Posted:
What's the Big Deal!!!
Here I'd like to share a poem I like,
EDITED:
Why are you making such a Big Deal out of Nothing?
Don't make a fuss over nothing...
How many times we have heard this phrases or variation thereof?
Now the thing about Big Deal is that just how big a deal it is depends on the person who is making the fuss.
When a man makes an issue about can't figure out how to fold a small square piece of handkerchief, is that a big deal?
When a woman complains about a man lying to her face while sneaking behind her back, is that a big deal?
For some woman, when they get slapped on the face by their husband is not a big deal.
For other woman, it is.
For some woman, even giving up in front of a little piece of unfair treatment is a big deal.
For others, giving up even lion share of their self-respect is no big deal.
I get that we all have different priorities and tolerance level and as Sabita wrote, Tipping point.
No one cares how someone is living their personal life. No one is going to peek into your home and give you lecture on how you should or shouldn't live your life.
By all means if someone wants to bend over backward and thinks if only they keep their head down, don't make any request/demands/fuss and pander to someone's ego are the only way they will be loved, then go ahead. I wish you happy in your many condition applied love.
But there is two things to consider.
1. If someone is truly in love and the man who claims to love them, truly loves them, then no matter what they (both man and woman) request/demand/fuss over, their love won't turn against you. Love is not that easy to come and doesn't that easily go. Not true love, that is.
So rocking the boat, so to speak, won't kill that love if it is the real deal. When husband and wife is mad at each other, they still love each other even among all the disappointment and hurt feelings.
2. The small matters that doesn't seem a big deal, when repeated over and over form a behaviour pattern. And that big picture is a big deal.
For example, if a woman constantly doubts her husband of cheating on her and keeps spying on him. The first time, it's flattering. The second time, it's annoying but manageable. The third time, it's maddening. How long before the husband will think the wife is suffering from paranoia and leaves her?
Now the more relevant example.
If a man is caught lying once, you try to understand the situation that forced him to lie.
The secong time he is caught, you are annoyed, but still forgive him.
The third time he is caught, you start to lose your trust over his words.
How long before you hang the tag of a lier on him and stop believing any of his words including when he says, "I don't want to hurt you" or "I love you more than anything in the world"?
Isn't this how you judge someone's character? By series of behaviour pattern?
I remember reading a book where a parents used to promise their son who was in boarding school that they will come to pick him up during summer vacation.
They missed the first year and called to give him an excuse. He was sad to be along in the school but tried to understand them.
Next time they missed, he was angry.
Next time they missed, he didn't pick up their call.
Next time they missed, he wrote them off from his life.
So the big deal is not the isolated incidents. The big deal is a series of broken promises and a chain of lie which no amount of care and promises can fix later in life.
Example is those many couples who are married on paper but live separate lives and for this show, Ishwari and Neha who live under one roof but never interact like Dev and Ishwari.
Why?
Because Ishwari never kept her promise, even the more recent ones of keeping her on her "palken"... Bitterness doesn't breed in one day. It builds drop by drop, inch by inch until nothing can break through them.
If it's fixed early on, then it can be stopped before the roots of the poison tree sucks out the love and trust in the relationship.
Here I'd like to share a poem I like,
The Empowered Woman
By Sonny Carroll
The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world
with a sense of confidence and grace.
Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.
Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation
and the life she leads is of her own creation.
She now understands what it means to live and let live.
How much to ask for herself and how much to give.
She has a strong, yet generous heart
and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.
Like the mythical Phoenix,
she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,
unfettered by the things that once that posed such resistance.
Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.
She hears the wind rustling through the trees;
beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.
She feels the softness of her hands
and muses at the strength that they possess.
Her needs and desires she has learned to express.
She has tasted the bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life,
overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.
And the one thing she never understood,
she now knows to be true,
it all begins and ends with you.
EDITED:
1. The entire Dixit family celebrates Dev's birthday. No one asks about the outsider.
Dev as usual gets busy to celebrate while forgetting his wife sitting alone at midnight in a city like Delhi.
Ishwari your concern for Dev and Sona being out on the road together with a car and unlimited credit card didn't extend to Sona being alone at midnight in a restaurant waiting for her husband?
Neither you nor anyone in your house remembered her safety.
May be because this time it was not Bijoy treating his daughter and son equally even boozed up, but you or your son not giving a damn about the woman who is waiting for her husband alone who promised to be there.
I wonder if tomorrow Bijoy comes screaming and takes his daughter with him, how many people will be ready to bash him? Will anyone consider fatherly concern then?
2. Ishwari backed off from Dev and Sona's fight. Good. That's how it should be. Keep at it.
But she came up with new tradition. Now the old tradition doesn't matter anymore because Sona, being the considerate woman, chose an alternate time. Now the tradition needs to shift again to the time Sona chose.
So does it mean now Dev will spend his whole birthday with Sona instead of Ishwari since she poached on her time? Not bloody likely. The tradition that Ishwari kept will also stay intact.
In short, Sona will never get anything she wants. She should just learn how to stop dreaming or planning anything with her husband. That's reality too.
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