Devastation like never before danced to the rhythm of pain in her heart. Raw pain clenched her heart in a grip which threatened to break the walls she had built around herself. Years ago she had wondered if destiny would be merciful and they had children together, who inherited the best of his or her parents, how wonderful they would be. Destiny surely had a cruel way to turn your dreams into reality.
However an unknown resolute calmness took over her. Her heart, mad in love for him, took his proposition as blessing to be with him, at least for the gestation period. During their secondary high school, they had together created memories which ensured her sanity till the moment she had heard his proposal and to maintain the sanity for the rest of her life, she would need some memories of him to hold onto and to lead a normal life to at least reminisce the memories of his.
It wasn't that she had not known that she barely had any chance with him but her adamant heart chose to ignore the reality to escape a heartbreak which she knew she could not survive and the same indurate heart kept the flame of hope alive. The very flame of hope made her decide upon a condition to agree to his proposition.
"I am ready, Arnav. But you have to hear me out as well, as I have a condition for it," she said, sighing deeply as she prepared herself for the showdown.
Arnav appeared surprised to listen to her tone. It was not her usual chirpy tone or the serious tone of hers which she used in the past to berate him. Her voice shook mildly and rang with an emotion which he was rather very familiar with -pain
"Sure," he said, giving his affirmation.
She shut her eyes and took in a deep breath, realizing that the moment of confession had finally come; the period which she had waited for long with an unmatched eagerness and a period which she never wanted with a desperateness which could overpower her eagerness to confess.
"I never thought that I would be telling this to you someday. I thought that you would remain unaware of this throughout our lives but I think destiny always had different plans for me. I am in love with you, Arnav. Since we met during our secondary high school and till my last breath," she confessed, her voice trembling as memories played on the canvas of her mind.
"Khoosi?" he whispered in disbelief.
"I am not kidding, Arnav. You know, I never used to look at committed guys in a romantic way till I met you. I hate you for the making me do things that I never wanted to do or thought would do but I love you with every fiber of my existence. I love you as much as tears love smile. Tears image the smile in them and try to unite with the smile. As they proceed towards the smile which they hold onto with immense devotion, they only fall to shatter but not unite. Yet, the image of the smile does not leave the tears till they shatter and that's how much I love you," she avowed.
The very ground beneath Arnav's feet was snatched away cruelly by Khushi's confession. She had been close to him and he always cared for her deeply but to hear that she had been in love with him since he had known her, it felt traumatic. Someone had been in love for him since years and he had been searching for love from years before that. And to add to the irony, he could feel her pain as his own. He was not a stranger to the feelings of jealousy and the pain to share the one you love. He wondered if the torment only deepened if the person whom you love with all your heart, loved someone else with equal intensity.
"You knew about me and Rati, Khoosi. Then why? Why did you do this to yourself? You deserve someone better. Someone much better than me," he argued, his eyes turning misty. Memories flooded his mind but he viewed each one of them in a different light sourced by her confession. Her immense concern for him, her response to him and a smile specially reserved for him, everything had become clear with her confession.
"Aisa Nahi Hai Ki Jaanta Nahi, Arnav. Par Dil Hai Ki Maanta Nahi. Bas Yeh Khayal Dilata Rehta Hai Ki Kaash Woh Hota Tho Kya Hota. Kabhi Kabhi Ham Kisi Se Itne Pyaar Kar Baith The Hai Ki Unke Pyaar Ke Dard Ko Bhi Seene Se Lagaye Baith The Hai Aur Pyaar Main Mili Tokar Bhi Khoobsurat Lagti Hai. Aur Waise Bhi Pyaar Kiya Nahi Jaata, Woh Tho Bas Ho Jata Hain. Maybe it all started in chemistry class when we used to have an unspoken competition on who would solve first. Uss Competition Ko Jeetne Nikli Thi Aur Haar Baithi Apni Dil. And about someone better, I never wanted someone better than you, Arnav. I did not even want you. I needed you, as much as my breath," she declared, a sad smile playing on her lips as the once sweet memories turned to pierce her like a dagger as she reminisced them and relived them.
Anrva could not think of anything to say to her. Anything he would say would not be able to do justice to the ocean of love she has for him. He always knew that she loved him but in a romantic way, and to an extent where she began loving the pain in it, that could have never crossed his mind.
"And what is your condition, Khoosi?" he asked. He told himself that he would accept whatever she demands of him. There could not be any payback to the love her heart carries for him but he could surely ensure the compensation of some of her pain through fulfillment of her demand.
She appeared skeptical and stared at him straight into his eyes for a few seconds, searching for traces of hatred or annoyance in him only to be happily disappointed. She could only see layers of concern covering the dark brown orbs of his which only turned darker with the emotions clouding them.
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