Inter religion marriage

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Posted: 8 years ago

My sister's best friend is Hindu n she is in love with a Muslim guy. But both families r quite conservative.. Sadly we still live in the world where inter religious marriage is a big deal. She has tried but they refuse. Her only option is to run away but they will never call her again. So let's discuss abt inter religion marriage. Do u think it can succeed??

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

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Posted: 8 years ago

Are you asking if inter-religion marriage can succeed?

Depends, because it's different on a case-to-case basis and what the involved people deem as 'success' .

Examples of case-to-case differences -

1) Both run away -- parents give in and accept the marriage - sometimes soon, sometimes after a long time. Here also, some sub-variations --

a) Parent and child have a so-so relationship, will not be close as before

b) Parents welcome the marriage whole-heartedly

2) Both run away - parents cut ties for life

3) Both run away - parents act as if they have accepted but then torture either the bride or the groom, or both, in extreme scenarios - file a false case against either or both.

4) Both run away - marriage may not work out - one of them goes back to parent, again, sub-variations -

a) Parent would still not welcome the child

b) Parent would welcome the child but either have a distant relationship or be the same as they were.

...Anyone running away should consider the above scenarios - it would be emotionally demanding and draining, in ways one probably cannot foresee.

Consequences can never be predicted, if you ask me.

Now coming to the child who is considering eloping.

Depends entirely on them ---

1) If they are willing to face any consequence

2) If they are willing to risk the blood ties. Sure, the same question may apply to the parent, but let's talk about child too :) And, the saying 'Blood is thicker than water' is not just any saying... it has so much truth than we can ever realise.

3) What they want from life.

...Totally depends on the one who takes the step, but they must think things through and prepare for consequences - consequences not just from outside world, but most importantly, inside the self - will you be able to live with differences with parents, will you be able to live with separation or estrangement. And, one thing to remember most importantly is - going for ego while making such life-changing decisions is best avoided... maybe one day sometime 10 years down the line you may regret the decision, or feel like you should've tried your best to keep your relationship with parent intact and so on.. Also, take into consideration the important aspect of the impact your decision has directly and indirectly on the lives of people connected to you, and also, of the child you will birth.

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 8 years ago

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

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Posted: 8 years ago

Also, I may sound backward, but ideally the argument may be that, parents should respect child's choices and when they don't and can cut the ties why should the child give in to the 'emotional manipulation' regarding the decision that he would be living for the rest of his life. It's true, I always think that parent should support when child is being stubborn, if anything goes wrong, parent should be there to hug and comfort the baby - that would do, because, if child wants to marry someone of her choice or marry something chosen by the parent, truth is, you never know what kind of life partner she/he has until they live together. Life should be made as simple as possible - if it looks like child isn't giving in, okay, support karo, if anything goes wrong, be the pillar on which he can lean on... there is never any guarantee against anything in life anyway, atleast not at the cost of ending relationships), all that we can do is love, guide, nag, nag, nag and support them..

As for religion, really, it's not an issue at all... it is just a social stigma. But it is the relationships that are very real... and when a close relationship like parent-child is at risk of breaking due to something called religion, it gets real too... because I think religion would just be a small trigger, but the bigger issue would be that of the heart - that of love between the parent-child.

Life isn't that simple.. relationships aren't that simple.. Living with a heart/mind/ego/society is not that simple.. It's not like that idea(idea as in, when parent can cut off ties, why should child give in to emotional manipulation) alone can make you happy for rest of your life, it may help you take a step, but I highly doubt if it'll make one happy for the rest of his life..

(I think my line of thought is structured around the fact that I never understand how anyone can say that someone is their only perfect life-partner without living with them under one roof for a considerable amount of time, sure everything is rosy in the beginning, shit gets real after 2 years of living together under one roof, some people MAY forsee, not being judgemental, just my POV from where I stand *shrug* )

All we can hope for is, that the parents will not cut ties with kids :)

Best wishes to all those in such situations... you guys will be in my afternoon prayers 😛

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 8 years ago

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Charaiveti

@Charaiveti

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Posted: 8 years ago

The thing is that she should be 100 percent sure that the guy is an ok one,not gonna turn into a dhokebaaz or fraud.Then she should know there'll be problems in the first few years, financial problems and cultural shocks and pic differences.

If she believes that she can cope up with all these,she may elope because marrying someone you don't love will destroy you forever, that's an never-ending pain.

I don't understand why parents put social norms above their children, and why they say if anything goes wrong don't come running back.Why not just try to understand the child's pov.End result is both children and parents suffering

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Charaiveti

@Charaiveti

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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Pemberleydreams
The thing is that she should be 100 percent sure that the guy is an ok one,not gonna turn into a dhokebaaz or fraud.Then she should know there'll be problems in the first few years, financial problems and cultural shocks and pov differences.
If she believes that she can cope up with all these,she may elope because marrying someone you don't love will destroy you forever, that's an never-ending pain.
I don't understand why parents put social norms above their children, and why they say if anything goes wrong don't come running back.Why not just try to understand the child's pov.End result is both children and parents suffering

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

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Posted: 8 years ago

I think we have had several discussions on inter-religious marriage before. Ancient threads.

Interreligious marriage is just like any other marriage. It will work as long as both people are committed to the relationship and willing to put the effort to make it work. They should have a thorough understanding of the challenges ahead and be on the same page with how to face them.

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1109060

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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: return_to_hades
I think we have had several discussions on inter-religious marriage before. Ancient threads.
Interreligious marriage is just like any other marriage. It will work as long as both people are committed to the relationship and willing to put the effort to make it work. They should have a thorough understanding of the challenges ahead and be on the same page with how to face them.

Yeah they will make it work for sure but what abt the cut-off from girls family? They r never going to forgive. Surely she will have a soul mate but parents matters as well

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

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Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: deepakloveskat

Yeah they will make it work for sure but what abt the cut-off from girls family? They r never going to forgive. Surely she will have a soul mate but parents matters as well

Answer to your questions is in bold.

Both parties parents are equally important in a relationship. If estrangement from parents is a challenge they will face - both parties should understand what it means and be in agreement of how to resolve it.

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CherHorowitz

@TotalBetty

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: deepakloveskat
My sister's best friend is Hindu n she is in love with a Muslim guy. But both families r quite conservative.. Sadly we still live in the world where inter religious marriage is a big deal. She has tried but they refuse. Her only option is to run away but they will never call her again. So let's discuss abt inter religion marriage. Do u think it can succeed??

Both families are quite conservative... What about the boy and girl? Are they very religious too?

One of them have to give up their religion(ideally they shouldn't but in real life that's not how it works.)

Is she willing to give up her religion and her parents support? Her parents might come around down the line, maybe few years later or it might never happen...

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lailaMai

@lailaMai

Beginner

Posted: 8 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
Are you asking if inter-religion marriage can succeed?

Depends, because it's different on a case-to-case basis and what the involved people deem as 'success' .

Examples of case-to-case differences -

1) Both run away -- parents give in and accept the marriage - sometimes soon, sometimes after a long time. Here also, some sub-variations --
a) Parent and child have a so-so relationship, will not be close as before
b) Parents welcome the marriage whole-heartedly

2) Both run away - parents cut ties for life

3) Both run away - parents act as if they have accepted but then torture either the bride or the groom, or both, in extreme scenarios - file a false case against either or both.

4) Both run away - marriage may not work out - one of them goes back to parent, again, sub-variations -
a) Parent would still not welcome the child
b) Parent would welcome the child but either have a distant relationship or be the same as they were.

...Anyone running away should consider the above scenarios - it would be emotionally demanding and draining, in ways one probably cannot foresee.

Consequences can never be predicted, if you ask me.

Now coming to the child who is considering eloping.

Depends entirely on them ---

1) If they are willing to face any consequence
2) If they are willing to risk the blood ties. Sure, the same question may apply to the parent, but let's talk about child too :) And, the saying 'Blood is thicker than water' is not just any saying... it has so much truth than we can ever realise.
3) What they want from life.

...Totally depends on the one who takes the step, but they must think things through and prepare for consequences - consequences not just from outside world, but most importantly, inside the self - will you be able to live with differences with parents, will you be able to live with separation or estrangement. And, one thing to remember most importantly is - going for ego while making such life-changing decisions is best avoided... maybe one day sometime 10 years down the line you may regret the decision, or feel like you should've tried your best to keep your relationship with parent intact and so on.. Also, take into consideration the important aspect of the impact your decision has directly and indirectly on the lives of people connected to you, and also, of the child you will birth.

Shit doesnt get real even after two years!! People change even after years of marriage
Its a gamble and risk that you take and maybe evolve together, its a vow that u make to be with that person and accept their changes.