Loving you was like going to war, I never came back the same
~ Warsan Shire
"You are clearly not paying your investigator enough. Seeing the piss poor job they are doing. I WAS MARRIED" she sat down on the chair across the desk and not the couch - her little act of defiance.
I straighten up and walk towards the desk, sitting on the edge of it, letting my knees touch hers "Lose the attitude Zoya" I pulled her forward by the sapphire pendant around her neck "And tell me the truth"
She started breathing hard, I could feel her heart flailing wildly under her silk blouse, ready to jump out of her chest, her eyes were as wide as they could go. She murmured as I tightened my grip on her pendant and pulled her so close that we were lip to lip. "Do you plan on answering me Zoya ? Aren't you tired of this f**king charade ?" She tried to look away from me but my grip prevented her from moving
"Tell me this, and God help me, tell me the truth, Zoya. Did you really get an abortion ?"
I kept my voice perfectly level, restrained and controlled, but beneath my careful tone lurked lethal potency. I felt like an unlit firework-contained and neatly packaged on the outside, but ready to explode on the inside. She cleared her throat "Yes I did. I may be many things but cruel I am not. I didn't lie to you"
I felt frustrated, at the end of my patience. I wanted to wring her neck and be done with it. I closed my eyes, counted to ten, reminded myself that I wouldn't look good in prison stripes and took a deep breath.
She sat stiffly - not exactly angry looking but anxious - like a cornered animal waiting to bolt. Then, she opened her pretty pink mouth "Why don't you cut the crap and tell me what's going on. Quit playing your crazy mind games"
I bottle up my emotions and throw the key in the deep end of the Pacific. This was not about me. If I have to find the truth, and God knows I have to, I need to focus on her.
"Games ?" My eyes narrowed, delving deep into hers as if I could expose every lie she'd ever spun. They say beauty lies beneath filth and lies while evil is painted in beauty and smiles. Maybe I should make it the rule to live by. My testament. Even better idea - let's make it Meridian Corp's slogan - beauty is the new ugly.
My thumb grazed her bottom lip, smearing her perfect lipstick "I love your lips, soft, cherry, plump. The web they weave of deception"
Her hand closed on mine, halting my thumb's movements "I aborted our child. And, I know I'm supposed to have this regret. Guilt. But, I don't. It was the right decision at the time"
She lowered her eyes. "Every now and then, I think to myself - I could have a kid right now. He or she would be eight years old. And I'm not sad exactly, but I do wonder how different my life would have been. It's the truth. You have to believe me"
"I know it is. I have it in the report"
"Then ?" her eyes wrinkled in confusion.
Answers were so close. I was desperate for them. Hungrier for closure and truth then I'd ever been. It didn't matter that she was just as beautiful as when I had first kissed her. It didn't matter that she was just as silver-tongued as when she'd written me that note. All that mattered was ending this, finishing the clues, and closing the story of this so-called romance. I released my hold on her pendant and leaned back on the table.
It was time for some demonstration. I grabbed a small ceramic plaque, delicate, white and with blue engraving - given by some NGO - off the bookshelf.
I hand her the plaque "Smash it on the ground"
"What ?"
"Do it"
"Why ?"
My voice is low. Persuasive.
"Just do it"
"Okay, Nike" she replied saucily. And with defiance. Like her lies and mystery didn't erode the man I was and turned me into something else. Something unrecognizable.
She did as instructed.
"Now, say sorry to the poor plaque, you cruel woman"
She stood up "Have you gone to the looney land already ?" She moved towards the door "Whatever, I am out of here"
My words halted her. "I am sorry dear plaque for smashing you" I looked at the broken plaque, pieces - round, sharp, rectangular and some dust. I grab her arm and twist her back."Did it go back to the way it was ?"
Everything about her drew me and repelled me at the same time. My body thrilled at the primal possession while my mind laughed at my weakness. Being so close made me yearn for her touch and fear it at the same time. King of contradictions - the boy's name is Aditya Hooda.
My other hand shot out to grab her nape "When I forced you to come to Aloha, I had no freaking clue why I was doing it. But, I trust my instincts so I did it anyway. After watching you, talking to you, touching you, I realized I was hoping you would heal me. I hoped seeing you would fill me with so much disgust that I would get over you but I was wrong"
I chuckle "You are breaking me even more"
Her hands cling onto my shoulders for dear life as my fingers dig into her nape.
"I informed Dad about me becoming a Dad - that was one helluva of an interesting conversation" My skin rippled with chemistry, need and heavy frustration that I'd been with this woman. That she'd let me into her body and her heart, and now, I had no claim over her. She wasn't mine standing in this room, in my arms. She was free to be looked at, flirted with, and seduced.
"What ? You told your Dad ?"
My fingers curled in fury, she winced in pain but my voice remained level "It's weird when you find out you're going to be a parent, you go a million miles an hour trying to figure out what to do, and how to get ready. Your life begins to revolve around a human who hasn't even shown up yet. I would be lying if I said that I was excited and all giddy"
I stare into her brown pools of deception "And I for one am done with lies" I bring my mouth to her ear. "I was more terrified than I have ever been in my life. But, I was going to do what was right"
She stared at me. Stupefied. "When the realization sunk in that my girlfriend would now be my wife, it was an eye-opener. I thought no way would she bring a child - our child - in this world without having a ring on her finger. I ... I bought a diamond for you" her right hand moved from my shoulder to cup my cheek. She asks "For our marriage ?"
" We're getting married. You always wanted to have a Christian wedding in Las Vegas, right ? Pack your bags darling and get a white dress "
I wonder why it is, that my mother cautioned against wild girls. At least you know where you stand with the bad ones. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls she should have warned me against. Girls like Zoya. Who can bring you to your knees, break your heart into a million pieces and not give a rat's ass about it.
" You need to trust me, sunshine. I love you. I'll never love anyone the way I love you "
"I asked you to trust me and you gifted me with a pathetic breakup. You are a f**king coward, sunshine" Her fingers caress my cheek and I recognized the emotion brimming in her eyes. An apology. But, you know what they say about time - it never comes back.
I snap "Didn't even have the courage to say it to my face"
Fists, kicks and bullets might maim and destroy, but love ... love tears out your insides and leaves you hollow, leaving you destined to live an empty existence. Folks who have undergone the misery called breakup will understand me. To some, breakup can be a release. To others, it heralds a new and better beginning. For me, it was a devastating blow.
I couldn't brush off the loss of - my relationship and ... child - with nary a backwards glance. I did what any man with a bruised ego would do - threw myself into work with ferocity, chose alcohol as a salve and turned to dating well before I was ready. And there's been a hole in me ever since, that neither whiskey, women or wanderlust could fix.
I buried the true me beneath a man so cold and perfect - even I believed him - most of the time. "If you want me in your life, put me there. I won't fight for the spot" I want to kiss her until she can't stand. I want to slide my tongue between those cherry lips until her knees give out. I want to pull her hair until she begs.
I untangle myself and take back a step "Not anymore"
OS : Then He Kissed Me, is a prequel to Toxic. It's light, fun and traces the starting of Aditya - Zoya relationship. I highly recommend reading it before moving on to the next Chapter. It will you give you insight into why the characters are as they are.
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/bepannaah/5024612/three-shot-then-he-kissed-me-completed
Chapter 16 : Truth is rarely pure and never simple
Edited by harsha.. - 6 years ago
Cricket
Financial markets and global economy
Ishaani
