Marriage vs Love

Does everyone believe marriage is marriage and should be held above love? I used to think that way all my life until few years ago when I realized marriage is a religious and/or social construct. What matters first and the most is love as that’s real and the most important than a piece of paper or some ritual called marriage. The only time I don’t like that love or unable to support it as much if it’s made after betraying or hurting someone else. Also, if people are married and in love, but then suddenly one partner falls out of love, then I would be on the marriage side as that’s still cheating and betraying that love and marriage both. But other than that, love over marriage. Marriage is important once there’s love between two people and none has hurt someone else over that marriage/love or at minimum basic promises and commitment of some sort. That’s when marriage mean importance as it has pure love from both. When I would watch these shows like MB where the male would force marry the female lead, I would ship them as they were the main couple and also because they were married so I was like marriage is marriage and that should be respected and above anything like I see many doing here or elsewhere. At that time, marriage meant a lot and bigger than love. I even supported Ajay’s marriage with Aish even though Aish was in love Salman’s character and was forced married to Ajay’s character in HDDCS. I was like Ajay is her husband and she should respect her husband and marriage. But now I realize that was wrong. I was young and naive. Even more so when marriage can’t even be a valid marriage if it’s a forced marriage or some sort of deal marriage. 

I don’t understand why ITV leads love to make their lives miserable by their own. Why did Virat leave his love Pakhi for his brother and ruined all three of their lives? I can’t relate to Virat at all. I can’t relate to Sairat either as it was made on top of Pakhi’s heartbreak and was a wrong relationship from the start. I didn’t watch the show regularly then but knew here and there. I never saw Pakhi as some sort of coming in between Sairat when Sairat was a mere marriage and nowhere comparable to love. Even after Virat started to fall in love with Sai, I couldn’t support it as it was done after he had wronged Pakhi and ruined lives. I didn’t like other actions of Pakhi like taking away Vinu at the time and few others of hating or trying to harm Sai when it was Virat who had betrayed and wronged her. But not that she supposedly was together with Virat or she came in so called marriage when that marriage didn’t mean an importance. It was also a deal marriage at the time. 

Now again Saiya’s marriage. How is it wrong if Sai meets Virat and longs for him? It’s not like she can control herself and neither did she promise anything to Satya? She’s coming across wrong because she believes in marriage and all so she’s would be hypocrite if she starts to meet Virat and all which she used to hate about Pakhi or Virat that why are they not respecting the marriage line. But if I put the way her character is written aside, I don’t find her wrong loving or running after Virat. Her marriage with Satya is nowhere important to what she has with Virat which is love. That’s the real relationship. It’s another matter that she is being written to hold marriage ritual more than love so she will come across wrong if it continues. But other than that, these ITV leads complicate their lives themselves even without any villains. KZK was my fav show and it still is. Sometimes back after I got Hotstar I started watching and couldn’t watch after some episodes seeing how the leads would destroy their lives themselves over deal marriages and keep respecting that and society over their love and happiness 😆

Sai is free to be with Virat and Virat with her. Why is she ruining her life and happiness by being stuck with Satya? Why should she stay away from her love and happiness over some ritual she had with Satya? Now Pakhi also left and Virat is no good for Pakhi either.  Sai loves Virat and Virat loves her. That’s what matters at the end of the day. I don’t understand why can’t Sai be with Virat and find her happiness with kids. They can have a nice family with love and happiness rather than the current misery all these leads are in. I hope Satya doesn’t fall in love with Sai. That will be sad 

Edited by The_Best - 1 years ago

Not getting abused and getting therapy to come out of grooming is above love. I used to think that way and still think that way in my adulthood.

Originally posted by: Deltablues

Not getting abused and getting therapy to come out of grooming is above love. I used to think that way and still think that way in my adulthood.

I agree. One can do both and have therapy and then love. Or career too with all. One doesn’t have to choose one or another. But therapy, career, etc are different topics and aren’t related to to the post I was talking about 

Edited by The_Best - 1 years ago

Love is important in marriage only difference in married couple and non married couple (social stigma aside) is they are agreeing to be committed to eo for life.

What is expected of married people is that commitment. I totally understand people fall out of love or forced into marriages However- as soon as you realize your feeling are changing you OWE and explanation to your spouse.

They need to know First- tell them your feelings are, FREE them from commitment and then seek the love. whether married people are in loving or loveless relationship is secondary- they both are committed to certain arrangements- if that changes for either one- other partner must be told. 

Idea of EMA to show love is above marriage- sorry but thts wrong- A married person drags a third person indirectly into the relationship as soon as they seek another one outside of marriage - who should not be treated like backup or disposed  becoz feelings now changed.

In show’s context- this is where Virat was wrong when he proposed Sai. He should have told PL first. No matter what, he married her gave her hope and that changed so he must have told her before wanting to move on and acting on it. She deserved to know- accepting it was secondary.
This is why it is wrong to start another relationship before breaking one - its clearly shows one is using married partner as back up if things don’t work out. Implies they are loyal to neither party.

Same with Sai- If she hurts for Virat and cant deal with Satya and his family’s expectations- she must tell him. She is not wrong here as it is a deal marriage- so she can communicate that, dont keep expectations from me as wife (Satya is wrong if he expects as its deal marriage)/ bahu- this is an arrangement. 



In short- A mature sensible and HONEST person who falls out of love with married partner would inform them first. EMA is wrong.

Edited by Sab07 - 1 years ago

Sai promised loyalty and respect to Satya if not love. And making puppy eyes at her ex in the presence of her husband is not just morally wrong but also makes her a hypocrite of highest order. If she couldn't resist herself from running to Virat, then she should have taken up his offer no matter how morally wrong it was. It is not like she's being very morally upright now. If people can't be loyal in a marriage, then just stay single and explore all the options. Why get married and ruin another person's life.

Love is important in every relationship but marriage as an institution holds great regard as well. In India, still a lot of arranged marriages happen where both partners don't even know each other. All rituals also hold a lot of meaning. You are giving your commitment and loyalty to a person in front of the God, your parents, your friends, the sacred fire and more than anything your own conscience. You promise to do your best towards the relationship. Love can give you happiness but marriage gives you sense of responsibility and groundedness.¹

What love is to heart are what morals are to soul. Love may be greater than marriage but morals are greater than love. Heart wants what it wants can't be used to justify behavior that is ethically wrong. 

We have both rama and krishna...why do we considered rama as maryada purushottama and ideal husband. In his thoughts, emotions and actions, he was solely loyal to his wife Sita whether they were together or separated. Respect and loyalty are important and your partner deserves that from you especially he is honoring his side of commitment 

Just because Sai said this is a deal marriage, expecting Satya to be fine with Sai going after her ex husband is wrong. Sai said there will be no love between us she didn't say I might keep pining after Virat. He asked her whether she thinks of going back. She told him she wants to move on.

Either don't give a commitment without thinking through or honor the commitment.

Your entire post is mind boggling and challenging the whole value and moral system.

Okay falling in love is natural and relationships are manmade but why are they made at the first place, to maintain some morals, some sense of right and wrong. A person like V maybe intensely attracted to one lady and after few days say it was all an attraction, there was no love...who or what checks the betrayal that happens then. Regarding Pakhi, she should have been single than dragging Sammy into her love. If Sai V were wrong, then she was also very wrong to Sammy and her love and ofcourse her marriage and her in law, the lady who had only her son, she killed a whole family for love, is that okay? V, if he loved Sai too much, why was he sharing bed with P, why was he getting mesmerized by her or giving her false hopes by re assurances, pheras and HM. He could have used the deal part, left her and went to Sai...Sai the love sick puppy would have been back long back...

Now coming to Sai Satya and V. Exes cannot fulfill love while being married to someone else whom they married on their own. Why did she married Sattu in the first place? Did she not know what marriage entails even after being married to v for years...why is she involving another family in her DDP. Marriage= responsibility, they would anyway expect Sattu's wife to do somethings. Still sattu told her to leave now that her reason of running from V left, why doesn't she? She can be straightforward but preaching something, doing something else is not fine.

This concept of love is too overrated. Many crimes are done using it as a shield, a r***St can say that he loved his victim and she was marrying someone else, so he didn't have any option left.

So, keeping my spiritual or philosophical takes on marriage aside, marriage is not essential or even the best mode of survival.

But it does play an important role in the socioeconomic security of a person.

 Let alone the fact that most people cheat to get a sense of power over their partners which is why most EMAs don't actually lead to further legal commitments like marriage. Because marriage doesn't mean just pretty pictures and the social sanction to perform the most basic biological function of any vertebrate; it means inheritence settlements, power of attorney, maintainence obligations, and most importantly social security of a person.

By going behind someone's back like Virat did with Patralekha or Sai does with Satya (apart from playing with their mental health), you harm their social security. Virat made a mockery out of Pakhi, and Sai doing PDA with Virat at Satya's workplace without a single concern for their reputations is not far behind him. Does she owe him love or sex? NO. Does she owe him the basic decency to not make a joke out of him in public? Yes.

Falling in or out of love DOES NOT justify making other people socioeconomically vulnerable. 

I haven't even started discussing the financial and legal obligations Virat has towards Pakhi where she has a stake in Virat's property and has  a legal claim over Vinu. Let alone the fact that Virat was talking with so much disdain about Pakhi actually leaving CN as if she should have waited around for him to play gharwali-baharwali with her.

No lawyer would want to deal with the legal status of both the women as per Pawmo's whims and turu lobh.

Also companionship and commitment are not always romantic and/or sexual.

P.S. Love is not abusive and it most certainly is not entitled to ownership of the loved one — like locking them up in a room if they wish to not come back to you.

Edited by Deltablues - 1 years ago

Interesting topic of interest, and here are my two cents. While marriage is a legal and social construct designed to formalize relationships, it is love that breathes life into these unions and takes them to greater heights. Love provides the foundation for emotional fulfillment, acceptance, flexibility, and a profound emotional connection that surpasses the confines of marriage. By recognizing love as the driving force behind successful relationships, we can cultivate and nurture partnerships that thrive on compassion, understanding, and unwavering support, ultimately enriching our lives.

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.

Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy 

Marriages are complex relationships that evolve, and it is not uncommon for individuals to experience a diminishing sense of love or emotional connection with their spouse. 

While falling out of love or still being in love outside marriage is possible, and I am all for following the heart but there's something called basic respect. 

 It is crucial to approach the situation with respect and responsibility towards one's spouse. Whether it's a lavender marriage or a marriage of convenience, basic honesty and respect are deserved by every individual. 

Marriage is a sacrosanct vow. The couple vows in front of the Agni to be faithful to each other. It is akin to prayers. It may be a legal contract but it's a pious institution too. Marriage without love is like an empty house, but even if love isn't there, there's basic respect. That's what makes infidelity a tricky area because emotional or physical cheating strips the partner of the basic respect he or she deserves! Patralekha didn't respect Samrat, and Virat didn't respect Patralekha, and now Sai too is buried in the quagmire. There's no stopping her. She is FREE to choose! The CHOICE is still hers! No one has trapped her anymore. 

Edited by Transference - 1 years ago

I will reply to you all when I get the time 🙏