'Two Breaths of Fresh Air' . . .

Pardon the errors, whatsoever. 😳

Introduction

I used to sit in the backyard of the orphanage. There was this tiny little thing overfilled with water in the name of a pond that had been there ever since I was. Through the net that was fenced all round the premises and right above our heads too during most part of the year but fall and spring I would breakfast and rush there. And the next few minutes, I would spend gazing at my own reflection in the waters of the pond. I thought and thought and grimaced if I was that bad looking my parents threw me here and fled away?

The nuns remarked I was a gifted being, and I laughed at them when I was alone - who was this God guy they were all wooed with? I respected them and their beliefs, though. The latter, I just tried and no wonder, I am still a failure in here. And about the gifted being? I have noticed, it is a single-point agenda of flattering orphans by telling them they have been gifted, what - I don't know.

I did not have any friends there. I had been there allegedly, ever since I was just a month old and yet, I failed to establish a single acquaintance. Probably acquaintance back then would have just been having toddlers your age to play with but there weren't any such things around me. Maybe, I dint look for any. So the entire loner attitude is right from the beginning, I admit.

My parents, foster parents adopted me when I was six. It was a bewildering decision, actually. Even at six I could understand, I wonder what the authority must have felt - relieved of a burden? Oh no! These NGOs and all make big fat money in India so I think, sponsoring things for a kid who had a nice and symmetrical piercing through his heart was reasonable a deal. The point is, anyways that I wish they'd probably just decided to sponsor my living and education as long as I was alive that means, or just left me a few bucks not this.

Why? Because they are sheer lovable people! My parents, who have had me for the past fourteen years are going to have to go ahead alone. I spent a hassle-free life in the orphanage, where there was nothing I owned but a couple of dungaree dresses, a pair of shoes and a nursery rhymes book but now till the end I was bestowed with guilt and angst of first off, having to be a burden on such nice people and second off, to be having to deal with change again.

Believe me; I am still not used to it. I did not want to step out of that shelter I had. Now, I had people who were legally my parents, they sent me to school and I had a lot of books and toys and clothes but just something remained clinging to my skin rather all of me, inside out. I grew right up into a loner, nearly a psychopath much before kids usually do.

It was strange with a new name. Everybody back in the orphanage had nick names they were addressed with but now I had to adjust with my own name. Funny! It was thrilling and hard in the beginning, like I wouldn't respond in class because I dint notice the name being called out was my own. It was also a lot more of freedom I was witnessing. A lot more affection!

When your parents or one of them for a reason whatsoever decide/decides to give your responsibility up, they carve a beautiful question mark right on your head for a lifetime! When you don't know who two people contributed in your production, why were you considered a manufacturing defect and chucked out - how on earth are you to be satisfied and not shed a little of this baggage you carry and impose it on people round you? Not to forget, the only people who love you!

Okay, so now I was growing up. There was this extremely funny thing that happened to my family and me every year on the first of April my dad's birthday I and Mama throwing a part and nobody turning up! Like fooling people on April fool's was the only thing we two were left with! I had made a few friends in school too. It was decent you could say. With my parents, there were moments I would lock my angst in the closet and enjoy. With my friends, I would actually manage to speak and soon enough, I had nearly forgotten my reality. That my 'the end', in comparison to everybody I knew was the least far off.

I believe, my thoughts are a most confusing and jumbled-mumbled piece to read. That is how I have always been - far off from the reality and confused beyond imagination!