Rules Of Attraction ( Updated Part 21)- Pg 139 - Page 72

At first I felt dizzy.

Not with the kind of dizziness that makes the body reel.

But the kind that's like a dead emptiness in the brain.

An instinctive awareness of the void.

-Fernando Pessoa, The Education of the Stoic-

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His lips coasted over hers, memorizing to detail the taste, the treasures and secrets it held. Khushi responded with equal vigor, her mind a whirlwind of ice, that was slowly melted by the fire that Arnav had so perfectly lighted up in her heart. Her hands fisted up in his hair, as the dance of lips that had started to be slow, giving and taking, was fast moving out to become urgent, raw hunger emanating from his lips, demanding more every second. As his deft fingers combed her silken mop of hair unconsciously, Khushi felt the worry, the frustration, all thoughts seep of her mind and body. She pressed closer to him, giving all and taking whatever he was giving her. Arnav hand left her face and roamed over her drenched back impatiently, his lips not breaking the sync as they moved against hers. Their tongues serenaded each other, slowly reducing the pace, their faces moved apart slightly, gulping in the woodsy air surrounding them, foreheads pressed together, their half lidded gaze met.

Arnav took in the desire in her eyes, and pulled her against him once again, resting her face on his wet back shirt and he himself buried her face, into the crook of her neck, as his lips came in contact with the raindrops sliding down the porcelain arch. Leaving a trail of feather light kisses, he tilted her face upwards and claimed her lips again. This time wretchedly slow, delving deeper, the alluring silence speaking much more than words, telling stories of dumb, mute confession. Their frolicking lips involuntarily gave birth to a raw passion, so strong that wouldn't be dimmed in a thousand years. He played with her lips, like infants would play, with dove-like fondness, with chaste concession. His fingers roamed dangerously below the sensuous swell of her breasts. Khushi felt forsworn and held on to him tightly, her lips wanting more, needing his searing touch over her body. She heard him moan her name in the quietest of whispers, undoing whatever little was left of her control. She felt his hands gripping her hips and lifting her, as his lips left hers, moving down to her chin, and as she felt the loss of ground beneath her feet, she arched her neck back and felt the shimmering, moist lips graze over her neck, and as mourning the loss of the touch of her lips, he took them again, not wanting to leave them ever, his thirst increasing with every touch. They both hung on to each other for a long time, lingering lips, and drenched bodies moved in rhythm with each other under the monsoon rains, to an unknown song.

His lips left hers for a few seconds, desperately taking in the much needed oxygen, before they moved down to graze over her collarbones, and then he felt the touch of her trembling fingertips, stone cold over his lips, stopping suddenly, the course of their action. The soft pressure of her fingertips increased slowly, her other free hand placed over his chest, softly, but determined, they worked their way, pushing him backwards, in a threateningly slow speed.

Arnav's hazy gaze cleared, acknowledging the sudden distance between them, and the loss of her touch, loss of irreplaceable warmth. He felt scared, vulnerable, for the first time in a long time. He dared to look into her eyes after a few long minutes. He didn't know, if he could form coherent sentences. But he knew it was then or never.

'Khushi…did I do something wrong?'

'No..'

Their voices seared through the damp air, as the rain slowed down, almost as if to witness the communication between the two. The words spoken were glazed with tremors of fear, uncertainty and mostly the incapability of speaking the truth. Arnav's next words came out in hoarse whispers.

'Khushi. I love…'

'Don't. Please.'

Suffocating silence surrounded them. Arnav concentrated on the wet cemented floor, trying to control the rage storming it way through his heart and making its way into his mind. Khushi couldn't believe that she had let go of her control, given in to…her head was throbbing. She had to do it. She had to do it then. Mustering up all the courage, she looked at his tormented face, brushing away the stinging hot tears that slowly made their way down her flushed lips. But before she could speak, he came with sudden force, dangerously close, pressing himself onto her with full force, gripping her arms tightly.

'So what was this? Over the past few weeks?'

'Arnav…'

'What Khushi? Look at me dammit.'

'Arnav…'

'You don't feel…the way I do…?'

She braved herself to look into his eyes. They held the same fury that she had last seen the first day she had met him. But it was different now. His eyes spoke volumes to her. She looked back, fighting back the tears that were roaring to spill to soothe the pain in her heart, on seeing the similar pain in his eyes. She breathed in, and spoke. Heart pounding and the blood thudding in both thudding in their ears.

'I love you. So, so much. But I can't be with you.'

----

His grip on her loosened, a lone tear dropping from his eyes, one he didn't bother to wipe away. He looked at her, for a long time. Arnav scrutinized her face, searched her eyes, for a shred of hope, love, and regret at what she had said, but found none. All he saw was walls. Fragile walls built carefully, so that she wouldn't breakdown in front of him. Khushi saw him retreat backwards, taking slow, heavy steps. As the space between them increased, she fought with the last drops of control she had left, to not run and hold on to him.

Arnav watched her face. It shocked him to see how calm it was. She was not crying, her face was expressionless. He stopped moving backwards and stood still before the door that led into the rooftop. The winds blew over their face, as for one last time, he memorized to detail how beautiful she looked when her hair flew in rhythm with the wind. And then he turned and climbed down the stairs.

----

Khushi, watched him go, carried her trembling feet towards the door, through which he had left seconds ago. Stood, their, hearing fading footsteps. Her eyes closed, as the stream of warm water made their way down her checks, her neck, burning her to the core. She dropped in a heap, on to the ground, hugging her knees as close as she could. She buried her face between her knees, trying to think that it had all been a nightmare. But she knew that it was not.

He was gone. Gone forever.

Khushi felt tremors the waves of emptiness surge and crash through her body. It finally dawned on her that she had lost him, he had come to her, only to let go.

----

She stood up and went near the very edge of the rooftop, as fast as her feet would carry her. She welcomed the cool wind that washed over her tear strained face. She wiped away the last strains of moistness from the surface of her cold skin and breathed in, long and deep.

You are going to live your life Khushi, not live, survive, she corrected her thoughts mentally. No matter how fatal losing Arnav was…fresh hot tears seared her cheeks again, she looked up into the skies, …he had been snatched away right from her hands, leaving her completely changed, with only the outer layer of skin above from before, she would continue to play out her life in the same way she had chosen a long time back, in silence.

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A rainy night in the city, your hand in mine, a messy room, a silent sigh. Your hand slips away.

Rain keeps on falling, your silky hair. Rain keeps on falling, your salty tears.

Another night some time ago, we walked the streets, lantern lights, stars lit the sky.

We laughed and laughed.

I guess there is a time for everything. A time for everyone. A time to laugh, a time to cry.

I guess, we have had our time.

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*Edited

The quote in the beginning filled me with dread even before I read the chapter...so it was good you started with a sort of recap because it distracted me for a bit but at the same time bad because this time, the suggestion of the 'to come' was much more.

Arnav's reaction of anger, disbelief was the one I liked the most although I am slightly miffed that he left...but yes, I know, in that situation the guy had no options really...he is nursing a broken heart too and doesnt even know why Khushi said what she did...

And Khushi...*virtual hug* I am so happy she at least said those words because when he coems to know the whole truth, those words can be expected to stay with him...

It was absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking, Sonalika...specially the last part where she decides to survive because she cant 'live' without Arnav...*wipes away tear*

Beautiful.

lovely update