SWASAN FF - HEALING HER BROKEN HEART

HEALING HER BROKEN HEART

PART ONE:

She sat there on bench with closed eyes letting evening breeze caress her face the way they desire...Her face deprived of any emotions at least for passerby's...but the person standing in corner leaning against trees with eyes fixed on her form, from the time she entered in park, sat on isolated place and dropped the curtains of her eyelids, shutting the door through which he could see her soul, knew better. He knew though her face looked emotionless and she appears rude to others but she was anything but that...She was wearing the mask of indifference hiding her turmoil from outer world.

Letting her have some time for herself he walked towards the bench as he felt he can't let her be just like that, on her own.

She was lost in thoughts. Thoughts! That from so long had been her companion, holding capability of bringing smile on her face at the same time were powerful enough to make her suffocate to the extent where it becomes tough to draw next breath. Solace was not what she looked for when she everyday entered in park...It was her hideout, from everyone where she was not supposed to wear that mask of happiness when she was anything but happy?

All that was till a month back, till he decided to be part of it and had not started following her literally.

She felt movement beside her and knew who joined her, yet she let her eyes remain unopened. She was not ready to let him see depth of her turmoil because he could read her eyes even after her hard efforts of hiding her feelings where she was almost successful with everyone except him. Little did she know, he didn't need to look through her eyes to know how she is?

"You know you don't have to do this...Right?" He started moving his gaze from her face and now concentrating on the rose plants ahead.

She took a deep before saying anything to him, least she lashed out on him when all he trying was no harm but little help, help she never wanted.

"Same applies to you!" she answered him back implying he didn't have to be there every day.

He knew that was coming and he was determined to not end this today without having his answers. It was not hidden that she never wanted him or anyone for that matter to poke their nose in her business. Having known her for more than year, he understood some facts about her and most important one was she hated interference. Still there were some things nagging him from so long and he felt need of having some answers for his questions.

"You are only hurting yourself" he continued as if he never heard her.

"That has nothing to do with you" came her calm reply.

"Seriously?" He raised his eyebrow at her, failing to hide his sudden anger from his voice. She was for sure testing his patience's that he lagged most.

"Yes" she replied not giving dam to his rising anger.

"Today I am not backing out with your this attitude" he said with determination.

"Your wish" Came her careless reply.

"Nor I am letting you to!" If you want to be stubborn then I'm no less, bring it on were his thoughts as he answered her letting her know it.

She opened her eyes and directly looked in his eyes, challenging him before confidently answering, "Try me"

He knew that look in her eyes; today he could not afford that determination of her.

"Swara!" He called out her earnestly feeling helpless.

"Why you are being this way?" When she shrugged and looked ahead he asked her.

"I'm like this only" Came her answer as her gaze followed the children playing in park.

"No you are not this...you are not that one whom I have known...you are someone else...Someone I don't know" He argued.

"You have not known me neither you...will!" She paused and answered letting him know what he think he knows, reality was far away from it.

He calmed himself; knowing retorting will only worsen the situation. He said what he felt right, "You can trust me!"

"I don't want to" Swara straight away told him she not intends to confide anyone.

"Please..." He said helplessly.

"Please what? Don't plead me! I don't know what you want..." Swara said pretending not having idea about anything.

"You know!" He made statement.

"No, I don't" She stood on her ground.

"Swara ..." His voice held warning.

"Why the hell do you care? See I don't need you nor I need anyone. I'm good the way I am. Don't get involve into something that it will be hard to move on..." Swara said now getting angry perhaps pretending to be angry when he knew it was faade to cover her worry.

"Why do I care? Why?" He asked even after knowing she knows the answer.

When she turned her face away avoiding the conversation he said it that caused her to turn and look at him sharply. "I have told you this before that I love you ...haven't I?"

"And I have also told you that this is just infatuation...you will soon get over with" There came her same words which she told him 6 months back when he had proposed her, while rejecting his proposal.

"I don't need your certificate to know what I feel." He was genuinely pissed at her words now. He respected she not feels for him but every time her commenting on depth of his feelings without knowing got worst out of him.

"I don't need you to reciprocate my feelings All I want and need is your happiness...Is that too much I'm asking?" He asked hurt at her behavior.

"Why do you feel I'm not happy?" "I am happy...I earn enough to live, have job... Why will I be unhappy?" Swara too realized that she crossed the line calmed little and asked him crossing her hands across chest and now facing him.

"Cut the crap!" He saw her for minute and said it harshly knowing she still want to pretend.

He breathed deeply holding her palm in his hands and started slowly, his voice expressing sincerity of his words.

"Swara...look I don't know what made you like this or what's there that is holding you back from living your life freely...I'm not asking you to let me be part of your life, Neither I am asking you to give us chance to know what's there in between us...All I want is your friendship...All I want is your happiness... I want you to let me be the part of pain you are going through...I want you to share what's there that is hurting you!"

Giving her time to take his words he continued after small pause, "Let me be part of it ...I won't judge you...you know that...And I do know there are many things that are too personal to share and I don't want you to open up about them today...I ...I don't know how to explain to you...all I want is to see you happy...anyhow..."

"Why?" Swara looked in his eyes and asked one question that kept on nagging her from so long.

He smiled briefly at that. He knew that was coming but what he didn't know was answer so he answered her honestly.

"To tell you the truth I myself don't know the reason behind it...All I know is you have very beautiful smile one when you do not pretend anything ...One when your eyes reflects it... and I want it to remain forever on your face not that fake one..."

"To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again"[credit to google of this quote]

He finished his part but had no courage to face her, his words made no sense to his own ears.

Swara looked at him thoughtfully for awhile and removing her palm from his hold standing up she spoke what she knew was best to make him understand without giving away anything.

"Sanskar Sir..." Swara called his name for first time in evening, framing her words in mind she started after pause "See I don't want to be rude to you...Thank you for thinking so much about me and my happiness...All I have to say is stay out of this...Stay away from me! More you start coming closer to me...more it will get painful for you...Brace yourself before things start falling apart! Bye"

With that she left...

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After one month:

Sanskar cursed himself for nth time. He snatched her only means of solace. The day he interfered in her personal time was the last one when he saw her as later on she stopped being at that park. On next day when he went to his office early hoping to see her and probably talk to her if she allowed. He kept waiting in hope to see her but was disappointed as she never showed up throughout day.

It's been more than month now that he saw her. 1 month...whole dam month passed without any information about her...no one knew where she just disappeared. He inquired at every possible place even went to her building but got nothing in return...He just prayed for her well being in this span.

Knocking sound on door broke his train of thoughts.

"May I come in Sir" Aman asked little hesitantly.

"Come in" came his emotionless reply when all he wanted to bang door on person that dared to disturb him.

"It better be important Aman...because I already told you do not disturb me till it's really important"

"Sir...Swara is here" Sanskar stared at Aman's face for long time before almost running out of his cabin.

...

He stood breathless at door of Swara's cabin. His eyes roaming on her White Anarkali clad figure busy in arranging things in her cabin. She surely lost some weight his eyes confirmed, she seemed weak as if woken from prolong illness. Dark patches beneath her eyes as if being deprived of sleep. Her stance was again giving him some negative vibes, she looked tired, defeated...shaken!

His eyes were busy taking fill of her when her hands stop in middle and she looked up. He could see surprise registering in her dark orbs.

"Hi" Sanskar broke the silence and whispered softly.

Composing herself she replied, "Hi"

"Good to see you...Glad you decided to show up..." Sanskar said, his tone taunting.

Swara lifted her head to gauge his emotions, but his face gave away nothing...He made himself comfortable in chair in-front of her table where she stood on opposite side near shelf.

"So what's going on?" He asked casually.

"Nothing!" Swara replied. Though she was surprised on finding him there and the way he behaved yet she not showed it.

"You do know that I hate lying...Right?" Sanskar leaned on his elbows and stared directly in her eyes that were busy in looking here and there avoiding looking at him.

Swara kept mum. That only infuriated him.

"Why on the earth you are doing this? Damn it!" Sanskar said banging his hand on table.

Swara flinched at that.

"Dare you run away like last time!" Sanskar warned.

Sanskar without caring anything asked the question that he knew going to hurt her, but he knew he needed to do that.

"It is still about HIM, isn't it?"

Swara's eyes shot up at that mention from his mouth, it brought back all those memories locked up in some part of her heart.

"OUT!" Swara rose up harshly from her chair and said it through gritted teeth.

When she saw him still sitting she raised her volume, "Get out!"

Sanskar sat calmly on his place without shifting an inch. His words did their work and he knew now it's going to be turning point, either she will allow him in her life or will throw him out of it.

"Swara" Sanskar called out her softly.

"Calm down... I'm sorry...Look I had told you that I won't try to know reason of your pain or whatever that hurts you without your consent... But as you disappeared all of sudden I went against my own promise to not interfere in your life... I contacted Yash last week when I couldn't get hold of news of your well being." Sanskar said guiltily. He was feeling guilty to do something like that but she left him with no options.

Swara sat on her chair numbly. She felt angered when he brought that topic and she wanted nothing but throw him out and she was going to do that when she heard Yash's name. Yash...her Yash...He shared that part of her life without her permission when he had promised her that it will remain in between them only. She felt nothing but shattered, betrayed. Her eyes filled up with tears. She sat defeated.

Sanskar who was watching her carefully felt bad for her condition. He stood up from chair walking across table he reached in-front of her, kneeling he held her palms in his hand and he sensed them cold as ice. He felt scared.

"Swara...Swara...Please look at me...Please" Sanskar pleaded; his own eyes misted looking her like this.

Swara stayed mum and next second Sanskar saw her closing her eyes, she was about to fall from her chair when he held her preventing her fall. Swara lay unconscious in his arms.

"SWARA" Sanskar called out patting her cheek but got no response, while he felt her body burning in fever as his palm touched her face.

Sanskar picked up her and rushed outside ignoring the shocked faces of his staff who were stunned to see him this way. Panic gripped his heart seeing her condition. Entering in parking he shouted for his driver and quickly getting at backside of his suv he barked at driver to get moving to city hospital. He just prayed to God to keep her safe.

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His heart beating frantically against his rib cage, the anticipation of what awaits next was not letting him breath, sudden weight settling on his chest thinking of the trauma that led her to this condition he felt himself drowns into pain. Sitting on hospital bench from past one hour he was waiting for Doctor to come out of room she was kept in to tell him about her condition, to tell him she will be fine.

Praying to his God continuously he pleaded him to give her back to him, to keep her safe, he made no effort of wiping tears rolling down from his eyes. As he saw doctor coming out of her room he was on his feet quickly walking towards him wiping his face by his palm, standing in front of Doctor he waited for Doctor to say something while Doctor just signaled him to follow him in his cabin to which he silently obeyed.

"How's she doctor?" Sanskar asked as soon as he followed Doctor to his cabin to which Doctor signaled him to take seat.

"To tell you the truth Mr. Maheshwari, I can't tell you about her exact condition before reports of tests come. From my experience I can say she has not had anything enough from so long almost week. Her condition is critical as you have seen." Doctor explained him about her condition.

"She will be fine. Right?" He asked anxiously fearing about her condition.

Doctor sighed looked at his expecting and hopeful eyes. This is toughest part of being Doctor as they can't make false promises. He decided to tell truth, "I don't want to keep you in dark. She has high fever along with her weakness, her internal system seems to be damaged badly and this much prolonged negligence can lead to multiple organs failure. I can't promise you anything but we will try our best. Plus I think she is under some trauma or depression. Let's just wait for reports and pray she responds to treatment."

...

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He felt someone sucking life out of him and leaving him to die as doctor's words and information played like broken record in his ears. Taking every step with great difficulty he somehow made it to her room. Gathering some courage he slightly pushed door of room they kept her in, he stood paralyzed at the door as his eyes fell on her. There she was lying unconscious on bed, needles pierced in her skin connected to drip that's slowly allowing saline and medicines to her body, oxygen mask on her face to provide adequate oxygen to her, wires attached to her body going all the way to monitor showing different parameters on monitor.

"No...No..." It's not the way he was wishing to meet her, not certainly this. Dragging himself somehow and wiping tear that trickled down his eye he sat on chair next to her bed, just watching her. His mind went blank as his eyes took in her state looking with longing. All he wanted at the very moment was to see in her eyes, listen to her voice saying she is fine. Alas! This can't happen. All past memories came rushing back to him, her always smiling face, cute antics, and melodious voice everything! And now watching her lying lifeless there with all wires and equipment attach pained him a lot. This was the worst incident ever he faced earlier and now again. His mind recalled how history repeated.

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FLASHBACK TWO YEAR BACK

A lone figure was sitting on floor ideally, clutching a photo frame to her chest, in middle of hall engulfed in darkness except a little light coming from diya lit in corner. Knees drawn up near her chest, back resting against sofa, hands clutching frame tightly as if it's the only thing holding her together, eyes staring in nothing particular, holding no emotions in them as if her soul had left her body, sitting lifeless. She looked lost, shaken, and numb as if being hit by storm and left with nothing. Other features of her were not visible in darkness except her hallow eyes.

Ruffling and shuffling sound of branches and leaves coming from outside arousing fear in complete dark mansion along with stormy wind roaring with all its might banging loudly against closed glass windows wanting to break it into pieces, everything enough to scare anyone, but she made no move from her place, not flinching at the thunderous clashing sounds of clouds and lightening. Anyone at her place till now would have been shivering and sweating in fear and panic wherein she remained unaffected.

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After four days, Mumbai Airport at 10 a.m.

He was pacing restlessly in waiting lobby of Mumbai Airport glancing now and then at his mobile phone and desperately waiting for announcement of his flight. Many head tuned in his direction given credit to his handsome face and well built physiques and he was lost in his world ignoring his surroundings. His mobile starts vibrating and he answered literally within a sec it started flashing indicating arrival of call. As he brought it to his ear, his heart started beating loudly against his ribcage, holding his breath he asked hardly keeping his voice steady praying for positive response.

"Any news?"

...

No response from other end only increased his anxiety slowly crushing his tiny hope.

"Hello??"

He heard dejected sigh at other end already telling him story of unsuccessful attempts and the sad female voice that followed after it confirmed.

"I'm sorry! I tried every possible way but..." She left her sentence incomplete not knowing how to say it. She knew how badly her words would have affected person standing at other end whose hope she just crushed, in-spite of her strong wish of helping him she's helpless.

He disconnected the call feeling dejected. That similar sadness, again engulfing him was leaving a familiar ache in his chest making it difficult for him to breath. With great difficulty he gulped lump formed in his throat. Closing his eyes he tried drawing some strength from somewhere, letting some strong memories resurface again filling his senses with new hope, he opened his eyes with new determination. He couldn't let himself fall apart; he could not afford being weak this way.

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"I'm sorry for doing this. But remember this is for only your good. Good luck for your life and forget me."

"No, you can't do this! At least tell me what mistake I did that enforced you to take such decision. I have right to know. I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway. We are still best friends right?"

"No! We are not friends anymore; it all ended the moment I decided to walk out of this friendship. For last time I'm clearing this. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. IT'S ME WHO IS AT FAULT. JUST LEAVE IT AND MOVE ON. If for once you thought me of your friend just let it go and never turn back. Please, for God's sake just leave me alone."

...

His eyes misted as he read all those year old messages again. He doesn't know what to feel anymore He has spent a year in blaming himself for their broken friendship. Friendship that, meant world to him to her too. He was unable to understand what forced her to take such extreme step. He tried calling her, meeting her but got nothing in return. After this last text exchange between them before a year he had no news about her whereabouts. She vanished as if never existed in first place. No one knew about her.

He looked outside through glass of airplane, the view from there was serene, soulfully marvelous yet his heart felt nothing but emptiness. He again got lost in her thoughts. After a year of self-loathing, hating and searching madly for her, yesterday he got information about her that broke his already broken heart leaving it bleeding badly. After what their common friend told last night, he had been pushed to dark pit of agony. He was really very worried for her, fearing about her condition. Wanting to see her, assure him she is fine he had straight away booked first flight to her place.

Remembering about their old days he felt small smile curving on his lips. In the span of four years they spent together at university they were inseparable. Whole college knew about friendship they shared, some admired their bond while some envied, it's not usual to witness such pure and selfless friendship. They least cared about anyone, they were enough for each other. Everything was going smoothly till that black day when he lost her. She left him and college without notifying anything breaking him beyond repair. His life that used to revolve around her by then came to stand still.

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AFTER 6 HRS/SAME DAY AT 6 P.M OUTSIDE BEAUTIFUL MANSION IN LUCKHNOW

He took deep breath inhaling flowing air in his nostrils trying to feel her presence. Just one step and he will face her. With some excitement, nervousness and lots of other emotions he took route to given address. His all hopes came crashing down as he saw the big lock at the place where he was supposed to find her. He felt sheer disappointment of losing her again before getting her in first place. He searched and asked her neighbors about her whereabouts, to which he was informed that no one have seen her from last week.

His worry was increasing by every passing second and so was his anger and frustration at himself. Something telling him she was not far. Deciding to check at locked place for any way to get in and find something that can lead him to her, he climbed compound wall. What surprised him was that though main gate was locked from outside, front door was latched from inside. Knocking on it thinking someone might be inside who can help him he waited for someone to open it. After long wait, on not getting any response he slowly made his way around mansion finding a way to get in he felt himself to be some thief but what to do? When his heart telling him to check inside for once, for her.

As he was checking every window and door, he found loosely bolted window, after few attempts he was successful in opening it. Once stepping inside, for some time he stood closing his eyes trying to feel her presence. Then he roamed his eyes around his surroundings, taking in beauty and simplicity of that place. He has no time for wasting on thinking about how beautiful it looked instead he started searching for any clue unaware of the dreadful sight he soon will witness.

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His feet came to abrupt halt as he took in sight in front of his eyes, his breath nearly stopping in his throat as he saw her lying on floor almost lifeless. The scene forcing every negative thought to his mind making him weak. Hairs disheveled, pale skin, she looked thinner and weaker, dark shadows under her eyes, then his gaze traveled down to her hand holding frame in it, he felt stabbed by knife brutally seeing her like that. Quickly rushing to her he knelt on floor beside her body taking her head in his lap, patting her cheek urging her to open her eyes as he noticed her being unconscious and her breathing too slow. From that close he could clearly see dried tear marks on her face, at the same time he realize her burning in fever. Panic and fear gripped his heart, sweat buds appearing on his forehead.

Knowing well she needs medical help, picking up her in his arms, he rushed outside on his way taking keys kept on table besides main door. Asking for nearest hospital he quickly made their way towards it while holding her all the time praying to his God to keep her safe.

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Flashback ends

He was back to that point, where he never wanted to be. Seeing her condition his mind went blank, all he could do was to stare her unconscious form with misted eyes.

He heard someone's footsteps entering inside. Blinking back his tears he focused his attention on person standing in-front of him on other side of her bed.

"She will be alright" He heard the other person saying this.

Next second he left his place and pulled the other person out of room harshly and pushing him against the wall clutched his collar angrily.

"How dare you Mr. Maheshwari?" He barked on Sanskar, his eyes spitting fire.

No one had right to behave this way with him, even if its HIM. Shoving off his hands Sanskar pushed the other person off him.

"Don't you dare Mr. Yash Rathod!" Sanskar's angry voice boomed in silent corridor of hospital.

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That's all for now...Do let me know your thoughts..As continuation of this story solely depends on your response..

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