Do children "owe" their parents?

In many cultures and traditions, parents rely on their children and have expectations of them, whether it is to look after them when they are old, to marry the person of their choice or simply to respect them and to heed their advice.

Is this right? Do children "owe" their parents simply because they brought them up?

Should parents see nurturing and bringing up their children as something they did out of love or duty?

Do most parents see their children as individuals or as extensions of themselves, or a chance to live life "second time round" and to do it differently

Would love to hear your views!

😡M😡

Related Topic - https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/722031

inlined in bold below...

Originally posted by: Madmadgirl

In many cultures and traditions, parents rely on their children and have expectations of them, whether it is to look after them when they are old, to marry the person of their choice or simply to respect them and to heed their advice.

 

Is this right? Do children "owe" their parents simply because they brought them up?

Can we factor out expectations that children have from parents, no. Wrong expectation in the cases is no no. Yes, deserved to be loved/respected/taken care of, as far as question of oweing, will take a pass on that.

 

Should parents see nurturing and bringing up their children as something they did out of love or duty?

Out of thier responsibility and ofcourse World peace😉 oops I meant love.

Do most parents see their children as individuals or as extensions of themselves, or a chance to live life "second time round" and to do it differently.

Don't think so in most cases is they want children to lead a happy /properous /independant lives.

Would love to hear your views!

😡M😡

The ideal case scenario is to have no expectations from no one, be it the children from parents or vice versa...However the reality is far from it...Children do have expectations from their parents whilst growing up and so do parents when their kids become grown ups and independent, even though they don't admit😉...Nothing wrong with it though...As a grown up and independent person, I really feel indebted towards my parents and owe to them for everything that I am today and want to sincerely and lovingly take care of them....

Originally posted by: Madmadgirl

In many cultures and traditions, parents rely on their children and have expectations of them, whether it is to look after them when they are old, to marry the person of their choice or simply to respect them and to heed their advice.

Look after them in old age and respect-definitely, no question

Marry someone of their choice-no

Heed their advice-depends on the situation...

Is this right? Do children "owe" their parents simply because they brought them up?

I think parents are owed respect at least. Monetary no, if you think that way with your parents it's pathetic. They gave you life, life is priceless, in that way you can never pay them back. Relationship should be give and take of only love.

Should parents see nurturing and bringing up their children as something they did out of love or duty?

Idealistically love of course...realistically with the way some kids are being born these days,out of wedlock,  people in some liberal cultures do it only for duty...

Do most parents see their children as individuals or as extensions of themselves, or a chance to live life "second time round" and to do it differently

Relive through children, big no no!! Your child will have different thought than you, he or she is an individual not an extension of you. Take for example the mom's dragging their daughters to child beauty contests, to make them what they could never be, teaching them to be vain at such a young age... I hate that kind of ideology.

~Shalini~

When we say things like children owe parents, it makes parents' selfless love a loan. Parents have children because they want a family and they do everything to make sure that their children get all the good things in life. I don't think there is any compensation in their mind at that time.

When children grow up and talk about owing parents for all that they did, it is disrespect to them. This is strictly my opinion. Children should care/help their parents because they want to not as a reimbursement.

I am just taking selfless parents into account and not going into details about parents who remind their children of all the hardships they went through and 9 months they carried them in her womb or the sleepless nights they spent when the kid was sick.

 Yes.. Family unit is bedrock of civilization and every person in the family unit from grandparents to a baby needs to be to taken care of ..😊

Originally posted by: Madmadgirl

In many cultures and traditions, parents rely on their children and have expectations of them, whether it is to look after them when they are old, to marry the person of their choice or simply to respect them and to heed their advice.

true.  this is the case with a typical indian family. 

Is this right? Do children "owe" their parents simply because they brought them up?

expecting that ur children shd look after u coz u looked after them is not right.  my parents do not expect it out of me but i still do care for them and respect them out of love and the values they instilled in us through being great role models.  i'm the same with my kids.  i do my best but do not expect anything in return.  i am raising them coz i chose to bring them in this world and as a parent it is my duty to raise them.  whether they respect me or look after me will be the choice they'll need to make out of their own free will.

Should parents see nurturing and bringing up their children as something they did out of love or duty?

both.  as a parent it is ur duty to look after ur kids.  loving comes naturally.

Do most parents see their children as individuals or as extensions of themselves, or a chance to live life "second time round" and to do it differently

they sure are individuals in their own right...even when they r itty bitty babies.  i feel really proud when i am told that my older daughter resembles me a lot but i do not see her as my extension.  thank god, she is far more smarter and mature than me😆 and i definitely do not want to live my life second time around thru them.  all i can do is share my experiences and let them take whatever lessons they want to take out of them.  this is how i was raised and this is how i'm raising my girls

Would love to hear your views!

😡M😡

Edited by Gauri_3 - 16 years ago

Children do not owe their parents, in the sense that they are their own individuals. Everyone has the right to make their own life choices and decisions. Parents should not expect children to do everything especially important decisions like career choices, marriage, children, etc.

What children do owe is gratitude and respect. Be genuinely grateful for what parents have done and show appreciation in whatever they can. Respect their parents choices, they may not listen to their parents but they can respect their advice and give it due consideration and be open to working a compromise.

Sometimes parents are aware of mistakes they made in their life or opportunities lost and want to inform their kids about such choices and consequences. It is a delicate matter and sometimes they cross the line treating children like their extensions. Parents should be mindful of the fine line and give their children space to grow their individuality. At the same time children as they grow should try to understand their parents and try to see where they come from. Mutual cooperation is the key to happy families.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

When we say things like children owe parents, it makes parents' selfless love a loan. Parents have children because they want a family and they do everything to make sure that their children get all the good things in life. I don't think there is any compensation in their mind at that time.

When children grow up and talk about owing parents for all that they did, it is disrespect to them. This is strictly my opinion. Children should care/help their parents because they want to not as a reimbursement.

I am just taking selfless parents into account and not going into details about parents who remind their children of all the hardships they went through and 9 months they carried them in her womb or the sleepless nights they spent when the kid was sick.

 

This is the perfect answer....its soo tru!..kids do wht they do because they want to and out of love...and parents do for their kids because they want their kids to be better people...and thats that

Originally posted by: SlytherinPrnces

 

This is the perfect answer....its soo tru!..kids do wht they do because they want to and out of love...and parents do for their kids because they want their kids to be better people...and thats that

SP - like the disclaimer😉 - only selfless parents considered!!!😆 

But a lot of parents, particularly from the Asian subcontinent, could easily fall into the category described in your third papragraph.

|In such case, is that right? Just because parents did endure the hardships or traumas that they did, do they have the right to "call" upon that form the children to be repaid in some kind of loyalty??  

MM- if parents do what they do because they want their kids to be better - what about the kids? What if they feel theyre doing just fine, or maybe that they dont want to do it the way the parents want them to?

Forced marriage is an example that comes to mind - I suppose the parents will always say they they were doing what's best for their child....but are they really??

😡M😡