Toxic ~ Even if we can't be together in the end - Chapter 23 Up ! - Page 26

8 years ago, New York, Aditya's POV

Fallen leaves crackle under my boots as I continue towards the old house. Go home winter, I am already over you. It was not my first winter in New York but it might as well be. My warm Indian soul can never get used to the slippery snow and ice everywhere. I make a pathetic attempt to leap over my arch nemesis - a slush puddle. Unsuccessfully. I hate you, you dirty slushy puddle.

Climbing the three steps to the home's wrap around porch, I cross the common area to walk into her room. I kick off my boots, my body welcoming the warmth emanating from the heater. I drop my jacket and scarf onto the nearest chair.

"Hi" Zoya's voice stops me from flopping my body there next. She's wearing a white sundress with cute little straps, paired with a muffler and long white socks. Trust Zoya Qureshi to wear the oddest combinations. Ever. I am no fashionista but I am pretty sure all her dresses border on being a fashion disaster, if you care about my humble opinion.

I cross the room and envelop her in a big hug "Hello to you my sunshine" I inhale the smell of her freshly washed hair and lightly perfumed skin.

"Weirdo" she swats my arm. I shrug, it was the truth. I loved her smell - flowers and sugar. Like an exquisite bouquet with sugar on top. Do I even make sense ? Whatever, it's freaking delicious.

"The exam was a disaster, like a total ..." I begin ranting about my fourth and thankfully the last exam for this semester. God, I can't wait to get my degree. It was the penultimate semester - one more torturous semester and I was done. Cue in the drum rolls, please.

"It's positive" she interrupts.

I cock my head in confusion "Positive ?"

I take the stick she holds out for me. Too shocked to speak - thy phrase applies to me. F*ck me with the whole entire box of f*ck.

Have you seen those life insurance commercials that emphasize how life can change in a heartbeat ? Where the happy parents are driving down the street on a bright sunny day and then ... Crash. BAM. Head on collision with a truck. And daddy and mummy die leaving the kids alone and poor. They are designed to scare the living hell out of us. And they do. But, the fact remains that they are chock full of truth. Our goals, our priorities, our outlook can change in a minute - usually when we least expect it.

Two little blue lines.

My stomach free falls and my knees lose their will. Breathe, I command myself. Breathe. My New York University jersey clings to my torso, stained with dark sweat spots under the pits - in New York - in goddamn December.

"This can't be real" I whisper and shake the stick, hoping one blue line will disappear. It doesn't. "Goddammit"

"You're not messing with me ? Right ? Because that would be unforgivable. This ain't funny"

She looks at me but says nothing. Her chin quivers in response.

"Oh f**k me senseless. I had no idea you weren't kidding around" I grab her in a tight embrace, trapping her arms at her sides. I look down at her from my six-foot height "I am sorry"

I truly loved this woman. Deeply. Unabashedly. People talk dismissively of young love, calling it 'puppy love' - I disagree. Yes, we were just twenty-two. No, our relationship wasn't based on hazardous physical attraction. Sure, it started as one but had evolved into ... more. Don't get me wrong Zoya's body could make a saint sin - we kissed to make her ex-boyfriend jealous which led to ... uh, more making out against the far-off wall of the restaurant. I know, I know ... stupid and immature. But, it is what it is. After the initial rush of hormones settled in, our relationship became more mature and laid back. I actually enjoyed her company. She could look like a complete trainwreck in the morning and I wouldn't even notice. I would still kiss her good morning and call her beautiful. Yup, I was the textbook definition of pussywhipped. But, who cared.

Besides being pussy whipped, I was also a lawyer in making and my debate skills are sharp. I offer a counter argument - an explanation. A reasonable doubt. "Maybe you did it wrong ? Or maybe it's defective ? We should get another one"

Zoya sniffs as tears gather in her brown eyes "I've been getting sick every morning for the last week Adi. I haven't had my period in two months. It's positive" She wipes at her cheeks "And this is the fifth pregnancy kit"

She puts her head on my chest and squeezes my waist with trembling hands. I swallow the fear down and let it marinate in my stomach. As scared shitless I am, I know it's nothing compared to what she's feeling. And that's on me. I did this - my eagerness, my horniness. F*cking stupidity.

In your twenties, you're 'supposed to be' partying, dating and making mistakes. I had big plans set out for myself and falling in love at such a young age wasn't really a part of it. But everything happens for a reason, and there's no point in fighting against something that happened so naturally. When you know that you have someone special, it doesn't matter what age you are because love doesn't discriminate according to a number. I'm not saying that I have the perfect relationship, but it's one that makes me happy. Content. Settled.

I shake my head. Time to get a grip.

People can say what they want about feminism and equality and that's all fine and good.But I was raised on the idea that men are protectors. Where the buck stop. The ones who go down with the ship. So the fact that my girl is in trouble is no one's fault but mine.

I pat her back, holding her tight "It's gonna be okay. Everything is going to be alright"

It's my attempt to comfort her, which makes the dam break. Sobs break through her lips, tears cascading down her cheeks soaking my flannel shirt "I am so sorry Adi"

I rear back so I can look into her eyes. I touch her face and stroke her silky black hair "You've got nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do this by yourself" I wiggle my eyebrows and grin "I was there too"

That makes her laugh. She swipes a finger under both eyes "Sure you were"

One minute, two, three ... I lose track of time as we stand silently, lost in our thoughts. Compared to her, I had it incredibly easy. She's the one who will suffer random bouts of nausea, who will bloat and gain weight, and who will get stretch marks that will never go away. She's the one who will push a very large thing through a very small opening. It was not a time for me to focus on myself.

My mother always told me being scared was nothing to be ashamed of. It was how you reacted to fear that mattered. Cowards run. Men step up.

And I am no coward.

I swallow roughly, and all my aspirations, hopes, and plans for the Great American dream get swallowed too. I look out of the window, watching the heavy clouds, blacks and ominous rest on the horizon.

Is that a metaphor of my life ? That bright summer days were over and now I had to survive the cold and storm ?

Congratulations, you fertile demon, you !

I look over to the girl in my arms. She hugs her stomach, squeezing it. Her eyes go wide as saucers "Holy shit ! There is a thing inside me"

Then she giggles. She actually giggles. And I laugh.

"It's not funny" she smacks my arm. Still laughing.

I counter "It is a little"

My eyes fall on the discarded pregnancy kit on the floor and I sober up. As the reality truly starts to set in, my stomach drops all the way to China.

A baby.

F*ck me.

Like a mind reader, Zoya asks "What are we gonna do?"

"It's not the end of the world, okay ?" I drop a kiss on her tiny nose which was now red from all the crying. I continue "We're getting married. You always wanted to have a Christian wedding in Las Vegas, right ? Pack your bags darling and get a white dress"

Her eyes are bleak, swimming with despair. And her grip on my arm turns deadly.

"And some sexy lingerie too. I really like garters with ..."

She snorts "Ass"

"I'll work at Meridian Corp" I run a hand through my sweaty hair "I'll convince Dad. He will come around. I'll take care of you"

I put my hand on her still-flat stomach "Both of you"

Zoya steps back out of my arms, eyes wide and head shaking "But, but ... you want to be a civil rights lawyer Aditya. What are you gonna do at Meridian ?"

Hell, if I knew.

Meridian stood for all things I despised - gluttony, greed and utter disregard for everything not churning a profit. Oh no, we didn't have this kind of image in media. In the public eye, we were saviors - afterall we generated jobs. Not just a few, a lot of jobs. And we had powerful political connections. In a third world country, this will grant you impunity from outright violation of ... basically every law. Well, I get the logic - no one cares for toxic carbon monoxide and low wages when you can't afford three square meals. And Meridian exploited India's poverty to the hilt. Our corporate social responsibility program was a joke. Just another outlet to sweep things under a dirty carpet.

I was born in the lap of luxuries, my childhood funded by the very things I despised. But America had been my escape. Away from Meridian and my father. A chance to build myself from the roots and accomplish something which I would be proud of. Something of my own.

I shake my head. And lie.

"None of that matters now. Things change sunshine. And you gotta change with them" I had no idea where my career was headed. Heck, I had no clue where my life was going. But, I knew one thing - wherever it was going, it was going with her. With Zoya. And our child.

"If... if I want to get an abortion ?"

I stared at her. The longer I stared, the more I wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe. I was wound tight and confused, but I kept my tangled emotions hidden beneath a blank facade. There were decisions to be made and I didn't want to make them any harder by pitching a fit or refusing to deal with the reality of the situation.

"It's your decision Zoya. I will come with you to the doctor and pay, if you decide on it." I nudged her chin with my knuckles, guiding my lips to her soft ones. I caressed her mouth with chaste affection. "But, have one thing very clear my sunshine, you don't have to. Not for me. We can make this work. I don't know how. But, I am damn sure we can figure it out. You and me"

I take both her hands in mine and kiss her tiny dainty fingers "Trust me"

"I don't know what's right, what's wrong...what should I do ?" she murmurs.

I kiss her fully, with passion, love and everything I have "You need to trust me, sunshine. I love you. I'll never love anyone the way I love you"

She smiles "And I love you Aditya Hooda - there's only ever gonna be you"

Young love is strong. First love is powerful. But what you don't know when you're young - what you can't know - is how long life actually is. And the only sure shot thing about it is, besides death and taxes, is change.

Zoya and I had a whole lot of change headed our way.

That's all folks !

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Chapter 15: Loving you was like going to war, I never came back the same