"Zindagi kishton mein jeeti aayi hun.. par jab tum se mili na Abhi, toh mujhe sab chahiye tha. Mujhe duniya ki saari khushi chahiye thi taaki main aane wale har gam se ladd sakun. Mujhe tumhara saath chahiye tha, mujhe tum mere peeche har mor par khade chahiye they taaki main har ladayi jeet sakun, " she tilted her head to look at him. Her tear filled eyes making it blurry for her to see but she can still see or maybe, feel it in her bones that he is not looking at her. For the second time, he is not wiping her tears or calming her down, even when he knew, she is breaking with every second that passes by. And she knew he knew.
Abhimanyu Birla sat there stunned, his eyes zeroing at the far away place which does not seem to end. Life has once again threw a dice his way and only this time, he did not have the power, courage and want to roll it over. His Akshu's words reverting in his ears and he is not liking the way this conversation is going.
Taking a deep breath, she continued, " Life has never been fair to me Abhi and I never wanted to accept even to myself but may be it's time to rip the bandage off, " her voice cracked and he fought with every cell and fibre of his body to stop him for wrapping his arms around her and hide his doll from the harsh realities of the world.
"Even my family was never been fair to me or Kairav bhaiya." And for the first time in last 16 years Akshara Goenka did not felt burden.
His head leaned a little back, her every word stabbing in his chest and twisting it with the pain in her voice and face. He fisted his hand. He could not handle the pain.
"And as much I will love to blame them fully, they were not fully to be blamed. I never asked them for anything. I even stopped them for scolding Aarohi. I know I know unhe rukna nahi chahiye tha but mujhe aur koi raasta pata hi nahi tha ki main Aarohi ko kaise manau. Movies mein dekha tha ki baccho ko jo chahe wo mil jaye toh wo maan jaate hai aur pata nahi kyu, Sirat Maa se vaada karne ka baad, main Aarohi ko choti behen kam apni roothi hui beti zyada maanne lag gayi." She rested her chin on her knees and wrapped her around. Tears soaking the fabric of red dress.
He smiled ruefully, his eyes held an ocean of pain for her pain.
The corners of her lips curled up in a smile that held the taste of hatred, " aur uski maafi paane ke liye maine sab kuch chodte aayi... Usne jo maanga woh usko diya..." She sighed. "Aur phir usne tumhe maanga," she closes her eyes in contempt.
He folded his legs and turned his body in her direction. His long fingers gliding over her eyes as he cast a spell.
"Usne mujhse mera sukoon maanga," her fingers curled up at the side.
"Aur tumne de diya," he said in a small tone. She recognised the pain and the disappointment in them. But she can't undo it. "Hmm. I am sorry"
They say in silence. The heavy consequences of their actions lurking at their heads. "I should not have agreed to marry Aarohi. I am sorry."
"I should not have led you to that decision either."
"Wo mera decision tha."
"Meri chuppi aur baat chupane ke kaaran bhi tha aur no matter how much shitty of a deal you offered her, you have made your terms clear."
Silence once again surrounded them.
"Tumhe pata hai chuppi chubhti hai mujhe. Par pehli baar ye chuppi ko kaatne ko nahi daud rahi." He took her hands in his. His fingers fusing with hers.
"Things have not been easy for me either. But pata nahi kyu Akshara, ab aasan chizein pasand nahi aati," he shrugged. His eyes holding pain but it only crinkling with a feeling he can't name. He does not like it and he wanted it to go away but it always chases him down.
"Tumhe pata hai main abhi kuch mehsoos kar raha jo mujhe nahi karna... Main nahi chahta ye worthless, insecure, anger aur helpless wali feeling feel karna... Mujhe nahi hona wapas se, ek baar se har baar majboor." Tears escapes his eyes. "I don't want this. I want the feeling to go away." He gulped a lump down his throat.
Akshara looked at the man who is her and mostly everyone she knew, saviour breaking down and yet sitting firm, stopping himself from letting it get better of him.
"Tum jaante ho na ki agar tum toot bhi jao toh main samet lungi tumhe?" She asked in a soft tone as she cups his face. Her fingers caressing his cheeks, the raspy beard making her feel the pain which only his face is showing.
"I know Akshu.... I know, " he breathed as his forehead touched hers. Their breath becoming one. "Aur wahi toh problem hai... Tum mere toote tukdo se bhi pyaar karogi par wo tumhe bhi toh chubhenge? Meri jaan... Hum already toote huye hai. Aur shayad hum ek dusre ko sambhal lein lekin humein khud ko khud hi sambhalna hoga na?" His voice cracked.
"Par hum hi kyun Abhi? Hamesha hum hi kyu?" She cried... She could not hold anymore. She hugged him.
"Kyunki shayad jab hum pyaar karte hai toh bas pyaar karte hai... Sochte nahi hai."
"Lekin pyaar toh bina soche samjhe hi hota hai na Abhi?"
"Pyaar bina soche samjhe hota hai Akshu... Pyaar mein toh soch aur samjh honi chahiye na? Ki jab, jis se hum pyaar kare wo toote hamare saamne toh uss se gale se laga kar chup karane ki toh samjh honi chahiye na?
"Kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki hum bohot jaldi pyaar mein pad gaye... Ek dusre ko samjhne ka, ek dusre se pyaar karne ka, galat aur sahi sochne ka waqt hi nahi diya khud ko." She wiped her tears.
They shifted back, as they took support of the wall once again. Her head resting at his chest and his arm wrapped around her shoulder while he played with the fingers of other.
"Hmm aur isme sabse zyada galti meri hai ... I am sorry I have not been the best man I should have been." He kissed her hairs.
"Hamare parivaar walon ki bhi hai jinhone shaadi tay kar di thi. Aur meri bhi hai ki uss din uss confusion ke baad, I did not call you to clarify." She smiled up at him.
They sighed.
"Do you think we will meet again?" She asked him, in hope. A part of her did not want to do it. But she knew, it is necessary for them.
"We have met when I was not ready to love. This time around, I will make myself ready to love and to be loved." He assured her.
"And then, we will do it right. We have experienced the unbashed, exhilarated and passionate love with each other. And this time, when we will fall for each other, it would be for all of it."
"We will right the wrongs and will fall in love again... Always with each other." He rested his forehead at hers as they smile.
"The night is ours. And for the last time, you are my Akshu"
"And you are my Abhi.."
"I know I have to let you go but wait my love, I will find my way back to you."
Author's note: Hello. I know I have not been active and I don't know when I will be. Exams are going on, exams are coming up and everything else is a tornado too.
I may be in minority but I want them to mutually let each other go. Because I know they will find each other back. And I don't want it to be long either. A month or two but I want this sequence. Because maybe, personal growing is what I am looking for. And I am not able to to connect. And conversations and silences are a part of the reasons. So this is my side of the story.
It's not great but I guess it will work for now.
Happy reading ❣️
Cricket
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