Chapter 20: Home Is Where The Heart IsA/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
Monica traced the path that Ishaani had taken with the aid of the helpers time and again, formulating a plan of action in her mind about how best to console her until she reached the porch overseeing the garden on the ground floor itself. Monica pulled open the French windows to reveal Ishaani sitting upon one of the wooden chairs, staring at the serene sight before her with tears trailing down her face. Monica took a seat beside her, knowing that this was the precise opportunity she'd been waiting for ever since her husband had returned from Mumbai and had told her the entire scenario that he'd learnt in halves from both Ranveer as well as Ishaani, fitting the pieces by himself.
"Are you okay?" asked Monica softly after clearing her throat, catching Ishaani's attention instantly. She wiped away her tears hastily and gave Monica a quick smile.
"Yeah, I'm sorry for leaving like that. Got a little overwhelmed."
"Your father-" began Monica, remembering that it had been the same tragic incident upon which the two of them had split ways years ago. She now realized that her first psychological assessment of the situation had been right all along - it was her father's death that had been the linchpin to the mess both of them had brought upon themselves all those years ago.
"-is no more," completed Ishaani bitterly as she stared at her arms, her nails digging into her skin in spite of herself. Monica was quick to notice the same even though she kept silent.
Ishaani continued of her own accord.
"He passed away six and a half years ago. Ranveer and I were both the closest to him. As kids, we'd always make him a referee for all our fights and more often than not, he'd always take Ranveer's side. I'd feel so jealous of him, you know... I'd always wonder why Papa took Ranveer's side almost all the time and whether he loved him more than me. I guess it was true. He did love Ranveer more," she ended with a small smile upon her face as she looked at Monica, her nails easing from around her arms.
"It's difficult not to love him, especially that heart of his," agreed Monica, noticing the love in Ishaani's eyes for Ranveer pool at the brim. Her heart felt the assurance at long last that her husband was right as always even though she hated to admit the same to him more often than not.
"Thank you for the invitation. I'm grateful that you did extend the invite to me. That was quite some lunch, really," complimented Ishaani as Monica took her hands into her own softly, the former giving her a gratuitous look.
"Had this been last week, I'd have certainly not done so. But since I do have the gist of the entire scenario now-" confessed Monica sincerely and Ishaani gasped in surprise, realizing the reason why Monica had been so warm to her presence, which in turn made her smile at the fact that her assumption about the auburn-haired woman had been correct in the first place. Monica smiled at her in return, knowing what was going on in her mind.
"-oh yes, Greg tells me everything. He's not just my husband but my best friend as well. So when it's a matter of secrets, I'm always an exception to the rule. He gave me a good brief up on everything that did happen in Mumbai, right from your side of the story to what you did for Ranveer. If anybody who hurts Ranveer is not welcome here, then people who do so much for him are definitely so," she added and Ishaani gave her an appreciative nod, liking the woman even more now for her sheer honesty and the cleanliness of her heart.
"Thank you. Both of you, for treating him like family."
"Ranveer has done a lot more for us than family ever does," replied Monica, giving Ishaani a loving look as she felt the latter's hands relax in her own. The moment Monica let go of them, Ishaani didn't dig her nails into her skin again to her utmost satisfaction.
"Nobody knows that better than I do. He's always been like that even as a child. He'd give his life for the people he loved. Literally," remarked Ishaani as she stared ahead towards the gardens, Monica observing her expression closely. Guilt reflected upon her smooth features now.
"I'll admit that I've been rather harsh and judgmental with regards to you when Ranveer came back from Mumbai all those years ago. But then again, none of us knew the entire picture. When Ranveer told us about what had happened between the two of you, I knew that something was amiss. I'm a psychotherapist by profession, so I knew that your father's death was not reason enough to push you to the extent of what did transpire that night between the two of you. But it was only two days ago when Greg told me the whole story that I got my answer, which I should have gotten much sooner, by the way - that you were given a push. A manipulative push. I'd even urged Ranveer several times after that incident to talk to you and sort things out but he'd lost his will to even live, sorting things out with you was a far shot. How he even came back alive from Mumbai after that night beats me at times."
"I was a fool..." was all Ishaani said after hearing what Monica had to say, the self-reproach in her voice evident. Monica sighed.
"You were just trying to protect yourself psychologically, I realize now. You fell for the shadow the other guy put up in front of you, and the fact that it was Ranveer's no less was simply... sickening. It's a common psychology defense system - you try getting over the void of a person's absence in your heart by trying to latch your emotions upon another person whose traits match the person you're trying to get over in the first place. You were no different; only your manipulator was. And this was something you wouldn't have seen coming even if you tried from the way Greg put it to me. And yet you've fought so valiantly," remarked Monica and the awe in her voice didn't go amiss by Ishaani. She turned to look at Monica once again.
"I'd almost realized my love for him that night. If only my stupid insecurities wouldn't have come in between and I'd not been pushed the other way thinking that he'd sold me out and broken my trust..." began Ishaani even though her voice cracked this time, the tears burning in her eyes. Her heart ached in the pain of that single what if that had been killing her every single day since the past five years of her life. Monica patted her hand consolingly.
"You were distraught and freshly manipulated... It makes complete sense now, what happened between the two of you that night even though it's not justified, not anymore upon what you had to go through than what Ranveer was put through in the process. The pain wasn't justified upon either of you. And what happened with you is something I wouldn't wish upon even my worst enemy," added Monica as she pulled Ishaani into a hug, rubbing consoling circles upon her back while Ishaani let herself cry a little.
"How's he been since then?" asked Ishaani at long last once she separated from the hug, giving Monica a fearful look. She wondered whether she was even prepared to know an answer her heart already knew. But she knew that if anyone could give her a perfectly truthful answer, it was Monica.
"Surviving. Two depressions and almost into a third one, saved by you. He was in terrible shape when he came down from Mumbai six and a half years ago. He was in a two-month depression before he and Greg got into a terrible fight and something just snapped within him and brought him out of it."
"Yeah, I think it involved a chair," added Ishaani and the two women smiled faintly, wondering how the men in their lives could be so stupid at times.
"Yeah, not Greg's finest moments. Thank God he didn't try getting me to marry him like that or else I'd have definitely refused," mused Monica before letting out a softhearted chuckle, Ishaani joining her when she couldn't help the bizarre scenario from building up in her minds. Once both the women had sobered down, Monica continued once again.
"He snapped out of it. Although at that point of time Greg and I believed that Ranveer had lost it for good," confessed Monica, her face suddenly impassive. Ishaani could see the hesitance in her eyes that came along with the reminiscent of the past. She gave Monica a curious look.
"Why?" asked Ishaani and Monica gave her a pensive look before finally deciding to tell her everything.
"Because he decided to marry Ritika. They were pretty good friends but there was no question of a romantic linkage because he was madly in love with you. And one fine day just mere days before our marriage, he and Ritika come to us announcing that they were going to marry each other! It was crazy and we tried talking both of them out of it, but neither of them seemed to care anymore. He was destroying himself in your love, she was destroying herself in his. And both of them were reeling from the pain of loss, so Greg and I knew that they weren't being rational. They were just being impulsive and were trying to ease the pain and the gaping void in their hearts that were never to be filled even though Ritika wanted to help him overcome his pain by forgetting her own ones."
"What happened then?"
"We tried convincing Ranveer's parents against this but even they didn't have a say against his obstinacy. And practical though Ritika was, even she didn't agree to anything we tried to tell her. She'd lost her world after her father passed away and her closure was trying to give someone back his world even though she knew without a doubt that only you could do that and that he could never love her back that way. Ever. But she was willing to do it for Ranveer's happiness if it helped him heal. We knew that this was not how a marriage worked and it was only them heading out for a lifetime of unhappiness."
"But they did get married," stated Ishaani as she heard on in silence, wondering how the unknown Ritika could be willing to sacrifice her entire life for him like that.
And to Ishaani's utmost surprise, she could no longer bring herself to feel even remotely jealous about the idea of them being married because no one understood the plight of the suffocated life Ritika might have had to lead better than Ishaani herself. And she knew that this had a lot less to do with the fact that Ranveer's love for her remained undeterred throughout. Monica smiled in understanding as she sensed Ishaani's line of thought.
"We were certain that their marriage was doomed because it wasn't even a marriage to begin with and we were afraid that by the end of it even their friendship wouldn't stay intact. But even before we could think or do anything, they'd left for their month-long honeymoon. It was the most anxiety-filled month for Greg and myself because we didn't know what awaited us. But what did await us was a definite surprise."
"Good or bad?" asked Ishaani inquisitively and Monica gave her a sheepish look.
"Good. When they returned back from their honeymoon, they were definitely on much, much better footing than what they were upon when they left. I don't know what happened there in that one month, but it was astounding. There was a different level of comfort and contentment between them as they opened up to each other even though neither of them wore their original smiles. But it was a great start and a very positive one and we were sure that maybe with time, the pain would lessen and they'd learn to live with the loss. It was a marriage based on trust, respect and companionship for certain, but not love. He could never love anyone the way he loves you. Not even close."
"How did Ritika live like that?" was all Ishaani could ask as she felt her voice choke. Monica replied earnestly.
"She did, to our utmost surprise and quite happily so. She found her happiness in his own. Ranveer gave her the right of being his wife at all times even though she didn't have the right of being the lover that was reserved along with the seamless ocean of love that he only has for you. But she was content with the life she was leading with Ranveer and was always grateful for the same. She even tried convincing him time and again to make contact with you even though he refused point-blank every single time. And all was calm until calamity struck again."
"Her illness," whispered Ishaani and Monica nodded her head.
"It was ill-fate, what happened. Ranveer could still accept his destiny because somewhere along the line he always know that wishing for the moon was taking it too far, but her destiny he couldn't. He doesn't accept it even today even though he cannot fight against it. If you broke him into pieces that night, Ritika left him powdered upon her death. Both of you together took away a part of him rather mercilessly, leaving him neither for the dead nor the alive. Ranveer gave it all to get her the best of treatment, and yet he could do nothing but watch. Her illness definitely brought the two of them much closer emotionally, and it was the closest Ranveer remained human to during that phase. She was what kept him alive in that year and three months, and she gave him his life by giving her own, I guess."
"What happened then?" asked Ishaani, feeling her heart break at the harsh reality as tears stung her eyes at the fate of the poor woman. Monica continued, her own expression somber.
"Ranveer lapsed into a second depression after her death along with becoming an insomniac. He went into a shell - cold, lonely, aloof. Untrusting. He made a wall around his heart and forgot to smile and laugh, throwing himself into his work for hours that didn't even exist in a day until Ranveer no longer existed. Only RV. He broke away ties from all the people he loved because being abandoned frightened him and so he preferred the distance. Until Michael was born and we named him godfather. It was since that day then that he let us back into his life again. Us as well as his parents. And ever since Claire's been born, he's definitely gotten a lot more involved."
Ishaani remained silent for a few minutes trying to take in everything that Monica had let her know. Words were beginning to fail in front of the speed with which her thoughts came and faded by, leaving her reeling underneath the weight of everything Ranveer had been through in all those years. She could easily see why he was holding on to the pain so tightly just like during his paralysis phase from years ago.
But she knew it was about time that she helped him let go.
"How will I ever thank you all for taking care of him and never giving up on him? Especially Ritika..." was all Ishaani could think of saying and Monica flashed her a genial smile.
"We did what we did because we all care for him and love him. And it's not hard to love him considering how he wears his heart upon his sleeve for the people he truly cares about. He's a noble fool, your chap," added Monica and Ishaani smiled in spite of herself, remembering all the times she'd say the same thing to Ranveer back when they were kids.
"I always told him that he cared too much. And the day someone would break his heart, it'd kill him inside out. He didn't listen," confessed Ishaani in self-reproach. Monica shook her head, knowing that Ishaani was letting the guilt resurface in her heart once again.
"If he would have, would he have come back to you at your call?"
"I'd always tell him that I'd kill the girl who broke his heart with my own two hands if things ever came to that point. More of a promise. Look at the irony of what happened," spoke Ishaani after some time as she let the impact of Monica's statement sink in her mind. She knew that the psychotherapist was right because no one in Ranveer's place would have ever given her a second chance, come what may. Only Ranveer was capable of doing so in his unconditional, unrequited quest of love.
"Haven't you been killing yourself anyway? The guilt, the scalpel...You've been doing justice to the promise you made to yourself and to Ranveer," remarked Monica shrewdly. Ishaani gasped, the shock of the latter's statement taking her offguard as she futilely tried to hide her arms away upon reflex. Monica gave her a knowing smile when Ishaani met eyes with her, the pain in them transparent.
"Pain eases pain."
"You mean physical pain eases the mental wounds by letting flow the guilt. Does it really, Ishaani? Is your heart guilt-free after inflicting all those wounds?" asked Monica softly and Ishaani's eyes widened, her heart knowing the answer to the question even those her lips refused to acknowledge the same. Admitting it would mean it becoming a fact.
"What do I do?" asked Ishaani instead as she turned a helpless glance towards Monica, who now looked even more serious than before.
"Do you think you can give yourself a second chance, Ishaani? Before asking Ranveer to give you one?" she asked at length and Ishaani's jaw dropped, the question taking her by surprise. It was clearly the last thing she was expecting at that point of time. And yet Ishaani knew that Monica was able to read her mind like the back of her hand for she was bringing forth all of her deepest fears.
"What's the supposed to mean?" questioned Ishaani rather flatly and Monica sighed.
"You have been living under the guilt for too long, Ishaani. You need to let go of the guilt along with the past that's holding you back. And you need to do this on your own because no one can help you there. Not even Ranveer," added Monica firmly when Ishaani made to speak, the latter shutting her mouth instantly. She had to grudgingly agree that the psychotherapist was right. She couldn't let Ranveer fight a battle that was never his to fight in the first place. He had a hundred of his own to fight.
And yet the blaring truth that her heart knew overtook everything else.
"I cannot let go of that past, Monica. Chirag and what he did to me, to us... I cannot let go of it no matter what I do. Sometimes, I shut my eyes and it's all still sickeningly there. I want to forget it all... I want to remove his existence from my life right from his name to his face. But I can't forget, and I can't let go," she confessed in a small voice as tears pooled in her eyes, her voice choking. Monica gave her a despondent look.
"If you have to save Ranveer, then you have to let go first because he cannot break your fall this time. Only you can do that. It's easier said than done but if you want to truly give both yourselves another shot, you have to let go," pleaded Monica, taking Ishaani's hands into her own once the moment she noticed that the latter was about to dig her nails into her skin again, preventing her from doing so.
"What if I can't?" asked Ishaani after some time as she eyed Monica keenly, hoping that the latter would help her out from the mess in some way. Monica gave her a pensive look, knowing that there was only one way out from this. And so she replied truthfully.
"Then there's very few days in hand and a lot of battles to fight ahead. Ishaani, I've seen Ranveer smile like this after six and a half years. You are the reason why he even chooses to live in the first place because without you, he's just a shell. And this afternoon was proof. I want his real smile back. I want this Ranveer back. I'm tired of that pompous ass he prides himself upon being at the stock market because that man is nothing but a demented workaholic. I want the human Ranveer back. And only you can do it."
"I want that Ranveer back too..." whispered Ishaani in prayer as she shut her eyes, letting a few more tears fall away as though surrendering to her fate. Monica pulled her chin up, making sure that brown of her eyes gave her onyx ones the message loud and clear.
"Then if not for your sake, you must let go for him. For his love," emphasized Monica and Ishaani continued to stare at her silently, giving her words good thought. Even before she could say anything further, a voice cut through from behind.
"Ishaani! It's time to go," spoke Ranveer as his head peeked through the windows awkwardly, both the women suddenly smiling at how comical he looked with head looked suspended midair. Ishaani nodded her head as she gestured him to carry on, both the women standing up gracefully.
"Thank you for this conversation, Monica. It was a real pleasure knowing you. I can easily see why Greg loves you so much," she added and Monica blushed, pulling her into another hug.
The moment the two of them separated, Monica gave her a reverent look.
"There's no need to say thank you, Ishaani. The pleasure was all mine to know you. And you are an inspiration to me ever since I've learnt your side of the story. Rare are those who truly possess the kind of courage you do and I can easily see why Ranveer loves you the way he does. You are extraordinary. I've always wanted to meet you even back when Ranveer would only sing praises of you, and I must say that I'm not disappointed at all. I've always wondered what it was about you that had Ranveer go head over heels behind you and love you the way he does. We nevee took your name in his presence once Ritika passed away, but even after whatever happened between the two of you, he's always held you in the highest regard. And I can see now why he loves you to the point where he's even willing to kill himself for it."
"I could say the same about you and Greg as well," whispered back Ishaani, her voice choking with emotion.
"He's a hard man to impress and you've knocked him right off his feet as well," admitted Monica. Ishaani's face suddenly turned into a match for Monica's hair as the older woman's praises seemed to humble her even more.
"I hope you have the strength to accept me," asked Ishaani of Monica, wondering whether she even deserved all the love that the Finch family had been bestowing upon her so far.
"Accept you? You heard the kids - you're already a part of the family! What Michael and Claire did today, they don't do that with everyone. They only do this if they love someone and trust them truly," admitted Monica and Ishaani gasped. Why did these strangers love her so much when she couldn't love herself anymore? What did fate really have in store for her with the way things were going from the past three weeks?
"I'll try doing what you said," promised Ishaani as they made their way towards the living room, Monica giving her an appreciative look. She held her behind in the corridor just before they reached where the men now stood with the kids around them.
"I know you won't be able to do it, not so easily atleast because your psychological defenses are worn down to dust after the manipulation and the trauma of your past. So just give it time - you'll learn to let go," assured Monica, knowing well the inevitable that neither of them could deny. But she knew that Ishaani would not back down without a fight, her instinct ascertained by the determined look upon her face even though it was accompanied by a rueful smile.
"That's exactly what I don't have - time."
-x-
Ranveer and Ishaani returned home by four in the evening, both of them lost in their own thoughts. The program for sight-seeing was pushed to the next day by Ranveer who knew that Ishaani needed some space of her own to come to terms with everything that had happened in the past few days. Both of them made their way to their own respective rooms without another word when Jennifer opened the door, the caretaker bewildered at the sudden deflation of their moods.
Ranveer entered his room and shut the door behind him and sighed, quickly ridding himself of his blazer and vest. He pulled away the tie from around his neck as he unbuttoned his cufflinks and rolled his sleeves up tiredly, plonking upon the bed. He took his head into his palms and groaned, wondering why life was so hard even after he had everything and after everything he'd been through to reach where he was today. The moon had always been his heart's deepest desire, a desire that he felt too afraid to finally grasp hold of now that it was within reach.
Looking at the mirror in front of him, Ranveer stood up and observed his face at close, realizing that the dark circles from around his eyes had begun to lessen. The ample sleep from the past couple of days was beginning to show its effect as his cheeks looked a little fuller than its usual sunken self. His eyes no longer looked dead as the sparks of life were beginning to twinkle in the chocolate of his orbs, taking him by surprise for this was a sight he'd forgotten. And yet as he shut his eyes, he could feel the pain in his heart remain stagnant while fear raged high, the battle between letting go and holding on to pain as his last strand of sanity still ensuing.
Knowing that he needed to bring his thoughts to a halt, Ranveer redirected his feet towards the shower and stood underneath the nozzle. He swung around the knob and was instantly hit by jets of cold water, gasping sharply. He could feel his shirt stick to his skin but didn't bother to undo it, simply enjoying the cool sensation of the water trickling down his head. He lent his hands against the wall for support while his head remained bent in surrender, feeling his knees wobble slightly. And even through his closed eyes, only one image flashed through them - Ishaani's.
Try as he might, he couldn't help but let his mind deviate to a third angle - back to the night where things had gone a step ahead between them. Memories from their heated interlude came coursing back into his mind, the images refusing to fall away the harder he tried. Eventually succumbing to his heart that felt the burden of pain lessen and lessen as emotions from the memory in question returned, Ranveer felt as though he was at a minute's notice to simple fall away and let go. What happened between them felt right in his heart in spite of whatever inhibitions he may have had on account of his chivalry, and it was a surprisingly tranquil feeling. Every time they kissed, it only brought along a sense of belonging that this was where they were meant to be all along. But what happened between them that night was the beginning of something extraordinary, Ranveer had to admit.
It was beginning of a dream he'd long since lost the hope of fulfilling - the dream of loving the moon like no other.
Shutting away the water after a myriad of minutes during which all Ranveer did was shiver and fall upon his knees unsteadily, he could only ponder upon what awaited them six days later. It would finally be time to face the question of their lifetime - was there a second chance for them and were they willing to go for it? It was a conflict that didn't seem to get anywhere close to a solution even though the ferocity of the conflict had reduced over the past couple of days.
He'd always feared nothing but falling in life, and after having fallen once his heart only seemed more and more reluctant to take the plunge. But as the moon grew more and more powerful in its beauty, the fear in his heart was beginning to get dispelled by its luminescent glow, the darkness slowly getting replaced with light as the fear was beginning to fall back.
Maybe falling wasn't so bad if she caught him at the right time. Maybe falling wasn't so bad if it she would return back to his life. Maybe falling wasn't so bad if it meant two things - either he'd get the moon of his life and his happiness alongside or else his fall would snuff the last breath out of him. There was no in between this time and it was a risk whose odds he was beginning to appreciate as time passed by in these past few days.
Getting upon his feet at long last, he turned off the water and changed into a fresh set of clothes as he wiped his hair clean of the water, deciding that it was about time that he checked upon Ishaani even though he remained hesitant about entering her room. It was a room he'd never returned back to after he'd decorated it, walking up to it every single night trying to muster the courage to push it open even though he couldn't. The force of the memories were tantamount, and even though he had been avoiding them for years at stretch, he was cornered by his own diaries at long last.
Knowing that it was about time that he faced his past head on if he truly wanted to let go, Ranveer nodded his head to his reflection decisively before walking purposefully towards Ishaani's room, knocking upon the door twice. When no reply came back, Ranveer's hand found its way around the handle even though he hesitated to push it open until he decided to peak in and see. Pushing the door open soundlessly and entirely for the first time in nearly six years, Ranveer entered into the world of his past as he stepped into the room doggedly, his eyes darting around as though trying to recollect whether it all existed.
To his utmost surprise, the memories didn't bother him anymore as he watched his entire childhood flash in front of his eyes in a jiffy, the memories only bringing along a faint smile upon his face. He shut his eyes, the world spinning around him for a moment as the essence of vanilla and roses rented the air, taking him back to the days where life was simpler in the Parekh Mansion, if not necessarily easier. There were battles then and there were battles now, and yet the reason for fighting them remained the same till date.
Opening his eyes as he sighed in fatigue, Ranveer's gaze landed upon Ishaani standing at the porch of her balcony, backing him. This was the view he'd dreamt about for years as the room remained in solitude, missing the physical presence of the person for whom it was made. And after all those years, she was here in flesh and blood at long last, gracing the room with her essence that only made the room much more real and alive for him. His heart knew that the time for hallucinating about her presence had long since gone by.
The sky across had turned into a blend of colours as dusk drew closer at hand, the beach looking magnificent in the distance. Ranveer stepped out and took a seat beside her.
"This is a view worth dying for," whispered Ishaani quietly, not breaking her gaze from upon the horizon even though she sensed Ranveer's presence beside her. Ranveer took her hand into his own, smiling softly.
"How are you doing?"
"Okay, I guess. Sydney seems to be giving me a reality check on how fast days are flying by," she joked and Ranveer chuckled rather forcefully. Both of them could feel the pressure of their impending future once again.
"Um, this reminds me. You need to be ready tomorrow by six in the morning since there's been a change in time," informed Ranveer suddenly and Ishaani looked at him, confused about what was going on.
"Why?"
"The training, ofcourse! We'll reach the training area by eight and be free at one. So that will give us the rest of the day for sightseeing then," replied Ranveer as though it was the most obvious thing on Earth. Ishaani flushed, having clearly forgotten about what their argument in the Finch Mansion had started upon in the first place.
"And what about you?" asked Ishaani rather expectantly. Ranveer gave her a resigned look.
"I'lI be accompanying you. I've enrolled myself as well."
"Oh my God! This is brilliant!" she exclaimed, the first true smile breaking upon her face ever since they'd returned back in the afternoon. Ranveer couldn't help but get infected by her smile as he continued.
"Yes. And well... I'll go for the training on Monday and then take you with me to my office and show you around as well. I just hope that the stupid thing is worth it or else someone is going to have it. Either you or Finch."
"Thank you," was all Ishaani said as he took her hand into his own, silence speaking the rest. Both of them watched the sunset in a peace that only the dusk brought along as the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon and out of sight, leaving behind a mass of hues splattered across the sky burning in several shades of orange and blue.
"So, how did you like Monica and the kids?" asked Ranveer curiously once the moon popped into vision, highlighting the tiny prickles of stars making their presence known coyly in the wake of the glowing orb. Ishaani's smile grew broader at their mention.
"They're great! Really great. I couldn't have been happier about what I saw today, Ranveer. You have a family here. A real family who loves you and cares for you like their own. Even blood doesn't do that these days."
"So, what did Monica talk to you about?" inquired Ranveer once they both took a seat upon the long poolcahir, looking nervous. Her abrupt exit had definitely left him in the same kind of unease that she had been going through as well. Ishaani sighed, looking uncertain as to whether to tell him in detail about the contents discussed before she decided against it.
"Nothing, just a little here, a little there," replied Ishaani at length and Ranveer smiled in spite of himself. That was a conversation only meant to remain only between herself and Monica and he was expecting a response along the lines of the one she'd given him. When he didn't break the silence, Ishaani continued in an uncertain tone.
"I'm wondering whether asking you for a second chance was even sane in the first place."
"What's that supposed to mean?" questioned Ranveer sharply as he sat up straight, sitting cross legged in Ishaani's direction so that she had his fullest attention. Ishaani looked as though she was wondering how best to phrase what she had in mind and whether he would even understand her point of view before she came clean with him anyway.
"Looking at Greg and Monica with the kids... A happy marriage, blessed with two loving and adorable children, a comfortable house, stable job, well-settled life, a proper family. That's the dream. That's the kind of life that we all dream about. And yet, I can't see myself there anymore after everything I've been through, Ranveer. Too much has happened to ever go back and think about marriage or kids or even a life that's remotely normal like theirs."
"Since when has our life ever been normal, Ishaani?" mused Ranveer as he gave her a small smile, but the solemn look upon Ishaani's face didn't change. Instead, the lines of worry and fear only intensified.
"I know that, but doesn't your heart crave for that kind of life at times? Where things are just... you know, normal? There's no pain of the past, no worry of the future. No fear of manipulation or deception, no anxiety of a betrayal of trust or a heartbreak. Just a plain, simple life with happiness and love and maybe with an occasional argument or misunderstanding like normal people. Doesn't your heart crave for that?"
Ranveer remained silent for several minutes before he finally spoke, his voice now reflecting the tiredness that his never-ending loneliness was bringing out.
"I did at one point of time. But like you, I can never go back to thinking about any of this anymore, Ishaani. Too much has changed, like you said so yourself. I thought that perhaps God might eventually give me the strength to move on when I married Ritika and maybe ease the brutal agony of the heartache I was left to suffer in. But after she passed away, I cannot imagine that kind of life ever again. Especially with the kind of marriage I did end up having, unconventional as it was."
"Why would you put Ritika through something like that?" asked Ishaani suddenly, catching him off-guard. Ranveer pondered upon it for several minutes before giving her a rueful smile.
"I grew selfish, I guess. After the day I learnt that you got married, I didn't care about anything anymore. It was all a dead end and I hoped that I'd simply shut my eyes and never wake up after that day. And it was then that Ritika stood by me as my support, trying to pull me out of the rut even though I think I pulled her down instead. And by the time I realized what I'd done, it was already too late. She'd committed herself to saving my life. She stood by me wordlessly and saw me work harder than I'd ever done all my life, fighting a thousand battles with myself every day while she struggled to keep me alive. She made my pain her own selflessly and never complained even once. She willingly remained as my friend until her last breath, even though she had all the right to demand the love that she deserved to have from me as her wife. But it didn't matter to her because she was content with the equation we shared as companions. She must have not prayed for her life as much as she did for the two of us to meet again."
"What if she hadn't passed away, Ranveer, and I'd have returned into your life like this again?" questioned Ishaani nervously. Ranveer's eyes widened even though the question didn't surprise him.
It was a question he'd been pondering upon himself ever since Ishaani had first confessed that she loved him. But it was also something he'd discussed with Ritika several times during their healing days. It was another question whose answer he didn't possess but he knew where he stood on that even after all those years, suddenly wondering whether he should even answer the question or no. And yet, he didn't fear anymore as Ishaani continued to stare at him calmly, her eyes absorbing every single word he spoke with patience and understanding. He knew that Ishaani was in one of her retrospective moods where she always understood more than what met the eye, today being no exception.
"I don't know, Ishaani. But Ritik and I have discussed this more often than I'd like to admit. She was willing to free me of the marriage and let me walk away, even if that meant her being alone," replied Ranveer finally and Ishaani smiled. He realized that she was banking upon the exact answer.
"I would have never let you do that no matter what it meant, Ranveer. What you sow, so shall you reap. That would have been my punishment for life because you wouldn't have been happy either way. Choosing your love over your loyalty was never your forte," she added jovially and Ranveer laughed in spite of himself, Ishaani joining him soon after.
"You know me better than I ever expected you to," spoke Ranveer once they sobered down, his eyes staring into her own and feeling her soul shiver against the power of his gaze. Ishaani let her legs swing away from the chair and cupped his face lovingly.
"Always the tone of surprise."
"Can I ask you something rather stupid?" put forth Ranveer as he eyed her curiously, remembering a certain incident from an afternoon lunch in London that brought the question to his mind out of nowhere. He caressed her hand with his own and she gave him a sheepish smile.
"Aren't our lives stupid enough already that you need to ask questions along the same lines?" quipped Ishaani as she shook her head, Ranveer flushing dully. He decided to ask his question nonetheless, suddenly taken back to all of their conversations when they asked each other the silliest of questions without any worry, the best part being that those conversations were always the best ones.
"Aren't you jealous?" asked Ranveer in a single breath as he shut his eyes, feeling too embarrassed to look at her. When Ishaani didn't say anything for some time, Ranveer peeked open an eye to see her cocking an eyebrow at him, looking puzzled.
"Of whom?"
"Ritika," replied Ranveer rather sheepishly, speaking ahead quickly before she misunderstood. "I mean, you've always been possessive about me, that's evident. Even the other day with Disha... But I've never seen that flair in your eyes when you talk about Ritika."
Ishaani withdrew her hand away from upon Ranveer's face and took his hands into her own instead.
"That's because I can never thank her enough for what she has done. After everything that I've been through, I know what courage it must have taken her to sacrifice her life just so that she could heal you and make you happy. Nobody has the courage to do that, Ranveer. And now that I'm in her shoes, knowing that you might never reciprocate that same level of trust ever again, I realize the odds now."
"Are you sure that's the only reason?" asked Ranveer rather skeptically, her answer not doing justice to the Ishaani he knew all his life. He could always read her like the back of his hand and perhaps Ishaani thought the same too. She decided to complete her answer.
"What woman wouldn't love you, Ranveer? Ofcourse I feel jealous of her, and so terribly at that! She was there to break your fall at a time where I should have been there for you. She was there to hold your hand every time you fell weak, working like a charm every time you were angry. She gave you a reason to live when all those years ago, I used to be your reason to live. Now all I am is your reason to die. Heck, she even sacrificed her life for you by giving it all to heal you back to normalcy! Those were the things I was supposed to be doing, not she. And yet, she had the privilege of being your wife not because you sought her, but because I left you neither for the dead nor the living. She deserved to marry you because she was noble and loved you selflessly. She was smart enough to understand you better than I did and embrace you in her life with all her heart. So yes, if that means that I'm jealous, then bloody hell I am because no love holds true without jealousy."
Ranveer reamined silent once Ishaani had spoken her share, who now took in deep breaths as though she'd just broken surface. Sighing, Ranveer pulled her fingers up to his lips and kissed its tips gently, Ishaani shutting her eyes in spite of herself. It helped her relax faster as an involuntary smile crossed upon her lips, her eyes opening to find herself drowning into the brown of his gaze that made her heart forget the world in a minute.
"Funny, that's exactly what she'd say when I'd ask her how she could not be jealous of you after knowing that I could only love you like that all along, never her," confessed Ranveer when Ishaani found herself too lost for words to say anything further. Both of them sat in silence for some time as they watched more and more stars pop in the sky, the beach's horizon line still having traces of orange, yellow and pink. After an indefinite amount of time, Ishaani spoke again.
"She was an extraordinary woman, Ranveer. Rare are those who can live a life like that. I'll always respect her and be in awe of her for whatever she's done and for the way she's taken care of you, the personal prickles of jealousy aside, ofcourse."
Ranveer gave her a pensive look, thinking about the strange ways of love before speaking up.
"She was the closest I ever came to loving a woman after you, Ishaani. And yet, it was not the same. Nowhere really close because-"
"No two people can ever love the same. There's an entirely different realm of love that works in mysterious ways. I remember," added Ishaani wistfully when Ranveer looked surprised at the fact that she did even after all those years. The topic had been such an object of fancy for them as kids. Now it was only a terrible privilege. Ishaani smiled softly as her hands slowly slithered around the back of his neck, her lips inching closer until they were barely apart.
Ishaani shut her eyes, whispering softly.
"You can love many-"
"-and yet you can truly love only one," completed Ranveer as their lips met patiently, Ishaani slowly laying Ranveer upon the back of the chair. He gently pulled her above himself as he let himself drown into the bliss of a world he'd come to appreciate, smiling in spite of himself. He could feel Ishaani's fingers trail across the soft fabric of his t-shirt before entangling itself in his hair, her long, wavy hair falling upon his face like a ticklish shield. He let Ishaani deepen the kiss, his tongue easily find its way into her mouth while she purred against his lips softly.
Ranveer unconsciously wondered about how something like this was a taboo at one point when their values and morals stood high. And even though their morals and values stood proudly till this date, it no longer felt wrong. He felt a strange comfort as his arms circle around Ishaani's waist, pulling her closer to himself as though trying to protect her from the world's evil eyes. He couldn't help but think about how far their relationship had come since the first time they'd seen each other nearly twenty years ago. If someone would have told him back then that there would come a day when they'd be kissing each other like there was no tomorrow anymore and their life depended upon it, he would have laughed at the thought alone. And yet it was happening right in that moment as his broken soul connected to hers to feel whole again, her lips fitting the gap of his own perfectly as though meant to be.
The fact that his souls had never been more alive every time they connected this way threw aside all of his inhibitions momentarily as he let instinct lead them forward. Their friendship somehow remained disconnected from their moments of passion as it brought along an entirely different world where there was no black or white, just grey. And so he yearned to love her in ways unexplored as their souls entwined, their broken hearts piecing against each other's until it beat as one. But all that stood in between was his uncertainty of life that held him back from letting go.
Separating from each other at long last, Ranveer gently tucked away the strands of hair from upon her face and kissed her forehead, smiling soulfully while Ishaani kissed the button of his nose.
"Never say that you're the reason for me to die ever again. If I'm even alive today, it's because of you."
"I guess this might be one more reason that I'm not really jealous of her. Because at the end of the day, you still loved me. Even though I didn't deserve it and that love kept killing you over and over again every day. But you did, and I guess that in itself is very rare again," whispered Ishaani as they increased the distance between them, Ranveer giving her an incredulous look.
"So you're telling me that if we give this a second chance, you don't want a marriage?" asked Ranveer, the disbelief in his voice was evident. Ishaani gave his question a good thought before replying honestly.
"I don't know, Ranveer... I want a normal life. But I don't know whether I'll ever feel the same about a marriage anymore. As a kid I was so orthodox, believing that your husband was supposed to be your world after marriage because he's the one you truly love and is your soulmate. Fairy tales, all of it. The world doesn't work that way because not all fairy tales have a happy ending. Some of them are just untold stories lost between the pages of life. And besides, love doesn't need a name or a relationship because some bonds are from the soul. They're unbreakable no matter what and that's the ones meant to be. The nameless relationships with only love, nothing else. No past, no future. Just the present."
Ranveer nodded his head, remembering what his mentor and his father would often tell him when it came to the fate of those who dared to love.
"I believe that God makes his pairs and the ones meant to meet definitely do at the end, no matter what. But yes, I do agree with your opinion upon marriage because that's what I've always believed to. My love was never about acquiring you because it was always beyond that. My unrequited love was always enough for the two of us in this lifetime. Baba always says that we are born once, we love once, we marry once and we die once. I loved you, I married Ritika... All I need to wait for now is dea-"
"When will you ever learn to shut up?" cut Ishaani as she pressed her lips upon his own roughly, taking him by surprise. When they finally separated for the second time that evening, Ranveer wiped away the tears that had fallen upon her face unconsciously, both of their souls trembling suddenly as the air grew ominous. Finding her voice after some time, Ishaani mustered all the courage she had before speaking her next statement.
"I've fought for your life not once, but four times. Never forget that. And even you know how stubborn I am when it comes to getting what I want. I don't back down easy. I fight until I succeed or perish," promised Ishaani and Ranveer saw the ferocity of her words reflect in her eyes, knowing that it was about time he brought the conversation to an end.
"Alright, I won't say anything further. Let that be a conversation for another day," added Ranveer and Ishaani nodded her head in agreement, letting her head fall upon his chest as he held her in his embrace, stroking her hair gently.
"Do you want to stargaze upon the beach? The view is impossibly magnificent in the night," asked Ranveer after an indefinite amount of time and Ishaani looked at him sleepily.
"I'm feeling too tired to walk all the way through the golf course," she murmured sleepily, her arms now curled around his neck. Ranveer sighed, knowing what to do next as he strengthened his hold upon her.
"There's a shortcut, ofcourse. But since you don't want to walk all the way down, I think I have another idea," he voiced out and Ishaani continued to stare at him, not unlike a child. Ranveer was taken back to all the instances when her eyes would be pools of innocence.
Smiling at her after planting yet another kiss upon her forehead, Ranveer brought themselves up as he pulled her legs upon his lap, putting his arm beneath the crevice of her knees. He scooped Ishaani into his arms and stood up at the same time, picking her up bridal style while her head drooped upon his chest. Quietly leading her out from the room and down to the living room, Ranveer carried her out of the house as he now traced the path towards the back of the house, walking along a gravel path that opened from the gardens. The path went steeper until it finally connected to the grainy sand of the beach, reaching the shoreline before Ranveer carried her towards a small cove away from the water.
The cove remained dimly lit as a couple of pillows lay strewn upon a blanket, the cove open headed. The stars greeted them in the billions, the mouth of the cove giving them direct view of the sea that looked mesmerizing. Ranveer realized that Ishaani had fallen asleep in his arms as he finally laid her upon the blanketed ground, noticing how much lighter she'd gotten in their years apart. Stirring her awake, Ishaani's eyes sought him after reluctantly opening them, Ranveer smiling at her lovingly.
"We're here."
Ishaani's eyes widened as Ranveer fell beside her and revealed the view, her breath getting hitched in her chest. Ishaani found herself amidst the stars of the heaven, viewing them in reverence as billions and billions of them twinkled at her in warm welcome. The sky a mix of hues still as it remained blown across in various shades of blue blending into indigo and green in spots, the sea below crashing upon the surface reflecting the same shades. The water foamed white across the shoreline, the scene before her eyes the most stunning one she'd ever seen.
"What have I ever done to deserve the kind of heaven you've been living in, Ranveer? This is breathtaking, just like the last piece of heaven you shared with me," was all that Ishaani managed to whisper as she snuggled close to him, the sleep driven away from her eyes. Ranveer held her close to him, sighing contentedly now that his universe was finally in the safety of his arms once again.
"Home is where the heart is. And I think I'm beginning to find my way back to mine."
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Chapter 21
Edited by LadyMeringue - 8 years ago
Parineeti
Chakravarti Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan
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