Posted:
Mein aa gai
And mein bohot dukhi hoon!!
Kesuda I am gonna slap you more zordar than MB slapped you for making me cry so much! I can't believe I am crying over a soap drama😲...I used to make fun of people who used to do that!! And now all because of this saffron boy!! 😡
How do I put him in words! he is beyond everything!! I guess that is what is called 'Fanah!' He has so completely given himself, I guess he won't even recognize himself, if he meets himself on the road!
And I dont know what am I saying😕
he is gotten me so going round in circles!
So I am gonna begin with the 16th wala epi !
I sincerely did not have the heart or courage to write about it ..but I guess with yesterday's epi I feel I can so here I go!!
It has to begin with Gulaal rushing towards him as the bacha is trying to mend his cycle na...and Gulaal comes and catches hold of his wrist!!
He so looked as if he has been suspended in a timeless zone with that touch na?? He looks at his wrist and her hand as if watching someone's else as if doubly making sure that it is his wrist which is within her clasp!
He so craves that na!! However he might be saying that he is ready to let her go! I guess he does believe or rather believed (after the DV break he has lost all hopes na) ..hoped against hopes that she would surrender...His heart did skip a beat and he looks so expectantly at her...but the moment he looks at her face and sees the worry and fear, he forgets everything, even himself!!
Owww..the way he searches her face as if for a glimpse of something else but sees stark fear, he blinks himself back and totally goes into 'Gulaal' mode!!
And the way he patiently waits for her to overcome those moments and say something..and reads the letter and gets into the 'Kesar' mode again... Ready to take over whatever had worried her!!
And when she says that she is afraid!! He looks at the woman who has faced the darkest of fears and gravest of dangers! The woman who had got him out of his own fears is now afraid! He so looks as if trying to figure out torn between concern and his awe of this woman!!
And when she says that she doesnot want to lose him..you know I actually heard 'Kaise mujhe tum mil gai'! in the background!!
He so looks at her in wonder!! As if he cannot believe that she is there right in front of his eyes and in his life!! so humbled and bowled over by the sheer love that oozed from this woman for him...humbled him, brought him to his knees!!!
But what I love is that love not breaking him but making him a stronger man!! A man that he truly is!! behind all those boyish charm and tantrums he throws! See the change in his expressions !!! I swear he just kills me with this one!! How he grows from that tender lover to a man confident about his ability to protect her from anything as he asks her 'Do you trust me?'
He so craves that one trust factor! Her trust versus everything!!
And he tries to give her heart that he would not let anything happen to him ..after all she is his responsibility and then tries to put her at ease saying that till the time of the Deeyar vatu !!1
And it is symbolic na he leaves her arms at that moment!!
He so wants to bind her but then realizes that he cannot...he had promised he would set her free and so he does!!
and realizes that less than a month is left!!
Boy! that was one heart breaking moment!!
You know since he started this Pati rap of his, I always saw it this way that he wanted to rev her up from her slumber...as if saying ...Look at me!! For once Look at me!! I might not be there in your life tomorrow!! do you even realize that!!
And in that moment he realizes that he had forgotten that in making her realize he had forgotten that SHE might not be there in his life after a few days!!
That does break him na!! Again, he is at loss, in the dark, trying to take her name and find light!!! groping for straws!! And so it comes out automatically!!
Gulaal!! only few days have been left!! he repeats himself searching his face! For answers!! what will happen after that !! Where will they be!!
He is so happy with this small world they have created!! Doesnot need anybody!! and if he is trying to convince his family, it is only because he knows she needs his family's approval!! Otherwise it would never have mattered to him!! At any point of time!
And we know Gulaal would not be able to look into his eyes na!! She is so torn between the 'right' in her mind and 'right' in her heart!!!
But am not going to start on her or some ;Chudail' is gonna run over me with her ulta paanv😆
And we know he is so not gonna stay like this!! The guys comes with a 'Vinati' and I really wanna slap him for being this ways!! I so wish he would get into that 'Pareshaani' mode!! and shake Gulaal!!!!
But the way he follows her, apprehensive walk and puts his request of living every moment so that he can have some good memories!! for life time1! I just love how he puts 'my memory!' not hers , not our memories!! My memories!!
He stands true to his promise na!! He wants her to move forward in her life!! With no memory burden on her!! Awww,,, I cant write this scene anymore I am just skipping it!! It is making me crying tons and I have his pain in my chest!! sheer injustice this is on me!!😭
And the way he looks at her with that eternal craving in his eyes!! as if willing her to look at him and her slightest of smiles makes his day!! he so heaves a content smile...a smile through his tears!! just happy with what he is having right now!! I am not going to write anymore
And that song was the randomest of all...but what I liked was that 'one thaali'! and them eating from it, hands touching!!
I loved how Gulaal comes running after him with the tiffin, wiping it...it had such a realistic touch na...that is what housewives do...preparing tiffin at the end so that they stay warm and wipe the steamy beads and some spillovers on the tiffin while running to catch up with the bread earner who is about to leave!!!
Btw Gulaal!! you gave the same hanky with which you wiped the tiffin to your hubby to wipe his boootiful phasewa!!😡 aise treat karte hai bache ko😆
And well who was glad to see the violent, unleashed Kesar back...😆 I for one loved it ...I almost thought he would kill that man and we would have another son of this family in jail...I mean how many?? two already! not his third one...And then we would have Gulaal tiffin services in jail and then tere liye of 20 years😲...nah nah!! Thank God he stopped on time!! And thank God that goon in dirty purple kurta decided to give in !!!
The after the confession scene was so random!!
MB learning that this guy had actually rammed his son to death did not make a difference!! PB still on Gulaal venom!! I mean Guys think beyond it!! you are going to let everyone scott free but that woman!!!
I just liked one thing!! Kesar telling them that he was sorry he triedd to convince them on BEHALF of Gulaal!! As if he would never have bothered himself what would they think had it not been her and her honour at stake!! He had just tried for her and if he has failed he is just sorry taht he had failed on her behalf!! Personally they can think anything and he wont care!
Then ofcourse we have Kulli scene with kesGul..and you can see the genuine happiness on Kesar's face because of Talli..and when Talli reminds Gulaal of her words of marrying someone who loves her...Gulaal is so thrown off balance and you could see Kesar's expression too!! I dont know I could not decipher...
But I knew when Gulaal asked what happened when he had told her tht the driver had been the killer and Duggu wanted Vasant's death, he said 'I will never let you in that house!' ...Gulaal had decided there and then na!! she cannot be in his life anymore! he had staked everything for her!! And if he is not going to let her in that house, it means that he too is not going in that house!! She could not have let that happen na!!
The ways she said...fine if that is everyone wants!!
I for one was relieved that she saw how everyone was!! so that when everything gets back hunky dory everybody wont be holding priority in her life as against Kesar!! although we might not get to see that ...we can have that consolation!!*sigh*
By the way it just crossed my mind that did Kesar realized that the jeep was trashed thrice!! And that means Gulaal was meant to die too??? Well I think if this would have crossed his mind the driver would have been dead by now!!😆
And the photo session!! Ow...Anjal I cant write this!!
That was such a heart breaking scene! Even when he was trying to convince her that he needs to take her photo, he had this sheen of tears in his eyes!!
He tries to make a joke out of it...but then decides to go for it all and gives up trying to pretend and tells her why is he taking the photo!! He so wants her to know that and to acknowledge that for the briefest of moment!!
And that brief closeup moment when he tries to get both of them in one frame! I swear gave us som many hopes which were gone chuur chuur at the moment!!
And that one scene where he sees the photo and laughs!! I know had broken so many hearts na
what to say! He was as if remembering Sudha's curse of not having happiness in his life ever...The way he says that he doesnot want another photo because tomorrow he doesnot know whether he will be there even in this proportion in her life!! I just fell apart like the whole sentence he said! It was such a fallen apart sentence! The way he says in between the breaths !! As if cant bring himself to say it!!
It actually breaks you, you know when you think that he never says that YOU WILL NOT BE IN MY LIFE!!! Because for him there cannot be a life without her...There cannot be a moment when she will not be there!! There cannot be a life without her in ti!! It will always be 'HER KESAR!' owww,,,, I cant write now,...
When he looks at her and asks 'Kal kya honewala hai, Gulaal!' he is as if begging her to say no that break!! As if trying to give himself that hope...a hope against hope that she will say no!! Looking into her eyes and searching for answers!! For a moment I so thought he wants to shake her up!! Theway he actually compels her to look at him!! And then when she does...he reads it in her sad stare and resigns himself to his fate!! and walks away without eating
The night scene was equally horrible and at this moment they so looked the star crossed lovers na...One is watching while the other is crying with the back on other's side!!
And then the Panchayat scene!!!
Owww...He is so alone at that moment na!! Again they are on the opposite side!! And he sees her alone too...and so he closes his eyes, preparing himself for the worst and sets on to cross that boundary and goes to her and says that she doesnot need to think about anyone but himself!
He looked around when he said that as if saying not to think about the family...but he did not see that Gulaal was NOT seeing them, she was only looking at him!!!
That was such a classic moment!! Her world now did revolve around him, how she did not bother looking at anyone's face but his and his pain and his eyes at that time!!
Finally, What he had been crying and raving about had come true!! She only thought about him...
I think that actually sealed his fate!! Gulaal would never have thought about anything but him at that moment!! And it was at that moment she decided, if she ever was in doubt about his welfare!! she could never have taken away from his family!! EVER!!
Hope is such a fatal thing! He has been hoping against all hopes na!! He is so into that 'letting her go' all the time yet when she says it, it does feel as if he has been deprived of his world !!
And then he agrees to it!! I love how Gulaal is surprised at that!! I think she was also hoping against hope that he would deny!!
But well! This had to happen na!! An end to begin afresh!
But at this moment it so feels like the end of the world!
But love makes you so strong! Like it did Kesar ! he did not break!! That commitment he made to her and poonamba and Revji!! His responsibility ... the way he tells Revji he will drop her home!!
I so hate CVs for not showing their last moments in their little home! Their packing and leaving the house!!!
And did anyone see how he entered the Revji's house tagging behind Gulaal as if half dead
And the way he tells his poonam that it would be so difficult to go if he stays back!! He is so open in his feelings na!!! He so wants to get out and cry his heart out! you could almost see a desperation to get out...
And the way he tells Gulaa to stay happy!! And the last look he give her as if filling his eyes with her face!!
He has always had his heart in his eyes when he looks at her na...and today even Gulaal had that...you could not have a more 'full of love' moment than this...They are so into each other and yet going away from each other and in the end he just can't wait for water that poonam was bringing for him and he has to get away!!
Owww...How can you be sooo good!!!
He so knows Gulaal is following him na!! he just looks sideways and walks away as if he could not have looked back and then be able to walk away!!
And then his flash backs as he walks lifelessly on the roads!!
and in the end loses the battle and sits and just let the tearss go!!
There was a time he used to cry his heart out like anything...but it so looked like as if he did not have the life in him to do that also!! He just sat there with absolutely dead eyes!!
And then the last scene...I guess he chewed off his hair in the middle of the road in sheer desperation!! Anyways i think NB does have this 'nail chewing habit' so chewing out hair might just fall into place😆
But I wondered if he just sauntered into the haveli without any preamble😕 nobody even welcome him!!😕
And what about his job?? you know it just struck me that i would have loved him giving his salary to Gulaal!! pata nahi that would have been such a sweet scene na
But Then we dont have time🤢
So rush rush to Giga suicide mission and back and Kesuda (BTW he still doesnot knw about Raman na)...and he makes them realize THIS is what Gulaal did not want !! He was so right when he told once Gulaal is the atma of the house! She is gone and the whole house has just scattered!!
Well! That is it!!I really need to run!!
But the moment of the whole epi was this for me!!
and Excellent expression goes to this
I am really soory for the poor write up and this one but just could not write!!! Sorry Anjal the last scene just a desperate attempt to make you laugh since I promised...I just could nto find humour in anything...not even his hairstyle bec as I said I do miss his chhota Kesu look
And mein bohot dukhi hoon!!
Kesuda I am gonna slap you more zordar than MB slapped you for making me cry so much! I can't believe I am crying over a soap drama😲...I used to make fun of people who used to do that!! And now all because of this saffron boy!! 😡
How do I put him in words! he is beyond everything!! I guess that is what is called 'Fanah!' He has so completely given himself, I guess he won't even recognize himself, if he meets himself on the road!
And I dont know what am I saying😕
he is gotten me so going round in circles!
So I am gonna begin with the 16th wala epi !
I sincerely did not have the heart or courage to write about it ..but I guess with yesterday's epi I feel I can so here I go!!
It has to begin with Gulaal rushing towards him as the bacha is trying to mend his cycle na...and Gulaal comes and catches hold of his wrist!!
He so looked as if he has been suspended in a timeless zone with that touch na?? He looks at his wrist and her hand as if watching someone's else as if doubly making sure that it is his wrist which is within her clasp!
He so craves that na!! However he might be saying that he is ready to let her go! I guess he does believe or rather believed (after the DV break he has lost all hopes na) ..hoped against hopes that she would surrender...His heart did skip a beat and he looks so expectantly at her...but the moment he looks at her face and sees the worry and fear, he forgets everything, even himself!!
Owww..the way he searches her face as if for a glimpse of something else but sees stark fear, he blinks himself back and totally goes into 'Gulaal' mode!!
And the way he patiently waits for her to overcome those moments and say something..and reads the letter and gets into the 'Kesar' mode again... Ready to take over whatever had worried her!!
And when she says that she is afraid!! He looks at the woman who has faced the darkest of fears and gravest of dangers! The woman who had got him out of his own fears is now afraid! He so looks as if trying to figure out torn between concern and his awe of this woman!!
And when she says that she doesnot want to lose him..you know I actually heard 'Kaise mujhe tum mil gai'! in the background!!
He so looks at her in wonder!! As if he cannot believe that she is there right in front of his eyes and in his life!! so humbled and bowled over by the sheer love that oozed from this woman for him...humbled him, brought him to his knees!!!
But what I love is that love not breaking him but making him a stronger man!! A man that he truly is!! behind all those boyish charm and tantrums he throws! See the change in his expressions !!! I swear he just kills me with this one!! How he grows from that tender lover to a man confident about his ability to protect her from anything as he asks her 'Do you trust me?'
He so craves that one trust factor! Her trust versus everything!!
And he tries to give her heart that he would not let anything happen to him ..after all she is his responsibility and then tries to put her at ease saying that till the time of the Deeyar vatu !!1
And it is symbolic na he leaves her arms at that moment!!
He so wants to bind her but then realizes that he cannot...he had promised he would set her free and so he does!!
and realizes that less than a month is left!!
Boy! that was one heart breaking moment!!
You know since he started this Pati rap of his, I always saw it this way that he wanted to rev her up from her slumber...as if saying ...Look at me!! For once Look at me!! I might not be there in your life tomorrow!! do you even realize that!!
And in that moment he realizes that he had forgotten that in making her realize he had forgotten that SHE might not be there in his life after a few days!!
That does break him na!! Again, he is at loss, in the dark, trying to take her name and find light!!! groping for straws!! And so it comes out automatically!!
Gulaal!! only few days have been left!! he repeats himself searching his face! For answers!! what will happen after that !! Where will they be!!
He is so happy with this small world they have created!! Doesnot need anybody!! and if he is trying to convince his family, it is only because he knows she needs his family's approval!! Otherwise it would never have mattered to him!! At any point of time!
And we know Gulaal would not be able to look into his eyes na!! She is so torn between the 'right' in her mind and 'right' in her heart!!!
But am not going to start on her or some ;Chudail' is gonna run over me with her ulta paanv😆
And we know he is so not gonna stay like this!! The guys comes with a 'Vinati' and I really wanna slap him for being this ways!! I so wish he would get into that 'Pareshaani' mode!! and shake Gulaal!!!!
But the way he follows her, apprehensive walk and puts his request of living every moment so that he can have some good memories!! for life time1! I just love how he puts 'my memory!' not hers , not our memories!! My memories!!
He stands true to his promise na!! He wants her to move forward in her life!! With no memory burden on her!! Awww,,, I cant write this scene anymore I am just skipping it!! It is making me crying tons and I have his pain in my chest!! sheer injustice this is on me!!😭
And the way he looks at her with that eternal craving in his eyes!! as if willing her to look at him and her slightest of smiles makes his day!! he so heaves a content smile...a smile through his tears!! just happy with what he is having right now!! I am not going to write anymore
And that song was the randomest of all...but what I liked was that 'one thaali'! and them eating from it, hands touching!!
I loved how Gulaal comes running after him with the tiffin, wiping it...it had such a realistic touch na...that is what housewives do...preparing tiffin at the end so that they stay warm and wipe the steamy beads and some spillovers on the tiffin while running to catch up with the bread earner who is about to leave!!!
Btw Gulaal!! you gave the same hanky with which you wiped the tiffin to your hubby to wipe his boootiful phasewa!!😡 aise treat karte hai bache ko😆
And well who was glad to see the violent, unleashed Kesar back...😆 I for one loved it ...I almost thought he would kill that man and we would have another son of this family in jail...I mean how many?? two already! not his third one...And then we would have Gulaal tiffin services in jail and then tere liye of 20 years😲...nah nah!! Thank God he stopped on time!! And thank God that goon in dirty purple kurta decided to give in !!!
The after the confession scene was so random!!
MB learning that this guy had actually rammed his son to death did not make a difference!! PB still on Gulaal venom!! I mean Guys think beyond it!! you are going to let everyone scott free but that woman!!!
I just liked one thing!! Kesar telling them that he was sorry he triedd to convince them on BEHALF of Gulaal!! As if he would never have bothered himself what would they think had it not been her and her honour at stake!! He had just tried for her and if he has failed he is just sorry taht he had failed on her behalf!! Personally they can think anything and he wont care!
Then ofcourse we have Kulli scene with kesGul..and you can see the genuine happiness on Kesar's face because of Talli..and when Talli reminds Gulaal of her words of marrying someone who loves her...Gulaal is so thrown off balance and you could see Kesar's expression too!! I dont know I could not decipher...
But I knew when Gulaal asked what happened when he had told her tht the driver had been the killer and Duggu wanted Vasant's death, he said 'I will never let you in that house!' ...Gulaal had decided there and then na!! she cannot be in his life anymore! he had staked everything for her!! And if he is not going to let her in that house, it means that he too is not going in that house!! She could not have let that happen na!!
The ways she said...fine if that is everyone wants!!
I for one was relieved that she saw how everyone was!! so that when everything gets back hunky dory everybody wont be holding priority in her life as against Kesar!! although we might not get to see that ...we can have that consolation!!*sigh*
By the way it just crossed my mind that did Kesar realized that the jeep was trashed thrice!! And that means Gulaal was meant to die too??? Well I think if this would have crossed his mind the driver would have been dead by now!!😆
And the photo session!! Ow...Anjal I cant write this!!
That was such a heart breaking scene! Even when he was trying to convince her that he needs to take her photo, he had this sheen of tears in his eyes!!
He tries to make a joke out of it...but then decides to go for it all and gives up trying to pretend and tells her why is he taking the photo!! He so wants her to know that and to acknowledge that for the briefest of moment!!
And that brief closeup moment when he tries to get both of them in one frame! I swear gave us som many hopes which were gone chuur chuur at the moment!!
And that one scene where he sees the photo and laughs!! I know had broken so many hearts na
what to say! He was as if remembering Sudha's curse of not having happiness in his life ever...The way he says that he doesnot want another photo because tomorrow he doesnot know whether he will be there even in this proportion in her life!! I just fell apart like the whole sentence he said! It was such a fallen apart sentence! The way he says in between the breaths !! As if cant bring himself to say it!!
It actually breaks you, you know when you think that he never says that YOU WILL NOT BE IN MY LIFE!!! Because for him there cannot be a life without her...There cannot be a moment when she will not be there!! There cannot be a life without her in ti!! It will always be 'HER KESAR!' owww,,,, I cant write now,...
When he looks at her and asks 'Kal kya honewala hai, Gulaal!' he is as if begging her to say no that break!! As if trying to give himself that hope...a hope against hope that she will say no!! Looking into her eyes and searching for answers!! For a moment I so thought he wants to shake her up!! Theway he actually compels her to look at him!! And then when she does...he reads it in her sad stare and resigns himself to his fate!! and walks away without eating
The night scene was equally horrible and at this moment they so looked the star crossed lovers na...One is watching while the other is crying with the back on other's side!!
And then the Panchayat scene!!!
Owww...He is so alone at that moment na!! Again they are on the opposite side!! And he sees her alone too...and so he closes his eyes, preparing himself for the worst and sets on to cross that boundary and goes to her and says that she doesnot need to think about anyone but himself!
He looked around when he said that as if saying not to think about the family...but he did not see that Gulaal was NOT seeing them, she was only looking at him!!!
That was such a classic moment!! Her world now did revolve around him, how she did not bother looking at anyone's face but his and his pain and his eyes at that time!!
Finally, What he had been crying and raving about had come true!! She only thought about him...
I think that actually sealed his fate!! Gulaal would never have thought about anything but him at that moment!! And it was at that moment she decided, if she ever was in doubt about his welfare!! she could never have taken away from his family!! EVER!!
Hope is such a fatal thing! He has been hoping against all hopes na!! He is so into that 'letting her go' all the time yet when she says it, it does feel as if he has been deprived of his world !!
And then he agrees to it!! I love how Gulaal is surprised at that!! I think she was also hoping against hope that he would deny!!
But well! This had to happen na!! An end to begin afresh!
But at this moment it so feels like the end of the world!
But love makes you so strong! Like it did Kesar ! he did not break!! That commitment he made to her and poonamba and Revji!! His responsibility ... the way he tells Revji he will drop her home!!
I so hate CVs for not showing their last moments in their little home! Their packing and leaving the house!!!
And did anyone see how he entered the Revji's house tagging behind Gulaal as if half dead
And the way he tells his poonam that it would be so difficult to go if he stays back!! He is so open in his feelings na!!! He so wants to get out and cry his heart out! you could almost see a desperation to get out...
And the way he tells Gulaa to stay happy!! And the last look he give her as if filling his eyes with her face!!
He has always had his heart in his eyes when he looks at her na...and today even Gulaal had that...you could not have a more 'full of love' moment than this...They are so into each other and yet going away from each other and in the end he just can't wait for water that poonam was bringing for him and he has to get away!!
Owww...How can you be sooo good!!!
He so knows Gulaal is following him na!! he just looks sideways and walks away as if he could not have looked back and then be able to walk away!!
And then his flash backs as he walks lifelessly on the roads!!
and in the end loses the battle and sits and just let the tearss go!!
There was a time he used to cry his heart out like anything...but it so looked like as if he did not have the life in him to do that also!! He just sat there with absolutely dead eyes!!
And then the last scene...I guess he chewed off his hair in the middle of the road in sheer desperation!! Anyways i think NB does have this 'nail chewing habit' so chewing out hair might just fall into place😆
But I wondered if he just sauntered into the haveli without any preamble😕 nobody even welcome him!!😕
And what about his job?? you know it just struck me that i would have loved him giving his salary to Gulaal!! pata nahi that would have been such a sweet scene na
But Then we dont have time🤢
So rush rush to Giga suicide mission and back and Kesuda (BTW he still doesnot knw about Raman na)...and he makes them realize THIS is what Gulaal did not want !! He was so right when he told once Gulaal is the atma of the house! She is gone and the whole house has just scattered!!
Well! That is it!!I really need to run!!
But the moment of the whole epi was this for me!!
and Excellent expression goes to this
I am really soory for the poor write up and this one but just could not write!!! Sorry Anjal the last scene just a desperate attempt to make you laugh since I promised...I just could nto find humour in anything...not even his hairstyle bec as I said I do miss his chhota Kesu look
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