KHUSHI by Jalebi Jane (EPISODE 032)
IT IS SAID, SISTERS, THAT A WOMAN with a will of her own is not so much in love as she proclaims.* What remains to be seen is the force of our Heroine's will after she digested what she had heard in the conference room. While Mr Chopra gathered up his massive folders, neatly bow-tied them with black ribbon, Khushi managed to remain seated. Complacent and calm. She even presented him with a faint smile when he said goodbyeand offered a similar smile to Aman as both men left the room. But immediately after the door closed, she came to her feet and whirled to face her husband who---
---Who held up a hand and stopped her.
"Wait," he said, and walked to the panel by the door. He pressed a button which caused all the vertical blinds along the windowed wall to shut. The room was now made private. But the action also darkened the room, which Arnav remedied by pressing another button to bring in light.
Throughout this preparation of the ideal battlefield, Khushi waited in painful silence---fuming with fists clenched at her side.
Arnav returned to her and leaned against the edge of the long table. He folded his hands over his chest, and announced, "Begin."
She exhaled, and then sputtered out, "How long have you known? About Shyam being a paying guest at Buaji's? About his being my mangetar?"
"Since the night you and I became lovers."
Khushi counted back to that night, and tried to recall the various conversations they had had---and how many-many-many opportunities Arnav had had for disclosure. "That's why you stopped me from speaking last night! You said we would discuss it later. Because discussing it then would have forced you to reveal that you knew everything," she concluded, her eyes widening at her realization.
"No!" Arnav clarified. "I stopped you because I wanted to take you to bed. And I felt the discussion could wait until morning. And remember, Khushi---later when we returned from the kitchen, you stopped me from speaking."
Khushi remembered. And even blushed, a tiny bit. She quickly added, "fine! We both failed to disclose matters fully last night. But you have known all this for many days."
"Yes, the essentials. But I was still gathering details."
"Details? Why didn't you ask me for details?" She stamped her foot to punctuate the word me.' "That---that history that man provided," she pointed to the seat Mr Chopra had just vacated, "happened to me! I could have provided you with every detail. Why didn't you ask me?"
"I did ask, Khushi."
"When?" Her voice betraying her fullest disbelief.
"At the Mehras' party. I didn't know everything then, but I knew something. I assured you that you were not alone. I implied that you could tell me anything. That you could trust me."
"Ha! Like you trusted me?!" she threw back. "You trusted Shyam's word so implicitly that my word was not necessary for you. When were you planning on telling me that you knew he had tricked me and my entire family?"
"When were you planning on telling me, Khushi---that he had also tricked me and my entire family? I've known for a few days; you've known for weeks. I have equal right of resentment. You should have come to me as soon as you realized who Shyam was." His tone did not condemn nor accuse her, Sisters---but neither did it absolve her from her responsibility.
She gaped at him. How could he put this on her? How unjust!
But is it really that unjust, Khushi, her heart whispered. And when she had no fitting reply to give her heart, she closed her lips, and presented him with her back.
A weighty silence filled the room.
He reached for her and forced her to face him.
Khushi did. She faced him, eyes brimming with tears. Yes, regret and tears. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want Di to lose her marriage if there was any possible chance to salvage it. And then learning that Di was pregnant made me feel there was all the more reason to give him the benefit of doubt. And also Jiji's marriage. Of course, I didn't want to risk it. I had more and more reasons to not reveal his betrayal," she explained.
But in the act of justifying her actions to Arnav now, Khushi also realized how ill-judged her decision had been. Well-intentioned but wrong. Hiding Shyam's duplicity had created more damage. She sighed, with heavy despair, placing a hand to her forehead. "What now?" she cried.
Arnav took her in his arms. "Now I remove Shyam from Di's world," he replied matter-of-factly.
"Poor Di," Khushi sighed again.
He pulled away, his brows gathering, and corrected her. "No, Khushi! There is nothing unfortunate about this. He doesn't deserve her. She and her child must be separated from that bas***d."
Spoken so much like a man.
Khushi elaborated, "Yes, last night showed me that he is beyond redemption. But she loves him. However little he is deserving of that love, he is her entire life. She will suffer deeply. That is what I mean."
Arnav took in her words, but Khushi suspected he could not really understand. A woman's heart and her will are not always so far apart as it would be hoped. What is right and must be done can still hurt like hell; that is what I mean, Sisters.
This reminded Khushi of a question which had entered her mind while Mr Chopra was making his presentation. "What happened at Holi?" she asked him. At Arnav's questioning frown, she added, "you changed towards me after Holi."
His hands reached to smooth her hair before they moved to cup her face. Tilting her head back, he met her eyes with a small smile of bemusement. "Yes," he said, "something shifted the evening of Mrs Kapoor's party, but I cannot say what it was precisely. I only know that the next morning I woke up knowing that I had made a grave error in judgment." His next few words were almost a whisper. "I know I've hurt you, Khushi. I was blind. But I'll fix it. I'll fix everything. Lekin thora waqt lagey ga. Just don't stop."
"Kya-stop?"---
"Don't stop with your love." The word love was almost choked out, and he clutched her to his chest.
Khushi could feel the muscles of his throat working to swallow emotion. Don't stop with your love. As if she could? This highly intelligent-brilliant-beautiful man had absolutely no clue, did he? She had as much to teach him as she had to learn from him.
Her arms slipped about his neck and she raised her mouth to ask for a kiss.
He gave it.
It was not as long and indulgent as she required, as a knock on the door interrupted them. She pulled away, leaving Arnav to open the door.
It was Aman.
Before Aman could make his request, Arnav said, "can you prepare those requisitions? I'll sign them now."
Aman handed Arnav the folder which was in his hand.
Khushi couldn't help but smile at how intuitive Aman was about her husband's next need. She had witnessed this when she had been an employee at ARGroup. How often Aman would have the exact piece of paper or information at the very moment Arnav requested it. Arnav seemed to take this almost paranormal skill for granted.
Arnav brought the folder to the desk and reached behind him blindly for a pen, which Aman was already extending to him.
Khushi stalled Arnav with a hand on his forearm. Thinking he may prefer to stay behind and work, she suggested, "one of the drivers can take me home."
He shook his head, without looking up. "No, I can work from home. Aman will clear my day."
"Already done, Sir."
*Adapted from Choderlos de Laclos' -Les Liaisons Dangereuses-
By Jalebi Jane
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