Dear Diary
Well… well… well! Developments… and not just ones at my end (giggles)
So I got a little caught up at this end…
(Importantly) Babies do have work y'know… I mean, grown-ups seem to get all the time in the world for preparing for stupid things like exams, job quitting, dallying, dating or less stupid things like recovering from injuries, illnesses. (Sniggers) Honestly 'outside weirdos' (henceforth OWs), it takes you 6 months to recover from broken bones, fever and all…? Weaklings!! (Chuckles)
Imagine… only 9 months to grow, develop each and every part, if you forget something, you can't even go back to correct it, you're stuck… for a lifetime
And this... without much help from people, save one. Often (sotto voce) there too, not the best of conditions… how's that for 'poor working' conditions…! (Dares anyone to crib to her about 'work life'!)
And… the biggest pain… ooh! The E-X-P-E-C-T-A-T-I-O-N-S…
I mean, the OWs can be perfectly imperfect, but we..? We are supposed to be absolutely perfect when we arrive… to the point that those ill-informed jokers often call us 'red monkeys' coz of our wizened skin… try being in a swimming pool for even 1 hour and we'll see what your skin is like… losers!!
(Sticks out tongue at the world in general)
Anyway, me was venting frustration… don't want to become like those OW cribbers… Ha!
*Random tirade of a frustrated baby* ends
Hence got a little delayed… And right now, don't know what to think…
So it looks like ze mom and ze dad finally remembered my existence… (I mean, was actually beginning to get a little worried here…)
I dunno what happened… … but something sure did happen after those smelly, dank, musty files sailed into ze mom's office… personally I think it was a silly prank by someone… but I think mom just got pissed off at that. (Files away knowledge that ze mom does not take kindly to smelly, musty things… will possibly apply that to self too in future!)
Anyway, so right after that, she started swinging around in a mad frenzy… let me tell you, I was holding on to dear life there… and then I think ze dad, frequency Dhak Dhak, came around and pacified her (Note to self, for future, dad possibly a good option if one is in disgrace with mom).
After that, have not been able to reconstruct what happened… (Craning neck to somehow get a peep of the outside world), but since then, mom's heartbeat has gone into a frenzy… I mean, any waking moment or even otherwise, all I hear is frequency Maaaaheeeeee.
(Closes ears irritably to drown out sound)
Honestly, dad what did you do? Spare a thought for me here… you don't have to put up with something wailing Maheeeee all the time do you…?
(Another of one's killer 'pregnant' pauses) Do you reckon, dad, by any chance…..K-I-S-S-E-D mom?
(Sapient tone) I have been told by well-informed sources… no, I cannot name them… that often moms get hyperactive when dads do that… that is what I heard that Doctor lady say anyway (Oh shit! Did I give away my source…?)
(Cautiously) Not entirely sure why… but something to do with 'harmoniums' or something like that…
(Satisfied tone) Ah! That would explain the singing and the Maaheeee… all that is to provide an accompaniment to those 'harmoniums', right? (Very pleased at wisdom of self!)
And eventually, some stuff happens (must be the weird stuff that adults do anyway) and all those harmoniums and the singing of Maaheee lead to a baby…
(Thoughtful silence while self digests that…)
(Shrieks) Wait a minute… did she just say that…?
Hello people, there is noooo space out here… and I refuse to budge to make room for some sidey newcomer…! Do you hear…? (Kicks ze mom for the first time)… I ain't sharing my room…okay? And if you force me to, then I will go on strike…!!
(Mutters under breath about the unfairness of it all… arms fairly akimbo!)
(Also sulks for a bit…. Okay, QUITE A BIT)
*Mature thinking by precocious baby* ends… somewhat abruptly
So it's been some time since I 'thought'… at all…
Have been getting a little worried lately about that 'bitch' frequency aka 'Sasha Ma'am' and that other random one… looks like she isn't quite so random now… Ohho! I am talking about NT, who else…?
So am definitely sure that there is something brewing, some kind of mischief… don't know what… but we babies have the gift of the 'sixth-sense'… y'see, we haven't as yet got our minds conditioned by stupid reasoning and hence rely a lot more on our 'intuition'…
And something tells me, all is not well… I mean there is this random new frequency that has come traipsing in… someone with a mouthful of a name… so it seems like she is called 'Sweety-Pindi-Queen-Ji'!
(Sniggers) Looks like her parents didn't love her… to do that to her!!
Anyway, (sobering up), I hate the way she keeps going on and on about Punjabis… puhleez, I am a true-blue Punjabi (Proudly from both sides of parents) and I aint nothing like that… what business does she have, showing us Punjabis in such a poor light… like we're all loud and all! Hmphh!
I mean, honestly, I am sure her organizers majorly save on sound equipment and mike costs during her live shows… her voice can drown out the most rowdy of crowds too (snorts gleefully). In fact she is a bit like that bard Cacophonix from Asterix (self rather partial to that comic)
Anyway, so between the 3 witches (of Macbeth I call them) – the 'bitch', the 'not-so-random', the 'loud', I am quite worried about me mum…
Don't know what they will do to her… or to self…
Dunno… MOM… (kicks furiously) you hear me...? They are plotting something…
(Seriously panicking and awfully scared that this will be her last 'thought session')
Mom…? You hear me….? MOOOOOOMMM… Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzz help….?
I AM REALLLLY SCARED NOW… PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME…
MOMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE………………………………………………………………………
EPILOGUE:
Perhaps the last 'thought session' of a spirited, once full 'o beans baby!
A Farewell to Arms.
