POLL: money, money,money! -- Arpita & Sundar - Page 5

Originally posted by: bips

The only person financially stable (and mentally stable) is aryan.

... And he will end up financially supporting every character on the damn show... Same is going to happen here.... Sab ussi ko gaali denge par paise bhi ussi ke lenge

But great topic🤗. Got to read so many real life stories. A1

omo, are we going to be stuck with aunty blue and baby doll as they have nowhere else to go? I guess we should wait for uncle blue and who else hashtag family includes 😄

Originally posted by: LostTraveller

It is absolutely important to have an open communication about financial matters before marrying someone, whether that be love or arranged. Love is an emotion that can feed your heart in the darkest of times but love is incapable of meeting your practical needs. One needs education and some work skills for that. I cannot even imagine marrying a person without knowing at least a basic idea of how he spends his month…..

I dont need to ask direct questions….just knowing his job with give me a rough estimate of his icome…and simple asking how he spends his free time in a week…..where he likes to travel…as chitchat…will give me an idea how much he likes to spend vs how much he wants to save for the future. And to get to this level of communication, dating is very important.

I firmly believe men and women should date for a while and get to know each other before saying yes to any relationship, love or arranged. Otherwise all these unsaid issues simply make life a growing warzone after marriage. Date, talk, discuss, see how mentally and other ways you differ or are similar….how much you can adjust to each other…then say yes!

Love is an emotion. And like all emotions it does NOT translate into material success unless the person has some skill or work to invest the emotion in.

In Sundar’s case, he is an uneducated simple cook with no goals or economic dreams….so yes, he has every right to stay content with his lot but he has NO right to expect a woman from a much higher economic background to do the same. So Aryan is right when he says, How dare he! Because Sundar has shown no drive to work for his dream aka Arpita…he just wallows in his insecurity…..and that is why he does not deserve anything handed freely to him….

Also, being a nice guy is not a credit to a any man….its a normal prerequisite to even be eligible for any relationship……so I dont see being a “nice guy” as something so mahaan that I will marry that person. It is normal to be nice and well mannered to your family. Kuch mahaan nahin hai isme. Its a basic human prerequisite.

great points! I am not sure if you can judge levels of debt or saving based on indirect questions though. sometimes people look rich and then you are shocked to discover how much they owe in EMIs or just lots of loans. so even if earning well, not earning enough.

I was eye rolling when Imlie made it seem like Sundar is some great saint for giving his money to the Tripathy family. this is the same girl who gave her salary to Aryan and kept a measly amount for herself. no emergency fund even though Aryan was telling her how important it was. so I was left with the question how exactly was sundar supporting himself if he gave his money to the Tripathy family. are they even paying him? 🤷‍♀️

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

great points! I am not sure if you can judge levels of debt or saving based on indirect questions though. sometimes people look rich and then you are shocked to discover how much they owe in EMIs or just lots of loans. so even if earning well, not earning enough.

I was eye rolling when Imlie made it seem like Sundar is some great saint for giving his money to the Tripathy family. this is the same girl who gave her salary to Aryan and kept a measly amount for herself. no emergency fund even though Aryan was telling her how important it was. so I was left with the question how exactly was sundar supporting himself if he gave his money to the Tripathy family. are they even paying him? 🤷‍♀️

Mango ji, my brain is fried at the moment😲

But, I think financial compatibility is crucial, I mean being on the same page about finances is crucial. Whether couples can make it work when one comes from meagre roots and other from riches, depends on the two people involved in that wedding. Let me give the examples in the show itself, as I think some of them are pretty close to reality:

Aryan and Imlie: Both of them are strong personalities. I can see such a pairing happen and succeed in real life ( I mean it is not as easy, but just focusing on their personalities only for the sake of discussion here ). Because a person like Aryan is very secure about what he wants, how he conducts his life and he cares less about what others around him think about him and his deeds ( read choice of partner ). While Imlie is completely unapologetic about her meagre beginnings, she feels that the trajectory of her life is shaped because of her background and she has that fire and ambition at the pit of her stomach. She cares less also about what people think about her. Both of their value systems are aligned in the sense that they care if they are living their lives according to their conscience👍🏼 In other words, they are not there to live their life for other people. This is why, even if BM berates her, neither care much.

Gyaan for the day: You know what in fact, the writer who is writing Aryan is very close to my heart❤️. I told my husband early on, that he doesn't have to defend me viciously in front of his family if he feels like I am being unnecessarily targeted. i really don't care for that show of solidarity. If he acknowledges that that was uncalled for with me, I will be ecstatic. Because all I care about is, what he thinks of me, I care a rat's behind about other diddly-dos. At the end of the day, he still has to interact with this family cordially, I certainly don't want to be that flash point in his relationships with them. This is exactly what I see Aryan doing, he tells Imlie what he thinks about certain things and leaves it at that. Otherwise, just imagine how nasty every family reunion would be. I applaud them for not giving us a loud Aryan professing " she is my wife, how dare you?"🤔Moving on.....

Look at patrakaar and Malini relationship. Patrakaar and family are insecure fellows. They would want Malini to come to their level, if she as much as sought any help from her family, they were quick to judge her- she is showing off, we don't want to take their bheek, you don't value us enough because we are middle class, yada, yada , yada..... I know they also added a rough Anu, but you can see this type of interaction which is probably more common. For Malini, a car is not a luxury living in Delhi. Her mom gifted her a car ( heck, I would gift my child whatever I want to ), but patrakaar and family took serious offence to it. These can easily get out of hand. This won't work in the long run. When one partner is always questioning the other's intentions of " is she/he doing this to show me down"? 👎🏼

Then comes Arpita and Sundar; realistically speaking Arpita probably will inherit property from Rathores, so she won't be poor per se. Aryan wants his sister to be well cared for in every way, comforts, confidence, security, laad and pyar too just like Arvind gave her. What does Sundar bring to the table? A warm smile ke ilaava, kya? He doesn't exactly exude security, he doesn't match her ideologically , nothing. He is in the self pity mode of " I am a naukar". So he is crying as he got accused of stealing fake jewelry. If he were to marry Arpita, he will be accused of being a gold digger every other day, looking at his skills and his stance, both to his face and to his back. If he keeps on wallowing in that self pity/guilt, can you imagine what a hell Arpita's life will be? Imagine, if she has to pacify him, cajole him out of that😡 I can't even imagine. Likewise, if Aryan gifts her anything, say for Diwali, Raakhi or something, will he be resenting that as a show off or that he can't reciprocate? The more I think about it, the more frightened I get for Arpita. So completely agree with Aryan " how dare he?"😡

Guys, please let me know if you don't want me to be tagging you guys? I am like a kid in a candy shop with this tag thingie

Originally posted by: LostTraveller

It is absolutely important to have an open communication about financial matters before marrying someone, whether that be love or arranged. Love is an emotion that can feed your heart in the darkest of times but love is incapable of meeting your practical needs. One needs education and some work skills for that. I cannot even imagine marrying a person without knowing at least a basic idea of how he spends his month…..

I dont need to ask direct questions….just knowing his job with give me a rough estimate of his icome…and simple asking how he spends his free time in a week…..where he likes to travel…as chitchat…will give me an idea how much he likes to spend vs how much he wants to save for the future. And to get to this level of communication, dating is very important.

I firmly believe men and women should date for a while and get to know each other before saying yes to any relationship, love or arranged. Otherwise all these unsaid issues simply make life a growing warzone after marriage. Date, talk, discuss, see how mentally and other ways you differ or are similar….how much you can adjust to each other…then say yes!

Love is an emotion. And like all emotions it does NOT translate into material success unless the person has some skill or work to invest the emotion in.

In Sundar’s case, he is an uneducated simple cook with no goals or economic dreams….so yes, he has every right to stay content with his lot but he has NO right to expect a woman from a much higher economic background to do the same. So Aryan is right when he says, How dare he! Because Sundar has shown no drive to work for his dream aka Arpita…he just wallows in his insecurity…..and that is why he does not deserve anything handed freely to him….

Also, being a nice guy is not a credit to a any man….its a normal prerequisite to even be eligible for any relationship……so I dont see being a “nice guy” as something so mahaan that I will marry that person. It is normal to be nice and well mannered to your family. Kuch mahaan nahin hai isme. Its a basic human prerequisite.

Such eloquence! It’s like you are speaking my language but saying it in a much better way than I can. 😘😘😘

What you said about sundar is bang on. We have all probably worked our way through life. So what he does isn’t being judged here. Him loving arpitas isn’t a problem here the problem is his Bechara pan and unwillingness to do anything about it. Like you said his contentment with his current state is what is the problem. I also shared earlier that both partners need to be on the same page in terms of an agreement to evolve and grow. Working on yourself for constant growth. To be better partners for each other. And if you are not on the same page on that, that’s where frustration, irritation and resentment breads in a marriage.

Thanks for tagging me and for writing such a. Beautiful analysis. ❤️

Hmm have to think about this...and going out now for a few hours, will come back and write. I was actually thinking how they can bring a semblance of balance to this new couple Sunpita or whatever

👏👏👏 -- wow, mili9; loved your analysis of how characters, values and financials status (or lack thereof) play into our reactions. the analysis of Malini vs Tripathy family was spot on -- to be honest, I never understood why they had such a problem taking money from her but didn't have a problem living on Imli's debt. they made it seem like Malini was wrong in helping them out -- basically they had ego issues and thought whatever she was doing was to show off. so in this case, the financial differences created issues as well. as for Aryan and Imlie who run by their conscience, yea, in this case, financial differences don't matter. if Imlie was someone who had a low self-esteem, then definitely it would cause problems where she would see anything Aryan does as showing off his power over her.

thanks everyone for sharing their thoughts -- it has been really entertaining. this topic is something that interests me a lot as I worked in something related to financial field for a while. so I do find it curious how money and our perceptions of money can play havoc in relationships.

I remember a conversation with my colleague on this -- she had really strong views that any rishtha/relationship should be within same status. at surface level, her views could make it seem like she was being prejudiced/classist but when you hear her reasoning, it totally blew me away.

when she was in school, her teacher was murdered by her husband. the teacher came from a well-off family and she fell in love with their new driver who joined just as she was doing her college. obviously her family opposed and so they eloped after her graduation. because she was educated, she joined the school where she studied as a teacher while he continued to be a driver. they had two kids. while she was okay with living in not so great part of town, he was getting more and more insecure that she was earning more than him and everyone pointing out that she married down. so he started drinking more and more. one night, he killed the kids, the wife and he was then arrested.

for my colleague and her fellow students, the loss of this teache was rather traumatic and it enforced in their mind that these love stories they see in movies is all bakwas -- never fall in love with someone of a different status is what they took away.

thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic -- I am keeing my fingers crossed that the writers write a convincing love story for Arpita and Sundar. I want good stuff to come to Arpita and not something half baked! we know that money can certainly cause problems but based on our discussions, it also comes clear that communication, alignment of values and goals also makes a difference when it comes to dealing with financial issues as a couple. so please writers, don't keep disappointing us!

Oh my god! So sad to hear about your teacher.

This is really horrible. May all their souls find their destination. Amen.

But even if not death, insecurities could slowly kill the joy of relationships which is just as bad.

Originally posted by: SundariP

Oh my god! So sad to hear about your teacher.

This is really horrible. May all their souls find their destination. Amen.

But even if not death, insecurities could slowly kill the joy of relationships which is just as bad.

absolutely -- we just don't consciously think about the form insecurities can take and it is often our lame ITV dramas that make us consider them. I don't see anything wrong with sundar feeling bad that he is just a servant as we all have insecurities about ourselves. no one is 100% confident. the problem is when insecurities affect us to a point where we start reacting negatively - either through rejecting people or seeing conspiracies in people's actions or through verbal /physical violence etc...

so yea, that conversation with my colleague sticks out in my mind over so many years -- really made me consider the impact of money on relationships.