Double Standards.

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souro

@souro

Alumni

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#41

Originally posted by: blue-ice
None of them...as long as it is expectations and not demands...nothing wrong with expecting things as long as you don't make someone else miserable because of ur expectations...but as soon as these expectations become demands...everything is wrong with them...chalo...a man who is virgin...demands a virgin girl in marriage...is acceptable...because if u have a certain standard...and u want ur partner to be of that standard too...its reasonable...

But its double standards...when a man who has slept with 10 women would demand a virgin girl ...in the name of culture...kyon bhai..?..

Yes, that's what I was thinking that there is nothing wrong if a virgin guy also expects that his wife-to-be to be virgin. Which is why I wanted to clarify whether you're condemning the whole expectation part.

Although an unchaste guy expecting/ demanding only to marry a virgin girl definitely sounds wrong but if we logically look at it, any guy, whether a virgin or a gigolo, expecting/ demanding his wife-to-be to be a virgin is not wrong. Afterall, expecting a virgin girl is just like expecting a fair girl, dark girl, slim girl, chubby girl or whatever. Nothing much wrong in that. Both of them will get married with the full knowledge of each other's expectations and only when they accept those conditions.

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blue-ice.

@blue-ice.

Achiever

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#42

Originally posted by: souro

Yes, that's what I was thinking that there is nothing wrong if a virgin guy also expects that his wife-to-be to be virgin. Which is why I wanted to clarify whether you're condemning the whole expectation part.

Although an unchaste guy expecting/ demanding only to marry a virgin girl definitely sounds wrong but if we logically look at it, any guy, whether a virgin or a gigolo, expecting/ demanding his wife-to-be to be a virgin is not wrong. Afterall, expecting a virgin girl is just like expecting a fair girl, dark girl, slim girl, chubby girl or whatever. Nothing much wrong in that. Both of them will get married with the full knowledge of each other's expectations and only when they accept those conditions.

Actually...the TM talks only about demand...its not about expectations...my post was also in response to the post which said that people demand virgin girl because its a cultural thing...even if it comes culture...in our culture the premarital sex is a taboo...so both the bride and the groom are supposed to be virgins...but since no body gives a damn to the culture any more(which is sad because some parts of our culture are keepers) ...why should anyone demand a virgin spouse when they themselves are not one...like I said nothing wrong with expecting things to be a certain way unless its not bothering others...

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#43

Originally posted by: Xoxo
I want a guy like myself, someone who doesnt smoke, drink, club, and is a virgin ;)

Ps, add to that... An Indian Muslim like myself... preferabbly with an interesting name, and dimpled cheeks. 😳

Xoxo

Hello muffins so you are back.
Hope your guy is not a vampire 😆
yep smoking should be completely banned. I wonder if it will ever happen.
But then there are so many vices on offer on earth😆

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Summer3

@Summer3

Trailblazer

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#44

Originally posted by: Xoxo

YO BIATCH!... i think i know which friend you are talking about here?

Xoxo

Hey am I missing something?

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hindu4lyf

@hindu4lyf

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#45

Originally posted by: Xoxo
I want a guy like myself, someone who doesnt smoke, drink, club, and is a virgin ;)

Ps, add to that... An Indian Muslim like myself... preferabbly with an interesting name, and dimpled cheeks. 😳

Xoxo

Hey, what's wrong with clubbing? Nothing wrong with someone who likes to party it up every now and then right? I know quite a few guys who know how to party hard but don't touch a single drink the whole night. If you're talking about the covering up or grinding or maybe something else then I guess that's a completely different issue.

Seeing as this topic seems to be a lot about virgin/non-virgin men let me point out what a strange world we live in. It's common for elders in the Asian and Arab society to talk about how bad the west is. We always here how the west is a bad influence, people smoke, drink, have many sexual partners etc but it's funny how no-one wants to have a look around at their own culture and see what's going on. According to an Iranian friend of mine, she guarantees me that if I go to a main city in Iran then it will be near impossible to find a guy who is a virgin. Funny thing is how a lot of those guys then demand their wife must be a virgin and because a lot of the girls there are also sexually active, it is not common for them to get an operation done so that they are 'as good as new' as they say. (Note: it is illegal to get such an operation done but nevertheless quite common)

I know that's exactly what the scene is like in Delhi too with a lot of the guys you bump in to on a night out. No-one wants to admit the flaws but doesn't mean they don't exist.

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Vivacious

@vivacious

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

#46

Originally posted by: hindu4lyf
Hey, what's wrong with clubbing? Nothing wrong with someone who likes to party it up every now and then right? I know quite a few guys who know how to party hard but don't touch a single drink the whole night. If you're talking about the covering up or grinding or maybe something else then I guess that's a completely different issue.

Seeing as this topic seems to be a lot about virgin/non-virgin men let me point out what a strange world we live in. It's common for elders in the Asian and Arab society to talk about how bad the west is. We always here how the west is a bad influence, people smoke, drink, have many sexual partners etc but it's funny how no-one wants to have a look around at their own culture and see what's going on. According to an Iranian friend of mine, she guarantees me that if I go to a main city in Iran then it will be near impossible to find a guy who is a virgin. Funny thing is how a lot of those guys then demand their wife must be a virgin and because a lot of the girls there are also sexually active, it is not common for them to get an operation done so that they are 'as good as new' as they say. (Note: it is illegal to get such an operation done but nevertheless quite common)

I know that's exactly what the scene is like in Delhi too with a lot of the guys you bump in to on a night out. No-one wants to admit the flaws but doesn't mean they don't exist.

They're not in denial. Most of them admit to being in the wrong. Its just that they want a 'better half' , so they look for a virgin bride i.e. someone with upright moral character.

Its more of a matter of preference than anything else. It would be double standard if and only if the non-virgins females are stigmatized whereas the same bahavior in males is passed-off as 'correctible mischief'.

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hindu4lyf

@hindu4lyf

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#47

Originally posted by: Xoxo

Lol, there is nothing wrong with drinking, smoking, clubbing or choosing to be sexually active before marriage etc - if you do one, or all of that, it doesnt mean you are bad person or less moral etc... each to their own preference.. what i suggested was my own preference 😃... Someone, who aint addicted to clubbing, and definitely not a smoker or a drinker... i dont want a drunkyard or a chain smoker for the rest of my life...and yeh a virgin... although, i prefer honesty over anything, so if a guy is honest to me about his past relationship, then i might consider.

Talking about culture - No offense to any arabs out here, but they are the worst. You know the more restricted you are, the more they try to keep you in a box, and lock you inside, and forbid you from going out the more you rebel. .. Being religious is one thing, and acting like a complete moron is a different thing altogether. i remember, watching news one day and how they showed some arab culture, where they dressed boys as girl and made them dance all night. I mean, how pathetically sick?

also, i don't have a problem with girl that wear hijab, but wearing a burqa?.. I detest that idea. Modesty is one thing and hijab can be called modest, but burqa? they look like hidden terrorist in that black thing.

Xoxo

The only reason I brought up clubbing and not any of the other things you mentioned is because I can see the problem one may have with someone who smokes or drinks (for religious reasons or whatever else) but I couldn't understand what the problem was with clubbing.

I went to Dubai last year and was actually quite surprised at the stuff people get up to, considering the way the Middle East is portrayed in the media. I was at the Souk Madinat Jumeirah Hotel and while roaming around I passed a nightclub with an Arab guy coming out with his arm across a blonde girl on each side of him! :O also, gaining access to alcohol is not easy in Dubai as there are very few stores that are licensed to sell it yet those Arab guys were clearly drunk!

I don't have much of a problem with the burqa. I guess it never really affected me until a few years ago when I I had customers talk to me and I found myself asking them 2/3 times to repeat what they were saying because I just really couldn't understand and quite honestly, I find it a lot easier to communicate with someone when I can see their expressions.

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373577

Suspended

Posted: 14 years ago

#48

As long as the number of non virgin men continue to increase assuming they are into heterosexual relations a day would surely come when it would be very rare to find a virgin girl as a bride. What use then expecting or demanding as per own whims? Damage done is damage done.

I thought it would be no brainer that if we value something we must contribute to its preservation. IMO double std or not it is unrealistic to expect values to be preserved when we ourselves destroy those very values.

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P1nk

@P1nk

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#49

Originally posted by: Xoxo

Oh, me and Hannah aint virtual friends anymore, so yeh, i think i know who she is talking about lol.. she is a biatch 😆

waits for an abusive attack.

Xoxo

No you do not know who I am talking about. ⭐️

Edited by P1nk - 14 years ago

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344471

Suspended

Posted: 14 years ago

#50

Well, it is definitely showing double-standard and a tad bit hypocritical, but not necessarily immoral if both the sides are willing and consenting to it. I find it sexist though. I don't know why any woman would want to accompany such a one-sided request without any kind of societal or external pressure. I would say the same if the case was reversed - i.e. a sexually active woman demanding a virgin husband and the husband complying to the request.

Edit: Double standard is applying two different standards for similar situations (where, ideally, the same standard should have been followed). (2nd feb., 2012)

Edited by Beyond_the_Veil - 14 years ago

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