A Suicidal Note
The first time when I saw her in my life; ,,,,,,,,,Were they those intriguing pair of eyes, else her thin long pointed nose, or else her long wavy hair that covered her lean shoulders...that which attracted me towards her?...Not yet sure...
She was indeed beautiful. But the fact which made me fall in love with her,,,,,,,the fact which made her the most beautiful woman in the world,...for me was that ,,,She is Mine...Simply Mine.
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15 years ago,...
Their Wedding Night.
A room which is completely devoid of any customary embellishment for a newly wedded couple. The bride, instead with in the traditional burdens of the bridal garment and heavy jewelry, lying at the side of the bed in her simple light weighted, long silky pink night suit.
As he entered the room, she got up and sat leaning towards the head rest,...he came near her and sat by her side. He held her palms and wished her in his husky tone:
Wish u a very happy Wedding day,..Gulaal..
for which she replied, with a smile;
To you too, Kesar.
After a while.
Gulaal(in a serious tone): Kesar,..tumhara yeh phesla...yeh zaroori dha?
Kesar(raised his head and looked at her for a second): Gulaal...aaj ka din khatam hone main ab bhi theez minute bache hein...Keep ur word..u have promised ...that u wont question me about anything today..and that was my wedding gift from you.
Gulaal, though a bit disappointed, nodded yes .
Gulaal: OK...I will keep my word...lekin..where is my wedding gift?
Kesar(thought for a while):hmm...bolo tumhe kya chahiye...(confidently) anything in this universe.
Gulaal got a bit surprised on the thought of "Is he really asking me ?"
Kesar(asked again): Tell me..
Gulaal(in her soft but clear tone): A kiss..
Kesar smiled affectionately, moved closer to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. As he parted from her..she couldnt help..but laughed out loud..
Kesar(confused): Haans kyun rahi ho?
Gulaal tried hard and suppressed her laugh: Soch rahi dhi ki tum ithne shareef kab ban gaye ho
And she said in a contented tone: I want my bratty Kesar back.
Though a bit amused at first, later he slowly moved towards her and asked:Really?
Gulaal could no longer take his intense passionate glance that were piercing her eyes, for that she closed her eyes, while he came closer towards her..just a breath away and placed his lips over hers.
Moments passed and Gulaal slowly parted from him. Her eyes were filled with tears.
Kesar asked in concern: Kya hua Gulaal? Tum ro kyun rahi ho?
Gulaal..looking at his moist eyes: Tum bhi tho ro rahe hein na?
Kesar suddenly turned his face away and wiped his eyes..while Gulaal kept staring at him with tears flowing through her cheeks.
*****************************
Gulaal was lying on the bed and Kesar was still sitting there near her , affectionately caressing her hair.
Kesar with a smile, asked in concern: How u feel now?
Gulaal with an ecastic smile: I feel like dying right now..
Kesar's smile diminished all of a sudden and looked at her hurt.
Gulaal:(as if in a trance) Mein sach keh rahi hun Kesar..aise tumhare chehra dekhthe dekhthe...tumhare bahon main rehkar aise, dheere dheere dheere apni aankhein apne aap bandh hojaana...yehin meri ichcha hein Kesar..this is my wish...my last wish.
And that was the end for him.He stood up in anger: Just shut up Gulaal.
Trying hard to control his hurt: Raath bahut ho chuki hein..tum sojao Gulaal...aur iss tarah ke bekaar khayalon ko apni mann se nikaal de.
Before he could move, she got hold of his hand and said in a chocked voice: Lekin yahin haqeekat hein na Kesar.
Kesar stopped and passively sat back on the bed with his head hung down.
Gulaal managed to get up, though a bit strained and touched his shoulder,..but he remained there silent.
Gulaal: Kesar,...hamare iss shaadi ka faisla..tum ne khud liya dha..aur na chahthe hue bhi mein tumhare saath diya dha..(she managed to speak further though her mouth was getting dry) sirf isliye..kyunki..kyunki mein tumhe pal bhar keliye bhi udaas nahin dekh sakthi hun ..Mere paas waqt bahut kam hein Kesar (She almost started to struggle with her throat, while Kesar raised his head and looked her in shock with drenched eyes)..Aur jithna jaldi ho sake..tum iss sach ko maanlo aur aage badhne ki koshish...
Before she could complete her sentence, Kesar placed his finger on her lips stopping her from speaking any more
Kesar(in a painful voice): Chup..bilkul chup..kahan jaana chahthi ho tum..apne Kesar ko chodke..kahan jaana chahthi ho tum Gulaal?
Gulaal looked at him in helplessness while he continued by wrapping her in his arms
Kesar:(frantically) Mein tumhe kahin nahin jaane dunga...aise ,..aise baandhkar rakunga apne bahon main..kahin nahin jaane dunga kabhi nahin..
*****************************
I could sense her longing to live,..her chocking weeps..I could sense the damping rhythm of her heart,..her fainting breath
Hours passed,..I sat there like a lifeless statue, hugging her close to my heart...while my heart still continued to beat but hers was almost ceased.
She always had dreamt of becoming my bride, as she used to say whenever I expressed my wish to marry her...and finally on that day, though she first denied her wish for my sake,..she agreed to it later,..she agreed for our marriage..for my sake...
If only she would never in her life had met with that fatal car accident, that which had marked her fate forever...but at this 15th year of her demise I have no one to blame,..nor our destiny..
I could still feel her breath...I could still feel her laugh...I could still feel her voice, her fragnance all around me...but she is in some other world..some other unknown world...how could I leave her alone there..she is lonely and I can no longer make her wait..no...not anymore...I must go..Its too late..she is waiting for me
*******
He lied on his bed with his eyes closed..and soon he slipped on to a calmful sleep..an eternal sleep.
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"And there the children of dark Night have their dwellings, Sleep and Death, awful gods. The glowing Sun never looks upon them with his beams, neither as he goes up into heaven, nor as he comes down from heaven. And the former of them roams peacefully over the earth and the sea's broad back and is kindly to men; but the other has a heart of iron, and his spirit within him is pitiless as bronze: whomsoever of men he has once seized he holds fast: and he is hateful even to the deathless gods."
- Hesiod.
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