An Ache in my Heart
She sat on the terrace on a seat near the ledge. She looked up at the sky and felt better. It was so nice and comforting to see the dark sky with the twinkling dots on its expanse. They were all her friends now, having spent so many sleepless nights gazing at them. And when her eyes were damp, they would glisten even more through the tiny prisms of her tears. Although she usually kept her back to the door, she knew exactly when Manav would stand there. She never made an attempt to turn to look at him because that would be enough to make him leave. She felt his aura and basked in his presence. He would stand there for a few minutes and then go away. Those few minutes would give her the courage to face the next day.
It had been more than a fortnight that she had returned to stay with her husband. She clearly remembered the day of the hearing……..
She was walking down the corridor going to the room that housed the judge hearing her case. She was going to break free from her husband. It was the best thing. It would clear the way for Varsha to marry Satish. It would also be the last day that Manav would be bound to her in any way. Freedom for all…..she thought a bit grimly.
"Psst," said someone. She slowed her pace and turned her head to see who was calling. A short figure in white was hiding behind a bush near the stairway.
"Archana," said the person.
"Baba?" asked Archu surprised.
"Come here," he bade.
She went up to him. He handed her a cassette player and made her hear how Satish had planned and framed her husband.
"Do you believe now that Manav is innocent?"
She nodded going red in the face.
She squared her shoulders and went in to tell the judge that she had made a mistake in not believing her husband and would like to give her marriage another shot. The judge had brought the hammer down quickly and declared that for the time being, the couple would try to salvage their marriage within a given time frame. Manav had been stupefied by the turn of events. He had opened his mouth to argue but the elderly judge put his hand up and said that marriage was a sacred institution that was not to be trifled with. Everyone left the hall. She didn't dare to look at him. He was too bewildered by what she had said. She wanted to return to him? Oh God! He groaned. What was he going to do with Shravani?
"Why Archana?" He snapped his teeth.
She looked at him and saw the disbelief in his eyes that turned into suspicion. Her heart sank and she was afraid of his seething anger. She decided to take the bull by its horn and meet him head-on.
"I want to make our marriage work. I now know that you had been framed by Vahini's brother just like I was. I don't know why Vahini is against me ………"
He didn't even wait to listen. He turned on his heel and strode away, too angry and confused to think straight. She adjusted the strap of her handbag on her shoulder and started to walk out of the court. She couldn't see him anywhere. She walked down the passage and saw Baba standing at the far end. She neared him. He looked at her eagerly. She smiled and nodded.
"I told the judge that I didn't want a divorce."
Baba smiled sadly but reassured her. "You've done the right thing. The two of you are made for each other. I was so afraid that you would blow your chances away. I am very happy today."
"I'm happy too, Baba ……… by taking a decision, it has given me confidence. I have to tell my parents."
"You do that and pack your bag. Meet me at the station beneath the clock. I shall take you home."
"No Baba, I shall come on my own tomorrow. But I will be happy if you are there."
And thus she had returned home…..all alone and without friends in the Deshmukh household. But she was going to atone for her mistakes. How rapidly with fear her heart was beating! The door was opened by Manav. He took a look at her and narrowed his eyes. As she stepped inside, Ai screamed like a hyena. Archu shrank back at the ferocity in her voice and the venom in her words. She clutched tightly to her handbag and kept her face down. She looked at the people who once truly loved her. Today it wasn't so. Kaka looked away embarrassed, Vandu looked unhappy and her husband was stone faced. What was he thinking?
When Manav saw her on the doorstep, he was surprised to her. He thought she was upto some trick. But when she cowered at his mother's voice, he knew her effort was genuine. He saw the fright in her doe eyes and wanted to protect her. He couldn't understand why such thoughts popped into his head. He left the door open and went into his room. She stood there uncertainly wondering what to do next, when Baba came forward with a big smile and took her bag. She felt so thankful and relieved. Just as she moved to go into the room, Shravani appeared. Archu was taken aback at seeing her here. She was wearing drab clothes and she looked pale. Almost ill actually. She gave her a blank stare. Archu started to go to her when Ai barked and Vandu quickly came forward and escorted Shravani away.
She was treated quite coldly by everyone with Manav taking the cake. She was accused, ridiculed, chastised and cursed. She kept her head down. When she felt unbearably sad, she closed her eyes and asked Bappa for strength. The first few days were the worst in her life. But she left no stone unturned in her effort to win back everyone's confidence. The frigidity reduced though ice was not broken.
The neighbour making a fleeting reference to Archana and Varshu coming there on the day of their arrest, left Manav puzzled.
"Why were you here? Did you want to make sure if we've been arrested?"
"No, of course not. We had come to invite you."
"What for?"
"Our parents' anniversary."
"Do you take me for a fool? Your parents hate me."
"But I had wanted to bridge the gap. Hadn't I come for Sachin's engagement despite resistance from my family? In order to save a situation, hadn't I performed the pooja with you at your garage's muhurat?"
Manav looked at her and searched for truth in her brown eyes. He braced himself. He couldn't bear to see the innocence there. The eyes which begged him to understand, to forgive and accept her. He sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to say..
"I don't believe you."
"But I believe her, Manav."
"Baba…… please not now."
"I believe her too," inserted Kaka.
Archu's heart sang with joy. Two important allies for her. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears for she felt overwhelmed with relief.
What disturbed her most was the presence of Shravani. Why did she live here? Why was Ai paying so much attention to her health? It soon dawned on her that she was pregnant. Pregnant? Oh!! It was Sachin's child. Was that why Ai continuously talked about Shravani in front of Manav?
Manav had started getting used to seeing his wife in the house. She was usually on the patio with Baba solving crossword puzzles. When he reached the steps, he'd slow down and stop to speak to Baba. Invariably his eyes would stray to Archu's bent head. Vandu served him. Archu stayed away since he had told her he didn't want her to wait on him. She hadn't argued. When he'd finish, she would put off the lights, clean up and go to the terrace. She would sit under the stars and unwrap a parcel. After work, she'd buy a meal from a lady and eat it on the terrace. No one had asked her to eat with them and she didn't intrude. She told Baba and Kaka that she would continue this arrangement till the ladies accepted her. They had acquiesced. She ate the cold food. It wasn't appetising but it was wholesome. The first time Manav saw her eating alone on the terrace, he felt ashamed. She stayed out of his way not wanting to crowd him in. She slept out on the terrace too.
Soon she realised that in order to legitimise the baby, Manav had promised Girish Sir that he would marry Shravani. Was that why he wanted the divorce urgently? The knowledge of this arrangement took the wind out of her sails. Her heart broke. She knew Manav would like to keep his word. This meant that she had to get out of his life…..yet again. When would her heart stop bleeding?
It was really very late and she was sitting on the terrace. The futility of returning here hit her. She couldn't bear Manav living his life with someone else. She thought marriages were made in heaven, specially hers. Then why were there so many hurdles? She wiped her eyes when she heard his footfall. She kept her face averted and sat still. Her hair blew with the breeze. He stood near her.
"Archana," he said softly.
"Hmmmmm?" She couldn't talk.
"You haven't eaten?"
"Uh-huh," she grunted.
He sat down next to her. He unrolled the packet.
"Neither have I."
He lay the open parcel before them. He folded some sabzi in the chapatti and lifted it to her mouth. She swallowed and looked at him. She shook her head. She didn't want anything to eat. Her life was worthless without Manav in it. Her face paled and her eyes became dull. Manav saw her expression and his heart melted. He lifted his hand to touch her cheek. It was soft like flower petals. Her hand moved up to catch his wrist. She looked at him and he at her. Her hand tightened its hold on his wrist.
One last time, she wanted to look deeply at him, she wanted to feel the gentleness of his hand. Her feelings tumbled out through her hold on his wrist, through the tears that rolled down her cheeks, through the sobs that escaped her lips and through her eyes that looked shattered.
"I do love you Manav," she thought silently, "and I will abide by any decision that you make. I am not going to judge you for what you do, but respect you for what you want to do. I truly believe our marriage was made in heaven by Bappa, so our bondage will remain unsullied forever. You will be the only one for me."
She slowly loosened her hold on his wrist and dropped her hand. He felt bereft. He wanted to stay shackled to her. A woman whom he loved and who loved him back. A woman who would give him unconditional love and stay by his side no matter what. A woman who he just couldn't give up.
He knew he had to take the final call and hoped he would make the proper decision………… Manav Deshmukh brought up his other hand and held Archana's beautiful face. He made a promise to himself and her. He pulled her forward till his lips rested on her forehead.
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Tum Se Tum Tak
