Originally posted by: Chiillii
Kanya means a virgin girl
They are demeaning yes. New noway. Girls have always been expected and made to move out of parents home and live with husbands and in-laws. The grooms have always taken the bride away generally.
Is there any ritual where a son has been donated in marriage. Have you ever heard of putradaan in marriage. That should explain the patriarchy better than anything else.
So why not donate the son to bride's family. Let him take up wife's surname. Inbreeding can be prevented by putradaan just as much as Kanyaadaan but that never happened that is why the.ritual is demeaning and patriarchal.
Because there is no corresponding equivalent ritual for a boy.
It was OK in the past to not have one because woman was considered less than human, an asset, property (lakshmi or wealth)
Now it is not OK. The ad is right in pointing that out.
Kanya means virgin but it also means an unmarried girl. We have Kanya/Kanjak Puja during Navratri where nine girls are given halwa-puri-channa.
And this was not a custom in the Vedas, where consent was important and women were equal to men...its fairly new in the Manusmriti. The ritual of Kanyadaan also was said to be the parents telling the guy to take care and be good to his wife, treat her with utmost respect and love. Daan is not the literal daan that we know today...and its difficult to piece all this together after all these manipulations in customs and texts. The custom also has some links to Vishnu Bhagwan and Lakshmi Maa's union after she emerged from the Kshira Sagar...and she chose him, not the other way around.
Coming to the ritual itself, people these days either avoid it altogether, just do it as a ritual or maybe look up the history...if they are convinced then cool, or else they don't go ahead with it. Christians have a "giving away the bride" tradition, it doesn't mean the bride not longer belongs to her own family. All that regressive shit is plain wrong, irrespective of what religion.
Neither the girl gets "donated" nor does the guy... If the girl wants to take up her husband's name then fine, she doesn't then she shouldn't, and same applies to the guy. Few years ago, an Indian fashion blogger and influencer Diipa Khosla got married. Her husband and she changed their last names to "Büller-Khosla" as an ode to both their names and I thought it was beautiful. Her husband Oleg also asked her about the bride touching thegfroom's feet...when she told him it was a sign fo respect, he in turn touched hers because they were equals. And I thought that was beautiful.
And no one becomes paraya dhan after marriage. These is a stupid ideology, many of these manipulated in recent times.
The Shiv Purana has entire section in the beginning where the reader can only read the text after some daan to Shiva, feed pandits etc...and all I can think is why would the masculine energy who creates and destroys need any of this? A spiritual connection is more necessary instead of such meaningless materialistic stuff. A lot of these changes have been made by pandits over the years, including the corruption of the Varna System.
Even the Kanjak Puja for that matter, does a teenager getting periods make her less than children? No. Its not something to look down upon, but to be celebrated actually. In South India they have massive celebrations when a girl enters puberty. There is a Shakti Peeth somewhere near Bramhaputra river where people worship Maa's uterus. Talking of Shakti Peeths...the corrupted system of Sati also came from here which was forgetting the essence of the text and just added something regressive and torturous.
I don't agree with women moving into the guy's house or the guy moving into the girl's house...akele raho dono, away from families and unnecessary drama. Most customs today have been altered or given a patriarchal twist, but originally its actually either very different or have been new addition. The Manusmiriti itself has contradictions within the text...why would Swayambhuva Manu, who was the grandfather of Sati (Goddess Shakti herself, the source of energy of this (multi)verse) create such laws?
And btw, I did not comment on the ad, I only answered about the Gotra system. There's no place I've said anything about the ad.
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