I feel for Sona

Originally posted by: libran13

I feel bad for Sona too. Her situation reminded me a lot about what i faced in the first few months after my marriage. From being the princess in her own house to being a NOTHING in her husband's house is the most disappointing situation for any girl. I remember I used to find it so difficult to adjust. And especially when there are many relatives lurking around to find fault in everything I used to do. Believe it or not there were relatives who used to call my in-laws first thing in the morning to find out about my habits. I was in for a shock being in that kind of an atmosphere.
I used to be a very independent girl. I used to work and study at the same time to support myself. And parents were supportive for the soul reason that i learn to live my life and be independent.
Being criticized for every minor thing, I began to question myself on everything i did. From being the girl who used to make decisions on her own, I had reached a stage where i couldn't decide on anything without asking. That unsure I had become of myself.
My husband like most of men worshiped his mother and wouldn't hear a word against her from anyone. And especially being an arranged marriage, the option of talking my heart out was not an option, because anything I say would fall on deaf ears.
I remember I had become so depressed with everything and was so lost in life. Because it wasn't the life I had pictured for myself. I had lost 10kgs within the first 3 months of my marriage. I couldn't eat properly nor sleep.
Then when my parents met me, they were shocked to see me so thin. They began questioning if everything was alright. And i used to lie to them that everything was fine because I didn't want to worry then and also I knew that even if i told them, they wouldn't be able to do much. Then every relative began to question me and some even began assuming that I was suffering from some illness.
I think that was a waking point for my husband and his family. Maybe it wasn't for me but the worry of what people are talking behind their backs. But slowly things started to ease out. But for me the damage was done. And then we relocated to another country when my husband got better job prospects and since then things have eased out a lot.
Now 5 years down the lane, with God's grace, things couldn't have been better. Every time i speak to my MIL or meet her, she has this genuine fondness for me and that means the world to me. Looking back, I think it was my silence and not creating scenes or arguments for every small thing that changed their attitude towards me. Now my husband respects me for the maturity I showed in handling every problem in our marriage. I may have had that patience to wait for years for everything to sort out but not everyone would.
Coming back to Sona's situation, she is going to face a lot of hurdles in her married life. But what i liked most about yesterday's episode was that she shared a level of intimacy with Dev where she could talk to Dev honestly and question him about her worries. And she was spot on with her questions.
I apologize for the long post, but when i began writing about my experience I didn't expect it all to pour out. I have never spoken about my struggles to anyone in my life. Not family nor friends. But i felt this was one place i could speak out.
Sorry again for boring you all 😊

Originally posted by: fangirl79

Regret the late response but i can't help but nod my head vigorously in affirmative when I was reading your experience. I had a similar experience post marriage - despite a love marriage and an amazing person for a partner, I kept finding myself an outsider in his family - either though my unbahu type demeanour, my opinion, my personality, my work ...so many issues. We continue to resolve them even today but the family still has not accepted me as one of their own and I have sort of given up on trying to please. I am myself and if they do not accept me, it's their problem.

Originally posted by: libran13

I feel bad for Sona too. Her situation reminded me a lot about what i faced in the first few months after my marriage. From being the princess in her own house to being a NOTHING in her husband's house is the most disappointing situation for any girl. I remember I used to find it so difficult to adjust. And especially when there are many relatives lurking around to find fault in everything I used to do. Believe it or not there were relatives who used to call my in-laws first thing in the morning to find out about my habits. I was in for a shock being in that kind of an atmosphere.
I used to be a very independent girl. I used to work and study at the same time to support myself. And parents were supportive for the soul reason that i learn to live my life and be independent.
Being criticized for every minor thing, I began to question myself on everything i did. From being the girl who used to make decisions on her own, I had reached a stage where i couldn't decide on anything without asking. That unsure I had become of myself.
My husband like most of men worshiped his mother and wouldn't hear a word against her from anyone. And especially being an arranged marriage, the option of talking my heart out was not an option, because anything I say would fall on deaf ears.
I remember I had become so depressed with everything and was so lost in life. Because it wasn't the life I had pictured for myself. I had lost 10kgs within the first 3 months of my marriage. I couldn't eat properly nor sleep.
Then when my parents met me, they were shocked to see me so thin. They began questioning if everything was alright. And i used to lie to them that everything was fine because I didn't want to worry then and also I knew that even if i told them, they wouldn't be able to do much. Then every relative began to question me and some even began assuming that I was suffering from some illness.
I think that was a waking point for my husband and his family. Maybe it wasn't for me but the worry of what people are talking behind their backs. But slowly things started to ease out. But for me the damage was done. And then we relocated to another country when my husband got better job prospects and since then things have eased out a lot.
Now 5 years down the lane, with God's grace, things couldn't have been better. Every time i speak to my MIL or meet her, she has this genuine fondness for me and that means the world to me. Looking back, I think it was my silence and not creating scenes or arguments for every small thing that changed their attitude towards me. Now my husband respects me for the maturity I showed in handling every problem in our marriage. I may have had that patience to wait for years for everything to sort out but not everyone would.
Coming back to Sona's situation, she is going to face a lot of hurdles in her married life. But what i liked most about yesterday's episode was that she shared a level of intimacy with Dev where she could talk to Dev honestly and question him about her worries. And she was spot on with her questions.
I apologize for the long post, but when i began writing about my experience I didn't expect it all to pour out. I have never spoken about my struggles to anyone in my life. Not family nor friends. But i felt this was one place i could speak out.
Sorry again for boring you all 😊

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab

Hey Libran! A big hug to you for being so brave while facing a tough time in your initial period of marriage and pouring out your heart here. I feel you my dear. Marriage is a gamble, and arrange marriages have a lot more at stake. I feel you coz I had a similar situation though my husband and I have known each other for years and my in-laws were very good. However they were very interfering and did not give us much privacy. I was a star in my house and quite a brat before marriage. My in laws did not appreciate open communication that I wanted to maintain with them (though they are very progressive in their thoughts). I didn't want to indulge in any politics and would be direct in my dealings. But my MIL mistook me and would bitch about me behind my back with both men in the house and her friends - which was very hurtful to me.

Unlike you, I did not sit back silently to deal with all this, partly coz my husband understood me well. We had ugly fights /misunderstandings and I even stayed away from my husband for sometime. As luck would have it, my husband and I moved overseas which I initiated and things improved big time. Today after 5 years, my inlaws understand me, my nature and my openness. They value me and often tell my husband how wrong they were to misunderstand me.

So, in my opinion, there are no right/wrong ways of dealing with things - situations and behaviours change, what remains is honesty and when that gets recognised, things improve automatically. We just have to give it time.

Much love to you

Originally posted by: sukklover

after reading your posts m happy that m still single and don't have bf 😛