She stared at the crumpled slip of paper in her hand, but she did not see what was written there. Her mind flashed back to another time and place...
A screech of horns. People shouting frantically. The thud of a heart....and something else...
The tears burned at the back of her eyes, blurring the black stains of ink in front of her.
Fear; its icy fingers sliding up her spine, clutching at her throat, making her immobile. Standing in the crowded street but feeling isolated; trapped; time frozen. Horror widening her eyes but already what was before her was not in her vision. She had regressed in time...
"Take it."
His voice commanding but wasn't there another tone hidden in it? Was not that a hint of anguish underneath the cold stubbornness?
"I don't want your cheap alms!"
Anger pulsing in her veins, making her brows draw fiercely together, but deep down that aching wound was itching. Why? Why have you done this to me?
A tear spilled from her eye, trickling down her pallid cheek. Its coldness made her shiver, reminding her of the breeze....
Rain hung in the air, forecasted by the humid breeze, lifting her hair out behind her as she charged down the street. Everything felt intense – there was no room to breathe.
"You can't just walk away!"
His voice came from behind but it was all around her, choking her throat....her heart...
"What about the band?"
"It's over."
Decisiveness in her voice, but inside a tremor was reverberating.
"You can't do this!"
"No, you made me!"
A shiver convulses her spine, snapping her back to the present. Nothing felt real. As she strained her tear-filled eyes in the dusk she couldn't be certain if she were awake or dreaming. It was too quiet – a deep, unnerving silence enclosed her in its folds, threatening to suffocate her. Panicked she jumped to her feet but her head spun, her legs wobbled and there it flashed before her eyes again....
Eyes widened in horror, comprehension refusing to enlighten the mind. Staring at something but unable to recognise it. Black curls strewn against grey road. Limbs twisted like the arms of a deity. Red against black and grey....
A flash of red as she spun to face him.
"You rigged the elections! You cheated and then blamed me!"
"It was Dad, he..."
"You forgot our friendship! You spread lies about me, turned everyone against me! You made fun of what we had together!"
"I'm trying to explain. Give me a chance."
"You lost all your chances the day you degraded me in front of the whole school."
Sinking to the floor, she clutched the paper tighter in her shaking fingers. Her heart felt as if it were being ripped open, throbbing as the tears flowed relentlessly down her face. And then the voices resounded in her head....
"Fine, don't listen to me! See if I care!"
Anger sharpened his every word.
"Yes, go! Leave me alone! I have no time for liars and cheats!"
Bitterness tainted her speech, restraining the grief that caused her outburst.
"Good, coz I have no time for wacked-out people! I don't know why I bothered trying to explain. You always think you're right! I don't need these complications in my life!"
"And I don't need you in my life!"
"Fine! But I swear Anvehsa Bannerjee Rai, you will be sorry."
Eyes dart over her shoulder in a loathsome glare. He, stepping backwards, face filled with rage, but isn't that a tear rolling down his cheek? Is there not pain in his eyes? A momentary pause. Her heart softening. Beginning to turn towards him, but no, her mind screams at her not to relent. Glaring at him...turning....starting to walk off...his voice carrying on the wind...
"I swear that I, Yuvraj Dev, will never think of you, will never miss you ever again. Do you hear me Ashi? Ashi!"
Her eyes close as her name echoes in her head, like the wail of a siren. Her heart seizes, her throat is choked with a lump, and suddenly she feels shattered, as if every part of her had broken into fragments. Trembling fingers clutch at the paper as she raises it to her face and blinks at the spidery script through her tears. The black dots merge together in front of her blurry vision, running like a stream of blood....
Red and black, black and red – streams of the two mingle together against the grey road. A gasp strangling her throat at the sight of it; jolting back into reality. Heart pounding she darted forward to the kerbside. Everything seeming to be in slow motion. Her voice coming from afar, feeling as if it did not belong to her.
"Yuvi!"
Panic clutching at her chest. Hands shaking as she reached out and touched the skin. Cold, like ice. Shock numbing her brain, refusing to accept... Shaking the limp shoulders with too much force, but she had to make him wake up. A chill descending over her as she fisted her fingers amongst his black curls. Blood staining her fingers. Staring down at them in disbelief. No. His eyes wide, staring but not seeing. Lips parted with her name still on them. No. Someone standing next to her, anxiously wringing their hands.
"Sorry memsahib, I didn't see him till it was too late."
No.
"He stepped back into the road. What could I do?"
No.
"It was too late to break."
"No!"
The word wrenched from her lips, a long, tortured wail as she threw her head back against the wall of her room. Scrunching her eyes shut, she fought against the truth, but her shattered heart was a testimony. Shaking all over she cried out, balling her hands into fists and slamming them against the floor. As she did so the paper jagged into the palm of her hand, making her gasp. She had momentarily forgotten it. Forcing back her sobs she uncurled her hand and stared down at the small scrap of yellowish paper. There was simply one sentence written in that familiar spidery scrawl which she had perused so many times before. Blinking back her tears she lifted the paper to the dim light and read the words she had denied him, the words which she would never hear:
I did it because I love you.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
