Anupama rubbing me the wrong way

I have been reading updates and watching recent episodes and getting increasingly uncomfortable. Unlike many people on the forum, I don't think Anupama is prioritizing her maika over her sasural. I know a lot of people dislike Vanraj and even I do, but I think Vanraj has always prioritized his family over his relationship with Kavya (not always very healthy). So, to be very honest, if I were Pakhi, Samar or Toshu, if I had one parent to count on, it would be Vanraj, not Anupama, especially because everyone around Anupama is constantly highlighting that Anupama belongs to another family and does not belong to her children and parents (Baa and Baapuji), not the way Vanraj does. I mean this point is highlighted by Baa telling Pakhi that she should not got to Anupama's house whenever she wants. There is a distance established there, and Anupama should accept it.

Honestly, if I think about it, Anupama and the others in her life are not wrong for thinking this way, especially since her children are grown-up. In fact, Vanraj should give more importance to Kavya. But in this situation, the thing about Anupama that is really rubbing me the wrong way is the sense of entitlement (may be the wrong word, not entirely far to Anupama, but can't think of a better word) she has in terms of the relationship her sasural has with her other family. If they don't want to interact with each other (and perhaps to some extent, it is better that they don't), they shouldn't have to, and Anu should not expect it or be upset if they do. In fact, when she chose to get married to Anuj, Toshu and Pakhi did not approve. They do not have any right to be rude to them, but Anu should not have expected them to be okay with it either. Therefore, if Toshu wants to restrict her access to his child (which he did at the beginning), Anupama does not have any right to do so, not in the way she said she will meet Toshu's baby not matter what, because she is its dadi.

Originally posted by: pink_doughnut

I have been reading updates and watching recent episodes and getting increasingly uncomfortable. Unlike many people on the forum, I don't think Anupama is prioritizing her maika over her sasural. I know a lot of people dislike Vanraj and even I do, but I think Vanraj has always prioritized his family over his relationship with Kavya (not always very healthy). So, to be very honest, if I were Pakhi, Samar or Toshu, if I had one parent to count on, it would be Vanraj, not Anupama, especially because everyone around Anupama is constantly highlighting that Anupama belongs to another family and does not belong to her children and parents (Baa and Baapuji), not the way Vanraj does. I mean this point is highlighted by Baa telling Pakhi that she should not got to Anupama's house whenever she wants. There is a distance established there, and Anupama should accept it.

Honestly, if I think about it, Anupama and the others in her life are not wrong for thinking this way, especially since her children are grown-up. In fact, Vanraj should give more importance to Kavya. But in this situation, the thing about Anupama that is really rubbing me the wrong way is the sense of entitlement (may be the wrong word, not entirely far to Anupama, but can't think of a better word) she has in terms of the relationship her sasural has with her other family. If they don't want to interact with each other (and perhaps to some extent, it is better that they don't), they shouldn't have to, and Anu should not expect it or be upset if they do. In fact, when she chose to get married to Anuj, Toshu and Pakhi did not approve. They do not have any right to be rude to them, but Anu should not have expected them to be okay with it either. Therefore, if Toshu wants to restrict her access to his child (which he did at the beginning), Anupama does not have any right to do so, not in the way she said she will meet Toshu's baby not matter what, because she is its dadi.

it all depends

if toshu pakhi and samar left house with anupama after divorce than they can go and stay in anuj house after anupama marriage

80% of time after father marry second children go with mother to her home or nana home because step mother will not want them

here luckily kavya did not make issue of vanraj 3 kids staying at his home with her (which 90% second wife will do)

so now for toshu, samar and pakhi vanraj home is their real home not anuj kapadias new home

if pakhi had left with anupama after divorce she can stay permanent with mom anupama till her wedding

but pakhi choose to side and stay with vanraj

you cannot suddenly after few years say now i do not want father want mother as gaurdian

than even court will ask reason to give custody (if we assume pakhi is less than 18 years)

Is vanraj illtreating her No, is kavya ill treating her No, is she bothered about her mom anupama No by her past actions or she would leave after divorce to mother - court and even society will judge her based on her past actions only and question her intentions now

all of us know why pakhi is going to anupama and anuj home not out of love towards mother or step father but she wants to live in big posh bungalow and wants to marry anikh to get all luxury of life and become rich like anupama

Basically shes a gold digger at such young age (anupama where are your great sanskaars on pakhi sweety)

I truly appreciate kavya shes not that bad 90% type step moms shes been very nice to pakhi especially like shes her own kid and to toshu and samar too. Shes like anupama oor an elder sister to them all except cooking for them when it comes to mother duties towards her step kids

Anupama problem is shes not able to think that now shes married and has a husband she wants her ex sasural to be treated like mayka which no 2nd hubby will do not after what all shahs and vanraj did to anuj and Mukku or GK

anupama wants to have cake and eat it too thats not possible

anupama is overbearing biased towards shahs and always down grades or prioritizes shas over kapadias and anuj

no normal woman after divorce behaves like anupama after 26 years abuse by in laws and hubby and taunts by kids

toshu wants to restrict anupama for his child upbrining is a good decision or his kid may grow up to be pakh2 or toshu2 which is danger or anupama 2 which is even more dangerous

what is marraige? Its not only cooking or taking care of husband and his home. Its knowing without saying what he may not like and trying to not do it often. Also its about maintaining and protecting anuj dignity and wealth and safegaurding him from all enemies even her ex sasural etc but anupama oopenly forces him to run intolions cage(shah home) everytime by emotional blackmail. even after anuj and GK faced all humilations from shahs before marraige she forces shahs on him indirectly by saying they are maykaa. Which husband wants to inteeract with a man who snatched his empire or made ema with his baby sister who was depressed? none. But convinently anupama forgets what all shahs did to anuj and gk and mukku but pounces on barkah and ankush for a small incident at party. Where was her sanskruti for elders when GK was called servant and humilated or a guest anuj was humilated several times or mukku was abused by vanraj?

I don't understand why Pakhi was told she can't go to Anupama's house whenever she wants to. Pakhi is Anu's daughter and can visit her mother's place whenever she feels like. Just because a parent remarries, doesn't mean that the children are cut off. Pakhi should spend half time with Anupama and half time with Vanraj. There should be a custody schedule.

The two issues clashing is Anupamaa's strong need to still helicopter her perfectly adult children (not sure how old Pakhi is) vs Vanraj now associating his self-worth with still being able to have a family.

Since he doesn't have a job or career anymore, Vanraj wants to keep his family to himself by guilt tripping them into staying with the poorer people by saying Anupamaa's riches are not theirs (why, and how?) because he already knows Anupamaa takes better care and now she has money too. His principles were all gone for a toss when he was gold-digging after Malvika.

Also Anupamaa is bat-crap crazy about still taking care of everything about her children, even at the cost of letting Vanraj in and absolutely doesn't know how to draw boundaries.

Originally posted by: Meghateresa

I don't understand why Pakhi was told she can't go to Anupama's house whenever she wants to. Pakhi is Anu's daughter and can visit her mother's place whenever she feels like. Just because a parent remarries, doesn't mean that the children are cut off. Pakhi should spend half time with Anupama and half time with Vanraj. There should be a custody schedule.

because anikh and barkha will misuse her to target anuj kapadia

and shes stupid do not understand whose good or bad

anupam acan go to shahs to meet her kids like before

if only anuj Gk mukku there no issue going there

for once i agree with vanraj and anuj

they both are right actually

anupama is wrong to say let kids interact

she has no brains actually cannot understand people like barkjha and anikh intentions