Crappiest Bollywood Films of 2008

2008 had an entire battalion of Bollywood films, choosing the best films isn't easy, and choosing the worst is even harder - that doesn't mean it is less fun.

How do we say this delicately - these are the absolute worst pieces of celluloid to have soiled the silver screens during the past year. Read on!

#5 - Mission Istanbul

Mission Istanbul is solid proof that director Apurva Lakhia should never ever be handed the camera or a script. One could say the same thing for Zayed Khan and Vivek Oberoi.

Mission Istanbul, though it sounds like a spy thriller is laden with a bad plot, ludicrous twists, unbelievably bad dialogue delivery and the worst reference to Al Quaida in the long, sad history of bad cinemas.

What in the world were Shriya Saran and Abhishek Bachchan thinking to have starred in this film? Shriya should've learnt some acting skills and common sense from Asin!

#4 - Drona

Why in the name of Elysian fields do Bollywood movies suffer from the same illness over and over and over again? I'm talking of course about the curious incident of the horrendous screenplays laced in 95% of the Bollywood movies that grace the 70mm cinema screens. Drona, unfortunately falls smack down in the middle of that percentage.

This sorry film featured the least threatening and the most horrendously dressed villain of all time. Abhishek Bachchan should be given a kick in the rear for even considering playing Drona. Priyanka Chopra surely was delusional when she signed on to star in this film, which turned out to be her fourth flop of the year.

When a film is a mixture of Harry Potter and The Matrix, it is destined to be the number 4 worst film of the year.

#3 - Golmaal Returns

Sharman Joshi shocked Bollywood lovers he didn't return for the sequel. He was 'dropped' because he asked for too much money. After watching this codswallop, I now know that anyone would have to be paid truckloads to act in this huge pile.

Golmaal Returns is steaming with some non jokes, some pathetic attempts at physical comedy, spectacular overacting, one mind bogglingly frustrating cowboy style song. Throw in a waifish Kareen Kapoor and there's Golmaal Returns in all its crummy glory.

Golmaal (and its sequel) are supposed to be family comedies and there are naughty homoerotic nudges shoved right into the audience's face over and over and over again. Disgusting.

#2 - Tashan

What happens when you eat 3 kilos of cheddar cheese followed by four helpings of swiss cheese and then 5 kilos of Mozarella cheese - you visit the loo and witness a torrential aftermath.

The exact same thing happens when you spend your hard earned Rupees and spend 3 hours of your life sitting in a theater watching Tashan.

Tashan will go down as one of the most idiotic films ever made. Tashan was more or less a relationship vehicle for Saif Ali and Kareena Kapoor. Loads of folks flocked to theatres to watch Kareena prance in a bikini - the producers never mentioned that the rest of the film may cause brain damage.

To put the ugly icing on the cake - Anil Kapoor shaved his chest, wore a webbed baniyan and showed of his boobs. Thank heavens he wasn't in a bikini too.

#1 - Phoonk

Ram Gopal Verma is the Indian incarnation of Francis Ford Coppolla. Both made tremendous films when they started their careers, then transitioned to fantastic non conventional cinema and then lost their marbles and gave sheer piles of crud.

'Phoonk' is an epic turdfest. Shamelessly ripped off from 'Exorcist', the film features 22 year old Amruta Khanvilkar as the mother of a 7 year old (you do the math). If I were the parent of the 7 year old girl I would kick RGV out of my house after reading the script.

RGV shoves eerie haunting spine chilling objects like Spiderman, a wall, a leaf, a pencil, the sun, Lord Ganesha, some mud, omelet, a ball etc to SCARE the audience. Forget 'Darling' and 'RGV ki Aag', PHOONK is the scariest of them all. Another misfire from RGV and it will be history.

Which according to you was the Crappiest?