My take on KKG's request to be slapped. (A more ridiculous request I am yet to hear!) But I did ROTFL my way through the episode. NK does ridiculous well. ASR glowers well. And Khushi. Well, she does the "he's going to kill me now" look pretty wellš! Anyway, read on...
OS: Slapped! (Or do I mean kissed?) š
"Slap me", she said extending a cheek towards him.
"What?" he sounded astonished.
"Go ahead. Slap me. Tit for tat. Eye for an eye. I slapped you. You slap me. We're even." She said firmly, still holding her cheek out.
"You want me to slap you because you slapped me by mistake when you were trying to kill a mosquito?"
"Yes."
"Khushi Kumari Gupta. There is only word to describe you. Unbelievable." He shook his head at her idiocy.
"No, no Arnavji. I'm serious. Please slap me. I deserve it. I'm ever so sorry I slapped you. I never meant to. I would never slap you on purpose. But you should totally slap me back. I made a mistake, and I deserve to be punished" She closed her eyes tightly and waited.
"Open your eyes Khushi," he sounded exasperated.
"I'd rather not, if you don't mind. I might move away when I see your hand coming to hit me," she said, eyes still shut.
"I'm not going to slap you. Now, will you open your eyes, you fool," he said loudly.
Her eyes flew open. She looked up at him. He looked upset. "But you're still angry with me, aren't you?" she asked.
"Yes. But that doesn't mean I'm going to slap you. I don't hit women."
"Oh really? You had no trouble manhandling me before. If I remember correctly, you held me so tight that my arms were bruised for days. You also pushed me against a table so I cut my finger on a glass. Not to mention sending me to that rickety guest house where I almost died." She finished huffily.
"Dammit Khushi, you make it sound as if I deserve another slap or two from you," he said. "None of that was intentionally done, you know that. I apologized for bruising your arms. I bandaged your finger when I cut it. And I rescued you from the rickety guest house. So, there," he said slightly miffed with her for raking up ancient history.
"Exactly, you made up for all those things. But you won't let me make up for a slap. You won't accept my apology. You've canceled the sangeet. I can't take the slap back. So, you had better slap me and get it out of your system. That way, the family can go ahead with planning the sangeet and not cower in the fear that Arnav Singh Raizada will be mad at this, or not show up for that," she said, muttering "Laad governor " under her breath.
"What did you call me?" he asked furiously.
"You heard me!" she said recklessly deciding it was better to try and rile him up.
"Khushi, leave. Now." He said, trying to tamp down the anger that was rising up relentlessly.
"No. I'm not going until you slap me," she said, not realizing how ridiculous she sounded. He groaned in exasperation. "Maybe I should just slap her and get it over with," he thought. "After all she seems to want it," he grinned.
"OK Khushi. I will slap you. On one condition." He said.
"Yay!" she clapped her hands in joy. "Anything. Name your condition. I accept it," she said.
"Bring back the same mosquito that was buzzing around me. Let it sit on your cheek. And then, when I try to kill it, I'll slap you. Only my aim being better than yours, I will actually kill the mosquito in the process as well," he smirked.
She stamped her foot angrily. "Arnavji! That's just ridiculous. How can I bring back the mosquito? You're being silly!"
"No Khushi Kumari Gupta, you're being silly. I don't go around slapping girls, no matter how much they deserve it. Now, please leave. I have things to do."
"I'm not leaving until you slap me."
"Oh for crying out loud Khushi. You are the limit," he said. He saw the mutinous look on her face. "You really want me to slap you, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes."
"OK. You got it. Come closer," he said.
She walked to him and extended her cheek towards him like before, shutting her eyes closed tightly. He looked at her, a small smile playing on his lips. She looked ridiculous. Her smooth, creamy cheek held out to him like a prize offering. A grimace of anticipation played on her face. Her hands were scrunched up into tight fists by her side. Her chest was heaving ever so slightly. He was tempted to place a soft kiss on her cheek. It would be so easy. And bring him so much pleasure. Just. One. Tiny. Little. Kiss. All he had to do was swoop down and peck her on the cheek. She would probably slap him again, he thought ruefully. Then it would be 2-0. "OK, Raizada. You can do this", he pepped himself up mentally. He lifted a hand and brought it close to her cheek. Suddenly, a stray curl floated out of her tightly braided hair and fell onto her cheek. One, tiny, little wispy curl of smooth, shiny hair. It rested against the curve of her cheek lightly. He reached out and touched it. Her eyes flew open. She looked at him alarmed. He reached out and tucked that curl behind her ear.
"I didn't want your hair to get in the way," was his silly explanation in response to her puzzled look. She merely nodded and closed her eyes again. He sighed. He really was going to have to do it.
"Do it quickly Arnavji. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. For the both of us," said the world's foremost expert in slapping protocol.
"Remember Khushi, you asked for this," he said. He brought down a hand quickly to her right cheek, striking her. Not hard. Not lightly either. His hand made a soft thumping noise when it hit her cheek. Her eyes flew open. She lifted a hand to her cheek and touched it lightly.
"I can't believe you did that!" she rounded on him furiously.
"You asked me to. No. You begged me to!" he replied.
"And you always do what I tell you to, of course?" she was mad.
"Khushi, I didn't want to. You're the one who insisted I slap you," he explained patiently. He would never, as long as he lived, understand women, he thought.
"I can't believe you would hit a woman!" she said.
"That's right. Bring up women's rights now. After coercing me to slap you. Typical female. First ask to be treated as an equal. Then complain when you are treated equally."
"I can't believe you slapped me. You are. You are. You are a villain." She sputtered.
"And you are the damsel in distress, of course. Waiting for your hero to rescue you from the villain. Maybe I should go fetch NK?" he sneered.
"Nanheji? What has he to do with it?" she asked, puzzled.
"He! He practically salivates at the sight of you. And you encourage him," he said unfairly.
"I do not. I don't encourage him or anyone else," she said angrily. "In any case, even if I do, what's the big deal? I'm single. He's single. Maybe we're both ready to mingle." She said airily.
"Shut up Khushi. You are pushing it," he said enraged.
"Or what? You'll slap me again. You, you, fiend!" she said angrily.
"Khushi, you wanted to be slapped. Don't you remember? It happened 5 minutes ago. Or did my slap cause a concussion?" he asked sarcastically.
"I remember what I said. I didn't think you would actually follow through" she said sulkily.
"What did you think would happen?" he asked interestedly. He saw color steal into her cheeks. She was blushing, he thought incredulously. She wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Khushi. I asked you a question. What did you think I would do, if not slap you?" he asked. She didn't respond. Her face turned a fiery shade of red. "Nothing," she muttered finally. How was she to tell him that she had thought the foolish man would kiss her when she pushed him to slap her. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought he would actually listen to her.
"Did you think I would kiss you instead?" he asked. She turned even redder, if that was possible and turned away. "No," she said in a low voice.
"Oh my God! You did. You thought I was going to kiss you and I slapped you instead!" he started to laugh.
"So if I beg you to kiss me will you slap me then?" she asked angrily.
"You'll never know until you ask, will you?" he joked.
"Oh shut up smart Alec!" she said exasperated. She was doubly embarrassed. One, he had slapped her. Two, he had guessed correctly that her intention was to push him to do something else entirely.
"So, should I?" he asked.
"Should you what?"
"Kiss you?"
"Depends. Will you kiss me kiss me, or kiss me slap me?"
"Dunno. Are you asking to be kissed thinking I will slap you, or are you really asking to be kissed?"
"I've had enough slaps for one day. In fact, I don't think I've ever used the word slap so many times in my life," She said.
"So, it's a kiss kiss then?" he said, clarifying his understanding of this complicated situation.
"Oh shut up Arnav!" she grabbed his collar and kissed him fully on the lips. "And that's how its done!" she said, winking at him after pulling back. She walked away, hips swaying tantalizingly.
"Khushi," he called after her.
"Yes Arnavji?" she turned to look at him.
"The sangeet is on again." He smiled.
"Thank you Arnavji!" She grinned at him. "I could kiss you just for that!" she said. He walked to her, and put his arms around her waist.
"A kiss kiss, or a sl.." he never finished the sentence because she silenced him with her answer.
Enough slapping? Or kissing? Yes to both? Neither? Let me know what you think. I am sick of writing the word slap. I may never use it again. š
Cheers!
Vidhya
Other works:
OS: A (modern day) Christmas Carol
Indian Mythology
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