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Lately, I have seen a lot of criticism of Geet for leaving the house once again when the situation got tough and I have been thinking a lot about her character. One criticism (I don't remember who, but raise your hand if it's you so I can give you credit!) said that if every wife was like Geet and walked out of the house so often there would be no surviving marriages. When I read this, I agreed with it; Geet seems so ever-ready to pack her bags and leave, both before and after marriage. Of course this can be explained by the needs of the story, ie for them to be apart so they can be reunited, but I started thinking about it in terms of her character: Why does Geet keep almost/leaving?
And I give you this:
Geet grew up in an extremely sheltered way, believing in Babaji and her family unconditionally and trusting that if she was "good", so basically obedient, as defined by her family, good things would happen to her. This belief was thoroughly shaken by her experience with Dev, who betrayed her despite her complete trust, and then on top of that, by her family who refused to protect and support her despite the fact that she had done nothing wrong, not to mention wanting to kill her in the name of the "honour" she had grown up believing in.
Being thrown into these experiences from her utter naivete is a huge amount of trauma, which probably initiated deep-seated insecurities about her own self-worth. When you beleive that if you are good, good things happen, when bad things happen, somewhere you doubt if you are the cause of that. And just to be clear, I am talking about subconscious insecurities here. She knew she was right in leaving to protect her baby, and she was proudly making a new life for her self, but her experiences would have cast a huge shadow on her ability to judge herself.
Enter Maan. From the beginning of their attraction, Geet never really fathomed the feelings she had inspired in him, feelings strong enough for Dev to see changes in him at a very early stage. I mean, just after the whole HP confession (when he risks his life to save her said his life is incomplete without her), she comes back the next episode wondering if really he cares for her...I mean DUH Geet. Also, she says that she doesn't deserve to have feelings for him, repeatedly in her thoughts during the Pari time, and finally verbally, after the disco hug. So when their love does happen, she can't really believe it, it's too good to be true and she lives with the constant fear that it will all fall apart any second. This is why she can't confess her feelings and hides behind the "jhooti mangni" in Manali, she can't believe his feelings enough to openly acknowledge them and have the confidence that they will still be there.
So now the camp-fire, taveez scene: She voices all of these fears and Maan puts them all to rest, saying that she is his standard of pavitrata etc etc, which probably sets her fears to rest, but only momentarily. Even when he tries to joke with her about how complex she is, she takes it seriously...clearly it hits a sensitive note. Even though she accepts Maan's love, she is still always doubtful of it all ending.
This is why, every time she and Maan face some obstacle, related to her past, she has the instinct to leave. It's because she is still caught up in the ideals of her upbringing. She sees her reputation as "stained" despite the fact that she knows she has done nothing wrong. She seems to believe, deep-down that it is her lot in life to suffer the consequences of her past alone and she just does not believe that she is allowed to have help, let alone love, after everything that happened to her. Her biggest fear is causing Maan pain and not being able to give him anything except the burden of her complicated past and every time she leaves it is because this fear seems to be confirmed
Now coming to her most dramatic departure, that is after the Holi incident. I was re-watching this the other day (I know, I am such a masochist, but it was good research for this post 😛) and I realised the same holds true there. Maan thinking she was beizzat has always been her worst fear and what does he do but cause that insecurity to erupt from within? She is already emotionally delicate because of her miscarriage (when she again voiced that she gives him nothing but pain) and after her baby 'abandons' her it she must feel like it is only a matter of time before Maan follows suit. Just when she starts to believe she can have a future again, forgives Dev to let go of her past completely, Maan invokes her deepest fears, which must have seemed to her like the answer to an ongoing, subconscious question in her mind.
This is further re-inforced when their confrontation happens in the market in Amritsar, and he says sorry, he said whatever came to his head, in anger. She asks if it was just a flippant remark, or his dil ki baat. He revives the belief in her that her past makes her unfit for functional relationships and that she is better off alone, not complicating anyone else's life. She tries to make herself strong enough to live without him, but fails obviously, thanks to his sincere and continued efforts to assure her of his love and the reunion happens.
Finally, to this recent departure. Even though she is more secure now of her role in Maan's life (thanks, I think to the brief bankruptcy track), her insecurities are there deep-down somewhere. We see her so strong in the face of any situation, even when Maan has forgotten her, she finds a way to keep going, but her one emotional weakness, the one thing that really shakes her is the doubt of her purity and the sanctity of her marriage. Even though she knows he has ML and doesn't know what he is saying, those words from his mouth still have the same effect on her, to revive the idea that her presence in his life causes him pain, that it was some happy accident that he fell in love with her in the first place (I am sure she doubts it could happen again), and that he is better off without her.
Now we know Maan is going to bring her back home for Daadi's sake so I am really looking forward to seeing how her reaction to him now is played out.
Seeing Geet's repeated impulse to leave the house made me wonder if there was a pattern to her behaviour, and this is what I found. Tell me what you think!
And I give you this:
Geet grew up in an extremely sheltered way, believing in Babaji and her family unconditionally and trusting that if she was "good", so basically obedient, as defined by her family, good things would happen to her. This belief was thoroughly shaken by her experience with Dev, who betrayed her despite her complete trust, and then on top of that, by her family who refused to protect and support her despite the fact that she had done nothing wrong, not to mention wanting to kill her in the name of the "honour" she had grown up believing in.
Being thrown into these experiences from her utter naivete is a huge amount of trauma, which probably initiated deep-seated insecurities about her own self-worth. When you beleive that if you are good, good things happen, when bad things happen, somewhere you doubt if you are the cause of that. And just to be clear, I am talking about subconscious insecurities here. She knew she was right in leaving to protect her baby, and she was proudly making a new life for her self, but her experiences would have cast a huge shadow on her ability to judge herself.
Enter Maan. From the beginning of their attraction, Geet never really fathomed the feelings she had inspired in him, feelings strong enough for Dev to see changes in him at a very early stage. I mean, just after the whole HP confession (when he risks his life to save her said his life is incomplete without her), she comes back the next episode wondering if really he cares for her...I mean DUH Geet. Also, she says that she doesn't deserve to have feelings for him, repeatedly in her thoughts during the Pari time, and finally verbally, after the disco hug. So when their love does happen, she can't really believe it, it's too good to be true and she lives with the constant fear that it will all fall apart any second. This is why she can't confess her feelings and hides behind the "jhooti mangni" in Manali, she can't believe his feelings enough to openly acknowledge them and have the confidence that they will still be there.
So now the camp-fire, taveez scene: She voices all of these fears and Maan puts them all to rest, saying that she is his standard of pavitrata etc etc, which probably sets her fears to rest, but only momentarily. Even when he tries to joke with her about how complex she is, she takes it seriously...clearly it hits a sensitive note. Even though she accepts Maan's love, she is still always doubtful of it all ending.
This is why, every time she and Maan face some obstacle, related to her past, she has the instinct to leave. It's because she is still caught up in the ideals of her upbringing. She sees her reputation as "stained" despite the fact that she knows she has done nothing wrong. She seems to believe, deep-down that it is her lot in life to suffer the consequences of her past alone and she just does not believe that she is allowed to have help, let alone love, after everything that happened to her. Her biggest fear is causing Maan pain and not being able to give him anything except the burden of her complicated past and every time she leaves it is because this fear seems to be confirmed
Now coming to her most dramatic departure, that is after the Holi incident. I was re-watching this the other day (I know, I am such a masochist, but it was good research for this post 😛) and I realised the same holds true there. Maan thinking she was beizzat has always been her worst fear and what does he do but cause that insecurity to erupt from within? She is already emotionally delicate because of her miscarriage (when she again voiced that she gives him nothing but pain) and after her baby 'abandons' her it she must feel like it is only a matter of time before Maan follows suit. Just when she starts to believe she can have a future again, forgives Dev to let go of her past completely, Maan invokes her deepest fears, which must have seemed to her like the answer to an ongoing, subconscious question in her mind.
This is further re-inforced when their confrontation happens in the market in Amritsar, and he says sorry, he said whatever came to his head, in anger. She asks if it was just a flippant remark, or his dil ki baat. He revives the belief in her that her past makes her unfit for functional relationships and that she is better off alone, not complicating anyone else's life. She tries to make herself strong enough to live without him, but fails obviously, thanks to his sincere and continued efforts to assure her of his love and the reunion happens.
Finally, to this recent departure. Even though she is more secure now of her role in Maan's life (thanks, I think to the brief bankruptcy track), her insecurities are there deep-down somewhere. We see her so strong in the face of any situation, even when Maan has forgotten her, she finds a way to keep going, but her one emotional weakness, the one thing that really shakes her is the doubt of her purity and the sanctity of her marriage. Even though she knows he has ML and doesn't know what he is saying, those words from his mouth still have the same effect on her, to revive the idea that her presence in his life causes him pain, that it was some happy accident that he fell in love with her in the first place (I am sure she doubts it could happen again), and that he is better off without her.
Now we know Maan is going to bring her back home for Daadi's sake so I am really looking forward to seeing how her reaction to him now is played out.
Seeing Geet's repeated impulse to leave the house made me wonder if there was a pattern to her behaviour, and this is what I found. Tell me what you think!
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