educated professional girl is under pressure to make a marraige and also make it sucesful .. if you dont marry questions are raised and pressure builds up . It's like even that lecturar who could have easily stood on her feet choose to comit suicide cause she could neither go back to her parents and was scared of the society .. its like she had no option but to stay in the marriage.

In marraige a trade off is donr sauda not the marraige of two equal individuals who need each other to have a happy life .

Edited by mitzification - 13 years ago

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philipking

@philipking

Navigator

11

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#2

Agree with you but not so bad..

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Bharathi_gurti

@Bharathi_gurti

Rocker

25

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#3

i felt there could be few more incidents and few more ways how to deal practically...It would have been effective if we witnessed some men stating how do they feel about being sold in the name of marriage...the show went very light heartily...but this issue should be dealt with some force..😔...this is not an issue...this is someone's life..😔...so it would have been beteer in the follwoing ways...

men's view on this issue...
some examples who got imprisonment or punished for demanding dowry...
few more heart wrenching examples...
some more legal guidelines., like how to approach/where to approach...
few more examples where a women has chosen to live without marriage and her status of living...
as a warning to those social weeds in the name of relatives., neighbors., colleagues., who keeps on poking into others life...

basically i expected a some sort of indirect threat to those who demands dowry., both morally as well as legally.😳...one more episode for this issue would be effective...i know how much difficult it is practically bring this all into lime light...but may be after sometime i expect another episode on this issue..😛...but my khuddos to the entire team for another brilliant episode👏..👏.

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mitzification

@mitzification

Voyager

18

Posted: 13 years ago

#4

Yes ...no helpline where a distressed woman can call

No socioanalysts were called to tell why we have this evil system ..ther could be more examples on how to break this system ...

I felt it was dealt to simplisticaly and I was expecting a lot more.

Like in child abuse he said listen to your child .. here he should have enforced ..listen to you r girl make her independent dont make marraige an end in itself for the girl . Marraige does not need to be nibhaofied at all costs...

I felt like no issue was even touched in this epsiode .

It didnt make even half the impact infanticide did ..wheras its such a big big issue !

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

24

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#5

1091 is Women's helpline number.

There are special police cells to look into these issues (Dowry and Domestic Violence). There is actually a lot being done on this issue and almost every town has some cell or the other where women can go to for redressal.

The episode on CSA demanded more action and information because people are mostly not aware of how often these issues occur. Dowry and bride-burning has been an issue that's received a lot of attention by social activists.

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mitzification

@mitzification

Voyager

18

Posted: 13 years ago

#6

Hi chitrasi ...

My point is ...where is the counceling for a woman on how to handle such issues

Where did he ask people why they support such a system

also I know thers a whole special act for women called the 498A caluse where one complaint can put about 18 members of boys household into jail

but thats not the point ...

the first girl chose to suffer for a long long time ...wheras this clause is available

the second girl chose to end her life ... why was that ... its because girls are told to just 'adjust ' in their new house.

girls are just traded off as cattle...

The problem lies in the social status of woemn and stigma of not being married or divorced .. the counseling should be done of parents .. that let your girl be ..dont be in a hurry to marry her off to someone just cause marraige is a societies necessaity

Now to the downside of this section 498A ...wheras on one hand the exsistence of such a strict anti-dowry law did not save women from torture , this skewed law is used by many girls to harras their husbands and exort money from them . If you just google you will come across many such cases where women made it a dhanda .. of earning money by threatening th boys ...

SO what Aamir shd have talked abt shd have been a more equal and just system ...where two individuals marry out of love respect and companinonship !

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vids08

@vids08

Voyager

17

Posted: 13 years ago

#7

I did like the episode. May be because I feel all this issues shown today was raised out of personal choice/ mindsets.

This is a social issue but the whole onus is on the girl and girl's parents.

Komal/ Nishana vs Rani is as I saw it. The choice is mine - either to be Komal or to be Rani!!!

I too did have a big, fat Indian wedding but I and my Husband did it at our expense to keep our respective families. BUT, we REGRET it as we did not know 80% of the people who came to it 😔

To be honest I did not sympathise with Komal, no offence to to anyone, but I did not understand her formula of trying to find happiness with a man who was greedy and insensitive to that extent. But very very thankful to her that she garnered that strength at the right time to come out alive and safe... or else her parents would have lived rest of their lives regretting NOT doing enough.

Marraige is a sacred instituition and should be celeberated - Agreed. But marraige should be between two human beings body and souls - not their social status or bank balance.

To All those who will get married at some point in future: A man who wants more than yourself in the marraige is NOT FOR YOU. He will never keep you happy. Get this in your mind. He has to accept what you are, how you are the way you accept him.

As we saw today. Society, law, community does not allow dowry and is completely inclined towards us WOMEN. THERE ARE MORE MEN LIKE RANI'S HUBBY OUT THERE THAN WE THINK. So GIRLS - Please say NO when you smell such rats.

Edited by vids08 - 13 years ago

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

24

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#8

Mitzi - Like you said that a lot of issues arise out of gender inequality. But quite a bit out of lack of self confidence in women too.

In my opinion a lecturer who commits suicide because of harassment by in-laws has no business teaching in the first place coz she's only going to impart her warped world view to her students.

After 30 years of active social work, strong laws and awareness campaigns, if women are still choosing to live in hell in the name of marriage then the problem is with the women.

I'll give two instances from my personal knowledge - a cousin got married and immediately after that her husband started harassing her for dowry. She like a cow kept coming back to her mother's house and "borrowing" money on some pretext or the other. She even "borrowed" money from a few relatives.

The day her mother got to know of the true state of affairs, she brought the daughter home, sent a telegram to all her friends and family that if her Son in law was to approach them, no money should be given to him under any circumstance.

My aunt got my cousin divorced and got her to become independent.

Incident two - a young girl was getting married to a ISB graduate. The boy had an excellent job and a brilliant career planned. On the day of the marriage the boy's mother approached the girl's family demanding a flat and a car. The boy told the girl that unless his parents demands were not met he would not go through with the ceremony. The girl got off the podium where she was greeting guests and walked out of the function hall. By nightfall, they had the groom's family literally falling on their feet begging forgiveness, coz the girl had informed everyone on FB and the ISB alumni broadsheet about the boy's action.

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vids08

@vids08

Voyager

17

Posted: 13 years ago

#9

Chitrashi, totally with you on this one. My take on this, we are our parent's investment and their savings. We are already making them bankrupt when we leave them to make our own life. Why oh why should they pay up to get us married and I personally feel to stand there and get tortured for it by some people whom you have just established a contact with is just beyond me - for a happier future - really?????????

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mitzification

@mitzification

Voyager

18

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Vids ..you know why Komal went through all she did ..she was from a well off family educated beautiful ... becuase her parents ... the part of this society were afraid .. they were afraid that their 'cow' their cattle ...

what if

no one marries her

what will people say if they break a marraige before it happens

what will people say if she breaks marraige after it happens ...

so Komal lived like .. Im not good enough ..if i am single or divorcee and till it became a matter of actual life and death .. she choose to suffer !

Now lets not blame her ..she looked like she belonged to the upper crust of our society .. if this can happen to a delhi based educated girl , if her parents treated her this was (no blame to the parents as such) ... wht chance do other females in our largely illeterate and poor country have ?

We cant blame Komal cause we as a scoiety are so sick that we make it impossible for a woman to survive.

I totaly support your thought that mrraige is between two individuals .. but in none of the incidences it looked like between two individuals it looked like a trade agreement ,...where sometimes goods were seen on the actual day of the barter ...

but again dont blame the girl , blame the society where after so much education girl is traded off like that.

Sdly Aamir did not talk about the change in thinking that is needed in this case.

After this episode will we stop mentaly harrasing unmarried and divorced girls ??

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