Husband and Wife Relationship

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WickedSlayer

@TheSlayer

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Hey guys,

This is my first post here. I decided to visit the forum at the behest of my friends. This looks like a fruitful, yet fun forum to me.

I am planning on getting married soon. However, looking from the experiences of the people around me, I am a bit skeptical about getting married. Oh, trust me, it's not that bad. It's just that I have my own doubts and questions about the issue.

The debate question is: Should a husband and his wife be transparent with each other throughout their marriage? I mean, as a guy, I may be kind of wary about discussing certain things with my wife. I am sure she might have her own reasons too. So, should a husband be completely transparent with his wife, and vice a versa, or is it OK to hide a little, and to keep things to yourself?

😊

Edited by -Desi-IFer- - 13 years ago

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

One of the most important aspects of marriage is trust. That means that before marriage the two people getting married should be absolutely honest with each other and share everything. Without that transparency, trust cannot be built.

Of course everyone has secrets as well. But knowing what to keep to yourself is tricky. It really depends on the two people getting married. The one thing you don't want to hide is a deal breaker. If a habit or a past could be a deal breaker that calls of the marriage - it is better to come clean earlier rather than later down the road.

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-Satrangi-

@-Satrangi-

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

i think everyone is different, so depends on your perspective.. trust is something that is important and you are better judge of what you should share and what you should not share.. i am neither against it nor i am for it.. i know some people who kept things to themselves and things have worked out for them.. i have also seen people who have broken marriages because of secrets..

i would prefer complete honesty.. if you two have decided that the past is something that you are not going to worry about and start at a certain point, that is fine.. the expectations should be made clear from the start.. either way, be clear about what your expectations are and what her expectations are..!

good luck on your marriage..

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WickedSlayer

@TheSlayer

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: return_to_hades
One of the most important aspects of marriage is trust. That means that before marriage the two people getting married should be absolutely honest with each other and share everything. Without that transparency, trust cannot be built.

Of course everyone has secrets as well. But knowing what to keep to yourself is tricky. It really depends on the two people getting married. The one thing you don't want to hide is a deal breaker. If a habit or a past could be a deal breaker that calls of the marriage - it is better to come clean earlier rather than later down the road.

Great point there, RTH. I will have to agree with you on the trust issue. But you know, say, for example, if a man has had a past that is embarrassing and shameful, what must he do? Clearly, there will always be that one question, one conscious spot in the mind that he might get exposed. This one fear of his may also cost his marriage. Then what? Perhaps, keeping a secret till the day he dies is the only way out. And the same scenario applies to the woman also.

Is there any alternative to this kind of a convoluted issue in the marriage?

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WickedSlayer

@TheSlayer

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: -Satrangi-
i think everyone is different, so depends on your perspective.. trust is something that is important and you are better judge of what you should share and what you should not share.. i am neither against it nor i am for it.. i know some people who kept things to themselves and things have worked out for them.. i have also seen people who have broken marriages because of secrets..

i would prefer complete honesty.. if you two have decided that the past is something that you are not going to worry about and start at a certain point, that is fine.. the expectations should be made clear from the start.. either way, be clear about what your expectations are and what her expectations are..!

good luck on your marriage..

Thank you. Fortunately, I don't have a past, and I am thankful to God for it. But a few friends of mine ended up getting their married lives in trouble the moment they exposed their scandals. What I fear is that, despite having a clean past (Touch wood), what if my wife goes haywire with her questions 😆 and makes me go bonkers. LOL. It's just a thought. I would prefer complete honesty as well.

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-Satrangi-

@-Satrangi-

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

i think i understand what you mean.. my perspective would be that they should have been honest from the beginning... if they did have a shameful past, they could have either told them that they do have a past which they are not proud of.. and that they are making a clean fresh start.. that way, even if something came forward later, you'd (in the general sense) have at least laid your cards on the table.. again, this is my perspective and whatever relationship you and your to-be-wife share (and later your wife) share is going to be different.. it depends on her personality.. however, i feel that people should be honest... that does not mean you need to share every single thing, but at least let them know beforehand.. so if they do find something on their own, they won't be after your throat! 😆

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kavyasam

@kavyasam

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

While trust is very important in marriage it is not necessary that everything be disclosed, if they are really embarassing. Each individual has a special zone where you cannot allow another person, however close that person may be. However if there is fear of any secret coming out that has potential to wreck the marriage, then it is better to come out clear before getting into the relation. That will also work in your advantag because the partner will think on the lines of honesty and is bound to be impressed that you had faith enough to confide.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Hey Desi...nice to see you here 😃

Hmm, although I'm too young to say anything about marriage, I'll want to tell you a few things 😛

In a marriage -

#1 -- Both MUST be honest to each other. Tell yor wife everything..shameful, glorious, good, bad, embarrassing...everything to her, because.. she's gonna be yor companion for life :) ..A person shouldnt wait till he's exposed, it'll give her a different impression and could ruin the relationship.

#2 -- By sharing EVERYTHING, she'll trust you. Trust is very important in a relationship!

#3 -- In any marriage or any relationship, one has to be ready to ACCEPT and RESPECT each other for what they are, so.. it's okay if you share even the most dreadful thing about yourself.

...you know, she'll feel really very close to you after sharing your secrets, and she'll do the same, both'll develop a closer bond like that.

Have a happy married life, Desi 😃

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WickedSlayer

@TheSlayer

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
Hey Desi...nice to see you here 😃

Hmm, although I'm too young to say anything about marriage, I'll want to tell you a few things 😛

In a marriage -

#1 -- Both MUST be honest to each other. Tell yor wife everything..shameful, glorious, good, bad, embarrassing...everything to her, because.. she's gonna be yor companion for life :) ..A person shouldnt wait till he's exposed, it'll give her a different impression and could ruin the relationship.

#2 -- By sharing EVERYTHING, she'll trust you. Trust is very important in a relationship!

#3 -- In any marriage or any relationship, one has to be ready to ACCEPT and RESPECT each other for what they are, so.. it's okay if you share even the most dreadful thing about yourself.

...you know, she'll feel really very close to you after sharing your secrets, and she'll do the same, both'll develop a closer bond like that.

Have a happy married life, Desi 😃

Hey ALD, 🤗 Looong time!! How ya been? 😃

I agree with you. My father thinks the same. He's always advised me and my sister to be very transparent in our relationship with our spouses. However, my uncle (his younger brother) doesn't think the same. I don't know, probably he's a male chauvinist, or probably he's just too afriad to put his card out on table. He's a nice man, no doubt. But I am close to both my father and uncle. And it's kind of surprising that they both have different opinions about this issue.

But I have to agree with all of you in here. Relationship builds on trust, which builds on clarity and transparency.

P. S. Thanks for your wishes, I need them. 😊

Edited by -Desi-IFer- - 13 years ago

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455325

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Trust is important, responsibility is most important and working towards the same goals. Forgiveness is expectant .. Patience Is aquired usually bitterly by the end of every good marriage. Good luck.. When it's good it's the best thing in the world .. When it's bad u would rather be dead.. But through the struggles you become better for it.

Errm spoken like a real married man there ha.. 🤢 trick is to not tell them too much of Ur past.. But everyday of Ur present!

Edited by Dr3viL - 13 years ago

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Husband and Wife Relationship - Marriage Debate

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