

Episode 196/ I hate you.
All war starts within our own hearts, as war within ourselves is always a prelude to war outside ourselves. When our egos are inflated or our desires insatiable, we go to war with each other for the sad joy of maintaining the sanity of our one-dimensional world through the justification of whatever our minds can devise.
The episode highlights Arnav's internal conflict and his growing realization of his feelings for Khushi, even as he struggles to express them adequately, or I must say, he had no idea what to say or what to do.



Khushi continued to struggle with the dichotomous keys of rejection and judgment she faced from the Raizada family after this forced marriage. Adding to her distress, her phone call to her mother ended with her slamming the receiver, leaving Khushi in tears. Arnav was heartbroken to witness her pain. This moment is particularly poignant, as Arnav desperately wants things to go right for Khushi and sees her continued suffering. His fists rolled up, seeing Manorma's constant insulting behavior towards Khushi. He witnessed her being subjected to the most mean-spirited attitude, but he couldn't do anything to stop it. He couldn't stay immune to it, and that rose his agony each second cursorily.


There was a raw depiction of Khushi's isolation and Arnav's internal struggle with the pain he had inflicted upon her. His only rescue was his flight towards his room. He felt helpless and unable to decide how to react. This moment is particularly poignant, as Arnav desperately wants things to go right for Khushi and sees her continued suffering.

Pacing in frantic, fiery strides, completely disoriented, trying to achieve ultimate control over his life, was once again unkinking at the moment. He was sparring in the air in the room, agitated and helpless. As he filled his lungs with air, it started to tighten up his chest further. As always, he was wrestling out of his waistcoat and flung it violently across the room. There was a war within, uncontrollable, filled with consuming fire.

He had hurt her more than anyone else, and he knew that..."The marriage is for six months, but to the world, you mean nothing to me. He had said to her..." He had thrown her out of their bedroom."You will not live here or with the one you want..."

He ached with gritted teeth, but here came the creepy voices, the visuals of her in Shyam's arms —a treacherous, printed moment in his head surfaced. A claim by another man," hum sirf aapko chahte hain, khushi ji!..." [ I only love you, Khushi!] and the love of his life, proclaimed in return," aap ye shadi tod kyun nahin dete?! Chod dain Anjaliji ko!" [Why don't you end this marriage?! Leave Anjali...]

He was trapped, suffocated between heartbreak and the inflicted hurt on her. Her trembling voice while calling her mother and being helpless in front of Mamiji was echoing in his heart.. Raw pain with the damp eyes of hers was haunting him. It was consuming him, eating away at him every second.
He came out to the poolside for a cessation from that messy reel of thoughts, but nothing was giving him a break. His chest was tightening with his raw emotions. The love of his life and the gold digger... He saw both. Her innocent eyes on him in the rain came before his eyes ... "Ab tum meri patni ho." [Now you are my wife.] He was putting sindoor on her as she cried her heart out...Here came Shyam, "Khushi ji humari zindagi ban chuki hai! humara pagalpan"[ khushi has become my life, my passion, shyam was snarling]...

Here came the guest house, Khushi and he alone... Shyam took over again, "aur ab hum dono ke beech mein sirf ek rukawat hai! raanisahiba!" [Now there's only one hurdle between us! Anjali! ... Here came the image of his love wrapped in fairylights...but Shyam's climax took over, wrapping Khushi in his arms,". Hum sirf aapko chahte hain, khushi ji! [I only want you, Khushi ji,]... and Khushi's striking voice asking Shyam to break the marriage with Anjali. That was the ultimate truth; she was his sister's enemy—a plain gold digger.

He averted his face away from his own thoughts, unable to face them. He grappled, he struggled, he collapsed his head in his own palms, but in vain. Her innocent eyes, as depicted in images, were changing the battlefield of this war of hate. He kept fighting a losing battle with his growls. There was no escape. Even the waves in the pool were wreaking havoc, just like his emotions, totally rebellious, out of control, just like his life. The plants were isolated and didn't want to join him in this battle.

On the other side, she had a terrible day. Tired and grief-stricken, she entered her room, a sight of another quilt gave her warmth of emotions, a sign of care, an attachment towards the one who was responsible for all of this mess. Her eyes looked for him, but she couldn't find him.

She picked up her comforter and a pillow, walked outside, ready to sleep on the poolside floor, but by mistake, she knocked against the table, dropping the noise in the silent yet roaring war in the air, and that's all it took. Just like one stone was enough to create a ripple effect, he flinched to set his empire on fire.

"What the... her jagah mera peecha kyun kar raho ho"... [Why are you following me everywhere] He roared with gritted teeth. He shouted, "Just get out of here!"

Khushi was worn out, but just because she had never disrespected elders didn't mean she would let ASR off the hook that easily this time. There’s a difference between needing to be respected & needing to be treated with respect. Minimize the former & maximize the latter.
Enough was enough; everything was stretched out way too long. All she was bearing because of the one who dared to tell her to go away when he was the one who brought her here after a forced marriage.

Khushi's character is reminiscent of a tigeress, a complex blend of strength, courage, and a protective nature. She was a fierce and independent woman, but also displayed a softer side, particularly when it came to her loved ones. In various contexts, "tigress" can also refer to a strong, assertive woman, often with a hint of danger or unpredictability. Well, we know that a wounded tigress is unpredictable and dangerous.
I loved the way she hurled the comforter and the pillow right at the top of his table. Awesome
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"If you have a problem, then why did you marry me? Why did you bring me here?" She questioned him with full authority. "Your one fault changed my whole life overnight. Today, my mother disconnected my phone after hearing my voice. My sister couldn't meet my eyes either" She complained to him about everything as if he were the only one who could share with. Well, it was his fault, though. He was tender, concerned, and listening to every bit of it without a doubt.


"Anjali ji, Nani ji, everyone is angry with me, just because of you, she accused him of being back with her, with a raised finger.
"So now I will do whatever I feel like. If I want to cry, I will cry, if I want to shout, I will, and you can't stop me!"

"You must be happy to see me in pain, to see every relationship of mine broken, the ones I was living for. Your heart found peace seeing me again, as an orphan." Oh, that hit him hard. He gulped down the pain as well.
"What did you gain out of it?" She questioned him by shoving him further. The words sliced his heart into a million pieces.

He grabbed both her arms in return. She winced in pain that made his eyes follow the burned marks. Both were hurting in their own ways. The excruciating pain was boiling with rage within hearts and minds, and it had to spill out to bring some calmness around.

Without vacillating and hesitating, he lunged forward, lifting his feet a little, with bloodshot fury eyes, "Han ... Mein bahut kush hoon tumay itni taklif mein dekh kar. In fact, Meinay yeh saab iss liya kiya taki mein tumhay itni taklif mein dekh sakoon.Suna tum ne..." [ Yes, I am happy seeing you in pain, infact I did all of this just to see you in pain.]
Just like his leaps, words came out of his lips without sputtering. Her words slashed him out within his own guilt. In this dance of pushing each other to a limit, the words took another shape. He wanted to avoid it all, but instead of facing the truth, he had to confront her, and everything got flipped.

He grabbed her by the arms furiously, pulling her closer, without any filter at the moment as he continued spitting his anger out,"Janana chati ho kuon tumhay suffer karta hua dekhna chahata hoon ?" [ Do you want to know why I want to see you suffer?]
The words that had been locked in his heart for months, even he dared to share with silent nights openly, he let them out," Kuonki mein tumsay nafrat kata hoon ..."
"Because I hate you, " he said...
Wait a minute, he wanted to say I love you, not this??

They both tumbled yet mirrored those unrecognisable words. She wasn't expecting that. But his eyes couldn't conceal this bitter truth that he hated to love her. Months from now, he will hold her closer and roar as loudly as he can. "I love you, dammit!" But now she had to simmer in this hate without knowing the truth.

A pause in the moment when he heard and dissected his own words. What? What did he just say? This is not supposed to be like that, the way he imagined. A process occurred with a clear mind. After the storm, the debris of the catastrophe was scaled, resulting in an uneven outcome. A clear, unimaginable regret was written on his face. He averted his face and gaze.

The words wrapped her like a venom, like a writhing flame burned her within. Her broken heart shattered with ice specks, and she followed the same road as him.
" Hum bhi aap say nafrat kartay hai ... Jitni app kartay hai oos say kahin ziada. Koi aap say pyar karay, app oos kay liyak hi nahi hain Mr.Raizada," [ I hate you too. Hate you more than you do. You don't deserve anyone's love, Mr.Raizada.]
Oh, she cried, giving him the truth of her heart. He looked back at her. Of course, she loved him more than he ever thought of.

Their uneven breaths after the duel grew more intense as they locked eyes, staring at each other. Their souls were exposed nakedly, and the realisation rained down about what had just happened between them. There were questions, answers, and above all, regrets, but no one wanted to bow down to gather the screaming soul of the other.

She walked away with her raw emotions, and his eyes kept following her petite form until she disappeared. He was lethal at his best, and all he could do was open fire on everything around him. There was a betrayal, guilt, pain, heartbreak, and above all, this cloak of hate. Why could he not hate her? How could he say this to her?
The raging emotions mixed with the poolside waves were bruising his soul without repair.

A destruction surged through their veins as raw as it could be. They couldn't mask it further and fought for their need, the need to know the reason for all of this mess, but no one could escape from it or could embrace the fact that this was what they were in together.
If it’s worth it, fight for it, because not having a clear mind space can be lethal. You’ll never be able to accomplish anything effectively if you’re still fixated on things that bring you no value,
This was the moment of understanding each other, and it will take its route to their hearts.

He had no one to blame or to fight with except her, yet she had someone out there who could have some piece of her, too. Her Devi Maiya, her friend, her life partner, whom she trusted in all her life. How could she do this to her?

This was love, a wounded love that was running in their veins, keeping this war alive within...
What should I name this love?
Edited by Mysticaldivine - 15 hours ago
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