Memories - TWINJ FF new part Page 52! - Page 40

Originally posted by: dafodilsduke

I dont hate waiting...all i hate is leaving in the middle...its an amazing story...and worth waiting too...

 Wow I didnt expect even  one person to read this,,, but seeing so many of u liking the story even after so long.. makes me soo sooo happy!

Thanks sooo much!

Part 23

Do friends do this? I wondered... Yes they do my heart trying to shut me up...in hurry...My brain had a different opinion...is this a dream I wondered? This was like glimpse of the dreams of my hidden feelings... My mind kind of froze...and heart made me give instructions to him ... My ability to understand what was happening had disappeared...For a second my eyes locked into his...and my heart fluttered and the butterflies kind of woke me up...

What was I doing? This wasn't right!...My brains scream finally reaching me...and at the very moment...he increase the distance between us...and my brain gave a sign of relief.. only when he withdrew did I realize how close we actually were...and in-spite of the revolts from my brain ...my heart was yearning already for it...

And slowly I drowned in one of the memories...

...

He stood at the far end of the club as we all danced  ... This was the only thing I enjoyed..he would say I became a different person every time I got the opportunity to dance...

I stopped and went to him with no intention to ask for dance because in the last three years he had never agreed so I had given up... I just went to ask what time he would be willing to go back as an assignment was due the next day. His girlfriend was dancing as he just sat doing something on his phone...

Before I could finish asking what I meant to ...his girlfriend Sarika appeared suddenly and said in a loud voice

" Baby! Please dance with me na... !!! I got permission with so much difficulty! Let us enjoy...

He just laughed and said " Twinkle has been trying to convince me since 3 years now... I absolutely hate dancing!

"Can't you change for me? She said making a very weird face... I could sense the resentment in her voice and she gave me a look...

Kunj oblivious to it said again how he hated dancing and then told me he is going back in half hour and could drop me...

...

The song stopped...and a fast song came back on...but he hadn't let go off my hand...

I slowly let him go...and as our fingers untangled... my heart skipped a beat...  not wanting to let go and I slowly calmed my heart down... I looked at him... wondering if he remembered the same memory...

But just before he was going to take off his hand my waist he pulled me a little closer and said...

"so Twinkle...you finally convinced me..

"well... Yes... And I laughed almost surprised.. technically he was the one who brought me back to dancing but... I knew why he said this...it was another attempt to fix things between us...

We were soon absorbed in the crowd...but his touch still burned on my skin...and the hidden feelings kept fluttering...

I wondered if I was taking this too far... he was fixing our friendship...nothing more ... but for me it was paving way back to a path which I had purposely forgotten... could I get him back as a friend without feeling this way...? I wondered..

Had I not weighed the benefits of his friendship versus my feelings...and especially now...when I was still deeply hurt by the past...wouldn't it hurt me more...if I let those feelings flow as well...?

Once again lost...i just stood as my friends danced... and far in the crowd I saw him almost dancing and I smiled...to myself...why make this complicated? Just live what's happening right now.. and right now I was dancing after 5 years... and I wanted to feel the joy..

...

As I saw her dance, my fingers craving to wind again around hers... and hold her again...like I had...I wondered if there was any possibility of something...I was seeing her genuinely happy after so long.. as she danced with her friends...I wondered of the possibility of her liking me back...and I stopped myself...and went outside..I couldn't do this...I couldn't want more... let alone more...I didn't even deserve what I was getting right now..her friendship ...

My feelings scared me... what if I hurt her more in the process of fixing things... what if she feels I am overdoing and suspects something ? or will she ? or am I doing the duties of the friend she always wanted ...the friend she thought I was..?

Did she deserve to get hurt once more... and I was just discovering the different damages I had done to her...Her empty wallpapers...her almost nil social life... her lost love for dance... I had a part to play in it all.. Maybe I never realized the depth of her friendship...but could I ? I could try to... but these feelings were coming in the way.. My hand still wanting to hold her again.. I wondered..how I could do my best to solve this...

Someone tapped on my shoulder and it was Ajay...

"Hey man! You made it! I really thought you would ditch this time as well... like the last reunion...

I half laughed... Ajay used to be one of my closest friends at one point of time.. it is weird how we spend so much time with our college friends...day and night... doing assignments together... running for classes...sharing heartbreaks and then we enter real world and meeting once a year also is a challenge... and this does leave an empty space which almost never fills in... just like Twinkle's absence had created... so did absence of friends of mine whom I had totally ignored had created a space as well...

And even though it was hard for me to feel so much... I hugged Ajay and said "sorry

" Hey man...! What happened? he sounded surprised... I had never been an emotional guy... but things had changed now... once an ungrateful friend ...now I could understand what emptiness can be created once your friends leave..

" Nothing man.. just missed you!.. I am glad I could make it to the wedding...

Ajay still surprised... said " by the way.. just letting you know.. Twinkle is here... I hope that is not awkward... I know you guys didn't end things on good note... I really didn't expect her to come..because she has completely disappeared... at-least you replied to the messaged...she has been missing completely... when I called her for the reunion she asked me who all were coming...and she seemed interested...but then she didn't come..

I almost immediately asked.. " you mentioned that I was coming?

Ajay hesitantly said "yes... but I hope things don't get too awkward

I smiled and said " firstly.. it is your wedding and this is the last thing you should be worried about... secondly.. I am on good terms with her .. I met her again in a meeting ... our companies are working together.. and well things are fine...

Ajay seemed so relieved and happy that he hugged me... He didn't say much after that as he had to run for arrangements for the next day... but I knew how us breaking our friendship had affected my friendships with everyone.. especially our group...

...

Ajay almost ran past me but stopped...and doubled back

"Twinkle! I am soo happy you made it... Thanks so much for coming!

" I am glad I did! It is lovely to meet everyone!

"Yes yes even Kunj right?

And he grinned and his grin brought back some memories... memories as old as  9 years...

...

Ajay became my friend even before Kunj... and somehow he caught me stealing glance at Kunj and even though I wasn't obvious.. he was that irritating friend who just loved drilling in me the idea of me liking Kunj.. and even though I knew that from the first day, I never accepted in front of him and at more than one occasion I would beg him to shut up and when Kunj and I became friends.. he would slyly grin...and I would return his grin with a vey irritated and angry look...but that didn't stop him...

Until... 6 years ago

"Hello! Hello Kunj! I have been trying to call you since an hour I said almost crying...

It was one of those awful times when everything was going wrong and he Kunj was hardly speaking to me

And Ajay walked in the empty class I had chosen to make the call...He saw tears in my eyes...and I just ran out of the room embarrassed...

...

His grin was the same ... But for me it brought back all the memories of Kunj.. good...bad..worst... but he seemed genuinely happy about me coming and I didn't say anything.. I wondered what he would say if he found out about us coming together...

We talked a bit more before he rushed off...

I decided to look for Kunj.. I had not seen him since an hour...I wondered if he was okay.. should I call him ? Umm.. maybe he is busy... meeting everyone...

I decided to head to my room.. Kunj's room was the last one the corridor and mine was the first one... for a second it was my impulse to knock on his door to find what he was upto .. but controlling my feelings I decided I would text him later... most of my friends were going for star gazing.. apparently there was an amazing spot up the hill and it was a clear night

 I wondered how they would be ready for the wedding in the afternoon. I did want to go but with the travel and then dance I was truly exhausted physically ... and emotionally also since I was constantly fighting on what to do and what not to do with Kunj...

I decided to change and sleep.. just when I was about to text him saying good night... a ritual which was finding its way back and someone knocked.. and I pretty much knew who that would be...

He stood at my door

...

I struggled to gather my thoughts as I knocked at her door... I wondered how appropriate this was ... but most of the college mates were going up the hill and had invited me and I thought if I should ask Twinkle... and then someone mentioned that Twinkle was heading to sleep and another friend said someone should ask her...and I decided I would...

"Twinkle.. umm everyone is going to see stars .. it is a very clear night.. and it's up the hill like 20 minutes walk.. do you want to join?

I was struggling to speak properly.. I wondered if this was appropriate..but then I remembered how we went for many trips together ... with the same people present at the wedding and this wasn't something out of ordinary... we had stayed up all night around bonfire talking ghost stories...and other kiddish stuff...and here 5 years later I was back to reliving them with a small change... the positions had swapped... it was always Twinkle inviting me forcing me to come and today it was me.. and she deserved that importance.. as only now I realized why she wanted me to be there.. because I was important to her and she had mentioned how these memories were the ones we would carry our whole life...

...

I could see how he was struggling to ask me... maybe he too wondered how appropriate this was... but memories of our past trips flashed in front of my eyes.. where in more than one occasion I had stood in front of his room requesting him to come for ghost story nights! And he would come...even if he showed irritation.. his unwillingness... he would come...always...

"Yes I said... and I smiled so he would calm down...

A smile broke on his face " so no excuses? he said teasingly referring to how he would make excuses...I laughed.. " not a drama queen like you!

"Hey hey I am not a drama queen

"oops sorry .. Drama king! and she laughed... and her laugh...was so pure so real that it made me fall for her more... but I caught myself... she was happy after ages... let us keep those feelings away...

Someone from downstairs called

 " guys we are going ! whoever is joining us hurry... everyone walked in groups of two's or three's...

Another friend Ananya from our old group joined us and we talked about the good old days.. at one point when Kunj was busy with someone else... Ananya whispered " I am so glad to see you guys together! I thought that would never happen

Ananya had witnessed the best and worst of our friendship.. it is weird how I never remembered or paid attention to the fact that not only our friendship with each other got damaged.. but our entire group had suffered...and seeing the happiness... and the gladness.. something inside me lit up and my doubts on rekindling this friendship erased a bit more...

It is funny how I was so focused on myself and Kunj that I never thought how all this impacted others around us..

As we walked further up... I as usual getting tired quickly decided to sit for a while and asked ananya and Kunj to continue... who were now talking about our ethics professor...

They both stopped saying they had no issues waiting ... and as I looked at them.. Ajay came from beind half running

" I didn't want to miss the last night of my freedom and we all laughed...

And then he looked at the three of us and  gave a surprising look... and then smiled

" wow if I knew my wedding could bring the old group together I would have married before.. we continued to laugh and we started walking again... almost reaching the top...when ajay and Ananya started searching for Keerti and abhishek.. the last two of our group leaving me and Kunj together...

That moment I turned to him and said... "Thank you...

...

Her thank you didn't just mean for bringing her her.. but it held deeper meaning... because I could see the glint in her eyes... she had been so close with each of these guys and it was I who had taken all of this from her and as I saw her conversing with everyone I knew it was all worth it... and I would do anything for it to stay this way.. even if it meant to throw away the feelings I had...because this here.. us like old times.. is what I truly craved...

...

Next update coming up soon!

Much love

Griffy