Posted:
Hi there,
My self Don, and I am sharing my perspective taking the cue from the last few episodes.
I have used few GIFs in the post. These GIFs were created by Mehraan. Btw, Great GIFs Mehraan. (It must have taken considerable effort to segregate the video sections and then converting it to GIFs)
This post is not in favour of any particular character and the scenarios can be reversed in boys and girls.
Few pointers:
I wrote my OS - when the Bet mode was on and makers were making every viewer feel the dedication of Naina's love. The wrong which Naina was facing tucked some old strings in my memories which made me share my experience. Though my experiences were from the views of a boy, however, I connected with the unselfish love of Naina for Sameer and where she was unknown of the pain Sameer will give her.
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I never expected, to have a reversal of the above scenario in regards to Sameer. However, in the last few episodes, (Especially yesterday's Sameer's Breakdown), I am finally relating with Sameer as the character seems to be going through the phase, I went through in my teenage. And this time the character and me, both are boys.
The progress in the story has aligned with the phase of my struggle for survival after my teenage love made the decision to move on unilaterally.
If you haven't read the OS, you can have a look here:
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My observations to any story always compare the possible scenarios in the real life.
From yesterdays episode, Sameer's Frustration and Break Down, Sameer's Very Valid Questions to Naina, and Naina's absurd unilateral reactions or decisions - Clearly Indicates SO MANY RED FLAGS that every young lover like Sameer (or Naina) depending on who is at the receiving end, must keep an eye for.
Their confrontation went somewhat like this:
Naina to Summer: I love my family a lot. They are more important than you. My Chachaji's trust. Forget we ever met. Forget me. Move on.
Sameer to Naina: Your family - Your father, your Chachaji, your sister, your decisions, and wishes - it's always about You, You & You. Your wishes, your decisions and I have no role in it. How can you decide to end all from your end when you were the one Reciting LOVE, LOVE, LOVE last three years.
Naina to Sameer: Enough! I have made up my mind. Bas, nothing more to talk. You stay away from me.
Sameer to Naina: I am not a toy. Anytime you feel like you get close and anytime you want, you push me away. I also have a family and they also have respect. But that does not mean, I will leave you alone on the journey. I am trying for us and you are ending all after tall talks of "Pyar Karne Wale Darte Nahin" (During the after Delhi Phase).
Naina silent and crying.
Sameer with frustration: Show these tears to your family members.
Naina to Sameer: I am crying as I am hurting like you. (Seems she is proud of the fact)
So, any young lover out here - Do you see the Red Flags??
I will ask again - Red Flags!!! Do you see it?
(You can be a boy or girl as both can be in the situation Sameer is currently in)
You can absolutely mark out the Red Flags and keep those in your memory bank as a warning. (For all the young and teenage lovers out there)
(Consider the next few points keeping aside all the love dedications Naina showed in the pre betting and betting phase.)
1. Status of you as a Priority in His/Her life:
Always keep an eye on your status on the priority list of your special one.
Do not take it for granted that you are always priority number 1. Priority changes like the hush on blowing winds.
Sameer was Naina's priority from Day one. And who are we kidding!
She fell in love with the handsome boy. She had a huge crush and love first because of his looks and hair. It clicked with the Women in Naina.
A hidden love or crush which she never thought will materialize and Sameer will ever know about it.
It was only after many incidences she also came to know about Sameer's vulnerable side.
All through the incidences pre-bet, bet, Pooja's marriage and love confession, Naina did all in the unknown pull of making it real - her love with Sameer.
Compared to her domestic World of Rants, Insults and Pinching Comments - She found the handsome vulnerable guy finally loving her back and trying to make her happy.
She felt immense joy getting that acceptance from the boy of her dreams, and everything she did was in the subconscious effort to get more love from Sameer.
She lied through her teeth to her family for Sameer. Wait let me put it more correctly, she many times lied through her teeth for Sameer to get that validation of love from Sameer.
She was not doing a favour to Sameer. She also derived equal joy, excitement, and happiness getting love reactions from the boy of her dreams (the boy seemed to have come straight out of movies)
And suddenly today, (after 3 years of immense deep love) Naina's priorities are changed.
This change in priority made her forget and ignore everything Sameer had done for her. (I will explain it properly in the next point).
The justification that She is scared of her families reaction. She justifies I will not let him get hurt and give him a chance to move on.
But in all these justifications, the basic point is when it came to serious Decision that might or might not clash with her family, Sameer is THE SECONDARY in her priority list.
Take the entire scenario out of the television into the real world. Put yourself in it.
Do you feel your lover is treating you secondary or taking you and all efforts for granted?
Are you sure, when the time comes to make some serious decisions you are not going to be unilaterally snubbed?
If you notice, you are falling down on the priority list, then it is time to reassess and talk with your love.
Remember, you cannot force your priority.
You are either in her/his top priority or Not. If you are not, then you will become a plaything adjusting to rest of his/her priorities.
As Sameer said - "Main Koi Khiolona Nahin Nahin, jise jab marji use kia aur jab marzi chod diya".
2. The Extent of Adjustments you Are Making:
If we just quickly review the entire YUDKBH story, then who do you feel has been making the maximum adjustments - Sameer or Naina?
When I say adjustments - I DO NOT MEAN the following:
- Naina lying to go to meet Sameer or going on a movie with Sameer. (It's not that it is only for Sameer's Happiness. She also wanted to be close to Sameer)
When I say Adjustment I mean the Following:
- Sameer adjusting with all the family members of Naina (From Rakesh to Taiji - Everyone).
- Sameer adjusting with all the insults/slaps thrown at him and his family by Rakesh and still finding ways to make Naina happy by reuniting Rakesh with her (in the award function). I guess we all can write pages on Sameer's adjustment to Rakesh and his behavior. (Remember Rakesh intentionally dropping hot tea on Sameer's hand in Pooja's Marriage. Yet Sameer adjusted to it and saved Pooja's marriage) For that alone Sameer deserves an award for Adjusting.
- Sameer not only adjusting but also learning the ways to make each member of Naina's family happy. He managed to make Rakesh also happy.
- Sameer adjusting to all the thought process of Naina. He understood every situation from Naina's point of view keeping her family in mind and then adjusted to find a new way.
- Being a teenager, Sameer did slight naughty romantic things but that again very controlled manner keeping in view Naina's sensibility and reputation.
So has Naina ever adjusted to Sameer in any proper way?
Naina had never yet adjusted on a serious way to anything when it comes to Sameer.
Lying to meet him, getting waxing and threading etc. I mean they are modifications but not serious adjustments. She all along basked in the glory of getting the love of her GugluPucchu without any major adjustments.
And now Naina, (when the time came for REAL DEFINING ADJUSTMENT from her end) unilaterally made up mind to close the chapter of future with Sameer and Sameer has to adjust with it also.
Let's say she is scared of family. But, she is not even ready to even listen to Sameer.
The decree comes - Forget me, move on, forget we know each other, my family more important than you. Sameer! Adjust to that !!!
Again, take the entire scenario out of the television into the real world. Put yourself in it.
Do you feel, you are the one performing to the maximum amount of adjustment to make your gf/bf happy. Assess properly (not romantically), how much adjustment your love has made for you.
If your inner thoughts are saying, you are indeed just going on making adjustments as you are just addicted to making your love happy and there is hardly any adjustments from her/his end, then it's a RED FLAG. You need to slow down and review.
3. The Value of Your Self Pride and Dignity:
Sameer to Naina: I am not a toy. Anytime you feel like you get close and anytime you want, you push me away. I also have a family and they also have respect. But that does not mean, I will leave you alone on the journey of love. I am trying for us and you are ending all after tall talks of "Pyar Karne Wale Darte Nahin" for last three years.
Other than Love, Sameer's dignity is at stake. He rightly said, Is there no respect for his family? If he had snubbed Naina, citing the same reason, would that be justified?
For no fault of his, his entire being and mental peace are now threatened.
Have a look at some of Naina's comments:
"I have no confusion now. My mind is clear. I and Sameer cannot be together."
"Main Sameer se Pyar karti hoon par itna nahin ke apne parivar ka bharosha tod doon."
"Sameer, parivar se bhadkar mere liye koi bhi nahin! Tum bhi nahin!"
All these lines coming from the same girl who also said few days back:
"Main iss duniya main Sabse Jyada Tumhe Chati Hoon."
"Mujhe aajtak inta pyaar kisine nahin kiya"
Then she cries and asserts - these are tears of pain same as you. And she adds. "I don't owe you any explanation! Baat Khatam!"
Again, take all these lines to the real world - Can you understand the extent of contradictions the above lines have from a single character.
Naina made a self-loving arrogant (vulnerable boy) fall from deeper to deepest in love by showering all the love she can. This incredible amount of care melted the hard shell and made Sameer do all he can for his love - Adjustments, romance, dedication, solving her problems ... everything.
Naina very well knows that she filled a spot in the life of a vulnerable boy. He loved her for that and in return showed all the love on her.
So, where does self-respect or dignity comes it?
It comes from the fact that, Naina made the decision that Sameer is not Worth it ultimately.
Not even worth a try to make it work. Naina was herself hurting doing so,
But that hurt could not make her realize that Sameer also has a self-respect and dignity. (In her mind she let go of him and convinced herself thats its for Sameer's Good)
She prepared herself mentally to ditch him and then dropped the bomb on him. In such cases, the target (Here Sameer) before understands what is happening, Naina blurts her decision and BAT KHATAM!
This makes the other individual react with panic and try to get the matter back to the way it was.
This makes Sameer question his worth - Does he mean nothing for Her? She is snubbing him without any effort and says its for his good? She keeps hammering "My Family is More Important than you", So, what Am I or was I for her till today - a source of temporary joy ?
Such self question attack any individual's dignity.
In this desperation, there is the constant loss of dignity as now Sameer appears to be desperate. For example mark Naina's words or their meaning " Sameer! Maine bol diya ke ab hamare bich main kuch Nahin hai. Tum ye faltu ke koshise karna band kar do"
One major aspect of love is that the partner also soothes your Ego. Every one has ego. It's omnipresent. And if you notice closely you will find that majority of successful and happy couples take care of each others ego, male pride or female pride.
In the show, Naina has trampled Sameer's ego, making him feel like someone, whom she can simply erase from her life after ranting Love, Love, Love since School (even though it hurts her) [Please recall the EPIC Naina Shouting at Sameer in the Hospital on the virtues of first love for a Girl]
Again taking this whole scenario to the real world, what can you do if your love starts snubbing you stating some absurd reason like "It's for your own good"
It is another RED FLAG. It means you need to be ready for your pride and self-respect to be trampled. You will feel worthless. The moment you start feeling all this after several attempts to make him/her understand about your love - It's time to nurse your pride.
If any of the above 3 RED FLAGS are in your notice, then better buckle up your seat belts.
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What follows next will the downward spiral of Sameer. He will be depressed. Sleeping hours at a stretch. Not caring for his appearance. All the negative effects that we all know follows in a real life scenario such as this.
Eventually, the survival instinct must kick in Sameer to survive the Royal Snub by Naina.
In such scenarios (in both boys or girl, after the initial confusion and frustration), the only thing that can make you move forward is the conviction that you were not at fault. That you were not the one who snubbed your love just like that. That will give you enough strength to venture again to survive and move ahead.
What about the one you loved (and who loved you too) but snubbed you due to NAINA kind of reason ?
There can be many possibilities. But you have no control over it. Your anger is not going to make the one who snubbed you in love, a failure or success in his/her next stage in life.
For example, Let's take the case of SAMEERS in the Love World Who Are Facing the Repercussions of their NAINA'S unilateral love snub scenario.
The future can have any scenario:
Some Nainas successfully move on with a new man. Some do not.
Some "Nainas" end up regretting their mistake as their new LOVE/Family approved husband is not what they hoped and they are reduced to life long adjustment and restrictions.
There are some "Sameers" like the junior in Med College who could not survive when his Naina subbed them without any reason. He saw her getting married to another guy (Money is irrelevant in this case. The junior was from a one of the richest families in the state. He could have married any beautiful, rich and attractive girl and eventually find love again. But he could not survive.)
Some "Sameers" though unable to accept that their Naina ditched him (Like in Todays Episode) ... Look back after some years and realize they had a NARROW ESCAPE from a stressful married life (where they would have been only reduced to fulfil all the obligations of their Naina - just give and give with limited getting back. It would have always been about Naina - Me me me & my family)
There can be so many combinations.
The scenarios of this post is applicable to all genders. Irrespective you are a boy or a girl, its better to keep a watch over the RED FLAGS.
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Anupamaa
