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589799

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Posted: 14 years ago

Hi everyone. Hope you all are fine.

So, just saw yesterday's episode and was wondering about something. Wanted to share it with all of you.

As we all know, the CVs decided to address a very sensitive issue in yesterday's episode - dowry. As most of us know, giving or taking dowry is illegal. (The government is still working on how they are going to classify gifts given "out of choice" and "dowry". Both the families have to sign a document which includes all the things they have given to the other family, which can be used as evidence in court in dowry cases. ) Anyways, as we all know the Kashyaps are against the whole idea of giving or taking dowry, as evident at the time when Suhana got married and people asked her about how much money she brought in the house and even yesterday, when BM, Alok, RB and Dadaji were clearly upset about the guy's family asking dowry. I was surprised to see Saroj's parents being so happy to buy all the things for the guy's family (I know it happens so often in our country but it was the first time I saw it so on my face.) And Kaushalya Daadi was justifying it saying it is a rivaaz, etc.

The thing that makes me wonder is how are the Kashyaps going to convince Daadi that giving dowry is not correct. I have a feeling that the guy Saroj is getting married to is not a good guy and everything is a mess. Then, maybe they will agree NOT to give or take dowry but the thing is that's not really what happens in real life either. This is a very tricky thing for the CVs. They need to be really careful about this. If they show that the KD agrees not to give dowry because the guy is bad isn't really good, because giving dowry to a good guy is equally bad. (Even taking is). And somehow, the Kashyaps convincing KD is somewhat undigestable for me. I know someone who is somewhat similar to KD. We were all watching TV and there was this ad which came on TV saying that dowry is bad. And she was shocked and she was like "How can they say something like this about dowry? It is a tradition." Me and my mom tried to convince her, explain her but it was crazy.

The route the CVs are going to take is tricky for them. They need to think a lot and be extremely careful about what they show because it is a really sensitive issue.

Please do feel free to discuss/ criticize. 😊

(NOTE: I am against both, giving and taking dowry. According to me, both of them are equally wrong.)

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Shwetha

@Shwets1502

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

wonderful post manju...😊

as u said..iam totally against giving and taking dowry. but nowadays, i think giving dowry is more. the boy's side doesnt demand but definitely expect. Hence the word dowry disappears. parents too feel its their responsibility to do something for the girl by giving something to the boy. It has become a matter of pride as the society asks what they have done for their girl.

it is definitey a sensitive issue and only when one stops giving dowry, everything will stop.

As for SGP, we have Suhana...who is definitely going to tell something in front of everyone and even if KD opposes it, Kashyaps will stand by Suhana. And may be Saroj has some background prb cos of which KD wants this marriage to happen quickly and with any boy.

Lets see how they show it..and it is definitely going to be interesting

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MadameX

@MadameX

Sparkler

Posted: 14 years ago

I agree with Manju and Shwets...particularly Shwets' statement of dowry being part of society even if not demanded...because it became tradition, a rivaaj...so suddenly doing something that has been going on for generations and generation is hard to break away from.

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589799

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Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Shwets1502
wonderful post manju...😊

as u said..iam totally against giving and taking dowry. but nowadays, i think giving dowry is more. the boy's side doesnt demand but definitely expect. Hence the word dowry disappears. parents too feel its their responsibility to do something for the girl by giving something to the boy. It has become a matter of pride as the society asks what they have done for their girl.

it is definitey a sensitive issue and only when one stops giving dowry, everything will stop.

As for SGP, we have Suhana...who is definitely going to tell something in front of everyone and even if KD opposes it, Kashyaps will stand by Suhana. And may be Saroj has some background prb cos of which KD wants this marriage to happen quickly and with any boy.

Lets see how they show it..and it is definitely going to be interesting

Thanks Shwets.

@Bold That's so true. I have heard people tell my father about how he should give dowry to my "would be husband" when I get married when he said that he is against dowry. They were like, "beti ko ghar se khali haat to nahi bhejenge na?" I was so so so digusted. But then, I told my father later I would want him to send me "khali haat" than to see him give dowry.

@Second bold.

Not only that. People should stop expecting dowry. They shouldn't be like, "Oh, they didn't ask for dowry/ they didn't give dowry." I have heard people say stuff about a family who refused to ask the girl's family for dowry. It has to stop both ways.

(P.S. Thanks for replying. 😊I wanted to close this thread as I didn't know people would react. Thanks a lot.)

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589799

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Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: MadameX
I agree with Manju and Shwets...particularly Shwets' statement of dowry being part of society even if not demanded...because it became tradition, a rivaaj...so suddenly doing something that has been going on for generations and generation is hard to break away from.

Ya, I know. But you know, it HAS to start to stop somewhere. We know it is hard but it is not impossible and that's what the government's trying to do too.

Recently, we were doing a unit on Hinduism and we came upon dowry and then I had to explain the whole class about dowry and how it is changing now and everyone were surprised to know that something like that still existed in a country which is doing so well. Thanks for replying. 😊

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Shwetha

@Shwets1502

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

u know manju...sometimes if a family says they dont expect dowry and they aer against it...society feels something is wrong with the boy...

as Ekta said...it has been done for generations...and has become like a custom...

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589799

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Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Shwets1502
u know manju...sometimes if a family says they dont expect dowry and they aer against it...society feels something is wrong with the boy...

as Ekta said...it has been done for generations...and has become like a custom...

I know. That's exactly what I am saying too. A family does't take money from the girl's family and people start talking about how the guy was not khandaani, he was disrespectful, had a bazillion girlfriends, drinks and smokes heavily and his parents are getting him married, so that he stops doing all the bad stuff. Its terrible either way. But the good thing is, people now are starting to change.There are people who are going to the police and complaining and in some cases, action is being taken. 😊

Edited by ymanjushree10 - 14 years ago

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meenakshi

@meenakshi_16

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Nice post Manju👏

I totally agree with Shwets...what I have seen in my community and neighborhood..as in the word dowry doesnt exists...Girls parents give it jst because they want to give it...the grooms parents dont ask for dowry but they still expect...and even that a boys parents will always prefers a girl from rich background instead a middle- class girl...In my community parents give gifts to their daughter according to their capacity...but the richer section is giving so much that the middle class feel that we should atleast give that is seen when compared to others..and more than a their willingness they give it jst for prestige ...

Richer section gives 3 BHK flats,2-3 kgs of gold and thus increases the burden on the lower ...society questions that "how much did ur D-I-L brought in her marriage" and in this way the show shinning business starts"😡

I have seen people reject a girl jst coz she is not from a financially strong background and priority is giving to money instead of the girl's behavior and then getting rejected by many of them,her confidence and self esteem is affected and the girls starts thinking that there's some fault in her...but its not her but the cruel world.

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angelic12

@angelic12

Explorer

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: ymanjushree10

The thing that makes me wonder is how are the Kashyaps going to convince Daadi that giving dowry is not correct. I have a feeling that the guy Saroj is getting married to is not a good guy and everything is a mess. Then, maybe they will agree NOT to give or take dowry but the thing is that's not really what happens in real life either. This is a very tricky thing for the CVs. They need to be really careful about this. If they show that the KD agrees not to give dowry because the guy is bad isn't really good, because giving dowry to a good guy is equally bad. (Even taking is). And somehow, the Kashyaps convincing KD is somewhat undigestable for me. I know someone who is somewhat similar to KD. We were all watching TV and there was this ad which came on TV saying that dowry is bad. And she was shocked and she was like "How can they say something like this about dowry? It is a tradition." Me and my mom tried to convince her, explain her but it was crazy.

@bold: Completely agreed. Even I was thinking the same. They shouldn't show that the guy turns out to be bad(which I think he will!) and that's why KD agrees against dowry. A guy and a family who accepts dowry has to be bad somewhere, because the marriage is being performed out of selfish reasons. If they're showing the guy is bad, then they should lay more emphasis on how its important to find out about the family's background and not just get your daughter married because she has come of marriageable age. I'm not sure how they're going to convince KD about the dowry though. Because for someone who is so conservative and who follows the "rivaaz" so stringently, it is difficult for even Suhana mai to be frank and convince them completely.

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Netri

@iViews

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

Nice topic M,

As long as there is people who give DOWRY, there will b people who receives it. Only way to stop is STOP giving. There r so many rivajs r there for the sake of them but no importance.which r suddenly important for somereason.
I feel there will b multiple things.regarding the story.

1 ) Only way, suhana can win KD is on dowry issue, not by physical labor.

2 ) KD says no to wedding on the bases of family being shady than its equally bad. Which I think its going to b.

3 ) If they show that after hearing Suhana's pravachan on dowry, guys family agrees to marry without dowry
Then its unrealistic.
In my Gujju culture V have rivaj " Annu Dekhadvu " where they show what U r giving to ur girl in wedding, n what ur DIL has bring with them. MY Mom did not do the ribaj with me or My SILs. Which is equally bad. :-) But V r fortunate enough where V can change the world if only many of us think that way.

About 10 or so years ago, I think in Delhi, On the day of wedding Guys family ask for more dowry, thinking they will give more as who wants barat to return from the door. When bride findout abt it, she called police, n filled case against them. 👏 I applaud for her. But once U give they keep coming back for more & sometimes girls ends up in the worst situation.

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