Dear Friends,
I am fuming, so are you or any female, why even male for that matter. And what are we fuming about - the trigger point of Bengaluru molestation. It is only a trigger not a cause as we all know. You would agree, we are not just fuming at this one night's incident, we are fuming at the years of injustice to women, and the years to come-by. Call me pessimist, but that seem the fact of the matter - years to come. Unless, there is a change at the root level. Every time an incident happens, we scream that the fruit is sour and later move on to another juicy fruit that the media offers. Who is working at the root level then? The answer may come as all those women rights activists, some big names of feminists. Honestly, I would not like to call myself a feminist, for I am not one by definition, neither do I seek to be one. To me it is all but a human rights that we are fighting for, so, why bring a gender here? I know it sounds absurd. Permit me to proceed please. In my humble opinion, gender based action, gender based opinion causes gender based reaction.
Are we not fighting for equal rights for women? Let me ask of my friends here, the activists and myself, how convinced are we about this? Is this a fancy or a belief? Is this a need or a nice to have? On one side, we want to be in equal position with men in all walks of life, and I believe we are capable and we should be so (in our conviction). Tell me a field where a woman could not deliver? We may be told, women are physically weak. Well, I accept not this at face value. Be it the heights of Mt Everest, maneuvering an Air force fighter, waging war against a battalion of seasoned male warriors or ruling a land, history till even today there are many instances to prove that we are equal to men. Tell me where we have proved that we cannot handle, if we will it - key is to will, key is to believe! Where we as women have believed, we have surpassed men in many fields. So we are not impotent, we are not lacking in anyway. We are born equal. Then why fight for equality? ... Because, we are not treated equals?
Now, this brings to the question. Who is treating us not equals? Men or women? Again sounds stupid? Bear with me please. Let me share my thoughts. In my humble opinion yet, we women are a responsible big lot for this. Men take advantage of our lack of confidence - they only take advantage, please note. So, who is giving room for this? We women? Right from our great gran to even this modern era, in how many houses, firstly, a woman treat another woman with respect or treat her equally to other male members? We are seeing girl child fed less than a male child in rural still. Who does this? The father or the mother? Who says that women's role is to reproduce and make a house? Our women folk says so more than men? What advice does a mother give her daughter when she is given away in marriage? How many mothers restrict their daughters from late night parties? And if a woman is raped, how many women look down at her, as if the women herself begged to be raped? Where both parents work, how many mothers get back home after a long day and fixes a dinner or prepares a breakfast, packs dabbas even in the early morning rush? And does she grudge? Is she willing to let her husband share the house work? She is more than willing to serve her husband, her family. So, what rights are we talking about? Whose rights are we talking about? Is it a right snatched away from us? Or is it a right willingly given away by us?
When there are so many such basics where the difference is obvious and impact more, we find activists fighting for issues of trivial nature. To me gaining entry for women in a Shani temple or a Dargah is not a burning need. Or lengthy debates on how women of yester years or even yester yugas were treated badly. Give me a break. In the first place we do not gain anything discussing that, and views of that age and present is different. There are bigger issues to be dealt with today - so many girl children are being raped and thrown away as a tissue paper. What has the Women's rights organizations done about it? Scream when it happens, other than that what else? What have you changed on the ground?
Why men do not have Men's rights organizations? Why women need one? Is it because men have no issues or are the perpetrators? Or is it because men are not vulnerable? While we women are? Let me go to Chandra-Nandini (an attempt to make it look relevant to Chandra Nandini serial and retain this post in this forum J) - remember the scene of Padmanand's capture in the hut, where Chandra takes of the chunni of Nandini? Now, how did Nandini react to it? She tried to cover herself. Now, imagine her still getting up and fighting Chandra? What would have been Chandra's reaction then? Would he dare to do this to another women tomorrow? (pray, Chandra fans, let us not get into whether Chandra was right or wrong in doing this - this is being discussed to put forth a point please). So, in that sense, whose fault is it? We all will blame the men naturally for such a disgusting act? It is a disgusting act, no doubt, when a man disrobes a woman. And likewise, a woman disrobes a man - are we missing a point here? How does a man react in such a situation vs how does a woman react? In my humble opinion, this marks the difference. Though we claim equal rights, we do not believe in it ourselves. We consider ourselves vulnerable and let us ourselves to be taken for granted. Let us admit, we like to be manofied, we enjoy being protected and treated as a flower. So there are two categories of woman - who do not mind the status quo, the other being, who want it changed. And one can cannot have both. Look at the instance of how many women crying vs how many women fighting it up that night at Bengaluru. Why women were seeking men's help or police's help? Why women were running away? That is why Chaitala won my heart that day, the true hero of the day. She acted that she is equal to man. She believed in it and so came her strength. Though I do feel sorry for the girls affected, I still feel frustrated to see girls crying. Instead, you should have become a Kaali that day. If you cannot deal with it, if you are not convinced of your ability to deal with it, if you feel you are weak and need protection, then you should stay at home. The fight for equal rights is for girls like Chaitala. Rest, who want to be treated as "woman" (the dainty thing), please be in your limits if you cannot deal with the rough world outside, and just don't lament. You cannot expect a noble world out there, be practical, and accept the ground reality today. Wish is different from fact. Or brace yourself to see your wishes through.
Now, you may raise a question, is it not the police job to protect these girls that night and they have failed? The police might have failed or might not have. And, I feel, the blame cannot be put entirely on the police. Where is your guts as a woman? You knew of past instances, how well prepared were you? What weapons did you carry with yourself to protect yourself? Are where are the women's organization who scream later, what did they do to avoid this for the girls? What proactive measures were taken by them? Or is it their job only to blame others? Say now, what have you done to make women equal to men? First, did you raise their self-confidence, the very basic? Otherwise, how many ever laws may be brought, it may not work. We hear so many rape cases. What have these activists or any individuals like us do about it, even to save ourselves? How many of us tried to learn martial arts to protect ourselves? How many of us carry small weapons - be it the famed chilly power or a sharp instrument with us. I do not, for one. When anything gory happens, I will not hesitate to blame others. I will not accept how ill-prepared I was. Now, the argument could be - how dare men treat a woman like this? He has to change. My question back is, how could a man not act like this? It is obvious and natural for him to behave so. The laws are weak, the law makers are party to it and above all, we are vulnerable. Where is the deterrence? He is having a ball of a time. Survival is for the fittest. Expecting others to change, with me taking no steps to address is a serious problem in many women's attitude today. It is always like, these will not happen to me. Now, please, do not brand me anti-female. If truth is not palatable, we tend to blame everything else. Let us be practical. We can do japa that men should behave etc., but on the ground does it work that way? If you are convinced that it works, please continue to live in that world of yours and keep expecting men to change. So, my question is, how does it help to keep wanting this (change in men) to happen? We desire, while we need to aspire.
I talked about the police incompetence. Now why is the police incompetent? Because of dirty politician's will and iron hand on them. Now, who elected this law-maker? The man who is supposed to bring laws that would curb injustice to women, while he indulges in such atrocities himself? We. Now, please do not say, you and I did not, but the people at large. My question back, how many of this people class are women? The very women is affected, very women who is suffering or seeing her girl suffer? If the women population revolt and decide the law-makers, could things fall in place? Any women's organization working in this direction? There are women politicians today, but are they doing enough for the situation on hand? So, where should this be fixed? Is anyone thinking seriously about it and trying to change things at the ground level, instead of creating a big scene when an incident occurs and then go back to your kitchen to fix dinner for your husband or son?
Let me come to Chandra-Nandini again (to be on the safe side J). When atrocities to women were shown in different parts of the serial, for that matter any serial or movie - where women are shown as stalked, raped or trying to be raped and the hero rescues her (and thereby glorying the male)... And in many movies, where the hero is on the verge of a victory over the villain, when the guinea-pig woman is caught by the villain and the hero is put in a tight spot. Why are woman shown so stricken with fear and helpless when the villain approaches her to rape? While heroes are glorified with their abilities, heroines are shown weak and vulnerable. Just tell me, why women are portrayed so weak mostly (it is refreshing to see some cases where women are shown strongly). Why are they showing the Bakshi Banu likes? Why do we revel in some shows fantasizing, glorifying woman as an epitome of nobility in serials watched predominantly by women - are we so incapable and reduced to only fantasy? We see Nandini not able to deal with that cheap prince she was to marry (sorry, forget his name) - she was shown running to her father. So, here-gain, glorification with its default twist - women vulnerable. Can't we ever come out of this mind set?
When a rape is reported in the Newspaper - what kind of picture is shown, a women screaming or mostly hiding her face? What does it mean, why this picture? Is it a shame to the woman that she is raped? Or is it a shame to a man that he raped someone losing control over himself? Why is it not shown as a man feeling ashamed? Why is it shown as a vulnerable woman always? Don't you think the way we portray makes a difference and sets impression in the minds of the people? Why can't it be like a woman saving a guy in the nick of the moment in all these shows? So, my friends, what are the activists doing about it? Why, even the great Bollywood actors and big actresses who condemn when an incident happens, what are they doing about this? Why are they not objecting to such scenes in the movie? Are these scenes not sending messages to the male community? Is it not being reinforced in the minds of these men that women are vulnerable and a weak point of any man? To revenge a man, they attack a woman? How on earth is this justified? That is what our movies show and promote. And when you see comments for articles in various forums, when two men fight they call each other son of a bitch, mother f**ker and what not. Why all this abuse to women? Who is screaming at all these atrocities? Back to movies, women are shown almost nude and as item girls in the song sequences- now, for whose entertainment is this? I am sure no women is kicked by these, is it then to attract the male community? And who is doing these favours - our own women actors. The more the actress reveals, the more the expectation from the producers and the audience, and they are only willing to do the service. Why cannot there be an item song of men? Ofcourse, not many would want to see J So, women are treated as objects of beauty? The very producers and movie stars who condemn such act, and cry for women rights, are producing such films where women are treated cheap, as an object of entertainment. Why are the activists or actors not raising objection to this? For that matter, these movie players are party to this. And, why are we women not raising objection to this? We watch such movies through premium tickets and discuss the looks, dresses, hair styles, action sequences and what not of the actresses/ actors. We do not even register this objectionable piece. We are immune by now. We, women who call ourselves as feminist and who want equal rights, are party to it in our way, watching these shows, giving credits and collection to them.
If you are expecting me to conclude, I am not going to as that was never the intention. These are just my thoughts shared with my friends here. Glad if it left someone thinking. My temperament is not to argue to death over any point. As I always state, views differ and I would respect that. You could all feel free to debate on this thread. I would be happy to read and learn from your thoughts.
Thank you for reading it through.
Kaana
Veer Hanuman
Kumkum Bhagya
