Chapter 2 : A painful thing called love
2nd August 2018
Shahida wiped the single lone tear that had escaped her eyes and tried to calm her heart by the sound of the soft breaths Rehan took as he slept soundly beside her. For a moment, everything seemed perfect. And as Shahida placed a soft kiss on his cheeks, she let her foolish heart believe that it was.
They said love was like a droplet of rain from heaven, a blessing for those who received it. She had thought of him as a blessing too. The day he had embraced her for who she was, was the day she had happily accepted herself as she was. Nothing more, nothing less.
...
The day Shahida had confessed her secret to Rehan, she had cried all night. She had lost someone without even getting him in the first place.
But the first thing she saw in the morning was Rehan on her door with roses in his hands. He looked as though he had not slept all night too.
The moment his eyes landed on her, he pulled her into his arms and whispered the words she cherished for her life,
"I love you Shahida. I never realised it until I thought about giving you up. I never felt like this about anyone else and I like this feeling. I want to see how this works and I want to give us a chance. Do you?"
Shahida just hugged him in response before he kissed her deeply.
...
All those moments, the time they spent, the love they shared seemed like a dream to her. A mirage, that had kept her hopes up only to be shattered by the reins of bitter reality.
A soft moan escaped from Rehan's mouth as Shahida ran her hands through his hair. He slowly opened his sleepy eyes and cracked a smile looking at her.
"You are the most beautiful sight I can wake up to." Rehan mumbled letting out a big sigh before closing his eyes again.
For a second, a deep red blush decorated her face before self realisation hit her.
She was not the one he was supposed to see when he woke up.
"You should get going now. It's already too late." Rehan's eyes flung open at her sudden sharp tone.
He opened his mouth to say something however closed it again and nodded his head. Shahida didn't look at him as he got off her bed and got ready to leave.
..
"God! You're amazing." Rehan said in between his chuckles as he held her tightly in his arms. Shahida laughed along with him, shaking her head.
"You find everything I say amusing."
"Well every thing you do is amusing. I never laugh as much I do with you when I am with anyone else. I can not even imagine how will I live without you."
"And yet you're leaving me for a week." Shahida said making a face.
"It's an important meeting. You know that I can not miss it. Otherwise I would trade my life rather than live apart from you for a week. I want you to be with me every single moment, 24*7. Every morning when I get up and every night when I go to sleep."
"That's not possible silly. We live so far away from each other."
"How about we don't live far away from each other?"
"As in get houses near to each other and live as neighbours?" She innocently asked to which he slapped his head with his hand in reply. She was so clueless at times.
"No as in get a house together and live as husband and wife." Rehan cleared the confusion.
"But we can not live as husband and wife, we are not even married.."it took time for his words to make sense to her, "wait a second, are you proposing to me, Mr Rehan?"
"Yes Miss Junaid!" Rehan replied with a laugh looking at her surprised face.
"You want to marry me?" Shahida asked sincerely and he eagerly nodded his head. "Are you crazy?"
"No. I would be crazy if I didn't want to." Rehan replied as he kissed her hair.
..
"I'm leaving." Rehan's voice brought Shahida back to reality. She lifted her head to find that he was dressed and ready to leave.
Shahida just nodded her head and turned her eyes away from him.
Rehan looked at her for a while and when she said nothing else, he turned towards the door.
"Don't come back." It took all her might to blurt out something she never wished to say even in her dreams.
"What? Why?" Rehan asked, his voice clearly disappointed.
"Because it's wrong! Everything about this is wrong. It's not the same anymore Rehan. You are married!" Shahida voiced out as tears started flowing from her eyes.
"You belong to some one else not me."
"That's not true. Chanda, I love you and that is all that matters."
"No that's not what matters anymore. What matters is that you are married to some one else. You promised me an eternity only to betray me. You whisper love nothings into my ear while you happily wear a ring of some one else's name. You spend time with me behind the closed doors while you have given her the title of your wife in the society!"
"Thats not true. I know that I was not able to fulfil what I promised to you but please believe me, I didn't plan all these events. It all happened and I had to marry as the circumstances compelled me to. Please believe me when I say I will make it all right. I will handle everything.." Rehan continued to persuade her as he bent on his knees and burried his head on her lap.
"I can not do this anymore Rehan. I can not live my life as a mistress, some one who spoils some one else's life for the sake of their happiness." Shahida said in between her sobs.
Rehan looked up at her and held her hands. He kissed them while shaking his head, "No you're not that. You haven't spoilt anyone's life. On the contrary you are the life line of my life. You are the most precious possession I have, please don't think so lowly of yourself. Please give this another chance. Give us another chance."
"I can't. If I keep doing this, my conscience will kill me. I can not live like this anymore Rehan!" Shahida said as she tried to push him away.
And then it took every thing she had to say the biggest lie of her life,
"I regret falling for you."
Rehan turned to face her as she said the words that shattered him to the very core. He tried to search her face for any clue that would prove what she said was wrong. But looking at her face and her eyes downcast, he found nothing but regret.
"So I am a mistake of your life?" Rehan asked after some time.
"Yes a big mistake of my life." Shahida admitted. Rehan looked at her as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
He quickly got up from here not being able to stay there any longer.
And as he left, she whispered to emptiness,
"A mistake I wouldn't mind committing any day."
..
Rehan laughed dryly as he drove away. It was early dawn and the roads were empty. Increasing the speed of his car, his laughter increased. A humourless laughter. A laughter of pain.
"You are probably the biggest mistake of our life!" His mother's voice echoed in his mind followed by Shahida's voice.
It seemed as though he was a mistake in everyone's life. Rehan laughed out again thinking how he should change his name to MISTAKE.
Rehan decided that thought of giving up was tempting as left his hands from the break. But he was not the one to give up. He had survived so much since last few years, he would survive this too. He wouldn't live his life as he had thought but would get through it as planned.
Now as the only person he had worth fighting for had given up on him, he had nothing to lose in this war. All he had to do was make everything easy for his brother. So that he wouldn't suffer as Rehan had.
He called his brother for what it seemed like a million time, he threw his phone out in frustration when he didn't answer.
"Where the hell are you Rayan?" He asked out loud.
He had to find his brother somehow. With all the stress and tension he had in his life, the biggest one was his brother's disappearance since his marriage. It still didn't make sense to Rehan on why would Rayan run away from everything on the day of his marriage?
His brother disappearing into air had worried Rehan sick.
Thinking of Rayan, made him remember Avilasha. Rehan had behaved miserably with her the night before and he was guilty about it.
He shouldn't have treated her that way. He tried his best not to blame her for everything that had happened but she just hit his wrong nerve.
He would apologise to her. He owed her that. After all they were in this mess together.
..
Shahida sighed as she clicked the sent button. She had just send her resignation letter and she hoped Rehan would accept it without further questions.
There was no way she would stay away from him as she was supposed to if he was around her.
"Shahu, beta have a glass of milk." Her mother entered her room. Shahida had moved back to her parent's house which was few kilometres away from the city and her apartment, in the morning. After Rehan left, she couldn't stay there any longer. Every thing reminded her of him. His smell was all around. While she missed those things about him terribly, it suffocated her at the same time.
"No Ammi. I am good." Shahida replied, trying to a form a bright smile. But her mother saw her pain beneath the smile.
Shifa was worried about her daughter. Since the past week, she had turned gloomy. Every time she asked Shahida what was wrong, she dismissed her saying it was a small work problem.
Shahida convinced her mother that all she needed was rest and lay on her bed. But every time she closed her eyes, she would see him. His eyes accusing her and his face mirroring his inner broken self.
"Shahu look who's here!" Shifa entered her room again this time with a big smile on her face. "Farhan is here!"
Shahida smiled at her mother's words as Farhan entered her room standing behind her mother. Farhan was the her family friend and was close to her since childhood.
"You're life just got better Shahu!" Farhan declared proudly as Shahida laughed and threw a pillow at him.
"How are you idiot? And how is life treating you?" Shahida asked as Farhan dropped himself on the couch.
"I am amazing as ever. How about you? You don't seem doing well. Aunty said you had some work problems."
"Yes it's just something tiny. Nothing more." Shahida lied.
"I get it. Working for these rich brats can be challenging! They'll be like my wallet too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
Shahida wanted to protest his statement and tell him how wrong he was. Rehan was anything but that. He never behaved inappropriately with anyone. But she controlled her tongue and laughed along.
"Jokes apart. I came here because I have a work for you." Farhan came to point as Shahida nodded asking him to continue.
"Since you are unemployed currently, I would like to ask you if you would like to work with me in my new project. We are designing a new website and we would love to have you as a part of our team."
Shahida looked at Farhan for a while. He came as a blessing for her. With his offer not only would she able to work again but she would also be able to divert her mind away from certain someone.
"Yes I would love to! But why me?" Shahida asked to which Farhan just shrugged.
"Cause I love you." Shahida raised her eye brows at his answer.
"I really do, I love you Shahu and I can not see you sad. You're like a family to me and having you in the team would help me a lot too." Farhan continued, "ps I want a favour from you too."
"What favour?" Shahida asked.
"I will disclose it to you later." Saying this Farhan stood up, ready to leave. "So I will come to pick you tomorrow and we can go to my house where I will introduce you to the rest of our team."
"See you soon Chanda." Shahida smiled flattered at Farhan's goodbye.
"What happened?" Farhan asked confused at her sudden change of expression.
"Don't call me that."
"Okay, relax that frown. So see you tomorrow?"
Shahida agreed with him and smiled as he walked out.
...
"I have figured out why you call me Chanda!" Shahida announced with a smile.
"And why is that?" Rehan asked raising his brow.
"Cause I am gol gol like the moon. Thats the reason isn't it?"
Rehan laughed at her reasoning. "No thats not why."
"They why do you call me that?"
"Cause you're the moon of my life. Lighting up my dark life as the moon lights up the dark night."
Shahida smiled brightly at his explanation.
"Ooh so someone is trying his hand on poetry?"
"Yes. Guess thats what love does to you. How was it?"
"Not so good." Shahida laughed at the cute pout formed in his face. "Its not your cup of tea. But you will get better, I am there nah."
Rehan kissed her cheeks laughing out. "Okay my chanda."
..
Shahida tried to forget the memory and tried to concentrate in her present. She should be happy.
She got a new job as soon as she left her old one.
All she hoped now was that her resignation letter would get accepted and she wouldn't have to face Rehan again. It may take all she had, it may even kill her but she wouldn't go back to him.
As Shahida took the decision, her phone rang informing her of a new message. It was from Rehan's Secretary.
Rehan sir just had an accident.
Come soon to the office.
Mia
Shahida could see her world crumbling down reading the message. And despite promising herself she wouldn't, she left everything and hurried back to him .
You could break my heart in two
But when it heals, it beats for you
I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
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