A question to all Mothers.....

In your life does your husband come before your kids??

I have the best husband in the world and love him to death.....but I will never put him before my kids....like ever....

I was shocked when Devi ji said that Anuj is more important to her even than her kids...😕

So this is a genuine question...I always thought that a mother cannot give more importance to anyone than her kids...

I still remember the first time I held my baby boy❤️ in my hands ...the first thing that crossed my mind was....I can never love anyone more than him... and he was just a few hours old and yet he became the most important person in my life....my 2 babies come before everyone and everything for me...

I am not judging anyone....I am just a little confused....

To answer - No it does not. 🤣 My world changed entirely after my kid was born. It’s a feeling I cannot explain. A way of putting it would be, whenever I don’t take care of my health now and go rogue on my diet (I have diabetes 😭), now I get scared that I have to be here for him at least, and that thought of leaving him alone in the world (by alone, I mean without me) scares me and helps me to take care of myself like a good girl. Just an example, but I guess this is the best I could explain that I am afraid to die before settling him there in the world. 😊 My kid = my entire world.

I am neither married nor have kids but I can say this much that when the kids are young, say below 12-14 , they need their mother , during that period kids come before spouse but after kids become somewhat independent, the spouse comes first . But while caring for one one has to give time to the other too .

Am saying this from my observations of my mom dad and myself /balancing priorities.

Originally posted by: blue-ice.1

In your life does your husband come before your kids??

I have the best husband in the world and love him to death.....but I will never put him before my kids....like ever....

I was shocked when Devi ji said that Anuj is more important to her even than her kids...😕

So this is a genuine question...I always thought that a mother cannot give more importance to anyone than her kids...

I still remember the first time I held my baby boy❤️ in my hands ...the first thing that crossed my mind was....I can never love anyone more than him... and he was just a few hours old and yet he became the most important person in my life....my 2 babies come before everyone and everything for me...

I am not judging anyone....I am just a little confused....

Every individual’s priority keeps changing with time based on their circumstance. So, the priorities are not set in stone for life.

When the kids are small, usually mom prioritizes her child over her spouse & herself. But as the child grows and becomes a young adult/ adult; mom (& dad) need to cut the cord and give them their space to grow. Once parents have finished raising their family and their accomplishments are behind them, there will be a shift in priorities where spouse becomes the priority because kids are now adults & have a life of their own.

We seamlessly change our priorities as we go through different phases of life. We are all wired that way and rightly so.

In the context of this show, I feel that Anupama’s priorities are always incoherent. So, expecting anything meaningful from that char is a tall order.

The moment I saw two lines on the pregnancy test kit, I knew it will not be possible for me to love anyone or anything more than that tiny little thing inside my tummy. 😳That's a different kind of love. I never felt that way for anyone.😳

But, my mom always said she loved my father more than anyone and it was always very visible.😆 So, there exist women who love their husbands more than their kids. Nothing unusual.

P.S.: AnupaMaa does not love Anuj more than her kids. Anuj is her financial security. Just as working women leave their kids at home for work, MAA has to leave her chunnu munnus for Anuj.

Originally posted by: Sutapasima

I am neither married nor have kids but I can say this much that when the kids are young, say below 12-14 , they need their mother , during that period kids come before spouse but after kids become somewhat independent, the spouse comes first . But while caring for one one has to give time to the other too .

Am saying this from my observations of my mom dad and myself /balancing priorities.

When the husband and wife are alone and the kids have moved out....maybe the spouses have duties towards each other.....understood.....but is a young husband more important than a disabled child.....is going to CA's picnic more important than taking the sick child to the doctor?? As a mother shouldn't she be worried herself and go to the doctor??

Also I fail to understand......how is Vanraj's relationship/responsibilities with the 3 kids any different than Anupama's??

So if Toshu is paralyzed.....how come Anupama left and said....aapka ghar aap sambhalo....if Kavya is supposed to look after Toshu....why isn't Anuj supposed to look after Toshu too....isn't the Kapadia Mansion as much Anupama's house as it is Anuj's?? If a child is sick and needs help....why is only one parent responsible for taking care of them....I don't care for the grown up kids....who are not their parents' responsibility anymore.

Originally posted by: blue-ice.1

When the husband and wife are alone and the kids have moved out....maybe the spouses have duties towards each other.....understood.....but is a young husband more important than a disabled child.....is going to CA's picnic more important than taking the sick child to the doctor?? As a mother shouldn't she be worried herself and go to the doctor??

Each situation is different.This must be set in the right context - "young husband or disabled child". To put this in perspective, Anupama is a divorcee. In reality, no matter what the situation is, a divorcee meeting their children comes with certain rules. Unlike what she does now, i.e pack her bags and move in with them.

The disabled child is an adult with a family of his own. Hypothetically, it may be his spouse's priority/love/concern to care for him. Which Anupama is overriding by interfereing. Others may say that baa forced her yada yada.... but she should know better to draw boundaries.

If she was not divorced, and the child was young it would all be very different.

There is so much more context here.

There is the case of sheer exploitation of Anupama by her so called family - the premise of the show was how after 25 years of her marriage, she realizes how she had no voice and identity of her own and proceeds to break her shackles -

- and no 800 episodes later, she's still there.

And now that she's married to a man who has showed her limitless patience and has gone through hell and back begging to prioritize their fostered daughter because Anupama used to keep running to her "family" for every small thing...

There is the case of how Toshu has been behaving with Anupama - no value, no respect, calling her the worst possible adjectives. They had turned him almost irredeemable and this feels like an attempt to whitewash him. But that being said, now that he's paralyzed and at his lowest point in life, expecting Anupama to be there for him when needed is understandable, but NOT all the time now that he's out of the hospital and has so many members of his family to take care of him.

The problem is that woman has said 'yes' so many times when she should have said 'no', but now she's afraid of losing her husband, so she's saying 'no' in what appears to be questionable situations.

Ah it's just all a mess and can't really be compared to reality!

Originally posted by: blue-ice.1

In your life does your husband come before your kids??

I have the best husband in the world and love him to death.....but I will never put him before my kids....like ever....

I was shocked when Devi ji said that Anuj is more important to her even than her kids...😕

So this is a genuine question...I always thought that a mother cannot give more importance to anyone than her kids...

I still remember the first time I held my baby boy❤️ in my hands ...the first thing that crossed my mind was....I can never love anyone more than him... and he was just a few hours old and yet he became the most important person in my life....my 2 babies come before everyone and everything for me...

I am not judging anyone....I am just a little confused...

When our four kids were young they were our first priorities. We both understood that. We both were raised this way. As they got older, they learned to take care of themselves, became Independent, and slowly left for college and learned to help out with their younger siblings we both were able to make time for each other.

Now that the older two are out of college on their own, third oldest is finishing up college and the youngest has two more years left in high school before he too leaves for college. We are almost done.

I will not lie, I am looking forward to being an empty nester. I am looking forward to having time to travel, and relax at home with my husband again.

I hope, I do not sound selfish on this forum. Being a parent is hard, especially as a mom. It is a 24/7 job with no breaks. I have had to do it alone for 15 years with my husband being gone on and off four to five months at a time because of his career with Federal Government here. So, I am looking forward to getting some rest.😌