Posted:
Many months ago, when our show was still quite young 😳, I made this post: Those Twisted Dixits! about the Dixit family dynamic. What I said then still holds, and forms the basis for the analysis of the past week's episodes. I have to say, I was amazed by how the clear vision for the show, and the tight characterisations even then, anticipated the events we see unfolding now.
I have been reading posts on the forum through out the week and something that really struck me was how much people give Ishwari credit for cold, feelingless manipulation, as though each and every one of her moves is carefully calculated to yield a certain result. I disagree slightly here, especially where it comes to Neha. While I believe that her intention was to be purely calculative in using Neha to stop Dev from going on his honeymoon (when the thought of separation from her did not deter him), bringing Neha into it, and the subsequent backlash of memories and trauma is something Ishwari did not anticipate. Basically, she didn't factor Neha's reaction in to her calculation, and as always Neha's bluntness threw her for a toss.
This has always been an important trait in Ishwari's character. When she wants something, she puts blinders on and goes after it by any means possible, giving little attention to the ripple effect of her actions. On the one hand, it was this attitude that allowed her to concentrate on Dev and bring her family to the position it is in today, undoubtedly a huge achievement. On the other hand, in order to keep doing what she felt was right for the whole family, she blocked Neha's pain and suffering out completely, convincing herself that this inconvenient side-effect would take care of itself once the root problem of poverty was solved.
But the truth is that Neha's pain is real, and raw and stems directly from Ishwari's neglect, not just the poverty. Every now and then, Ishwari makes the "mistake" of actually paying attention to her daughter, and when she does, she is shown the reflection of all her inadequacies as a mother; her reflex is immediately to take the attention off of Neha because she can't cope with that image. I believe this is what happened in this week's episodes. She was so paranoid that Dev would go off on his honeymoon, realise he didn't need her and completely abandon the family to live in lalaland with Sona, that she dragged Neha in out of sheer desperation, with little thought to the consequences, one of them being that she herself really observed Neha for the first time since her return home.
There was a stark difference between the Ishwari who first broached the subject to Dev, and the one who confided in him on her bed, weak and guilt-ridden. The second time, there was a visible loss of control on her part, and I believe that is what induced Dev to stay. Though he may not be able to articulate it, Dev has his pulse on when his mother is being dramatic and when she is genuinely in agony. The previous night, he had all the clever answers to elide his mother's doubts about the honeymoon, but he could see that this was different, this was a real problem: Ishwari opened the door to Neha's pain and was absolutely overwhelmed by a tidal wave of guilt, with adverse effects on her physical health.
It's a different story that it's a problem that nobody knows how to solve. Ishwari and Dev keep talking about "Neha's happiness" as though it's a loan they took from her before, which they can now repay with interest. There, already, we see the exclusion that Neha so resents. At first, Dev and Ishwari tried to repay the loan by giving her all the material comforts, then by getting her married to a rich guy with all her conditions met, and then came Ranveer: the "solution" to all of their problems, "Neha's happiness" in corporeal form! Neha's not wrong when she keeps complaining about how they couldn't wait to get rid of her, but it's not because of tradition, or because she's a girl... it's because she embodies all the self-centred guilt of Ishwari and Dev, which they cannot wait to banish, any way possible so they can go back to their denial/survival mode.
In all of this, Neha is right to believe that nobody really has her best interests at heart. Even now, with her decision for divorce, Ishwari is more concerned with how to maintain her ideal mother image in front of Dev. Neha is vulnerable right now, and needs help but because Ishwari doesn't know how to soothe Neha's anger and pain, her solution is simply to wash her hands of the problem, masking her helplessness as respect for Neha's autonomy and scapegoating Sona for actually making an attempt to find a solution. In short, she doesn't want a solution that requires dredging up the guilt and trauma of the past. She would rather go back to blocking out the unpleasantness that is Neha's truth as soon as possible, so she can avoid her guilt, and bask in her success: Dev. Dev himself, while more sincere, is equally helpless because his communication with Neha is entirely governed by Ishwari. Instead of talking directly to Neha, he follows Ishwari's orders to stay away never really gives himself the chance to listen to what his sister is saying. Neither did he listen when she said she didn't need help, nor did he listen when she said she did.
It's no wonder in all of this, that the importance Ranveer gives his family has Neha in a blind panic. Bu it's just that: panic, something that needs to be calmed before big decisions are made. At the same time, Ranveer is expecting her to behave reasonably without understanding her particular brand of sensitivity and need. Yet, how can he understand her when she struggles to understand herself? It's really a mirror to the problem that Dev and Sona are having, with him unable to communicate adequately the ways in which his past haunts him. That way, it's beautiful to watch that from all three angles, Ishwari, Dev, and Neha, the story is coming down to one thing: the three of them lifting the defence mechanisms that they have used for survival all of these years, and facing their past head on.
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P.S. I really appreciate how the show is making Neha the centre of drama for a while for three reasons: 1. Neha is a wonderfully crafted, complex and layered character who deserves more screen space, 2. there needs to be some conflict to move the story forward, and when the drama is not directly about the leads, it allows them to be a cohesive unit, and allows us to enjoy watching them as one, and finally 3. Neha is the only one who is able to expose the cracks in Ishwari's facade. As a result, we have the most confused and powerless version of Ishwari, that we will probably ever see.
Tu Juliet Jatt Di
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
