Chapter 9
Tangled Feelings
Although feeling wretched at the thought of what might be the consequence of her action, she assured herself she was doing the right thing. She was going to act as though she never knew him and in a way she never did really know him. Had she known who he really was, she wouldn't have fallen for him. She gave herself away and in return she was left with nothing to call her own. Falling in love was her downfall, but it took her quite some time to figure that out. She was always right about the damned feeling called love, if only she had stuck to what she notionally believed ever since her childhood days, she wouldn't have fallen at its atrociousness.
All these days in the past two years not once did she regret what they shared but now she regretted meeting him. If till yesterday she wanted a chance to go back in time and set everything right, now she wanted to obliterate all thoughts of Maan from her mind, she wanted to wipe off the memories that he left behind, meeting him was a her ill fate, accepting his friendship was a mistake, loving him was beginning of the doom for her. In the end, she was now left empty.
Anger swept over her as she saw him standing in front of her as though last night never happened. Her eyes were blank and her tears dried. She reassured herself she was just fine, it only hurt when her heart was beating, it only hurt when she was breathing, it only hurt when she saw him standing in front of her apathetically but she still was fine. The damage was done beyond the scope of repair and certainly there was nothing he could do further to ruin her. Taking a deep breath she walked straight to Maan as she said "Good Morning Mr Khurana"
Upon receiving no reply she continued "I need to check out on a few things before I plan the decor so could you please give me the address of the house"
He simply turned on his heels and walked inside her cabin as she smiled ruefully staring at his retreating back. Seemingly he still had it in him to break her. All night she sat there next to her daughter contemplating the ruins of her shattered life. She had decided she would feign indifference, she had decided she would prove him he was nobody to her but even she knew she was only fooling herself. Even after being darned certain she would not let him affect her, his coldness though was nothing new to her, it did affect her in ways she did not want it should.
Trudging along in silence she entered her cabin and walking past him she took her seat as he watched her intently. Last night was hell upon him, somewhere even he knew he went too far. But he had no feelings of guilt over what he had done. He did it in a fit of thoughtlessness and all of his insecurities surfaced under the effect of alcohol. Despite of knowing just where she was, what she was going through he never came for her. It was not like he doubted that she was still waiting or that there was no one in her life but after all this time when he saw her with Arjun something in him snapped. Seeing Arjun near her, made him remember what he had once upon a time all for himself. When he heard Pari say those darned words it added fuel to his already perilous state of mind where insecurities were flaming and burning his sanity.
He had a reckless self destructive streak and reckoning with the strength of his own feelings was not doable for him even. In his anger he did things that even he knew were not fitting but at that point of time he was not in state of contemplating his own actions. He did things impulsively and that was his nature. His rage not only destroyed those around him but also himself and if she was burning even his soul was being reduced to ashes. In the back of his mind he knew his own actions were sucking the life out of him but he refused to acknowledge it.
With his gaze yet fixated at her, he took a seat in front of her as he told her the address.
"Alright Mr Khurana, I'll take a round of the house and forward you my proposal" Geet said as she looked into the file.
It was then that her phone rang.
******
She ran through the corridor of the office as she pushed the button of the elevator. She waited for a few seconds before taking the stairs. Clutching her hand bag she raced down the stairs. She turned as she stumbled and reflexively her hand reached out to hold onto something for support. Just as she her weight falling backwards, someone pulled her upright as she crashed into something muscled.
She did not need to look up to know who had saved her. She was more aware of this touch than she was of herself, her every sense was alert of him, and she could trace him blindfolded in the crowd.
Why does it have to be this way?
The more she tried to forget everything, the more she tried to wash off the memories, harder they hit her.
Even her own self betrayed her.
Just yesterday she had thought all the tears had dried and there was nothing left for her eyes to shed but here she was at the brink of tears yet again.
Lifting her eyes to his face she saw something that she refused to believe. It was a fallacy that his eyes were narrating and she wouldn't mistake it to be real. It looked so true that had she not known better she would have succumbed to her traitor heart which was now leaping with joy as it felt his concern evident in his eyes. Not again, she had faced too much to trust her heart, whenever she listened to it, it only got her pain.
His eyes were lying and his concern unreal'that was the bottom line dictated by her mind.
"I'm immune to you" Her mind screamed.
"I am at your mercy" Her heart cried.
She was messed up. The worse is not when others don't understand you it is when one can't understand oneself. She was at a dead end, there was no way ahead and she'd come too far to go back. Even after what he did last night, her damned broken heart was yet again beating for him. Every little piece of her heart was throbbing for his love. She was a broken woman with a tattered life and all it took to strangle her insides was a look of concern from him. She was powerless against him. He still ruled over her being and she hated her helplessness.
She should hate him, she wanted to hate him but damn it she couldn't hate him.
But she wouldn't let him trample all over her yet again. She couldn't hate him and she knew that but she sure as hell wouldn't give in to her heart ever again. Determined that she had to wash off his presence from her life, she shut her own heart out and ignoring anything that she felt, she pushed him as she got on her feet and turned to leave just as she tripped'
He held her hand as she dangled in mind air. Pulling her closer he encircled his arms around her he looked her in the eye as he said "What the hell is the matter with you"
She looked away as she avoided any sort of eye contact with him.
"Tumhe apni jindagi ki parva nahi hai shayad, lekin mu'
He trailed off as he realised what he was saying.
"Kahan ja rahi thi" He asked as he tried to control the storm of emotions that was rippling inside of him.
The mention of where she was going reminded her of the urgency of the matter at hand. She mumbled as she wriggled to free herself "Oh god! I have to go before something bad happens . . . Leave my hand"
Instantly he left her hand as memories clouded his mind hearing her say the exact same thing she had mumbled that day after the party they first met.
Really sorry guys for the delay but i have been really exhausted lately . . . and I m just not in mood of writing . . . I will update again as soon as I can . . . i know it was like filler update but not in mood . . . i literally forced myself to write this . . . BTW this FF will end before you can even guess . . . This one is for momma, arzoo and pixie . . .😳
Edited by 7thHeaven - 14 years ago
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