Can loving someone too much can also be toxic? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Idiotboxer

Again playing the devil's advocate. Shaan is a one of a kind character. A kind person at heart but otherwise useless because of his lack of spine. It would be wrong to say that his love for his Noor made him incapable of loving Shaurya. He loves Shaurya. Maybe he never was able to show it like his Badima does.

I remember during the library conversation he told Aastha that he spent as much time as he could with Shaurya but he felt that Shaurya needed a mother. Given that they live in a joint family and Devi was willing to take up Shaurya's responsibility, he thought Shaurya might find a mother's affection from her. Maybe he was not aware of how manipulative she could be. People sometimes fail to read their own parents or children with whom they have spent years, so it is no surprise that Shaan failed to understand his bhabi's true intentions. As we have seen in some earlier episodes, Devi doesn't even consult Shaan while taking important decisions regarding Shaurya, like inviting prospective brides over.

Shaan definitely loves his Noor more than anyone else. But he could do nothing for her as well. He married her and brought her into this family knowing full well that she would be stifled in that environment. He could not stand by her when she decided to work, nor could he move out with her. Even now he tries to justify his elder brother and feels Aastha was wrong to leave. He only tried to contact her over phone when he could have gone to Kapurthala if he really wanted to see her. In short, like Aastha said, he loved her but could never understand her.

Coming to Shaan's alcohol problem, I think it was plain depression, from seeing his family shatter before his eyes and unable to do anything about it. The guy needed therapy but no one in that house cared for him enough to see that. I think Devi and Tej might love Shaurya to some extent but they never loved Shaan. How that got cured by Aastha's one call is for the CVs to explain.

P.S. - I too don't think I will be able to continue defending characters if writing is so inconsistent.

Originally posted by: jhankarbeats87

Loving someone is not enough, you have to respect n nurture the relationship. In Shaan's case though he loved Astha to the core, he didn't stand up for her rights or her dignity. In the process he also neglected his duties as a father. 🙂

Originally posted by: Sofna

I feel as humans there is no solid right or wrong.

Because to err is human.

Tej, Shaan and Alokh- 3 brother's from the same parent's but very different in how they will approach life and it's challenges.

Absentee parent's create havoc in children's life. What great examples Shaurya has in both his parent's one present and one afar but both absent.

I think Shaan gave up thinking he won't be able to do the mother's role and with Devi and Gayatri there allowed them to rightly take over the female presence in his life.

His love for noor I don't believe is toxic but there's A vacuum of regret for what if.

Even the best of parent's buckle under the pressure.

I think we forget that parent's are humans and have feelings and emotions. And just because they have a child(ren) doesn't mean they can switch themselves off.

But yes both his parent's played a role in imprinting in him that love = weakness, abandonment.

Shaan's love is toxic as it didn't just affect him but shaurya too. It tore him down. Had se jyaada kuch bhi accha nahi hota, pyaar bhi nahi. What he has is dependent personality. He loved aastha but he attached himself so much to her that he became dependent on her completely and forgot his own wajood. If that is not toxic, I don't know what is. He fell apart like a house of cards when she left while she moved on by focusing on her parents and career. She never forgot her identity and self but he did. Love is suppose to give you wings not become your crutch. It gives strength. Shaan forgot himself and even shaurya. I agree parents are humanbeings but that doesnt mean it is OK for them to ignore their kids and put them through what Shaan put shaurya through. Shaan could have made shaurya his strength and focused on him to have a sense of purpose because that was his duty but he didn't. Parents always put their kids above themselves and that is what Shaan did is neither understandable or justifiable because he emotionally damaged his own son because he was busy throwing himself a pity party instead of having some courage and picking a side. Either take a stand for aastha or move out with shaurya and aastha. Once a child comes in the picture, everything else takes a backseat.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

What a thought provoking post👍🏼

Made me think: How much is too much?

Shaan's love was unhealthy for sure, but I don't think I'll use the word toxic.

His blindness to everything around him clouded his reasoning. Astha was clearly his world , and when she left, his existence had no meaning causing him to lose track of everything and develop a dependence on alcohol to ease the pain. I feel that because of the fact that he was unable to take a strong stand for her, he wallowed in melancholy and self pity so much that he poured too much of himself - and then, he was left so empty that he could not see that maybe, just maybe closeness with his son would have provided both of them with the much needed warmth in cold nights.

Love is such a powerful emotion and it is often perceived in idealistic terms and so we'd generally not criticise a person who is deeply in love. However, it becomes problematic when that love affects the behavior of the lover and the beloved - clearly both are affected here, however, there was also a child who was part of this dynamic and the child was made to feel like he belonged nowhere - physical detachment with the mother and emotional detachment with the father! For me, its Shaurya's presence in this dynamic that makes it sort of unhealthy - because the two people who took conscious decisions not only hurt each other, but also the child.

So yeah, that's what happens when idealistic love meets the practical one. I wonder where Shaurya and Anokhi would fall - I guess they'd balance! While for the time being Shaurya looks more practical in his relationship outlook, I do think that he'll swing towards the idealistic version when he'll be in love. He feels everything deeply as it is!

Originally posted by: AK_2010

Shaan's love turned out to be toxic for his own self. He liberated his Noor but he got trapped in his grief.

Shaan is one of those people who fail to cope with trauma. Not because they are not trying hard enough but because they often fail to realize how much will it be worth it.

Some choose to not try but some don't see anything wrong with staying trapped in their grief. Over time, such people forget that there is a world outside this grief that isn't affect by their loss. Shaan could be one of them. He was so lost in his lost that he forgot that there someone else who lost a dear one as well.

They are not selfish but just.... They are too lost to find their way back.

Originally posted by: john909

Shaan's love is toxic as it didn't just affect shaurya. It tore him down too. Had se jyaada kuch bhi accha nahi hota, pyaar bhi nahi. What he has is dependent personality. He loved aastha but he attached himself so much to her that he became dependent on her completely and forgot his own wajood. If that is not toxic, I don't know what is. He fell apart like a house of cards when she left while she moved on by focusing on her parents and career. She never forgot her identity and self but he did. Love is suppose to someone's wings not a crutch. It gives strength. Shaan forgot himself and even shaurya. I agree parents are humanbeings but that doesnt mean it is OK for them to ignore their kids and put them through what Shaan put shaurya through. Shaan could have made shaurya his strength and focused on him to have a sense of purpose because that was his duty but he didn't. Parents always put their kids above themselves and that is what Shaan did is neither understandable or justifiable because he emotionally damaged his own son because he was busy throwing himself a pity party instead of having some courage and picking a side. Either take a stand for aastha or move out with shaurya and aastha. Once a child comes in the picture, everything else takes a backseat.

Originally posted by: Nomadic_Vibe

Lost or selfish we can debate the cause but we can't debate the outcome. It was Astha's fault if she knew Shaan is emotionally weak he couldn't have taken care of Shaurya she should have taken him with her in first place or he should have stayed back. Shaan too if he knew he couldn't take care of Shaurya ask Astha to take him with her if he felt he needed his mother. His passivity ruined Shaurya's childhood. Shaan should have done the right thing by Shaurya. He could have divorced Astha and given him Shaurya's custody if he felt he couldn't take his care.

Doobte ko tinke ka sahaara.

We don't don't know what we are capable of until we hit our lowest. I'm sure Astha and Shaan didn't either. This has definitely cost Shaurya his childhood and innocence but Shaan didn't see his own incompetence but rather saw Shaurya as his tinka and umeed that she will come back for her son of not her husband. Also, we can't ignore that Shaurya is the symbol of their love, Shaan probably didn't realise that his ignorance did more damage to his son than what meet the eyes.

Originally posted by: AK_2010

Doobte ko tinke ka sahaara.

We don't don't know what we are capable of until we hit our lowest. I'm sure Astha and Shaan didn't either. This has definitely cost Shaurya his childhood and innocence but Shaan didn't see his own incompetence but rather saw Shaurya as his tinka and umeed that she will come back for her son of not her husband. Also, we can't ignore that Shaurya is the symbol of their love, Shaan probably didn't realise that his ignorance did more damage to his son than what meet the eyes.

Originally posted by: Nomadic_Vibe

Shaan took Stamd for Anokhi and Astha against the family so it was not cowardice as much as we want to believe. How did he started caring for Anokhi so much? Just because Astha told him she is like a daughter to me. He did all that for Astha's love. Shaan has a father like bond with Anokhi. He pays attention to her and even cares for her because she is special to Astha. Why couldn't he have done the same for Shaurya? He certainly is capable we saw that? May be because Shaurya was not cared by Astha or he sees the lost opportunity of co parenting with her in case of Anokhi.

Quite a possibility.

But I think he was a bad parent not a bad person. His life revolves around Astha more than it should. Had Anokhi not been Astha's student... Would he test her the same? Nope.