Alternate take on what happens after Mahashivratri - Pt 8 on pg 8 - Page 5

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angelfire78 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#41

Originally posted by: ruhi19

hifi daya..we are greedy for mishbir...


then put it out of resort, either good or bad if u wont put it out it, u cant concentrate on next..


shivaratri ke time bahut kuch mila, esply abir's antics with mishti, i can see anytime in loop...


see i love mishbir fights but baseless i cant take it, now a days both are correct but its becoming baseless for me.. but i can understand abir want to cocncentrate on other things and mishti want to solve or say all about kuhu and then other thing...so ye tho hona hi tha... lest hope they come back soon...


Likha hai about 600 words, khatam nahi kiya. Will work on that also a bit. I was thinking of making it longer, but maybe I can finish it sooner if I make it an OS.

ruhi19 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#42

Originally posted by: angelfire78


Likha hai about 600 words, khatam nahi kiya. Will work on that also a bit. I was thinking of making it longer, but maybe I can finish it sooner if I make it an OS.

its upto u...either OS or a story story...

i have been working on OS, it is taking 6000 words or more, first i will complete writing and then editing...

aquaHP thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#43

Originally posted by: angelfire78


Thanks aqua. I tried really hard to keep the characters as true to themselves as possible.


I know kuku (especially Kunal) were not. As I said before, I really debated about that. I couldn't think of any other way to have Kuhu enough at peace with herself to agree to be part of their team. She needs that love and security and from Kunal she really deserves it after all she put up with for and from him.

Oh, don't worry! I wasn't complaining. Not even a bit. I loved the way you chose to portray all the characters. As said before, your thought process and writing style is very fresh and I have absolutely loved reading each and every chapter.

angelfire78 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#44

Note: Story wasn't going where I wanted it to go, so I went where it wanted me to go.


***


Part 5


At Rajvansh Sadan

At Rajvansh Sadan, Meenu is playing the sitar and thinking about what had happened the previous night. Circumstances had prevented the major fight between the sisters she had planned so carefully. Now with the four of them gone on a trip together, there was a chance that Abir and Kunal will succeed in smoothing things over. Her advantage lay in exploiting Kuhu’s insecurities. Her first loss was when Abir drank the coffee instead of Mishti. Now, Abir would push to forget the whole incident, and Kunal would probably agree.


So many secrets came out all at once and she had not been in a position to control anything. It was infuriating! But Meenakshi Rajvansh is not someone who gives up easily.


Meenu walks into the kitchen,


Parul - Ben Ba woh log ab tak pahunch gaye honge na?


Meenu - Haan Parul, Kunal ne message bheja hai. Woh log jaldi pahunch gaye aur rest kar rahe hain. Main thodi der baad phone karti hoon. Thak gaye honge, shayad so rahe hon.


Ketki - I wish bhai mujhe bhi saat leke jate


Naanu - Woh bahut jaldi mein the beta aur tum toh ghar mein nahi thi na


Nidhi - Accha hai na tum nahi thi. Dono behno ke drame mein tum revolve mat hona


Ketki - revolve nahi ma, involve...


Nidhi - Haan wohi. Same same different different


Naanu - Nidhi beta, ab woh sab batein chodo. Abir aur Kunal sab dekh lenge. Holi aa rahi hai. Shaadi ke baad pehli holi hai un sab ke liye.


Parul - Haan bapuji. Abir ko toh holi bahut pasand hai. Acche se manayenge.


Nidhi - Kya woh wapas aa jayenge holi se pehle? Shayad honeymoon mannane reh jayen?


Meenu - Nidhi! Woh kaam ke liye gaye hain. Khatam hote hi wapas aa jayenge.


Nidhi - Haan haan Ben Ba, main toh sirf...


Naanu - Waise Nidhi ne baat theek kaha hai. Unki abhi abhi shaadi huyi hai, honeymoon ke liye toh unhe jaana chahiye. Shayad holi ke baad...


Meenu - Woh sab theek hai bapuji lekin ab kaam kuch zyaada hai.


Koslu - Meenu Ben kaam toh hum kar lenge na


(Meenu glares at him and he busies himself with other things.)


Naanu - Kaam toh hamesha hota hai Meenu


Meenu - Haan bapuji, holi ke baad is baare mein baat karenge



At Maheshwari House

Varsha is thinking about last night’s events and is wondering whether or not she should call up Kuhu to check if everything's OK.


Jasmeet - Bhabhi, aap toh meri baat maan hi nahi rahi thi. Maine kaha tha ki us muhboli ke waje se Kuhu ka life spoil ho jayega. Ab dekhiye na…


Varsha - Jasmeet, Mishti ne kuch nahi kiya. Mujhe pata hai ki tumhe Mishti pasand nahi aati par Kuhu aur uske beech jo problems hain unko humein solve karni chahiye. Tum Kuhu se uske baare mein aisi baatein karna please band karo. Unke ghar mein already kafi problems hain.


Jasmeet - Isiliye toh keh rahi hoon bhabhi. Aap ka soch theek hi tha us din pooja mein Meenakshiji nahi chahti thi ki Kunal aur Kuhu pooja karein. Kunal toh unka beta hai hi nahi. Isliye toh…


Rajashri and Vishambar walk in.


BM - Aisa nahi hai Jasmeet. Meenakshiji Kunal se bahut pyaar karte hein. Hum sab ko toh sach abhi pata chala hai, tabhi humein aisa lagta hai. Agar humein ye nahi pata hota, toh kya hum aisa sochte?


Jasmeet - Phir bhi, ab sab ko pata hai toh humein sochna chahiya. Shayad isse Kuhu ke liye kuch problem ho jayein. Muhboli Kuhu ki jetani bani aur ab toh wohi uss ghar ki asli bahu wohi hai


BP - Yeh toh apne apne soch par depend karta hai Jasmeet. Hamare liye toh Mishti aur Kuhu dono is ghar ki betiyan hain. Uss ghar mein sab ne Kunal ko aisa hi apnaya hai. Kunal bhi usi ghar ka beta hai. Humein vishwas hai ke sab Kuhu ko uss ghar ki bahu hi mante hain.


Jasmeet - Taiji mujhe pata hai is ghar mein koi meri baat nahi sunta. Agar meri baat sunte toh kabhi Nishant aur Mishti ka sagai nahi hota aur mere bete ka dil nahi tootha.


Shaurya - Ab woh sab baatein kyun kar rahi ho Jasmeet?


Jasmeet - Kyunki bhaiya mujhe lagta hai ki Kuhu ko isse bahut badi problem ho sakti hai aur aaj bhi aap sab meri baat nahi sun rahe hain. Uss muhboli ne toh humse sab chupaya tha.


Varsha - Baat sirf Mishti ne chupaya Jasmeet. Tumne toh kal raat baat ki thi Nannu se. Usne kaha ki use bhi sab pata tha. Phir bhi woh chup raha, sab chup rahe Kuhu ke liye. Ye baat theek hai ki jo Nannu ke saath hua, uski waje se tum Mishti se ab bhi naraz ho, lekin uss ghar mein problems badenge toh humari betiyon ke liye hi problems hogi.


BP - Jasmeet, jo Nannu ke saath hua usmein hamari galti thi. Humne jald-baazi kiya tha. Humein Mishti ko Meenakshiji se door rakhne ke liye aisa kiya aur Mishti aur Nannu ne hamare liye haan keh di. Humse galti ho gayi. Aap maa hain unki aur humne aap ki baat unsuni kar di. Hum iss baat ke liye aap se maafi chahte hain. Lekin humein apne parvarish pe bharosa hai. Humein vishwas hai ki Kuhu aur Mishti sab sambhal lenge.


BM - Sab theek hoga Varsha. Tum chinta mat karo. Main thodi der mein Mishti se baat karti hoon. Tum bhi Kuhu se baat karo.



At Champaner

The four of them make arrangements at the tapri for breakfast for themselves and the kids. Mishti texts BM to say they reached and that she’ll call when she has some time to talk. While they are there, Meenu calls Kunal to check-in on them. Kunal walks away to talk.


Meenu - Kunal tumhara message mila. Wahan sab theek hai? Abir kaisa hai?


Kunal - Sab theek hai maa. Bhai bhi bilkul theek hain.


Meenu - Mishti aur Kuhu ke beech sab theek hai? Mujhe darr lag raha tha ki kahin raste mein dono jhagda karke koi accident na ho jayein. Pata nahi Mishti ne Kuhu ko bhi saath aane ko kyun kaha tha.


Kunal - Aisa kuch nahi hua maa. In fact, un dono ke beech bhi ab sab theek hai. Bhai aur main hain na.


Meenu - Haan OK good. Ek aur baat, maine toh keh diya ki tum ja sakte ho, but actually woh Red Pear ki anniversary celebration bhi aa rahi hai toh kafi kaam hai. Tum log jitna jaldi aa sake kaam khatam karke aa jana.


Kunal - Of course maa. Aa jayenge. Aur agar aisa kuch hai jo main yahan se handle kar sakta hoon, toh bata dijiye aur main kar lunga.


Meenu - Sure. Accha Kunal, kya maine tumse jo baat kahi uske baare mein kuch socha hai?


Kunal - Haan maa, mujhe kuch problem nahi hai.


Meenu - Sach mein? Main tumhe pressurize nahi karungi, especially abhi. Tumhe baat achi nahi lagi toh…


Kunal - Nahi maa, really, no problem. Aap jaisa soch rahi hain, waisa hi kijiye.


Meenu - OK then. Main sab ready rakhungi yahan. OK then...Parul aapko Kunal se baat karni hai?

(Parul shakes her head no)


Kunal - Maa sab mere liye wait kar rahe hain, main jaon? OK. Bye.


Kunal walks back towards the others.


M - Ghar mein sab theek hai na Kunal?


Kunal - Haan...shayad...


Kuhu - Matlab?


Kunal - Maa aur mein ne toh ghar ke baare mein kuch baat nahi ki.


A - Haan yeh decide kar rahe honge ki Uima Patel ko kaise batayein ki Nanko teen-char din tak office nahi aayega


Kunal - Bhai!


A - Accha sab kaam ki baat ho gayi toh ab chalen?


They then walk to the campsite.


Person in charge - Hello sir. Mera naam Rajesh hai. Maine ab tak toh manage kar liya, lekin ab mujhe ready hoke kaam pe jana hai. Yahan aur nahi ruk sakta, aur aaj raat wapas bhi nahi aa sakta. Sorry sir.


A - Koi baat nahi. Hum manage kar lenge. Aapne hamare rehne ke liye kuch arrangements kia hai na?


Rajesh - Haan sir, woh sab ho gaya. Aap aayiye main dikha deta hoon aapko.


A - Aur replacement ke liye bhi interviews karne hain naa? Aapke paas woh baki applications hain? Hum pehle uss list se try karte hain, shayad koi short notice mein aane ke liye ready hoga. Humein bhi holi se pehle wapas jaana hoga.


Rajesh - Shayad woh dono shaadi karke wapas aa jayenge sir. Phir…


M - What? Aapko lagta hai ki aise irresponsible logon ko hum phir se in bachon ka charge de sakte hain?


Kunal - Right! Unko toh bilkul phir se ye kaam karne nahi de sakte.


Rajesh - Accha sir. Ye rahe baki ke applications aapko deta hoon. Lekin pata nahi un mein se koi itni jaldi aa sakega ya nahi.


A - Thank you. Hum dekh lenge.


M - Kunal, kya tum mujhe interviews lene help karoge? Pehle list mein sab ko call karke poochna hai unke availability ke baare mein.


Kunal - Sure!


M - Abir, tum aur Kuhu dekho naa aaj bacchon ke liye kya plan hai. Didi keh rahi thi ki is group ko music aur dance ka bahut shauk hai, aur art ka bhi. Thodi der mein breakfast bhi aa jayegi.


A - OK. Come on bro, let’s have some fun.


Kuhu - Yes bro, #we’llrock


Kunal and Mishti go into the school building with the applications. Abir and Kuhu go into the campsite where the kids are just waking up.


Kunal - Mishti tumhein pata hai bhai ko kaise log chahiye. Tum applications se select karo, main unko call karke availability poochta hoon, OK?


M - OK


Mishti quickly looks through the applications, handing those that look promising to Kunal. Kunal calls to check availability and arrange the interviews. They quickly short-list and arrange for some interviews in the next 2 days. Mishti explains to Kunal what they will be looking for in the candidates and they discuss details.


M - Chalo, ab toh interviews tak wait karna padega. Hum jake Abir aur Kuhu ki help karte hein.


Mishti starts walking towards the door.


Kunal - Mishti…


Mishti looks back towards him.


Kunal - Jab bhai beemar the tab tum bahut darr gayi hogi, phir bhi tumne sab kuch acche se manage kiya - unki dekh baal bhi ki, maasi ka bhi defend kiya aur... mujhe sirf thank you kehna tha.


M - Thank you ki koi zarurat nahi hai Kunal. Mujhe toh tab theek se pata bhi nahi tha ki aisa kisne kiya tha. Mujhe bas shak tha ki shayad Kuhu... anyway, you don’t worry, Kuhu aur maine itne saal saath rehna manage kiya hai. Ab bhi kar lenge.


Kunal - Mishti, is baat ke liye bhi thank you.


M - Kiss baat ke liye?


Kunal - Saath rehne ki try karne ke liye. Bhai ne toh alag rehne ke liye kaha hoga.


Mishti doesn’t know what to say.


Kunal - It’s OK. Main toh thank you kehna chahta tha ki tumne aisa nahi kiya.


M - Kunal, ek baat poochun?


Kunal - Haan?


M - Mere baare mein opinion aise kaise badal gaya? Main jaanti hoon Abir ki waje se tumne mujhe accept kiya, lekin jaise tum behave kar rahe ho, lagta hai ki tumne dil se accept kar liya mujhe.


Kunal - Mishti, jab mujhe sach pata chala tab mujhe ye bhi realize hua ki bhai mujhse kitna pyaar karte hain. Main unhe ab kabhi choose karne ke position mein nahi dalna chahta hoon.


M - Thanks Kunal, it means a lot. Aur mujhe bhi tumse sorry bolna hai. Jis tarah se maine tumhein sach bataya, woh bilkul theek nahi tha. I’m very sorry.


Kunal - It’s OK Mishti. Gusse mein hum sab kuch na kuch kar dete hain jise hum baad mein regret karte hain, right? Let’s forget it.


They go outside to help Kuhu and Abir with the children.

ruhi19 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#45

very good update...


meenu and uski planing tho chalti hi rahegi...


glad atleast kunal and mishti had a meaningful talk...


iss jas ko tho akal aane ka nishan hi nahi dek rahe hain...

angelfire78 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#46

Originally posted by: ruhi19

very good update...


meenu and uski planing tho chalti hi rahegi...


glad atleast kunal and mishti had a meaningful talk...


iss jas ko tho akal aane ka nishan hi nahi dek rahe hain...


Thanks Ruhi! Glad you liked it.


Kendrix thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#47

Daya🤗

kaahan gayab ho gayi thi aap yaara..

firstly sorry i cudn't catch up vid ur updates re..got caught up here..just was poppin in & out of AT...2day as soon as i saw ur thread in MF jumped here & read all 3 parts in 1 go👍🏼

u have penned it down so nicely yaara..Mishnal convo had a realistic touch👍🏼Kuku convo was very nice 😊& i think much needed for kuhu to maintain the ceasefire ...& also compared to it i expected Mishbir's convo too to b mostly abt them..par i guess u hav reserved some heart to heart for Mishbir too n the upcoming updates..nevertheless mishbir convo u jotted also s necessary par tumeh toh patha hai when it comes to Mishbir yeh dil maange more😳😆

ps-- i have tried my hand on a Mishbir vignette thread yaar..do check it out when free..i would b glad to have ur thots on it dr🤗

Edited by Kendrix - 5 years ago
angelfire78 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#48

Originally posted by: Kendrix

Daya🤗

kaahan gayab ho gayi thi aap yaara..

firstly sorry i cudn't catch up vid ur updates re..got caught up here..just was poppin in & out of AT...2day as soon as i saw ur thread in MF jumped here & read all 3 parts in 1 go👍🏼

u have penned it down so nicely yaara..Mishnal convo had a realistic touch👍🏼Kuku convo was very nice 😊& i think much needed for kuhu to maintain the ceasefire ...& also compared to it i expected Mishbir's convo too to b mostly abt them..par i guess u hav reserved some heart to heart for Mishbir too n the upcoming updates..nevertheless mishbir convo u jotted also s necessary par tumeh toh patha hai when it comes to Mishbir yeh dil maange more😳😆

ps-- i have tried my hand on a Mishbir vignette thread yaar..do check it out when free..i would b glad to have ur thots on it dr🤗


Sorry Meera, I was MIA. Got really busy with work last 2 weeks - just popped in last week and couldn't even manage that this week.


Yes, there will always be more Mishbir, I kept as much as seemed organic and what I needed for the story. Also, I haven't watched a lot of the break-up scenes (I'm a coward), so some of those things may not make it coz I have no idea what happened - I only read written updates for those.


Will definitely read your thread and comment.

aquaHP thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#49

Hi Daya!!!

Lovely update!!

And can I just say that I am so glad that fiction me hi sahi but BP-BM did not ignore Jasmeet's feelings. Like finally, a somewhat proper apology. I wish they would have shown that in the show, for Jasmeet and Nishant but the makers screwed up the whole track by making Nishant negative to give the leads an upper hand.

Anyway, it was a really nice update. I have said this before but I absolutely love how you include all the characters in the scenes you write and their dialogues don't seem forced. It's nice to see someone understand all the characters' POV.

Now, I need to go back in the story to remember what Meenu had asked Kunal.

angelfire78 thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
#50

Originally posted by: aquaHP

Hi Daya!!!

Lovely update!!

And can I just say that I am so glad that fiction me hi sahi but BP-BM did not ignore Jasmeet's feelings. Like finally, a somewhat proper apology. I wish they would have shown that in the show, for Jasmeet and Nishant but the makers screwed up the whole track by making Nishant negative to give the leads an upper hand.

Anyway, it was a really nice update. I have said this before but I absolutely love how you include all the characters in the scenes you write and their dialogues don't seem forced. It's nice to see someone understand all the characters' POV.

Now, I need to go back in the story to remember what Meenu had asked Kunal.


Thanks Aqua. Jasmeet and Nishant too really deserve an apology. I liked how Abir understood that and apologized to her. Nishant - I guess that letter he wrote Mishti was meant to provide some closure but somehow, they should have had time to talk alone lekin drama ke liye kuch bhi karte hain. He started as such a nice character! Jasmeet has some good points to make. Given the way her mind works, if BP is really concerned about Meenu, he should listen to her!!


I haven't yet written about what Meenu asked Kunal :) Coming up soon though...

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