Rishta Wahi, Soch Bhi Wahi Aur Baat Bhi Wahi (Part 1)

I am going to split this post into two parts because I have a lot to say.

Star Plus keeps recycling their taglines every few years but never do they recycle their mindset. When the channel revamped their look around a decade ago with the new 'Rishta Wahi, Soch Nayee' tagline, they also released an anthem called 'Tu Hi Tu'. For those who are not familiar with the video, you can look it up on YouTube. I remember my mother calling that video out for its toxicity. I was quite young at the time and looked up at her in confusion. I thought showing a woman who does it all (works, learns classical dance, exercises daily, controls traffic, cooks, looks after her family, has a good relationship with her husband, has an interest in astronomy and also occasionally chases goons down the street) is the very definition of woman empowerment. So why was it toxic? For years (or ever since Ekta Kapoor started producing Indian television shows 🤢) women in Indian television have been held up to this unbearable, unrealistic standard of perfection. She's the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect sister. She never raises her voice, she is a profound multi-tasker and my personal favorite, she NEVER asks for help. She is the sacrificial lamb. Anybody can walk all over her but she'll take it with a smile because her family's honor lies on her and her shoulders alone. Indian television shows always show what the ideal woman should be like but never, I mean NEVER, how a man must conduct himself or present himself in society.

And until and unless you don't challenge this worn out narrative that a woman should not have boundaries, that she can't make mistakes or learn from them or that she's not supposed to be goddam perfect, shows like Anupamaa cannot and should not be categorized as 'progressive'. It is one thing to show that characters like Baa, Vanraj, Kaavya and Toshu exist but to normalize them and not challenge them? Nope. It is unacceptable.

People in our country have been looking up to these shows for decades. People think this is how men are supposed to be, how mothers-in-law are supposed to treat their daughters-in-law and how daughters and bahus are supposed to take s**t from their husbands, in-laws and children just because our gender is 'supposedly' the more sensitive, nurturing and forgiving one. Every time this show seems to move in the direction of progress, the writers throw some bulls**t at us. There is ZERO character development. The justification behind what some of the characters say and do makes no sense.

Originally posted by: ...manal...

I am going to split this post into two parts because I have a lot to say.

Star Plus keeps recycling their taglines every few years but never do they recycle their mindset. When the channel revamped their look around a decade ago with the new 'Rishta Wahi, Soch Nayee' tagline, they also released an anthem called 'Tu Hi Tu'. For those who are not familiar with the video, you can look it up on YouTube. I remember my mother calling that video out for its toxicity. I was quite young at the time and looked up at her in confusion. I thought showing a woman who does it all (works, learns classical dance, exercises daily, controls traffic, cooks, looks after her family, has a good relationship with her husband, has an interest in astronomy and also occasionally chases goons down the street) is the very definition of woman empowerment. So why was it toxic? For years (or ever since Ekta Kapoor started producing Indian television shows 🤢) women in Indian television have been held up to this unbearable, unrealistic standard of perfection. She's the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect sister. She never raises her voice, she is a profound multi-tasker and my personal favorite, she NEVER asks for help. She is the sacrificial lamb. Anybody can walk all over her but she'll take it with a smile because her family's honor lies on her and her shoulders alone. Indian television shows always show what the ideal woman should be like but never, I mean NEVER, how a man must conduct himself or present himself in society.

And until and unless you don't challenge this worn out narrative that a woman should not have boundaries, that she can't make mistakes or learn from them or that she's not supposed to be goddam perfect, shows like Anupamaa cannot and should not be categorized as 'progressive'. It is one thing to show that characters like Baa, Kaavya and Toshu exist but to normalize them and not challenge them? Nope. It is unacceptable.

People in our country have been looking up to these shows for decades. People think this is how men are supposed to be, how mother-in-laws are supposed to treat their daughters-in-law and how daughters and bahus are supposed to take s**t from their husbands, in-laws and children just because our gender is 'supposedly' the more sensitive, nurturing and forgiving one. Every time this show seems to move in the direction of progress, the writers throw some bulls**t at us. There is ZERO character development. The justification behind what some of the characters say and do makes no sense.

Its heartwarming that someone has finally raised voice on this issue. This has been a trend since the past many years. But the "progressive" approach that lies in the show "anupama" is not that she is accepting whatever insults or utter stupidity is thrown at her but at the makers attempt to put it out in the open that middle aged women who have gone through domestic abuse in any form have been downtrodden to the point that they have to rebuild themselves from the SCRATCH. That it takes lots of emotional support and time to get out of the cycle.

This is in a way needed for both the younger generations AND the older generations.

The one part i specifically think they did a good job at was to show anupama's transformation in a more realistic way. An overnight change in her character woild have not only been very unrealistic but would have failed to drive the point across to the ladies of older generation who have gone through something similar and dont even realise that it was wrong. The older generation ladies first need to be able to connect to the character and then slowly move towards that realisation along WITH the character. If the character had gone ahead with the realisation without the older audience connecting to it properly and being able to project themselves in her shoes with approximately the same reaction they would have never accepted the show or the message they are trying to portray.

And in a way the younger generation needed this too. To properly delve into the intricacies of how abuse for years affects a person's psychology and the exact hardships that they go through. A lot of people my age including me thought that if i was ever into an abusive relationship i would have left him in an instant. It took a while to properly grasp that being put in an abusive relationship and resisting it is only an option when you are AWARE that the relationship is abusive and toxic

Like someone once said "drop a frog in boiling water and it will jump out of it at once, but drop the frog in the water and then slowly heat it to boiling and the frog will remain in the water until it dies"

The journey anupama has to travel to achieve true independence is hard and long and this is only just the beginning.

Originally posted by: chenjulia110

Its heartwarming that someone has finally raised voice on this issue. This has been a trend since the past many years. But the "progressive" approach that lies in the show "anupama" is not that she is accepting whatever insults or utter stupidity is thrown at her but at the makers attempt to put it out in the open that middle aged women who have gone through domestic abuse in any form have been downtrodden to the point that they have to rebuild themselves from the SCRATCH. That it takes lots of emotional support and time to get out of the cycle.

This is in a way needed for both the younger generations AND the older generations.

The one part i specifically think they did a good job at was to show anupama's transformation in a more realistic way. An overnight change in her character woild have not only been very unrealistic but would have failed to drive the point across to the ladies of older generation who have gone through something similar and dont even realise that it was wrong. The older generation ladies first need to be able to connect to the character and then slowly move towards that realisation along WITH the character. If the character had gone ahead with the realisation without the older audience connecting to it properly and being able to project themselves in her shoes with approximately the same reaction they would have never accepted the show or the message they are trying to portray.

And in a way the younger generation needed this too. To properly delve into the intricacies of how abuse for years affects a person's psychology and the exact hardships that they go through. A lot of people my age including me thought that if i was ever into an abusive relationship i would have left him in an instant. It took a while to properly grasp that being put in an abusive relationship and resisting it is only an option when you are AWARE that the relationship is abusive and toxic

Like someone once said "drop a frog in boiling water and it will jump out of it at once, but drop the frog in the water and then slowly heat it to boiling and the frog will remain in the water until it dies"

The journey anupama has to travel to achieve true independence is hard and long and this is only just the beginning.

100% agreed. I have discussed most of what you said under previous topics in this forum. Unlearning years of abuse takes a long time. It is a very difficult journey. I even mentioned in one of my previous posts that Anupamaa needs therapy. She requires professional mental healthcare to guide her through her recovery. But I guess that would be expecting a lot.

My issue was never with the pace of Anupamaa's recovery and road to true independence and freedom. My issue is with the writers holding her to a level of perfection that is unrealistic and extremely toxic as well as the non-sensical justifications of the actions of some of the characters, especially Baa's. She should be held accountable for her mistakes. She is an elderly human being, not God. Toshu was the only one who said it for what it was. I agree that the way things unraveled in that episode was messy, but it had to be said. Instead, that entire issue was very conveniently swept under the rug. Later when Baa and Baapuji agreed that there are some things about themselves that need changing, Vanraj and Anupamaa kept saying no. That got me downright furious. You can respectfully tell your elders when you think they are in the wrong. But this show tends to show extremes. There is no balance or middle ground. It's either black or white.

All in all, bolte hai na, 'you can't heal in the same environment that made you sick.' I truly believe that Anupamaa's healing is not within the walls of the Shah house. There are other ways she can be a part of her children's lives without having to risk her mental health everyday.

Originally posted by: ...manal...

100% agreed. I have discussed most of what you said under previous topics in this forum. Unlearning years of abuse takes a long time. It is a very difficult journey. I even mentioned in one of my previous posts that Anupamaa needs therapy. She requires professional mental healthcare to guide her through her recovery. But I guess that would be expecting a lot.

My issue was never with the pace of Anupamaa's recovery and road to true independence and freedom. My issue is with the writers holding her to a level of perfection that is unrealistic and extremely toxic as well as the non-sensical justifications of the actions of some of the characters, especially Baa's. She should be held accountable for her mistakes. She is an elderly human being, not God. Toshu was the only one who said it for what it was. I agree that the way things unraveled in that episode was messy, but it had to be said. Instead, that entire issue was very conveniently swept under the rug. Later when Baa and Baapuji agreed that there are some things about themselves that need changing, Vanraj and Anupamaa kept saying no. That got me downright furious. You can respectfully tell your elders when you think they are in the wrong. But this show tends to show extremes. There is no balance or middle ground. It's either black or white.

All in all, bolte hai na, 'you can't heal in the same environment that made you sick.' I truly believe that Anupamaa's healing is not within the walls of the Shah house. There are other ways she can be a part of her children's lives without having to risk her mental health everyday.

That is all true but isnt that the main issue itself?

That anupama cannot recognise toxicity even when its hitting her right in the face?

To be honest i have no idea how to even blame her for this. She was raised by her mother with the idea that no matter what her in laws throw at her she has to bear it all with a smile and think of it as their "aashirwad". And then the years of abuse and trauma. She has probably never even known that this is not normal.

That elders can be wrong too part of it is because of her upbringing and part of it because she has always been expected to follow baa's instructions to the T.

Toshu did say a few things that made sense.

It is despicable how baa treats rakhi and under no circumstances should she even be calling her "naagin" and threatening to slap her. Downright crass.

But that are things that anupama has almost gotten used to hearing from leela.

Anupama has been soo conditioned into thinking that this family is her end all be all that she sometimes behaves like a worker bee there. Protecting the queen bee from intruders even if she has to sting and die for that.

She needs a third person perspective from someone she actually respects to make her see things clearly.

The stockholm syndrome runs DEEP in her and it would be in a way interesting to watch how the makers handle it

Originally posted by: chenjulia110

That is all true but isnt that the main issue itself?

That anupama cannot recognise toxicity even when its hitting her right in the face?

To be honest i have no idea how to even blame her for this. She was raised by her mother with the idea that no matter what her in laws throw at her she has to bear it all with a smile and think of it as their "aashirwad". And then the years of abuse and trauma. She has probably never even known that this is not normal.

That elders can be wrong too part of it is because of her upbringing and part of it because she has always been expected to follow baa's instructions to the T.

Toshu did say a few things that made sense.

It is despicable how baa treats rakhi and under no circumstances should she even be calling her "naagin" and threatening to slap her. Downright crass.

But that are things that anupama has almost gotten used to hearing from leela.

Anupama has been soo conditioned into thinking that this family is her end all be all that she sometimes behaves like a worker bee there. Protecting the queen bee from intruders even if she has to sting and die for that.

She needs a third person perspective from someone she actually respects to make her see things clearly.

The stockholm syndrome runs DEEP in her and it would be in a way interesting to watch how the makers handle it

You are spot on about her upbringing. This is normal for her which is why she sees no wrong in it. This is all she's ever known. You have provided me with clarity on Anupamaa's perspective and why she is the way she is. I have seen what social and mental conditioning can do in my own extended family.

But I am still so angry. Lol. I think it's because this pattern has been so overused in Indian television. I have run out of patience. 😆 The heart craves to see change and justice.

@bold red: Crass it is. Baa is despicable. Anupamaa is the only one who seems to act on Baa's teachings. Baa herself does not follow her own principles. 😆She has no clue how to conduct herself in the company of guests. First, her looking down on Gopi Kaka and second, the way she was insensitively poking and prodding at the matter of the death of Anuj's parents. I cringed. 😵

@bold black: Absolutely! And I hope Anuj is that person.

All seriousness aside, how charming is Anuj? My heart flutters every time he is onscreen. Oh to have someone look at you the way he looks at Anupamaa.

Absolutely love the discussion between the two of you. Years of domestic violence by a toxic mother son duo had numbed anupama. The day she caught her double timer husband made her begin to reinvent herself. She had to gradually break the stereotype. She performed rituals by herself bore the insults of Rakhee and Kavya as well as that is how she was conditioned.

By deifing the mother putting her on a pedestal they make her conform to the pateiarchal norms. She is slowly but steadily breaking it.

Someone who cares for her will only ta k e her to a therapist but each issue before it resolves you have others brewing to spill over anytime.

Like anupama learnt driving, decided on Bapujis surgery and learnt to use a presentation today she needs to consistently keep evolving.

Originally posted by: ...manal...

You are spot on about her upbringing. This is normal for her which is why she sees no wrong in it. This is all she's ever known. You have provided me with clarity on Anupamaa's perspective and why she is the way she is. I have seen what social and mental conditioning can do in my own extended family.

But I am still so angry. Lol. I think it's because this pattern has been so overused in Indian television. I have run out of patience. 😆 The heart craves to see change and justice.

@bold red: Crass it is. Baa is despicable. Anupamaa is the only one who seems to act on Baa's teachings. Baa herself does not follow her own principles. 😆She has no clue how to conduct herself in the company of guests. First, her looking down on Gopi Kaka and second, the way she was insensitively poking and prodding at the matter of the death of Anuj's parents. I cringed. 😵

@bold black: Absolutely! And I hope Anuj is that person.

All seriousness aside, how charming is Anuj? My heart flutters every time he is onscreen. Oh to have someone look at you the way he looks at Anupamaa.

I TOTALLY get you 🤣

I am such an impatient little thing that even though i do in a way understand why anupama is doing what she is doing i sometimes just want to get inside my phone or laptop and slap all of them until they start behaving like decent humans 🤣

Soo we are here for all your frustration rants 🤗

Honestly you were on point bout how baa never even follows her own principles. Anupama was giving gyaan ke moti to vanraj that baa has taught her that guests should be received at the gate as well as dropped off to the gate only that she was the ONLY one seeing anuj off till the gate and baa had gona inside way earlier even though anuj is rich and she has her greedy motives for him 🤣

Oh my god i can already see soo much of myself in you 🤣. For me too everything serious is on side and anuj on the other side 🤣

Ranting can wait fangirling cannot

I loved how everytime kavya opened her mouth to speak something anuj had that barely concealed anger on his face 🤣

Originally posted by: ...manal...

I am going to split this post into two parts because I have a lot to say.

Star Plus keeps recycling their taglines every few years but never do they recycle their mindset. When the channel revamped their look around a decade ago with the new 'Rishta Wahi, Soch Nayee' tagline, they also released an anthem called 'Tu Hi Tu'. For those who are not familiar with the video, you can look it up on YouTube. I remember my mother calling that video out for its toxicity. I was quite young at the time and looked up at her in confusion. I thought showing a woman who does it all (works, learns classical dance, exercises daily, controls traffic, cooks, looks after her family, has a good relationship with her husband, has an interest in astronomy and also occasionally chases goons down the street) is the very definition of woman empowerment. So why was it toxic? For years (or ever since Ekta Kapoor started producing Indian television shows 🤢) women in Indian television have been held up to this unbearable, unrealistic standard of perfection. She's the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect sister. She never raises her voice, she is a profound multi-tasker and my personal favorite, she NEVER asks for help. She is the sacrificial lamb. Anybody can walk all over her but she'll take it with a smile because her family's honor lies on her and her shoulders alone. Indian television shows always show what the ideal woman should be like but never, I mean NEVER, how a man must conduct himself or present himself in society.

And until and unless you don't challenge this worn out narrative that a woman should not have boundaries, that she can't make mistakes or learn from them or that she's not supposed to be goddam perfect, shows like Anupamaa cannot and should not be categorized as 'progressive'. It is one thing to show that characters like Baa, Vanraj, Kaavya and Toshu exist but to normalize them and not challenge them? Nope. It is unacceptable.

People in our country have been looking up to these shows for decades. People think this is how men are supposed to be, how mothers-in-law are supposed to treat their daughters-in-law and how daughters and bahus are supposed to take s**t from their husbands, in-laws and children just because our gender is 'supposedly' the more sensitive, nurturing and forgiving one. Every time this show seems to move in the direction of progress, the writers throw some bulls**t at us. There is ZERO character development. The justification behind what some of the characters say and do makes no sense.

This is an amazing post and this is exactly what we all feel everyday as we try to live our life. Ekta's so called strong female leads have done nothing but made life even more difficult. Now everybody expects woman to be able to do everything handle home, work, be a super mom and be an amazing manager at office. If you want to say that one day lets order food from outside you are looked down upon. If you say once in the office that you know I have work at home and I cannot stay in the office late then you are not a good co worker.

All these issues all these burden that have been thrown upon our heads has been due to these stories who say that woman can handle all and do all. Now it has been shown clearly and demanded clearly from Anupama as well. The fact that they were assuming Kinjal and Anupama to work as well as complete all the Housley duties and her accepting to do it without any help from anyone else is just plain simple wrong. Why cant Vanraj and Toshu help out in the house?? Why cant they get some house help??

I had some days ago seen a poster of a mom dressed in a super woman costume who handles work and home both. But why why is it so necessary for a mom to be a super woman. I mean men also work but we dont get posters saying everything household has a super man. Why is a woman's life has to be so difficult that she needs super powers to do all??

EK shows and now Anupama has made this mindset more concrete in the minds of the people than anything else.

Originally posted by: chenjulia110

I TOTALLY get you 🤣

I am such an impatient little thing that even though i do in a way understand why anupama is doing what she is doing i sometimes just want to get inside my phone or laptop and slap all of them until they start behaving like decent humans 🤣

Soo we are here for all your frustration rants 🤗

Honestly you were on point bout how baa never even follows her own principles. Anupama was giving gyaan ke moti to vanraj that baa has taught her that guests should be received at the gate as well as dropped off to the gate only that she was the ONLY one seeing anuj off till the gate and baa had gona inside way earlier even though anuj is rich and she has her greedy motives for him 🤣

Oh my god i can already see soo much of myself in you 🤣. For me too everything serious is on side and anuj on the other side 🤣

Ranting can wait fangirling cannot

I loved how everytime kavya opened her mouth to speak something anuj had that barely concealed anger on his face 🤣

🤗

LOL Baa is a nuisance.

Sigh. Anuj. Aaj ka dream sequence dekha? It was everything. They were the perfect combination of sweet and spicy. And then the way they held each other when they tripped outside the academy. Haye. It was a very sweet moment. I am glad that beautiful moment was not ruined with Vanraj's entitled, prying eyes.

Kavya's a walking joke. 😆 I don't take that woman seriously anymore. The way Anuj handled her...mazaa aa gaya. If this is how he is with Kavya, I can't wait to see how he reacts when he sees the Shah family for what they truly are. Bas main ruki hoon ki koi inhein inki aukaat yaad dila de. In due time...in due time. Sabr ka phal meetha hota hai. I am counting on the CVs. They better not disappoint us.

Originally posted by: ...manal...

🤗

LOL Baa is a nuisance.

Sigh. Anuj. Aaj ka dream sequence dekha? It was everything. They were the perfect combination of sweet and spicy. And then the way they held each other when they tripped outside the academy. Haye. It was a very sweet moment. I am glad that beautiful moment was not ruined with Vanraj's entitled, prying eyes.

Kavya's a walking joke. 😆 I don't take that woman seriously anymore. The way Anuj handled her...mazaa aa gaya. If this is how he is with Kavya, I can't wait to see how he reacts when he sees the Shah family for what they truly are. Bas main ruki hoon ki koi inhein inki aukaat yaad dila de. In due time...in due time. Sabr ka phal meetha hota hai. I am counting on the CVs. They better not disappoint us.

I just couldnt get enough of that dream sequence 😭🥰

And the tripping and holding each other? I have already started investing heavily in my health insurances just in case my poor heart is unable to handle all those lovey dovey emotions 😆

Kavya is just on a tangent of her own 🤣

The woman needs some stability in her life asap😆. One moment she is thinking of encouraging anuj and anupama's friendship for her selfish motives and on the other hand she is also instigating baa against their closeness 🤣

Fingers crossed about patience bearing the sweetest fruits 😭

I wont mind a super cliche itv accident in the show tbh. As long as baa paritosh vanraj kavya all die in it 😆