Seriously why!? Being a 90s kid, I was in my teens in late 2000s and now I think why did i ever follow BW as an inspiration for romance/love? It kind of screwed up my teenage love life! You know in india we don’t have subjects like personality development, social grooming and sex education where feelings of liking, attraction and romance are addressed for teens. Our parents too are not equipped to talk about these topics. I still remember when my mom came to know about my first (and one sided) crush which was quite serious too, she comforted me by saying that this is a very small issue of life, and I will face so many of them in life. haha. Like i don’t blame her she is very innocent and yes like every indian parent she too didn’t know how to navigate me through that situation, but i feel disappointed that at that time no one close to me realised the fact that I had become mature enough to understand what liking and affection means. And probably I needed to be guided through how i can make better romantic relationships. Things like how to initiate a friendship with someone you seem to like or how to express your feelings to a classmate/friend…tbh why do parents always presume that kids will learn about the difficult topics like love, friendship, sex, relationships on their own or through pop culture or through our peers when they themselves keep kids away from friends/movies etc.
Anyways, coming back to topic, i was a complete introvert who did not have any friends to learn what dating or relationships meant and hence had to rely on pop culture only - Bollywood! Which was 10 steps behind!! Every film back then relied on ‘chance encounters’ as the base of love! Encounters where a girl or guy choose each other in their heart as soon as they see them and then start pursuing them until the other relents. And i regret thinking that all this was real even till late teens/early tweens! So many lost chances darn! 😂
It was towards the late 2000s that films that focussed on other aspects of romance started getting more popular - Aspects like friendship or someone’s company. Aspects like camaraderie or feelings or physical attraction. Then slowly as social media took over, filmmakers thankfully started to realise that they have been showing the process of love in the wrong direction probably. Two people falling in love is no often a coincidental or heavenly occurrence… And no guy falls in love with a girl who helps a blind man cross the road lmao… In real the concept of love is flawed and humane and not divine and we have to accept it. We pursue a partner for lust, we pursue a partner because we are lonely, we pursue a partner because we are desperate and in all these pursuits, sometimes we are lucky to fall in love with the same person and luckier if they feel the same! Recently i happened to watch KANK again - Second time since i watched it first in the theatres and i ended up disliking it again! But this time not just because of the glorification of cheating but because how it romanticises the idea of love. If your spouse behaves well with you, treats you good & loves you, it is possible that that’s not love. But the sudden surge of adrenaline and dopamine you feel with a stranger - that can be love. It’s funny-Rani and SRK are so consistently and intentionally loved by their partners but that doesn’t instigate any sparks ever and an encounter with a like minded toxic person causes flames. How mythical! I just feel so dumb to have believed these films and followed them as a rulebook of romance lol it took teenage me a while to understand that all this bullshit. They say BW doesn’t make great romances anymore..I’d say i am so glad they dont! The films we have today might lack the element of the romance saga like a kkhh or ddlj but they at-least try to be real! They at least acknowledge that liking for someone isn’t a divine intervention…its a lot of conscious effort …Effort to make yourself likeable - Physically, mentally , socially, emotionally, psychologically as well as effort to sustain the relationship once it’s made. RRKPK is the best example i would say - Such a 180 degree turn from KJo’s other films…For Rocky and Rani… Lust and attraction happens first, then physical and emotional attachment happens (The scene where Rani asks Somen to hug her and mentally compares it with Rocky’s hug, she subtly accepts that she has needs too and she cant help but be fixated with he person who fulfils them like a pro) and when they finally put all their effort to pursue each other, love finally finds it’s grip in their hearts! This was so much better than the make believe worlds of a KKHH or DTPH.
Udne Ki Aasha
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