Patiala Babes enters a new phase - writers of PB comment - Page 3

Originally posted by: Padmajaan

Well Naeem Bi also said very wise words about carpe diem, seize the day, seize the moment and also spoke about how permanency is just a chimera. To seize the moment even if it is transient. Do you think she was being prophetic??

I wonder if Babita has really understood the depth of all that.

Still busy. So sad can't elaborate.

I think she just went in the flow and accepted hers and Mini's happiness. But no, she hasn't got that in real sense. She is yet to learn a lot. And I know she will.

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

Many myths to be broken in this phase. Mini's conviction in her Babe's absolute innocence and Ashok's absolute demonization to be challenged. Life is not black and white. Resides in grey. Challenge is to color it with hope.

What does this mean? 🤔... what kinds faults might have Babita had in her previous marriage?

Not faults per se, but rather bad luck. See, babita married to Ashok when they were very young. She didn't know Ashok. Ashok didn't know babita either. Both were married due to commitments between elders. Shortly after Ashok left for London. He didn't cheat on babita immediately. It took few years for a stage to come where desperate need for partner, no attraction towards Babita and liking for meeta came in together and Ashok started extra marital affair. ( I might be missing something here- I don't remember the reason why Ashok never called babita to come and live with him in the London).

Having said that- let me make it clear I am not justifying his cheating. He shouldn't have lied to Babita and meeta. My point here is that- expectations to make marriage work with Babita were big enough that he thought that cheating on her seemed easier than to break a relationship.

I put more blame on parents who set up marriage of children at young age without giving them any chance to know each other and pressurize them into making relationship work. Next one to be blamed here is Ashok- who cheats on his spouse and mistress. Instead of making it clear that he doesn't feel attracted towards her and ending a relationship in a more acceptable way. Ashok was a victim of loveless marriage too, but he decided to solve his loneliness by cheating on the spouse- that's what make us not like him.

Babita isn't at fault directly- but her character suffers from each and every delusional idea women are taught in order to keep them in their place- obey your husband and his family like master and you will get love, respect and acceptance. Do what they say , don't argue and live a decent life. And she has no strong academic background either- since it's not considered important for women to be educated because education brings employment and hence would make her independent. An economically independent woman would voice her opinion and wouldn't work as servant of husband's family. I would call those women servants of patriarchy. They obey patriarchy and propagate patriarchy. Kind of Stockholm syndrome.

Originally posted by: Padmajaan

Well Naeem Bi also said very wise words about carpe diem, seize the day, seize the moment and also spoke about how permanency is just a chimera. To seize the moment even if it is transient. Do you think she was being prophetic??

I wonder if Babita has really understood the depth of all that.

Still busy. So sad can't elaborate.

Don't think she understood NB's philosophy. Chasing after perfection makes you lose out on the fleeting moments of happiness too. She needs to more fluid and less rigid.

Originally posted by: inlieu

I come from a family where remarriage is strongly supported and encouraged for those who are widowed or divorced. Like literally up and down the family.

The extended family also helps with setting expectations and adjusting to the new atmosphere, especially when kids are involved. Trust me, I have seen so many varieties and flavors and types of issues, that I can relate to what KK is saying in their tweets.

I am also very fortunate that women in my family are told at the time of the wedding, the day he first raises his hand is the day you call us and walk out or we come and get you. Newly-wed women are closely looked after just to spot early signs of abuse if any, that includes emotional abuse too. For those who go live in another country, they always have a return ticket booked in their name and are asked to always keep a packed emergency bag so that they can run out the door in a hurry if required. Some people might think this is a bit much but on the other hand the girl gets married feeling quite secure and knowing what her options are.

Also, if women are not happy in their marriage, even if there isn't any abuse, then they are encouraged to think about moving on and not waste their time in a loveless, pointless marriage if they don't want to.

This is so inspirational! The orthodoxies in mine are hard. Reflexively and naturally there are minimal to null chances of turning back and being accepted with the same warmth and love.

Edit: family means the extended one ofcourse. Not my immediate small family.

Originally posted by: inlieu

I come from a family where remarriage is strongly supported and encouraged for those who are widowed or divorced. Like literally up and down the family.

The extended family also helps with setting expectations and adjusting to the new atmosphere, especially when kids are involved. Trust me, I have seen so many varieties and flavors and types of issues, that I can relate to what KK is saying in their tweets.

I am also very fortunate that women in my family are told at the time of the wedding, the day he first raises his hand is the day you call us and walk out or we come and get you. Newly-wed women are closely looked after just to spot early signs of abuse if any, that includes emotional abuse too. For those who go live in another country, they always have a return ticket booked in their name and are asked to always keep a packed emergency bag so that they can run out the door in a hurry if required. Some people might think this is a bit much but on the other hand the girl gets married feeling quite secure and knowing what her options are.

Also, if women are not happy in their marriage, even if there isn't any abuse, then they are encouraged to think about moving on and not waste their time in a loveless, pointless marriage if they don't want to.

I have said the same in my recent posts. Marriage might happen first. Then will come complications. Babita needs a lot to learn. HS had a fairy tale marriage with Imrati. But Babita Ashok was different. Babita's way of looking at things is not always right. Sometimes she goes too far with her own idiosyncrasies. Please do not take this as Babita bashing. I am not. But she has problems and she has to overcome those first. I hope HS shows her the right way in a passive manner just like he has done till now.

Babita and Mini should both learn to manage their anger and ego too.

Babita was at fault, but what needs to be taken into account is the fact that she was very young at the time of her marriage. I agree that is not an excuse.

But another fact is also that Ashok went to London very soon after marriage. Babita's involvement with the family and Minnie was a way for her to distract herself from ashok's absence.

If Ashok was so lonely and missed a wife's love, he would have come back or taken babita with him to London. From his actions it is clear he did not want a wife who cared for anyone other than him. He wanted someone modern, not simple like babita.

Babita's mistake was not asserting herself and hiding her emotions and desires. She always gave priority to everyone else. Even in the first 2 epsiodes she tells Minnie that Ashok has a lot of responsibilities and that's why he cannot take them to London. She wants everyone to be happy.

It needs 2 to make a marriage work, but 1 to break it. Babita voicing her feelings would not have made much of a difference except Ashok bringing mita in front of everyone earlier, because he wanted to break this marriage. If he did not intend to love someone else, he would have told mita he was married when he met her, not 3 years after dating.

Originally posted by: Padmajaan

Well Naeem Bi also said very wise words about carpe diem, seize the day, seize the moment and also spoke about how permanency is just a chimera. To seize the moment even if it is transient. Do you think she was being prophetic??

I wonder if Babita has really understood the depth of all that.

Still busy. So sad can't elaborate.

Padma I don't think Babita understands the meaning of Naembi's words. She has a wall around her, a wall of her own beliefs. And not all of them are right. Blaming Ashok and HS is not the way to solve it.

She married first first due to pressure from her parents while not understanding what it is. I feel second time too, her expectations will be .....

From one HS deewani to another.😳

I am in so awe of such mature and in-depth discussions reg any Itv drama... its such an interesting and thought provoking drama series and the way you guys discuss and analyse makes it even more happening.

I was silent reader all this while, liking your super cool discussions but this thread just made me come out of my shell to acknowledge how good this drama and you guys are :)

Originally posted by: rose1000

I have said the same in my recent posts. Marriage might happen first. Then will come complications. Babita needs a lot to learn. HS had a fairy tale marriage with Imrati. But Babita Ashok was different. Babita's way of looking at things is not always right. Sometimes she goes too far with her own idiosyncrasies. Please do not take this as Babita bashing. I am not. But she has problems and she has to overcome those first. I hope HS shows her the right way in a passive manner just like he has done till now.

Babita and Mini should both learn to manage their anger and ego too.

I used to think so too, but looking at recent events, I am not sure HS can or will remain passive after marriage. Before, there were boundaries he could not overstep. Now that those will be erased or shifted, he might be much more direct with her, and her being sensitive might be tricky. Also, he might be more sensitive than before so he is likely to let things get to him where previously he wouldn't.