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Before I start my analysis, I just want to say that this post comes from someone who is really enjoying the show, and has very minor/negligible complaints with execution. Yes, the editing was weird in yesterday's episode (my guess is that they are throwing in some random stuff to make up for bank of scenes that was depleted by the unexpected MEs), but for the most part, I love the different elements they are introducing to this marriage track. This show, to me, was never about achieving that fairytale ending, but rather about dismantling the fairytale and showing how navigating complex reality can be much more rewarding.
And what a complex reality it is! Bringing two families together is never an easy feat, and when you have two families as different as the Dixits and the Boses, it's no surprise that the obstacles seem endless. Since we have had so much new information to digest in the past two weeks, I thought I would make a post to get my own thoughts about it all in order, and to hear any responses that you guys might have!
The Pre-nup Fiasco
This was definitely one of Ishwari's lowest moments, and that's saying somethng by this point! Yet, along with the callousness and deception, I also see a woman with deep-seated anxiety and paranoia when it comes to money. It's not necessarily that she doesn't trust Sona, or doesn't believe in her and Dev's love -- she doesn't have a choice by this point -- but she is not willing to take ANY risks in this regard. This is a family that has seen dire poverty, and has been kicked to the streets. Ishwari took the brunt of this misfortune, trying her very best to sheild her children, think in the long term, and bring her family to a position of unshakeable independence... and she did. This is not only Dev's money, but also her life's work that is on the line, and while I do not condone her deception at all, her motivations are well within character.
Dev is in love with Sona, and can't imagine thinking about money if she's gone, but the rest of the family depends on this same money. Ishwari knows that she is the one who will have to pick up the pieces in that eventuality, and she is trying to prepare herself for it. She's so scared of the worst case scenario, that she isn't accounting for how adversely this will affect the relationships between her, Dev and Sona when the worst case doesn't come to pass.
The Non-veg Debacle
With this issue, we come back to a home truth: rasams don't matter to Dev because he is already irrevocably married to Sona mentally and emotionally, but they do matter to Ishwari who believes in the rituals as a transformative act that changes a boy and a girl into a husband and a wife. Since Dev sees the rasams as mere formality (a nice throwback to the family photo incident), he is happy to use them as a means to make Sona's family happy and show his respect for their traditions, not realising how much he is asking of Ishwari in the bargain. This is why the introduction of Bua-dadi was an excellent move. It helps us see where Ishwari comes from and how much her life experiences have changed the way she raises her children, and changed the way she views the world. She may seem unreasonable to a younger generation, for whom the idea of two adults who love each other getting married seems like common sense. The introduction of bua-dadi shows how much of a stretch this really is.
The Culture Collision
Watching Dev and Sona during their sangeet was like a sneak-preview into their marriage, and these two proved that they are up to the challenge! Not only were they proactive in diffusing the tensions that kept surfacing, they were able to view them with humour; minutes later, Sona was already imagining the incident between Elena and Dadi Bua as a funny story for posterity! I simply love that we are watching a show in which this reality of a "love-marriage" is being parsed like never before. Dev and Sona are getting married because they love each other, but instead of seeing their wedding as just "their day," they are taking responsibility for the fact that two reluctant families are uniting, out of respect for their feelings and love for them. Like I have said in many posts before, this is a story of what happens when two non-rebellious, acche bacche fall in love! š
The Inhospitable Uterus
Here's a headcannon I made up to clarify the medical side. š Sona's stomach pains were actually just from stress, but while the doctors were running tests to see what could be wrong, they also happened to find that she had an inhospitable uterus, and reported it. For me, this makes Dev's dilemma more valid. Sona having low chances of conceiving does not bear directly on her current health, and the information was revealed purely by coincidence. If she had not had stomach pains, they would have gotten married happily and would only have found this out much later, after having tried to conceive. So does it make sense for Dev to tell her, risk the joy of their already-precarious wedding, and in fact risk losing her either from her side or from his mother's? That's his dilemma.
It doesn't help that Dev has a history of being risk-averse when it comes to personal matters... remember when he was supposed to tell Ishwari about his and Sona's relationship? š Once again we find Dev in the same place, reluctant to confront a difficult truth and holding tightly to the status quo, as it slowly slips through his fingers. We all know that the longer he waits, the worse it's going to be when he finally reveals it. As much as he might be afraid of losing her, Sona deserves to make that decision for herself, with all of the information. I truly hope this revelation is not withheld until after the marriage! I am a little wary that this infertility revelation didn't get a track of its own, either before or after marriage, but I am willing to wait and see how they deal with it in the lead up to the wedding before I pass judgment!
I know some people are annoyed with the constant mantra of having kids, but in all the weddings I have witnessed, that's exactly how it is! While you are single, all the relatives unceasingly ask when you are getting married, and the moment you are married, it's all about when you're having kids. In the older system, kids were the mark of a successful marriage, and it's wonderful that that has been folded into the older notions of marriage the show is trying to challenge. I recently read an article about a couple who were having fertility problems, and they talked about how painful it was every time a relative casually asked them when they were having kids. People don't really take these possibilities into account when they assume that love = marriage = children, and yesterday's episode contained a little lesson to take a moment and think before you speak. As an elder, bless the couple for their current happiness instead of piling new expectations on their shoulders.
And I think that is finally it for all the wedding drama (so far)! Honestly, I would expect no less. š Dev and Sona have chosen a difficult path in deciding to fight for their relationship, but they have also proven that they are equal to the challenge!
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