Who is Mishti's advocate ????

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mili9

@mili9

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

Good morning / evening girls and boys😃 !

I am Mili. Didn't know that this forum existed till this AM. Haven't watched this show since the beginning, but kind of figured out the general story, not the specifics. As I was getting completely irritated by my girl from another show and ranting, one of my friends pointed me to this show to watch Mauli's fiesty and rational decisions in Sept/October👍🏼. Watching off and on, now getting disillusioned with her as well.

At any rate, I can't tolerate any human being who doesn't fight for their rights, happiness and who don't fulfill their responsibilities. With that generalization about me, ( which I might regret later ), I only want to talk about Mishti and Mishti alone as the plight of that little girl disturbed me quite a bit today. Those that know me, say that I can write books about people that I hate. So, here we go:

Who is advocating for Mishti? A resounding NOBODY😡😭. Definitely not the mother who in my mind is a true advocate for a child. If a child lost a mother, she lost a true advocate for life.

Just imagine guys, this little girl who thought her life is perfect, with a mother, a loving father who catered to her whims, fancies, cared for her well being, happiness, and her grandmothers, has taken a nosedive. Her confidence is shattered 💔. She just came to hear that " she is the unwanted one" by her father, from none other than her mom😭. She sees the father showering immense love on Pari. From her view point, Pari stole the love of her father and she became the chosen one while she herself was discarded. Just look at it from her standpoint, what that rejection does to a child who is 6-7 years old. Heck, Mauli who is an adult is unable to process rejection herself for the last 6-7 years. How do we expect a small child who came to know of this rejection a few days ago process all this and act in a mature and responsible way?😭😲

She had been promised the moon and back by her mother as she was breaking down, that she would never have to meet and deal with her father and Pari. She tries to find some solace in that and she sleeps well for one night. Lo and behold, she gets to know that her mother didn't really keep her promise. For a child who is 6-7, will not be able to rationalize, the reasons behind all the nonsense the mother is doing, for her the only thing that stands out is " PARI AND DR. KUNAL ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME" and everything else gets blocked out😭🤢

And about the bathroom debacle. I didn't find it to be too objectionable if I look at it from her standpoint, I find her actions perfectly understandable. After she clearly stated her hatred or irritability with Pari, her grandmother comes to her with a proposition to keep Pari at home. For Mishti, she knows she can't argue her way out of this situation and so she relents in her helplessness. Pari gets treated as royalty while her mother is away. Remember, this little girl is not an adult to have depth of understanding of consequences of her actions. If she really thought this through, she would have known that she would be in trouble for pulling off this act. But, it was an impulsive action of " let me lock her in, turn the light off to scare her", let her suffer a little as I have been suffering. THIS IS HER CRY FOR ATTENTION from her parents, both mother and father, Ishaan. 😭

Any reprimands from grandmothers and mother is only going to backfire. Because, the only thing that 6-7 year old is going to hear is this " YOU ARE BAD, PARI IS A GOOD, INNOCENT CHILD" 😭and everything else is blocked out. I am afraid to say, that is what 6-7 year olds do. I have a 8 year old, I can vouch for this. This is why, there should be no comparisons made with other children at any point, which we sadly always do. Right now, all she sees is

Biological father: rejected me before I was born

Mother, GMs: taking Pari's side, may be they will reject me too and replace me with Pari😭

Now she is being told that her father is no longer hers🤗💔

Just imagine guys, how scary of a place that is for a small child😭

What does she need right at this moment? She doesn't need talk therapy or reprimands. She is not in a receptive mood for any rationalization. Her whole world crumbled down. She is being told again and again that PARI TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER HER, by her mother, her grandmothers, the shameful jerk of a biological father, by their very actions. The only person who she seeks solace with and the only person who continues to treat her as a number #1 priority is her real father, Ishaan❤️. That is her reality. She needs help of her parents, both Mauli and Ishaan to build her confidence, stay away from cry babies and jerks for the time being, show her that she is the most important person in their lives, that her existence and emotional well being matters to them, and then and only then, will she be receptive to any logical reasoning, so to speak. Rubbing Pari and Kunal in her face, at every opportunity is only going to weaken any sense of her self worth remaining😡

As I said, I can keep going for another few pages, but will stop now. I felt strongly for this small child, how unfairly she is being treated by the whole clan. My heart bleeds for this little girl.

That is it from me. Thanks for reading !😊

Edited by mili9 - 6 years ago

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JaZzs

@JaZzs

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

very well written 👏

agree with ur every word...

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mili9

@mili9

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

Originally posted by: ReshmiRoy
Child mental trauma is very difficult to understand. They are very demanding and possessive. Children do not want to hear good words and comparison with friends even. And here it is a case of father who left, a half sister and a mom who is confused and advocates for Pari.
All she needs is a little more attention and proper guidance. It is not difficult, I can tell as a mom and grand mom too.
Parents have to be child's best friend and some one whom a child think he can fall back even in worst scenario. Scolding, beating and ignoring drives children more away from parents.

@Jaz, thank you.

Reshmi, I absolutely agree with the bolded part👍🏼. Right now, the child feels like nobody has her back. Moreover, the ground from underneath her feet is being pulled over, yet again, with the mother telling her that her father is no longer her father😡💔

What an utter disgrace of a mother who can't control her emotions at the cost of her child's emotional well being ! This is simply not the way to break in that piece of sensitive news to a 6 year old! 😡

Attending that camp while your child is in severe turmoil is another laughable act. It is not as if she is the only physician available in the whole of Mumbai. When did she actually comfort, I mean truly comfort her with her actions or provide any security for that child since she got the terrible news of her father's rejection, again in a not so sensitive manner? I can't forgive this mother😡

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Anjali

@arshi_asya

Dazzler

Posted: 6 years ago

Louder!!!

Finally someone is on the same page as me. I am not supporting what Mishti did that day but it is important to understand what led to that extreme step. The child was not born psycopath but if she is not attended now and dismissed like that then she will defintiely end up turning a sociopath and someone who will lack empathy.

How easy was it for Mauli to suddenly say that Ishaan isn't your father, despite the fact that she never bothered to correct it when the child was happily warming up to Ishaan. Mauli herself encouraged it hugely and now suddenly she becomes this peron who can't think rationally at all.

Mishti clearly said she doesn't want to talk to Pari, then why is Pari hell bent on coming and forcing her again and again.

Mother is busy in her own confused state when she at this time should have attended to her daughter. Mishti's entire world has changed with that revelation and Mauli is responsible for it. Playing with Ishaan in that way even when you know he is lifeline of your child as a father, supporting Pari-Kunal despite a promise will shake every foundation in her life at this moment. What Mishti is going through at this moment is consequence of poor decision making and indecisiveness of entire family and most importantly of Mauli herself.

Edited by arshi_asya - 6 years ago

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Fatima

@Rhimjhimsawan

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 6 years ago

I guess it depends on what you thing a child advocate means. From where I see it, all 3 adults care about what Mishti feelings more than anything else. They are just going about it the wrong.

A child Mishti's age doesn't know any better. You can't give into their unreasonable demands and whims and think you are being good to them because you gave them what they asked for. My little cousin hates food and asks never to be fed again. Kids don't want to go to school and will cry their eyes out sometimes. You don't say that they will never go to school again because it is hurting them. You sit them down and try to understand why they feel this way. Is it a subject? Is it a harsh teach or a bully harassing them. Same with Mishti. Who has so far asked her why she hates Kunal so much or hate Pari who was her best friend and sister few days ago? How are they supposed to build her confidence up when they don't even realize it is shaken from Kunal's rejection? They are trying to distract her. And her biggest distraction of all is Ishaan. He is a band-aid, not her cure. Her hate for Pari stems from the fact that she has something of hers that she won't share, her dad. Before this moment, Mishti wanted to share everything with Pari.

As for Mishti feeling Pari is preferred, again she is a child so she doesn't know better. Compared to her, Pari is treated like garbage. Pari was pushed in the park, Pari was locked in a dark bathroom which is terrifying for an adult and Pari is 4 or 5. At that age I used to wake my mom up middle of the night to go to the bathroom because two seconds of walk used to scare me. What did Radhika do for Pari? Nothing. She told Mishti she did wrong. How nice and gentle. What did Pari's advocate do for Pari? Nothing. Kunal thought of Mishti instead and didn't say anything. Pari has as much of a right on Dida and Radhika as Mishti. Yet Pari craves for love and attention while Mishti is doted on regularly. Mauli might've visited Pari but she explained to Mishti that Pari was sick. So again if Mishti all of a sudden feels Pari is prefered then she is seeing it wrong. And instead of watering her hatred and letting it turn into a giant monster someone needs to talk to the girl and just ask her why she hates Pari so much. It literally makes no sense that none of these adult who care about her so much has actually asked her how she feels and why. Instead they are all set on distracting her and closing her world. Why are they even trying to do something that is impossible. Pari and Mishti will have to occupy the same world for the rest of their life. It is better to solve the problem then ignore it.

Edited by Rhimjhimsawan - 6 years ago

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mili9

@mili9

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 6 years ago

@Rhimjhimsawan ... what a melodious name😊!!! All in due course, my friend, all in due course.

I agree with some of the things you said. Some I will clarify. Definitely, not my intention to change anybody's mind, but just to clarify from a child's perspective. FYI, I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

First off, in Mili's book, an advocate is somebody who looks after and only looks out for the best interest of that child/person and nothing else. From my standpoint, the best interest of that child is to become a caring, responsible, independent, contented, well adjusted human being.

1. I , absolutely agree with you, they are just using distraction tactics to temporarily pacify the situation. The biggest among them are outings with Ishaan.

2. My friend, how she is treating Pari, another young child, is not right. But from her standpoint, because of lack of any help from her parents, she feels that Pari is directly responsible for her pain. That Pari took her position, took her father away and therefore she is replaced. In her small world, if she takes Pari out of the equation, she will have no competitors for the love of her father. Poor thing, is not even thinking that far. As a child, she can't understand the abstractness of the situation, how some people's actions have affected her or their emotional nonsense had impacted her. For her, a concrete, black and white explanation for her pain is PARI and PARI ALONE. She has no other explanations, no other reassurances from anybody. It was never explained to her, that Mishti has her own space in life as does Pari. And the behavior of her mother, GMs and biological father reinforces that feeling for her.

3. In the state of mind she is in, she will not listen to any complicated explanations. They haven't even asked her what it is she is afraid about- does she worry she will be discarded by mother, GMs as well in deference to Pari? She will outright reject the biological father and his cockamamie explanations, for what he had done and I DON'T BLAME HER one bit.

4. The more she gets reprimanded as a bad girl. unruly behavior, rude child in the context of an innocent, small child Pari, without addressing her context, the more strong willed she will get in TAKING PARI OUT OF THE EQUATION.😭 Because, that is what she sees. She sees Pari being preferred over her. This can lead to dangerous volatility, as a child her age will not think about consequences, only determination to get her way.

5. So, it is extremely important to cool down this situation, break that cycle of thought. The most logical step then, is to give her the safety, security, transparency and confidence by her parents, Mauli and Ishaan, so feels she has a value in their life, that she is wanted, that she is not replaceable by Pari, give her space to come to terms with reality. For this, they may have to separate her annoyances, Pari and Kunal for the time being, from her, so she becomes more malleable, more receptive to even contemplate Pari's side of the story. This is better for both Mishti's emotional state as well as Pari's safety.

6. What I find extremely troubling is that Mauli in her overzealous mood, feels like she has to do the right thing by everybody at this VERY moment, is completely ignoring what is right for Mishti at this VERY moment. And her actions are reflective of that, be it caring for Pari or volunteering on that medical camp, both of them not necessary, but it is just her being altruistic at the expense of her child.

7. I totally agree about promises, like you said. I don't believe a promise as a be all and end all. Circumstances do factor into fulfilling a promise, whether we like it or not. This doesn't certainly amount to a blanket statement of " breaking a promise" but guaging the situation correctly and taking the best possible action. But here, it was necessary for that child's peace of mind to fulfill that promise, at least temporarily until the child mellows down and comes to terms the circumstances. But Mauli never gave her that chance. For a child, it was " mom broke a promise in support of Pari and Dr. Kunal over me".

As always, any thoughts are welcome!😃

Edited by mili9 - 6 years ago

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jhalak7

@jhalak7

Rocker

Posted: 6 years ago

I completely agree with you in every point. This is the reason I am feeling angry at Mauli. She is not a 16 year old girl who has the freedom to live in a dilemma. As soon as you are a mother ...your child comes first. You don't matter anymore. If you took a decision that you want to take a responsibility of a child you have to take it seriously. Or else don't have a child.
A mother needs to be selfish and protective for her child sp when she is the only parent the child has in her life.
The problem is that Mauli is not even looking at this girl. When Mishti asked her to Kiss Ishan Mauli saw herself only. If she tried to see that girl she would know why she asked that. Mishti not only learned that her biological father left her she also knew that he left her mother too. She doesn't have the doormat syndrome like her mother. So she chose Ishan who respects her mom. Mishti loves her mom and every time she sees her mom sad she asks her. She is very protective about her mom...but alas! Her mother is such a blind woman that she is not thinking of her.

Motherhood is a responsibility. A woman and a man die the day they become parents and Mom and Dad are born. Ishan is not her biological father...but he is still a success as a father. But Mauli is just a disappointment.

PS- locking a sis in door and close light etc is very normal case. Every naughty bro sis do that whether they love or hate. So no me too is not finding that much serious. Mahek getting shocked or astonished just proves that she never lived a normal life or intentionally doing this.

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Siham

@sihu

Voyager

Posted: 6 years ago

I totally agree with ur points Mili...The mother and grandmothers who have known her all her life have suddenly stopped understanding the child. The incident at the pool was not an intentional one..Pari kept annoying Mishmi and when she caught hold of her hand, Mishti pushed her..and it didn't seem to me that her intention was to push Pari into the pool..

And yes, all that Mishti can see right now is her own family giving priority to Pari, over her, which includes Mauli who can't seem to keep her promises to her daughter.

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sancheeta

@sancheeta

Voyager

Posted: 6 years ago

Wow Mili, being a mother of two kids myself, your post touched a chord in my heart. I do not want to get into any Mishti Pari dynamics of who is right and who is wrong, but this post completely written from a child's perspective comes across as so honest and touching. I loved it 😊

Edited by sancheeta - 6 years ago

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Mages

@Mages

Elite

+ 7

Posted: 6 years ago

#10

well i believe...staying away from kunu n pari is not going to do any good for mishti...she has hatred...insecurities in her and that should be taken out from her heart if the little girl needs to be normal...what her folks do is just listen to her demands...don't talk to pari n kunal...ok they accept it though we all know mauli breaks it for her attachment for kunu-pari...what they do its advise...don't do this...don't do that...ishaan just bring her out for junk food...parks...movies...pamper her thats it...he is not involve in her emotionally to know her emotional turmoil...if he really does he would sit n discuss with mishti what is bothering her becos they are closer to each other...why she hates kunu n pari...neither ishaan is emotionally involve in her nor mauli nor folks...what mishti needs a emotional heart to heart talk...who understand her turmoil...the only person who can cure the little girl is her own father...he is the reason why mishti is in a emotional mess...he is the person to cure her by giving her the love...assurance n security and of course tell her that she was never unwanted...she is the love symbol of her parents being in love...yes mishti will throw another question but she doesn't need to know the entire past...her father knows how to handle it and not forget she forms this hatred on kunu after knowing the truth but before that she was always drawn to kunu even though ishaan was with her...the little girl wants answers to her questions only her father is the medicine to her illness and noone...kunu needs to be emotionay invested with mishti too like he does to pari and gives her the assurance and security that both are his daughters...his love...his lifelines and he loves both of them equally thats how she will accept kunu-pari in her life...scolding her...raising hands on her will never work...neither listen to her demands and stay away with the people she hates...running away is never a solution...ishaan is a band-aid...he can relief her but cannot cure her...the medicine for her cure is her father...

to be honest kunu understand her issues n turmoils as her father and as a pediatrician who understand child psychology...what is stopping him to approach his daughter is her hatred n mauli...she is not giving him the permission to enter into mishti's zone and also her own feelings due to kunu...

kunu is a father who is emotionally invested in his kids its shows when talks to pari and the desires to do for mishti but he holds back...a father brings out kids for outing...its part of a father's responsibility at the same a father needs to be emotionally invested in his daughter...talk to her...be her friend...ask her with love in eyes n warmth in his arms...arrey my bachcha what happen...what is bothering you...thats when kids are going in the right path with right guidance...

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Who is Mishti's advocate ????

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