Today's topic is Change...
Change is the only constant in life. We all know that, every living being and inanimate objects go through change and transformation to something different.
Living beings grow older, silver goes black, iron rusts, wood ages, wine ripens etc etc etc...
Change is unstoppable. So whether you gracefully embrace the change or fight it with all your might and lose your dignity in the process, the choice is yours. The choice you don't have is to stop the change from happening.
Among the two choices I mentioned, Dida and Asha chose the former and Ishwari chose the later.
I won't speak about Motherhood because I am not a mother yet. So obviously I don't know how one mother, who is obsessed with her son, can let go her daughter so easily. That kind of shows what she values more because obviously people clutch onto what they value more and let go of what they consider is not very useful.
But the reason I brought up change is because this is something I am familiar with.
Some people fear any change expecting it to be for the worse and some people welcome change expecting it to be for the better.
Among all major and minor changes of life, marital relationship is possibly the biggest change in anyone's life apart from puberty and motherhood.
In fact, if you ask me, marital relationship is the biggest change.
Why?
You see, during puberty a huge physical, emotional and mental transformation happen, but you are still holding the steering wheel of your life even if the road and the outside condition is rough.
Motherhood is also a huge change. But your baby completely depends on you. So you are the person holding this soft ball of clay to mold them the way you want to. Yes, you don't have the direction in which way to go and you'll have to figure out the road without GPS or a map. But you are again the only one at the steering wheel.
But in marriage, not only the drive is rough and the road uncertain, you will also have to share the steering wheel with someone else while people at your back seat is screaming direction, criticism and advice in every turn...
You see what I mean?
So to remain in control, the people holding the steering wheel together have to roll up the sound proof glass and focus on their road and on each other. Because the passengers will one by one get down or hop in. But the two people holding the steering wheel have to travel a long way without crashing the car. Unless they block out the outside distractions, they will never reach their destination.
What the passengers can do? Why, instead of complaining about the add on driver, they can encourage the driver that he/she is doing a great job and it's okay if they make mistakes, they are still loved and trusted and they will definitely figure things out.
And most of it depends on the previous driver who used to drive solo is to move a little and make space for the driver beside him and stop hogging the steering wheel .
(Have you ever drove a Go-cart at amusement park with one wheel like the Tea-cup ride? How pissed off you get when someone hogs the steering wheel all the time? Yeah like that)
Also, the former driver can tell his previous passenger to stop criticising the new driver because if they continue to do so, she just may crash the car and injure everyone in the process or get out of the car leaving the former driver forever alone in the front seat.
Now moving on to the main topic.
We knew from the beginning that there were three people in the equation - Dev, Sonakshi and Ishwari.
I was sold on the concept thinking, here are two people in love and the third is resisting change and hence two people together will try to help the third transform.
I concluded from that (as I think many of you did), that the two people in love was Dev and Sonakshi and Ishwari was resisting change having a new woman in her son's life and hence, Dev and Sona will make up a team and help her transform into an ideal mother-in-law.
The concept was on point.
But what I didn't know was that the two people in love were Dev and Ishwari and Sona was resisting change in her personality by turning into a meek, submissive woman and hence Dev and Ishwari will make up a team to turn her into a mindless robot that becomes invisible when she is not needed.
But I always wanted to know, why would we automatically accept that a mother-in-law won't love her daughter-in-law?
Why is it so easy to get used to?
When two siblings both love their parents, we don't think that one sibling is the enemy of the other or enemy of the parents? We know that they love our parents so as concerned for their welfare as we are.
When two friends have common interest, say they like same kind of books and movies, their bonding is stronger than two friends who have nothing in common.
And here, between a mother and daughter-in-law, their bonding should be the strongest. They both love the same man but very differently.
One has given birth and raised him and the other will give birth to his children and walk the rest of her life with him.
In Hinduism, which by the way Ishwari keeps misusing to suit her purpose, there are four ashrams.
They are: Brahmacharya (Student Life), Grihastha (Family Life), Vanaprastha (Retirement) and Sannyasa (Renunciation).
There are no blending between them, instead it was advised that when one ends, the other should start without delay.
Immediately after Brahmacharya, as one starts earning starts Grihastha.
Immediately after Grihastha as one's children start their own Grihastha, starts one's Vanaprastha (It doesn't mean going to the jungle. But means handing over one's responsibilities to the next generation while still present as an advisor, but not a contributor any more)
And as one become infirm and weak with old age, Vanaprastha turns into Sannyasa as in they are no longer is even in advisor position, but as an observer.
Why did our ancestors had to write down the stages of life? After all, every person is different?
I didn't know them (Duh! obviously!!!), but if I had to assume, it's to make change structured so easier to anticipate, expect and prepare for it.
Since Ishwari is a blind follower of religion, why is she clutching into Grihastha while snatching away Sonakshi's turn to follow the same.
When a woman loses her Grihastha stage, she then clutches into the next generation's Grihastha stage because she never had it. And the broken, twisted cycle continues.
Ishwari said yesterday that when a child is born, the mother's world becomes narrow. Even if I believe that, the child is no longer a child. The child has grown bigger than his own mother's narrow world.
But what she is trying to do is shove the child back into her little narrow box causing him extreme discomfort for her own selfish pleasure.
Now look at Dida. She was a single mother too and raised Bijoy. She could have kept her world narrow and forced Bijoy back into the little box.
But instead as Bijoy grew into a man, she expanded her little box to a wide open space along with her heart where Asha neatly settled in. As children kept coming, she kept on expanding so they could all live in comfort and in happiness without being crushed under narrow walls of segregation.
She is a mother, who loved Asha first because Bijoy loved her. Just like a mother learns to love video games their children love, books their children adore, movies their children want to watch.
But because of Dida's generous nature and wide open heart, Asha opened her heart too and embraced the relationship to the point that it's now seamless. It's hard to remember where it began or how, such is their bond.
Bijoy could have let go of Asha's insult. After all, she was not standing up for herself, so why bother looking bad himself when he can just ignore it?
But he didn't let it go. He turned the table on Dev in front of his own guests.
Some people blamed him because *GASP* he insulted his son-in-law at his birthday (never mind the insults Dev's family heaped on Sona on her wedding, vidaai, muh dikhai and so on. But she is a woman, so it's fine).
But you know what I see?
People who hide their deeds are ashamed of what they have done and know they have done is wrong.
People, who dare to say whatever they think is right in front of the whole world, know they are right and just and hence there is no need to hide behind secrecy.
Lie hides its face in shame, Truth always stands up proud.
If you need to give example of mother and son, give example of Bijoy and Dida.
If you need to give example of husband and wife, give example to Bijoy and Asha.
If you want to give example of in-laws, give example of Dida and Asha.
If you want to see how a change can be accepted, celebrated and incorporated in life for the betterment of all, look at Bose family. Dixit family so far had been utter failure in every aspect of relationship and change.
EDITED:
Society: Same woman who ignores/taunts/insults son's in-laws, bends over backward for daughter's in-laws.
When a daughter's in-laws feel slighted, they incite each other. When a son's in-laws feel slighted, they either keep silent or try to defuse the situation even if someone makes a fuss.
What a difference in consideration.
Ishwari: Mother is God. She knows business better than business man, law better than lawyer, medicine better than doctor.
With that kind of expertise, I am surprised why she was ever poor. She should have earned lots of money. If business men, lawyers and doctors earn in 6-7 figures, imagine if someone is all three how much will they earn?
In fact, since all human being had at least one mother, I don't know why we even bother to have any profession. Let us all retire and let mothers run all professional services.
Dev: All he wanted to have some freaking ice cream on his birthday. So what if he gets a bit sick? How many of us ate raw tamarind, danced in the rain, in short lived our life and fell sick? Did it make those tamarind any less mouth-watering, those rain dances any less fun, those moments any less memorable?
For heaven's sake, let the damn man live his life.
Sonakshi: A wife and doctor on duty. Be that formidable combination and don't let an illiterate idiot with delusion of grandour to make your husband and patient feel worse and challenge your expertise.
Me: Ishwari got smacked. God is great. But God, lagta hain nishana chuk gaya. Agli baar thode upar aim karna. Waise bhi khali jagah hain, kisi aur ko koi pareshani nehin hogi.
Precap: About the cold water bath, I think Sonakshi gave him a bath in luke warm water. But he was shivering because in fever when your temperature is high, even luke warm bath feels chilled. Think about this way, in winter, when our hand is cold, relatively warm thing seems warmer than usual.
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