*Discussion Of The Week #1* Second Marriages - Page 6

Originally posted by: heavenlybliss

I feel times have changed and ive seen women get remarried to better husbands who love their kids more than the real fathers.

I've seen only one or 2 in my whole life. Today is a marriage of one of the divorcees I know..she will leave her babies to her mother to take care of them.😒

Even if he divorced the second woman after realising he made a mistake, that is so unfair for both wives. I would never accept such an immature guy.

I know , coz you are brought up in another society..where women have more rights and freedom. Here it is better to be married to an immature guy than to live alone, or with your brother.🤓

I understand its hard for women to live alone in your country, here its better to live an independent life and be lonely than be stuck with a wrong guy

Originally posted by: heavenlybliss

I understand its hard for women to live alone in your country, here its better to live an independent life and be lonely than be stuck with a wrong guy

Ok. Let me speak my heart here.😳

Even those so called independant women have their needs.. Islam allowed us only one way to justify them. So marriage is the only solution. What is the use of living a life without a partner, or children. Ok Allah give us children or not, it is left to Him. but we have at least to do our part and get married..na?😉 You can't wait for mr.right your whole life. Time is merciless.😔

Sometimes you find a good guy , get married , but he marries another woman for some reason.. so what should you do? Ditch him..let the other woman get him, what about your life , your kids and dreams which you build and shared.. you have to fight. This is what I learned from my sister. 😆 Anyway , there are multi choices even in my society. And even here women ask for divorce when their husbands marry another women. Sometimes their families, ppl pressure which make them feel like staying with their spouses after the second marriage is beizzati.😕 I accept everything which Islam allows it. Allah is the most mercifull, how will he allow something which can harm a person.❤️

Originally posted by: awida

Thank you. 😊 I don't consider it bahaduri.. maybe it is cowardness.. coz sometimes you sacrifise your own happiness for a bigger cause. When my sister went through this experience twice. We adviced her to leave him cause it was taking a toll in her health.😒 but she though why leaving him..I must fight for the sake of my kids. Untill finally he returned back and divorced the other women.🤓

I understand your concerns but I feel it is insult to first wife if person seeks another person.Then they can just stay with that person.

Originally posted by: awida

Ok. Let me speak my heart here.😳

Even those so called independant women have their needs.. Islam allowed us only one way to justify them. So marriage is the only solution. What is the use of living a life without a partner, or children. Ok Allah give us children or not, it is left to Him. but we have at least to do our part and get married..na?😉 You can't wait for mr.right your whole life. Time is merciless.😔

Sometimes you find a good guy , get married , but he marries another woman for some reason.. so what should you do? Ditch him..let the other woman get him, what about your life , your kids and dreams which you build and shared.. you have to fight. This is what I learned from my sister. 😆 Anyway , there are multi choices even in my society. And even here women ask for divorce when their husbands marry another women. Sometimes their families, ppl pressure which make them feel like staying with their spouses after the second marriage is beizzati.😕 I accept everything which Islam allows it. Allah is the most mercifull, how will he allow something which can harm a person.❤️

Not every marriage has to work out you know. After divorce, many women even prefer to stay alone than get married again after one bad experience.

Why would a man marry another woman in the first place? Whatever his reason is, valid or not, the truth is you werent enough for him and he wasnt happy with you otherwise he wouldnt look for another woman.

I am sorry to say but women are not as weak as you are portraying them out to be. Social pressure is a completely different thing, but its people and their opinions like this which make women feel inferior and self pity themselves saying their life is incomplete without a man. That is not how it should be. A man is a guardian for you, yes, but not every man is like that.

Its society which has made women feel so weak than they actually are.

Originally posted by: awida

I understand independence can also be otherwise. Coz I believe that if your husband got married to another woman it doesn't take anything from your self respect. It is his own choice, it isn't your fault. So why should you bother yourself about it. Stay with your kids. Let them lead a normal life having their father around them. You can live your life , do the things which you like. You will get lots of time for yourself, and improve in your work and studies. It is not all about pleasing him anymore. But why should you seek divorce ? To avoid being called a woman without self respect? What about the family you worked so hard to keep tight?! If I have learned something from my hubby's first wife then it will be this. I know she isn't a working woman. But she has a lot of pride. And I see her as a strong and wise woman too.

@bold: are you second wife? sorry if this hurts you or is personal. I don't mean to interfere in you private life.

I feel that in this discussion, we need to have second wife's POV. If having husband marrying again is painful for first wife, being second choice is also hurtful to second wife. Imagine, how hurt pride of those women will be who are getting married only for kids (when first wife cannot conceive/give birth). Having that extra pressure of kids + making husband fall in love with you + hate of first wife(in some cases) = big pot of stress.

Here in India, I have not met any Islamic men who married multiple time while being married. So this concept of sharing husband is wierd to me.

But personally I have seen so many couples getting divorced and wife feeling sad and dejected when husband marries second time. If the feeling of hurt is after divorce, I cannot think how it would feel when you live in same house and see your husband getting married.

I would not be able to tolerate it, thinking if my husband is with other women. What if I have something important to discuss and husband cannot come leaving second wife behind.

So at the end of day, it is subjective. If you can tolerate and it doesn't make a difference to you can stay together. But if first wife is jealous, then this arrangement would not work.

Originally posted by: CornKhazana

@bold: are you second wife? sorry if this hurts you or is personal. I don't mean to interfere in you private life.

I feel that in this discussion, we need to have second wife's POV. If having husband marrying again is painful for first wife, being second choice is also hurtful to second wife. Imagine, how hurt pride of those women will be who are getting married only for kids (when first wife cannot conceive/give birth). Having that extra pressure of kids + making husband fall in love with you + hate of first wife(in some cases) = big pot of stress.

No . You aren't interfering in my life at all . I am sharing my experience with all as you see.😊 my sister was a first wife who suffered after her husband got a second marriage. So I can tell you . The hurt which the 1st wife gets is uncomparable to the hurt of 2nd wife. 😭

I had to refuse many proposals before I settled to marrying a married man . I waited untill I became 37 yrs old. And it was taking a toll on my metal health. I was depressed, because I needed to have a family and kids without breaking anyone's heart. 😒 but destiny had it this way only .

We are not sharing the same house, each of us live seperately..we rarely communicate, so it is much easier for us both. She has 5 kids, I have 3. I work..and am almost indepeding on myself in everything. My hubby lives abroad. So I learned how to deal with my own matters without running to him if any problem happens.😃

Love isn't important in marriage. Many love marriages failed meserably. It is the mutual understanding, and respect which keep the marriage strong . Here in my country many religious men, and rich men get 2nd marriages, coz they want to have bigger families. Do you know that Allah rewards those who take care of biger families? Of course being justic to both the wives is difficult, but if done, so why not. In Quraan:" If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice."

Originally posted by: sami011

see it is just reflection of society overall.In South asia, it was one country 75 years ago--hence generally speaking most people are used to 1 wife in last 100 years or so.In olden days and history look at number of wives even Rajput kings had...I feel that this is reason one wife issue is big deal here for us but in arab world it seems like more common occurrence to have 2 wives... so general reaction of society as a whole is different.

I understand your concerns but I feel it is insult to first wife if person seeks another person.Then they can just stay with that person.

You see it is the difference between cultures and religions.🤓 And even though we live in an Islamic country here. And it is very clear from Quraan , sunnah and fiqh that multi marriages (maxi 4) is allowed in Islam, and it was done by the most loved and respected men in Islamic history (prohet (p.b.u.h) and sahaba ) still there are many ppl here who think like you. That it is an insult to the first wife.😳 How can it be considered as an insult? This means that in Islamic history women , gr8 muslim women were insulted.😲 astaghfirulaah. This isn't true at all. 😊

Originally posted by: heavenlybliss

Not every marriage has to work out you know. After divorce, many women even prefer to stay alone than get married again after one bad experience.

Why would a man marry another woman in the first place? Whatever his reason is, valid or not, the truth is you werent enough for him and he wasnt happy with you otherwise he wouldnt look for another woman.

Many men prefer more than a woman. It is in their nature. Women lose their sexual desires more than men for many reasons :

I am sorry to say but women are not as weak as you are portraying them out to be. Social pressure is a completely different thing, but its people and their opinions like this which make women feel inferior and self pity themselves saying their life is incomplete without a man. That is not how it should be. A man is a guardian for you, yes, but not every man is like that.

Its society which has made women feel so weak than they actually are.

I personally think women are stronger than men , because women live longer, even after losing their spouses they can still live and be satisfied. There are less men who live after the lose of their wives. 🤓 but if a woman is young, she has desires, she wants kids, that's why she longs for marriage. If this is a weakness so it is ok. No need to pretend that you are strong. Even men need us even more..it doesn't make them weak.😉

For more informations about the wisdom behind multible marriages in Islam plz check this article:

https://islamhouse.com/ar/articles/430787/