A letter
I know this letter would never reach to you as I won't let it... it's a promise that I have made to myself...When I have to do this...then why don't we start from the start...
You remember the day... we met...the day when I lost my heart to you. It was Valentine's day...you entered the class with a broad smile and those deep eyes made you my first crush. Since I was the brightest student in class professor made you sit with me. I remember every girl giving me deathly glares they all wanted to sit with you but you sat with me I felt I was the luckiest person in the world. Days passed on, your charming looks and cool basketball player personality increased your fan club. Your tricks on professors made them hate you. Yes we used to sit together but you never liked me. I helped you recover in your studies. Soon you left me made your own friends circle. I thought you forgot me... but you didn't you always remembered me when you needed to complete your notes...your projects that was also alright for me but then one day...
"Why on the earth you spend time with that nerd...?"
"Oh! She is just like a bank...where you put some hello's and get back your projects and notes done"
Was I such an idiot that you were using me...yes I was. I cried and cried until my eyes swelled. Next day you came to me to get your project
"Don't say a word... here's your project...never ever talk to me again I hate you"
"But what happened"
"Well I am a bank...where you put some hello as deposit and get your work done... isn't it..."
"Swara...I am sorry I didn't meant that"
"Just get lost..."
You left from there...but then next day...
"Swara...I am sorry... I realised that you are not like other girls who need makeup to look beautiful as you are always beautiful...with your pretty smile and your sparkling eyes...I always got attracted towards you...I don't know how... and when but I love you...will you be my date"
"You are lying...no I am not going to believe you again"
"No swara I really love you... believe me"
I was trying to go away but your words started melting me again...I am losing myself again
" I am sorry swara... please don't leave me alone"
I saw you crying hard on floor I can't see you crying anymore...
"Sanskaar...I love you too"
We hugged each other...and cried our hearts out... and then laughed like a mad people. I was so happy...I couldn't believe life can give me such a pleasant surprise. But then all surprises are not meant to last. It's been a week since we were dating each other... girls were again going jealous and mad at me but I didn't paid any heed to them. I was so happy that I wanted to scream at the top my voice and tell everyone that I love you and you love me. It was supposed to be our date today... I was so nervous and excited that I got confused about what to wear...and scared what if you didn't liked me
" Ragu...what should I wear yaar"
"It's your first date and that also sanskaar maheshwari the most wanted man of college you should be perfect" " Here...try this one"
"Ragu is it okay"
"No it's too loud...try this one"
"How about this suit"
"Swara yaar are going out for jagran no way try this"
"Ragu...yaar I have tried 6 dresses and you have rejected all of them...what will I do now I am getting late also"
"Hmmm try this little sexy piece"
"Don't you think it's too short"
"Nah... it's perfect go and change"
It was shoulder less above knee red colour one piece ...ragu did minimal makeup of me and after hardwork of 1 hour I was ready to meet you I was already late...I reached the venue just to see that you were nowhere to be found I tried your number you didn't picked up... I thought you might be struck somewhere...so I waited for you...and waited for 3 hours...and then 4 it's already 9'O close I didn't wanted ragu to worry so I left a message for you to call me and took a taxi back to hostel
"How...was your date"
"Fantastic ragu"
"Swara you okay"
"Yeah I am fine...just a bit tired"
I lied to ragini but I can't lie to myself... I felt that you again cheated me but then one part of my heart said that no it can't be...I didn't know what to think so I just slept and left everything on tomorrow...I reached college you were not yet there...so I was waiting for you... and this time you came soon but with heartbreaking surprise...you entered college gate with another girl
"Sanskaar... you alright na...why didn't you came last night"
"Hey...slow down there... first thing...nothing happened to me...and second I didn't came as I didn't wanted to"
"What are you saying"
"The truth...it was all a bet...I had to date you for a week so that I can date her... just a little bit of Oscars acting and you melted like a butter"
"Did you really think that he will date a behanji like you"
He broke my heart in pieces...he tored my soul...I didn't know how but the next thing I did was to slap him in front of whole college his friends came forward but I stopped them cause this was the time for me to speak
"Oh yeah! I am a fool to get trapped in your tears...yes I am a fool who thought that you can love me..I am so sorry Mr. Sanskaar Maheshwari...that I ever happened to you... I feel like killing you...but I won't as you don't deserve even my touch...Mr. Maheshwari never ever try to cross my path again"
The incident caught fire...and now everybody knows what happened between us... I cried and cried on ragini's lap just like a baby she didn't stopped me today as she knew it would be better to get this bitterness out. I don't remember when I slept but next day...I was so scared to face anyone...I didn't knew what to do.
"So want to go college or not"
"I want to but don't want to"
"I understand...what about girl's day out today"
"Ragu...I am not feeling like..."
"Uff...shona...is that jerk more important than me"
I saw no point in arguing more...and I know if I gave this much importance to him than he will understand that I am weak.
"Ok... come on... where are we going"
We spent whole day roaming in city...we bought like 5 dresses... watched movie...ate golgappa...chaat and all those things which we do on normal days but still everything was upside down...at last we reached a park where I got to know about ragu real plan...
"So...now feeling better or not"
"Better"
"Then are you ready"
"Ready...for what"
"To teach that jerk a lesson"
"Lesson..."
"Yes shona...what does he thinks of himself...only he can break other people's heart...now it's time for payback...he will shed more tears than you did"
"You want me to hurt him..."
"Yes"
"No ragu I can't do that...I know he doesn't love me...but I love him more than anything else in this world... thinking of hurting him is making my heart ache...how can I"
"I know shona...you love him but don't you think he should understand how one feels when someone breaks your heart..."
I know what ragu is saying is right he needs to understand the pain which I have suffered twice
"Ok"
I don't know what will be our next step...but I know seeing you in pain will give me more pain... but you don't worry I won't hurt you to the extent you hurt me as I still love you.
At last I just want to say...
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to
But I can't put
Nobody else above you
